Mark Halperin Hasn’t Gotten Veep Scoop Yet Because He’s Too Busy Being Annoying

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Hey you know who has been douchier than usual in the last couple of days is that Mark Halperin, the famous political reporter who thinks he knows everything but is always wrong. His website has all sorts of useful information — campaign press releases, teevee schedules, etc. — but also a constantly updated cycle of crap predictions. This edition of “Halperin’s Take” is the worst thing anyone has ever written about politics. And yesterday he predicted that billion-year-old Republican Sen. Dick Lugar would be Obama’s pick. WTF? And don’t forget this gay little stunt too, in which he mocks political reporters who like to spread the shit without any factual basis. Projecting much? God he is a twit. Why are we even writing about this twit? Who? [The Page, HuffPo]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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24 comments

  1. loquaciousmusic

    Hehe. I just texted shortsshortsshorts that *I* was the VP nominee. So funny, still! TRUCK NUTZ FOR ALLZ!!!11!!!1

  2. Scarab

    Dear Wonkette,
    Please hire an intern that knows PhotoShop. These latest images are so dark I thought they were about Al Jolson.
    Thank you.

  3. magic titty

    What’s the point of Halperin being a fucking loser if he can’t reinforce that fact all the time? He’s just being what he’s supposed to be and nothing more.

  4. Texan Bulldoggette

    Halperin is *almost* as annoying as Tapper. Jakey Poo is an annoying asshat. He also thinks he’s hot because he diddled with Monica. At least Halperin knows he’s not getting laid by anyone the bible says doesn’t have to.

  5. Advocatus_Diaboli

    I’m pretty sure my dog Apollo could write a better blog. And wouldn’t that be sweet, Apollo hauls down the big $$ from Time, and I drink all day.

  6. SayItWithWookies

    I read that fictitious VP rollout schedule and got sucked into such a void of pointlessness that four about five minutes there I thought I was Jean-Paul Sartre. Does he do fictional grocery lists too?

  7. Scarab

    All this waiting is annoying and for once the American Apparel ad isn’t masturbation-worthy. [ SIGH ]

  8. magic titty

    [re=66558]Scarab[/re]: Well, there are feet in the 3trd photo, if you’re into that sort of thing. And you are, because it’s elitist.

  9. SayItWithWookies

    [re=66558]Scarab[/re]: I guess it takes all kinds. But whatever kind it is that prefers pale musatchioed ectomorph sandwich to the beauty that is Unisex Pinpoint Oxford Shirt gal, I don’t want to know.

  10. Strictly for the Tardcore

    I almost thought this post was gag, or a completely overblown exaggeration, only to find out it was neither.

    Halperin’s pick for WALNUTS!’s VP is probably John Edwards.

  11. SkimLatteModerate

    Meh. It’s getting late. Only reason they’d wait ’til late Friday afternoon to announce the pick is if it’s this embarassing. Halpy could be right!

  12. BobLoblawLawBlog

    God, between that fictional rollout raping my eyes and the photo of Halperin looking like he might be in a hotel bathrobe, I am just irrationally angry. Must. Not. Sodomize. Halperin. It’s. Too. Much.

  13. pdiddycornchips

    Question. What do Anne Marie Cox and Mark Halprin have in common?

    They both owe their careers to ass fucking!

  14. natoslug

    [re=66579]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I’m just happy to see a purple ass again, even if she isn’t bending over invitingly. And no, my parents weren’t baboons.

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