dept. of spurious predictions

Oh God Obama VP Pick Will Be Some Dude Named ‘Chet’

Vice President John Kerry, hurrah!We were really pulling for Dick Gephardt, but it is looking more and more like Barry’s Number Two will be Texas Congressman Chet Edwards. (Unless it’s Tim Kaine, or some other person! But not Hillary.) This will prompt innumerable conversations about Obama’s surprisingly poor political judgment in picking that Two Americas guy with dirt mansion and the baby mama and the cancer wife. [AP]

Related

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

110 comments

  1. irisheyes

    Y’know, I’m as big a fan of foreplay as the next gal…but close the deal and send the text!!!!!

  2. Doglessliberal

    the only Chets I know of are Baker and Atkins, both musicians. Maybe this Chet plays in a jug band or something.

  3. Gregory_of_Nazianzus

    [re=66323]irisheyes[/re]: What’s your cell number? I’d be happy to send you a few announcements.

    I hope Obama announces soon so I can stop spending all my time spamming my friends with fake texts.

  4. Canmon (the Inadequate)

    The name “Chet” always reminds me of Bill Paxton’s character in “Weird Science”.

  5. DoctorCulturae

    All these combatting counter-narratives are exhausting. Lot’s o’pissed dems it seems. I wonder if Hopes is making everybody run the gauntlet as if to say I AM the nominee weenies. Why would he string these other “supporters” along?

    Now we’re going to hear clips of the also-rans having to stand up and spout support, as in yeah ‘I’m a loser but yada-yada…’

  6. rina

    1) There will be a lot of dumb people who will see “Obama/Edwards” on the ballot and think that Johnny Boy is on the ticket.

    2) There will be a lot of awesome people who will see “Chet” on the ballot think that Bill Paxton is on the ticket.

  7. Canmon (the Inadequate)

    Just looked up his Wikipedia page. Apparently he is from Crawford, Texas and has a Harvard MBA. For some reason that sounds vaugely familiar.

  8. loquaciousmusic

    [re=66337]trophy(forparticipation)wife[/re]: Well, while we’re waiting, we can at least all listen to my favorite Oingo Boingo song, “Stay.” (I liked it so much better, though, when I thought Danny was singing “If we get the room / One more night.” I guess I have a thing for one-night stands.)

  9. loudmouthredhead

    As long as neither Walnuts! or Hopey announce a “Jeb” on their ticket, I’ll PROBABLY stay in the country.

  10. shortsshortsshorts

    Umm… maybe I’m a little high on the paint chips, but this veep bullshit has gone on a little heavy a little too long a little bit too annoying a little. Therefore, I say WAR on the office of Vice President (only after dreamy Dick is out though).
    Time to get my filibuster on.

  11. Doglessliberal

    well, he has been in Congress since 1991, and per Wiki, FWIW:

    Currently, Edwards is a member of the House Budget and Appropriations Committees. He is one of only six House members to serve on both the Budget and Appropriations committees. He is also the chairman of the Appropriations Subcommittee on Military Construction. As the only Texan to chair an Appropriations subcommittee, it can be argued that Edwards is the most influential Texan in the House. Appropriations subcommittee chairmen are often known as “Cardinals” because of their control of the budget.

  12. sailingthestyx

    weird days at Wonkette…many angry comments today..folks must be tired of waiting to find out who next to find fault with; shopping really isn’t half the fun…to own is; that, or we’ve been infested with trolls from some news-outlet that takes itself waaaaay to seriously.

  13. WhatTheHeck

    The country needs to be on “Full Alert” for when Hillz is not named as running mate.
    Millions of bitters taking to the streets, rioting.

  14. The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    McLame just announced a new national ad that says, “Celebrities don’t have to worry about family budgets. We do.” Can the MSM please report that the McCain’s family budget last year included $273,000 for household help? Pretty please? (TPM)

  15. Darehead

    [re=66344]rina[/re]: Some dummies might also see “Che,” “TED,” “RED,” “W,” “war,” Ds,” etc.
    Oh wait, he’s a southern Baptist? This is the one.

    But really, Barry-O! Enuf already! If the ‘TWO’ fits, wear it
    !

  16. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=66346]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: The Presidential campaign has become a war between Yale and Harvard ever since they realized how much they suck at football.

  17. Doglessliberal

    [re=66311]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: on his Wiki page, he actually looks like Woody Harrelson in No Country for Old Men.

  18. loudmouthredhead

    [re=66364]Doglessliberal[/re]: Code for “He’s the only straight legislator to vote on the bill”.

