Wonkette
Democratic rabble-rousing hooligans who cause a ruckus at the National Convention next week will get thrown into tiny chain-link holding cells like common animals and held in an abandoned warehouse/Thunderdome until the apocalypse comes, when they’ll be drafted into gladiatorial combat. Hurrah!
This temporary jail will also be used to “process” anybody arrested on the east side of the city during convention week, so angry Code Pink protesters will be rubbing elbows with toothless bums who just want an air-conditioned place to rest for a few hours.
In sum, thank Christmas your Wonkette editors all have those new wireless card jobbies so that they will be able to post from jail, just like Martin Luther King Jr.
No razor wire at DNC jail [Rocky Mountain News]
“angry Code Pink protesters will be rubbing elbows with toothless bums who just want an air-conditioned place to rest for a few hours.”
How do you tell them apart?
Don’t they always do this?
But will Catwoman be there with the whips? I shoulda invested in the Leatherrack.
It’s gonna be full of Jonesin’ potheads all weekend long.
…HURRAY for re-education camps!!!
Will there be waterboarding?
So this is where Wonkette operatives will be ‘holed-up’ next week… outside Denver’s Green Zone.
Trapped in prison with a bunch of Cougars–err I mean pumas. Yummy…just like Rachel Maddow.
Will there be a separate jail for all of the pro war protesters?
tonashideska: …I sure as hell hope not!
I’m cool with this as long as they aren’t as shitty and small as the ‘isolation boxes’ they’re using on combatants in Iraq. At least you can probably make exciting new friends in this general lockup.
Two words, people:
POOP RAYS.
I can’t wait for the amusing YouTube videos of stoners/bums/codePINK-ers shitting themselves.
Will Manzanar reopen? The view is awesome.
Abu Ghraib West will be chock full of pantsuits and stirrup pants all bitter and yelling, talk about torture…
I JUST GOT A TEXT MESSAGE SAYING SOME GUY NAMED “BEN” IS THE VEEEEEEEEP.”
My friends are assholes.
loudmouthredhead: Sadly, I’m fairly certain there’s no real poop rays.
However, if I am proved wrong, it’s imperative that the wonkette editors get control of one to test
on bitters at the convention. Their Depends will yield little comfort in the face of the mighty poop ray!
See, now you’ve got me doing it.
shortsshortsshorts: Not Ben Dover! Oh, we’re saved!
loudmouthredhead:
Don’t forget the short-wave ray gun as well.
You feel your skin frying as you shit your pants.
Only the best riot control for the Dem convention.
Just be lucky you aren’t protesting Republicans. You fuck around with McCain’s funeral dirge in Minnesota and they’ll just brick you up in the coke oven of an abandoned steel plant. Razor wire is too good for you.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/2008/08/sleep-easy-denver-protesters.html
WhatTheHeck: Yeah, it’s like a 2-for-1. People tend to vacate their innards out of fear when they think their whole body is bursting into flames and their eyeballs are going to explode. Tee Hee!
RECREATE ‘68!!!1! Except now the hippies are old and bitter and wearing stirrup pants.
I thought Invesco Field was the holding tank. WTF?
shortsshortsshorts: That was me. Har har.
Gopherit v2.0: Actually, Tesla used early poop ray technology on Twain.
http://www.ubnt.ni.ac.yu/tesla/teslaElePub/2000_Mark_Twain_and_Nikola_Tesla.pdf
Another branch on my tree of useless knowledge.
At least Larry $inclair can get a taste for what he’s going to be doing for the next few years when he gets thrown out of the convention, stinking, sweating, and squealing his little fatty lungs out.
snig: There’s no actual “brown note” though, Transmetropolitan notwithstanding.
ReelectTilden: Well if that population shows up, they won’t even need a poop ray to lose control of their bowels. Old hippies are a sad, sad people.
Convention protesters are PEOPLE!
…wait, I mean…
Two men enter. One man leaves.
“Just walk away, and I spare your lives”.
-The Great Humongous
Noodle Salad: Do you know for a fact that the warehouse detention place will be air-conditioned? I heard it’s going to have climate control all right, so the keepers can alternately freeze and broil the detainees (while they’re being forced to stand on one foot until bailed out).
Noodle Salad: The toothless bums smell better, have better manners and are only half crazy.
dano: Who runs Denver Town?
You don’t get to keep you laptop or cell phone in those cages. This is what I have learned. They also don’t let you have pens paper books or newspapers. Try taping a spare iphone under your nuts though, that may work.
tonashideska: They throw the demonstrators and counter demonstrators in together. That’s one of the best parts.
Don’t forget to wear your winerack to make the cagetime more enjoyable.