NEVER FORGET  2:19 pm August 22, 2008

How Did We Exist Without CNN Mobile?

by Ken Layne

Stupid horse.It’s hard to imagine the primitive world of, say, 2000, when we didn’t have “smart phones” with web browsers and breaking news updates from CNN about a motherfucking horse in a ditch somewhere. Besides, Fox News broke this breaking story a year and a half ago. Fuck you, CNN Mobile. (Thanks, “Zach E.,” for sharing.)

 
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{ 28 comments }

AngryBlakGuy August 22, 2008 at 2:21 pm

…somewhere Wolf Blitzer is crying.

N8Ma August 22, 2008 at 2:22 pm

And it’s not even the Sabbath. This is news?

Darehead August 22, 2008 at 2:22 pm

I see you’ve given up on the idea that anything could possibly interest us besides ‘Here comes the Veep.’

May the Horse be with us.

freakishlystrong August 22, 2008 at 2:25 pm

How about just Fuck you CNN?

shortsshortsshorts August 22, 2008 at 2:25 pm

I would marry the media. Think about it.

1. She doesn’t talk back.
2. She doesn’t cause a fuss.
3. She’s real pretty, but kindove an airhead.
4. She’s always acting really excited about stuff (enthusiasm for life is vital).
5. Her father is Rupert Murdock ($$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$).

cal August 22, 2008 at 2:26 pm

THANK GOD FOR CNN

How else would we keep up with this important breaking news?

SayItWithWookies August 22, 2008 at 2:26 pm

If it had said “Ass being rescued from deep hole,” I would’ve guessed it linked to Joe Lieberman telling McCain to just shut up about his houses already. But this is just a horse in a ditch.

4everjung August 22, 2008 at 2:27 pm

And I was just thinking . . . Ann Coulter has not made news in a while.

whiteasasheet August 22, 2008 at 2:41 pm

Christ. I’m going to go sleep off my three martini lunch. Maybe something, somewhere will have happened by the time I wake up.

Guppy06 August 22, 2008 at 2:41 pm

Call me heretical, but I’m more interested in horses and ditches than I am in this VP nonsense.

AmericanValues August 22, 2008 at 2:42 pm

I wanted you to be the first the know. I’ve selected a horse stuck in a ditch as my vice presidential pick.

american mutt August 22, 2008 at 2:45 pm

Get this motherfuckin’ horse outta that motherfuckin’ ditch!

FunkyPalmettoBug August 22, 2008 at 2:48 pm

Our long national nightmare is over….

Beef Supreme August 22, 2008 at 2:48 pm

An Elmer’s Glue truck is coming by to “rescue” it.

loudmouthredhead August 22, 2008 at 3:02 pm

[re=66596]4everjung[/re]: Ba-zing.
Headline continues:
“The Rider? Fuck the rider! He dead!”

FunkyPalmettoBug August 22, 2008 at 3:03 pm

[re=66664]Beef Supreme[/re]: First a chipper-shredder.

loudmouthredhead August 22, 2008 at 3:03 pm

[re=66653]AmericanValues[/re]: Obama/Horse ’08. Hope we can dig ourselves outta this shit.

TGY August 22, 2008 at 3:09 pm

You try to give people timely, important news and what do you get? Nag, nag, nag.

Darehead August 22, 2008 at 3:19 pm

This just in: they are saying now that it is likely to be a dark horse candidate.

Darehead August 22, 2008 at 3:24 pm

[re=66700]TGY[/re]: Neigh, neigh, neigh.

Condiments-Only Diet August 22, 2008 at 3:28 pm

Horse for veep: yea or neigh?

Condiments-Only Diet August 22, 2008 at 3:31 pm

[re=66725]Darehead[/re]: Damn you!

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 22, 2008 at 3:31 pm

I heart jello. Especially red.

Darehead August 22, 2008 at 3:32 pm

The Horse is a Hint that it’s Mister Edwards?

AngryBlakGuy August 22, 2008 at 3:33 pm
FunkyPalmettoBug August 22, 2008 at 3:37 pm

It could be worse, it could be CNN’s live feeds of Evan Bayh and Joe Biden’s driveways.

HomoPolitico August 22, 2008 at 4:15 pm

Thats a pretty unflattering way to headline your article about Hillary being given a convention speaking spot.

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 22, 2008 at 5:18 pm

Well, it sounds like we have found John McCain’s running mate.

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