  19. AfghanVet

    I am convinced that this is a really good false flag campaign to keep the RNC on their heels. They have been purposely floating as many names as possible so that the RNC cannot put together a campaign against any one person that will be able to be effective in the one week before the convention. The RNC will have to prepare for each “serious contender” and therefore will not be able to concentrate on any one possible candiate. Tough to smear and redicule what you don’t know.

    Bravo Obama campaign!

  20. gjdodger

    Edwards is a l974 graduate of Texas A&M University, where he received the Earl Rudder Award

    Sail, O Ship of State!

  21. DoctorCulturae

    [re=66342]Doglessliberal[/re]: Agreed. If this is warming up the pool of cabinet spots that’s fine, but he’s going to lose the McSame Forgotten Housing Collection storyline. We’ll all be at the beach drinking margaritas by then.

  22. Doglessliberal

    [re=66380]Darehead[/re]: he was great in that movie. You really wanted him to beat Shagrue.

  23. Doglessliberal

    [re=66384]Gregory_of_Nazianzus[/re]: i was on Wikipedia, so you are probably right and it is not true. I didn’t bother to look up his voting record, though it is cited as a link/footnote.

  24. DoctorCulturae

    [re=66378]AfghanVet[/re]: I want to believe you. Pleeze oh pleeze let Hopey & gang be this smart.

  25. 4tehlulz

    lol Wiki:

    “On August 22nd, 2008 at 12:46 PM EST, it was revealed that Edwards is currently a possible choice to be Obama’s running mate.[15]“

  26. loquaciousmusic

    Statement by Congressman Chet Edwards on His Vote in Favor of the Marriage Protection Amendment

    “I voted for the Marriage Protection Amendment, because I believe marriage is a sacred, time-honored union between a man and a woman. Marriage is a foundation of stability for our families and our nation and should always remain so.

    Considering the fundamentally important role marriage plays in our society, I believe the people of this country, not the federal courts, should have the final word. As a result of recent court decisions, anything short of a constitutional amendment would not protect the institution of marriage as we know it.

    We should respect the basic constitutional rights of all Americans, but I do not believe that requires us to redefine the institution of marriage, which has always been a fundamental part of our nation’s values.”

    In 2004, Edwards voted to support HR 3313, the Marriage Protection Act, and previously supported the Defense of Marriage Act in 1996. The constitutional amendment is not expected to pass the House by the required two-thirds margin.

  27. spencer

    This is a brilliant pick. He is the only one on the shortlist who doesn’t have a section called “Controversy” on his Wikipedia page. And he is named Chet. Also, “He is the only Texan to vote against the Defense of Marriage Act.” That, my friends, is the definition of a maverick.

  28. DoctorCulturae

    To truly mess with McHero Hopes could do worse poetically than Max Cleland. Swift boat this RNC!

  29. Perrys Mollycoddler

    Chet’s wife’s brother is a gay, show-dog raising, cocaine-addled murderer who never served a day in prison because of his connections in Waco.

  30. JamesMichaelCurley

    [re=66332]Doglessliberal[/re]: What about Huntley of “Good Night Chet. Good Night David.” Fade to black, run Playtex ad and out.

  31. Whiskeybaby

    Barry, stop cockteasing us please!!! I can’t handle it, and I don’t even have a cock to be teased.

  32. AnnieGetYourFun

    Wait, what? For or Against that stupid Defense of My Crumbling Marriage Because I Fuck Other Women Act? Which one is it?

  33. freeradical

    Chet Edwards is awesome. Totally pro-choice, and takes his Waco-representing ass to the floor anytime they need a southern white boy to explain why he thinks chics actually have a right to decide what goes on in their own bodies….

  34. DoctorCulturae

    Another complication is if Hopesman wants to roll this out this eve cell trees will be jammed with the evening rush.

  35. Darehead

    I feel for him coming from Waco/Crawford, but obviously some compromises were made:

    “Congressman Edwards’ top priorities for improving education include:
    Fully funding the No Child Left Behind Act, so that local school districts have the resources to meet high standards and help alleviate the heavy property tax burden on Texas homeowners”

  36. Keram2

    [re=66341]Doglessliberal[/re]: Don’t check the hi-res version of Chet’s photo on Wikipedia. Dude’s skin gives McCain’s horrifying cancer-ridden skin a run for its money.

  37. Larry McAwful

    The only Chet I’ve ever met in my life was my dad. And a large, friendly black dog (no relation.) That is why I would support this ticket.

    Of course, I could also support Joe Biden, because he’s a bald, blue-eyed, Catholic-raised Pennsylvania expatriate, just like me. Except I don’t have hair plugs. Yet.

  38. Mumble Softly

    Screw all this guessing about who it will be!

