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BRILLIANT LEGAL MINDS

Barack Obama’s Super-Secret Boring Law Review Article

So sleepyWay back in 1990, our future president wrote an article for the Harvard Law Review about fetal rights. It asked the very important question of whether a fetus should be allowed to sue its mother for neglect, and answered the question with the long, boring legal equivalent of “Oh, brother.” Or something like that. The article was so boring that we couldn’t even bring ourselves to read the article about the article. [Politico]


10:01 AM on Fri August 22 2008
By Sara K. Smith
1455 Views

  1. JadedDIssonance says at 10:07 am, August 22nd, 2008

    I’ll second the boring.

  2. ForTheTurnstiles says at 10:07 am, August 22nd, 2008

    My stepmom’s cats poop in her shower. Good work if you can get it.

    I’m not reading that article either but we can talk about cats all day long.

  3. AngryBlakGuy says at 10:07 am, August 22nd, 2008

    …what is that?! A Trible?

  4. Monsieur Grumpe says at 10:09 am, August 22nd, 2008

    Due to being raised by a television my attention span does not allow me to read it either. Next post please.

  5. JadedDIssonance says at 10:09 am, August 22nd, 2008

    Oh, and did you manage to see the new “The One II” McCan’t-find-new-ideas-to-save-his-life AD?
    AWKARD

  6. This post: TL;DR

  7. AngryBlakGuy says at 10:11 am, August 22nd, 2008

    …if fetuses can sue their mother for neglect, then wouldn’t they be able to sue their fathers for sexual assault if they have sex with their mother during the pregnancy?

  8. Wait, didn’t Sara K. Smith go to Harvard? Surely, if any of us can read this mind-numbing legal minutiae, it would be her.

  9. Doglessliberal says at 10:12 am, August 22nd, 2008

    How’d you get a picture of my cat?

  10. KittyKatMan says at 10:13 am, August 22nd, 2008

    Wow, they’re right. Politico is a homer-republican cesspool.

  11. Serolf Divad says at 10:14 am, August 22nd, 2008

    That article was boring as hell. Plus, it completely ignores the critical question of whether fetuses should be able to file preliminary injunctions against manufacturers who infringe upon patents that said fetuses may hold, and so prevent the product at issue from shipping until suitable licensing terms have been negotiated between all applicable parties.

  12. Doglessliberal says at 10:14 am, August 22nd, 2008

    AngryBlakGuy: oooh, nice one.

    But while we joke, there is a movement to change the laws so that one could interpret a miscarriage as murder (she went for that hike, and fell, and so she killed her baby) or BC pills or morning after pills as the same. It is deeply scary.

  13. Doglessliberal says at 10:16 am, August 22nd, 2008

    Serolf Divad: what about the right of fetuses to pray in school? To own a handgun?

  14. Canmon (the Inadequate) says at 10:17 am, August 22nd, 2008

    If fetuses could vote, Obama would win.

  15. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  16. Strictly for the Tardcore says at 10:19 am, August 22nd, 2008

    Well, I’m not going to slog through a big-ass document dealing with the soul-crushing detail of whether an organism who can barely communicate and doesn’t understand the implications of Roe v. Wade, nay, doesn’t even understand the English language can sue a young lady who’s just trying to fit into a prom dress.

    Bring us real gossip or pictures of awesome things, k thx bai.

  17. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 10:20 am, August 22nd, 2008

    I actually fell asleep reading that. Wow.

    Back to the Nuri satellite coverage.

  18. SkimLatteModerate says at 10:21 am, August 22nd, 2008

    I know it’s probably tempting to immediately scroll down to the comments to get a quick gist of the tone of the article…but just don’t. It may take several weeks for my logic circuits to recover.

  19. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 10:21 am, August 22nd, 2008

    AngryBlakGuy: The Aristocrats!

  20. freakishlystrong says at 10:22 am, August 22nd, 2008

    So if a fetus deosen’t wear a flag pin, is it a librul?

