never forget

How Did We Exist Without CNN Mobile?

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Stupid horse.It’s hard to imagine the primitive world of, say, 2000, when we didn’t have “smart phones” with web browsers and breaking news updates from CNN about a motherfucking horse in a ditch somewhere. Besides, Fox News broke this breaking story a year and a half ago. Fuck you, CNN Mobile. (Thanks, “Zach E.,” for sharing.)

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …somewhere Wolf Blitzer is crying.

  • N8Ma

    And it’s not even the Sabbath. This is news?

  • Darehead

    I see you’ve given up on the idea that anything could possibly interest us besides ‘Here comes the Veep.’

    May the Horse be with us.

  • freakishlystrong

    How about just Fuck you CNN?

  • shortsshortsshorts

    I would marry the media. Think about it.

    1. She doesn’t talk back.
    2. She doesn’t cause a fuss.
    3. She’s real pretty, but kindove an airhead.
    4. She’s always acting really excited about stuff (enthusiasm for life is vital).
    5. Her father is Rupert Murdock ($$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$).

  • cal


    How else would we keep up with this important breaking news?

  • SayItWithWookies

    If it had said “Ass being rescued from deep hole,” I would’ve guessed it linked to Joe Lieberman telling McCain to just shut up about his houses already. But this is just a horse in a ditch.

  • 4everjung

    And I was just thinking . . . Ann Coulter has not made news in a while.

  • whiteasasheet

    Christ. I’m going to go sleep off my three martini lunch. Maybe something, somewhere will have happened by the time I wake up.

  • Guppy06

    Call me heretical, but I’m more interested in horses and ditches than I am in this VP nonsense.

  • AmericanValues

    I wanted you to be the first the know. I’ve selected a horse stuck in a ditch as my vice presidential pick.

  • american mutt

    Get this motherfuckin’ horse outta that motherfuckin’ ditch!

  • FunkyPalmettoBug

    Our long national nightmare is over….

  • Beef Supreme

    An Elmer’s Glue truck is coming by to “rescue” it.

  • loudmouthredhead

    [re=66596]4everjung[/re]: Ba-zing.
    Headline continues:
    “The Rider? Fuck the rider! He dead!”

  • FunkyPalmettoBug

    [re=66664]Beef Supreme[/re]: First a chipper-shredder.

  • loudmouthredhead

    [re=66653]AmericanValues[/re]: Obama/Horse ’08. Hope we can dig ourselves outta this shit.

  • TGY

    You try to give people timely, important news and what do you get? Nag, nag, nag.

  • Darehead

    This just in: they are saying now that it is likely to be a dark horse candidate.

  • Darehead

    [re=66700]TGY[/re]: Neigh, neigh, neigh.

  • Condiments-Only Diet

    Horse for veep: yea or neigh?

  • Condiments-Only Diet

    [re=66725]Darehead[/re]: Damn you!

  • trophy(forparticipation)wife

    I heart jello. Especially red.

  • Darehead

    The Horse is a Hint that it’s Mister Edwards?

  • AngryBlakGuy
  • FunkyPalmettoBug

    It could be worse, it could be CNN’s live feeds of Evan Bayh and Joe Biden’s driveways.

  • HomoPolitico

    Thats a pretty unflattering way to headline your article about Hillary being given a convention speaking spot.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Well, it sounds like we have found John McCain’s running mate.