    Hey Obama doesnt need a veep !!

    Its not like Jesus needed a body double to save the world.

    As long as we are ready to receive Obama and be enlightened by his glow he needs no one, other than his body man Reggie Love.

  39. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=66406]Perrys Mollycoddler[/re]: Umm ya the only part of the article with Chet in it says ” Mr. Edwards said he was angry with his brother-in-law over the arrest and believes that “Alex should be treated by the judicial system in the same way as any other citizen. … [It] should not give preferential treatment to anyone for any reasons.’”

    OH NO HE IS SO GUILTY!!!!1!

  40. JamesMichaelCurley

    Chet Edwards is George W. Bush’s Congressional Representative. Sufficient enough for the choice. Let W spend the next eight years asking the Vice President for something and getting a response, “So … ” like he did for the last eight years.

  41. DoctorCulturae

    [re=66422]Larry McAwful[/re]: I’m hoping Biden too. He’d probably be the first VP to let a curse fly with the media. Priceless.

  42. Whiskeybaby

    How do you think WALNUTS! will deliver the news of his VP pick to the fans? Carrier pigeon knocking its beak on the kitchen window?

  43. DoctorCulturae

    [re=66443]JamesMichaelCurley[/re]: Dubya’s not going to be around, he’s going to the new family compound in Paraguay to avoid “complications.”

  44. magic titty

    [re=66332]Doglessliberal[/re]: Chet Baker was a drug addict. You know who else did drugs? Obama. Next Repub ad will point out all people named Chet and Obama, suck. And do drugs.

  45. Mumble Softly

    [re=66444]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Absolutely not, Dick Cheney, has personally told half the democrats in the senate to go fuck themselves, not to mention the rest of america, europe, and the world et al.

  46. MoodProcessor

    Oh yeah, and by the way, who the fuck coined the term “Veepstakes?”
    This person should be kicked in the throat, unless of course, it was one of our digitally wizened Wonketteer compatriots, or one of our immensely talented and much loved editors.

    I’m warming up my kickin’ foot….

  47. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=66479]MoodProcessor[/re]: Ed McMahon made up the whole thing. He’s pretty desperate.

  48. anabellum

    [re=66406]Perrys Mollycoddler[/re]: thanks for posting the link…i was about to start searching for that info myself…

    even though Edwards has big time cred with Vets, and is notable as a democrat for being able to survive in Texas…i dont think the idgit factor should be underestimated….Edwards/Edwards confusion might be a problem…

    [re=66378]AfghanVet[/re]: i agree…and well said…

    at this point im beginning to think my prank messages have about as much validity as anything being reported in the press…

    Obama/Nagin ’08

  49. Darehead

    [re=66479]MoodProcessor[/re]: Do you have some good cowboy boots? I think it was Ann Coulter.

  50. Anon124816

    There is one election that Obama has ALREADY won: That for the TEASER IN CHIEF. I am getting totally mega-fed-up with this nonsense already. If the jerk made up his mind, why doesn’t he SAY who it is? Do we need MORE suspense? We have been in suspense ever since Hillary suspended her campaign many moons ago. What is the JERK waiting for? Obama: TELL US WHO THE F IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sick and tired of this endless TEASE of his! What is the sense of NOT telling us? I must be missing something here. He needs MORE drama??????? MORE drama????? There isn’t ENOUGH drama in this stupid VP selection? We need MORE suspense?

    Quite frankly, I think that the way that he is playing this VP suspense bit is a good argument why he should NOT be president. What is he going to do if there is a nuclear attack on the USA. Is he going to say: “Hi. I’m Barack Obama, and just in case you are a total and complete MORON, I am a candidate for President. Yes, if you didn’t know that by now, your IQ is probably below 25. An IDEAL new voter! But I digress. At this moment, there may, or may not, be 1000 Russian ICBMs flying at us. I will tell you the answer in an hour. Maybe. But you will have to listen to one of my wonderful, brilliant, uh, uh, uh, uh, speeches first. THEN I will first text-message my faithful followers the answer, so that they can get a jump on the available bomb shelters.”

    And so on.

  51. Fear of a Black Reagan

    [re=66445]Whiskeybaby[/re]: How will WALNUTS! do it?

    “Yes, I’d like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?”

  52. Larry McAwful

    [re=66444]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Amen. Also, it’s my life-long dream to see someone coldcock either Brit Hume or Tucker Carlson on live TV. Or both. Joe Biden is the man who could make that dream come true.

  53. DoctorCulturae

    [re=66528]Larry McAwful[/re]: What a delicious dream: Biden pushes away from the interview table, gabs Carlson by the lapels and bitch slaps him a couple times, shoves him back down in the chair and says “okay, now ask you question.”

  54. chitownlib

    According to ontheissues.com, Chet voted FOR the stupid fucking Marriage Protection Amendment. If he is chosen, I am going to de-volunteer myself from the upcoming Obama Pride events…some of which I have already devoted countless hours to. Not to mention the parades I marched in, the fairs I went to…to convince skeptical gays that Barack is for them…maybe not so much anymore. Talk about alienating the base…

  55. TGY

    Oh, geesus, he graduated magna cum laude from Texas A&M AND IT WAS NOT AN ANIMAL HUSBANDRY DEGREE! But something called ‘economics’. And a…MBA from Harvard Business School.

    So, he looks good. On paper. For a Texas Democrat.

  56. Doglessliberal

    [re=66562]chitownlib[/re]: yeah, but what can the VP do? Lieberman was pro-life, too, and Gore wasn’t.

  57. snig

    It’s hard to out-American a Texan named Chet. Even McCain’s going to look French standing next to him.

  58. DoctorCulturae

    [re=66515]Anon124816[/re]: You must not have gotten the memo. You should start drinking NOW.

  59. AfghanVet

    [re=66515]Anon124816[/re]: See false flag post above. The Rove approach to elections is to turn every strength against their opponent. You’re smart? No, you’re an elitest. (Real ‘mericans are apparently morons) You care about the poor? No, you are a limosine liberal/hypocrite. (You apparently have to be poor to care about the poor)

    Anyway, why give them time to tear down the VP, whomever it is, before the convention. Whatever PERCEIVED reason for picking the VP will be turned on its head for political points; so why give them more opportunity then you have to? And frankly, the only people hyping this up are the media because they need fresh meat to chew on and cook to sell commercials.

  60. Whiskeybaby

    [re=66515]Anon124816[/re]: That will be cool getting the jump on the available bomb shelters though.

  61. DoctorCulturae

    [re=66578]AfghanVet[/re]: Bingo. In some report it was mentioned it could happen as late as Sunday. Could be also Hopesman has watched the MSM ignore his message the past couple weeks and go gaga for McChameleon’s saber dance.

    It will be interesting to hear the explanation for the wait.

  62. Perrys Mollycoddler

    [re=66438]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: And then the guy ends up in Chet’s congressionally plated car. I’m not saying Chet is a bad guy for having a bad brother in law. I’m saying the Republican attack dogs will be ALL over this story.

  63. Maus

    [re=66363]WhatTheHeck[/re]: Totally. Martini bars razed to the ground. Ransacking local Fluevog storehouses. Legions of hybrid smart cars ramming through the crowds at the convention. Mush-mouth chants about how arugala is “uppity” while cramming baconators into their lardy gullets.

  64. chitownlib

    [re=66566]Doglessliberal[/re]: Well of course I’d still support and vote for Obama, but how could I go out there and make the case for Barack’s gay friendliness if he completely disregards us in one of the biggest decisions of the entire campaign? The media and the gays themselves fail to recognize this, but we could very well be the swing group who decide metropolitan swing states like Ohio and Florida. Something like 35% of gays voted for Bush in ’04…imagine if that many (or more…which could easily happen thanks to McCain’s “moderate” image) vote republican again AND how many potential Obama supporters would stay home.

  65. Anon124816

    OK. I confess. I can’t keep a secret any longer. I AM OBAMA’S PICK FOR VP!!! But I have decided to remain anonymous for a couple more days, becuz… Becuzzzz…. Well, just becuzzzzz. I am a person of color, but that color might be white. I also might be male, but might also be female. Are those enuf hints? Some say I’m liberal and some say that I’m conservative. Yes. It’s PAT! Remember from Saturday Nite Live? Yeh, it’s me, PAT! The unisexual, conservaliberal, Republicrat who comes from a purple state. My motto? Homogenization uber alles. Don’t worry, be happy.

  66. snig

    [re=66618]Perrys Mollycoddler[/re]: I think McCain will have to tread carefully if he wants to use that attack. Cindy’s drug issues haven’t been discussed by Obama, but I think the media would compare and contrast the issues the more the brother in law was raised. Not that either are legit issues about who’s running the country, but the media loves a good addict story.

  67. Maus

    [re=66778]Anon124816[/re]: Lay off the oxycontin, Cindy. You’re talking all loopy, go ogle the poolboy or something.

  68. LBOtomist

    [re=66415]Whiskeybaby[/re]: Um…I can help with that. [had to be said, don't know what got into all these other fucktards to let that "don't have the cock" line slip by]

Comments are closed.