  21. Doglessliberal says at 10:23 am, August 22nd, 2008

    freakishlystrong: it hates America and wants the terrorists to win

  22. Texan Bulldoggette says at 10:24 am, August 22nd, 2008

    I like this cat. It’s like if Dick C. died & came back as a cat.

    http://www.mid-day.com/news/2008/aug/200808-Yoda-four-eared-cat.htm

  23. ForTheTurnstiles says at 10:25 am, August 22nd, 2008

    Doglessliberal:

    To own a handgun, to Git-R-Dun…

    Fetuses have a lot to do these days. Every sperm is sacred. &c.

  24. Love the picture, SKS. Thanks.

  25. AngryBlakGuy: What type of sex?

  26. Godless Liberal * says at 10:30 am, August 22nd, 2008

    Obama said that fetuses can’t do a damn thing. Obama is prejudiced against fetuses.

  27. AngryBlakGuy says at 10:31 am, August 22nd, 2008

    Doglessliberal: …does this mean a woman who is pregnant can drive in the HOV lane or claim a tax deduction?

  28. freakishlystrong says at 10:33 am, August 22nd, 2008

    Well, as long as we’re waiting, we might as well do This

  29. Doglessliberal says at 10:37 am, August 22nd, 2008

    AngryBlakGuy: well, hell yeah! But, she should also buy two tickets at the movie theater.

  30. AngryBlakGuy says at 10:44 am, August 22nd, 2008

    Doglessliberal: …lol, I can just imagine how many waiters would get KNOCKED-OUT for offering “Party of two?”.

  31. Clever_Sobriquet says at 10:47 am, August 22nd, 2008

    and if abortion is murder then it is most certainly premeditated and 1st degree
    so the death penalty should be imposed on the mother, the doctor and all other accomplices.
    That’ll teach em

  32. SayItWithWookies says at 10:49 am, August 22nd, 2008

    Doglessliberal: If a pregnant woman goes to a club where there’s a two-drink minimum, does she have to have four? I mean, it’s only fair.

  33. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 10:51 am, August 22nd, 2008

    Clever_Sobriquet: So what is miscarriage?

  34. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 10:52 am, August 22nd, 2008

    SayItWithWookies: The whole 2 for 1 thing gets very messy.

  35. V572625694 says at 10:53 am, August 22nd, 2008

    Doglessliberal: AngryBlakGuy: And also buy two airplane tickets so you don’t have some kicking unborn next to you in coach. That’s the worst.

  36. Schadenfried says at 10:54 am, August 22nd, 2008

    ForTheTurnstiles: My cat chews electrical appliance cords.

  37. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 10:55 am, August 22nd, 2008

    trophy(forparticipation)wife: What the hell are you talking about?

  38. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 10:56 am, August 22nd, 2008

    I like cats. They taste like chicken.

  39. Sussemilch says at 10:57 am, August 22nd, 2008

    It’s not abortion, it’s an eviction. Get the Sheriff in there to escort the bugger out. “Dude, can I borrow your Tonka truck? The landlady tossed me out and I gotta move my placenta before it rains.” Sheesh, damn freeloading fetuses.

  40. Schadenfried says at 10:59 am, August 22nd, 2008

    Doglessliberal: Oh Jesus Fucking Christ! (Yes, I’ll probably go to Hell for saying that, but I’ve been holding in since reading Jezebel comments early this morning). Can’t we just get the shittiest state in the South and “encourage” them all to move there, and then set up some borders?

    Teh stupid and teh crazy is just killing me these days.

    SayItWithWookies: Wouldn’t a pregnant woman also have to smoke 2 cigarettes?

  41. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 11:03 am, August 22nd, 2008

    Schadenfried: I’ve seen a video of that.

  42. ForTheTurnstiles says at 11:04 am, August 22nd, 2008
  43. AngryBlakGuy says at 11:07 am, August 22nd, 2008

    …if we really want to be nit-picky then birth control(i.e. the pill) would count as murder because those medications prevent fertilized eggs from attaching to the wall of the uterus. I guess that means they would creating a new branch of law enforcement: The Period Police. Once every 30 days all women must bring their used tampons and pads to their office for inspection! Ok, now I’m going to stop typing because my stomach is beginning to turn!!!

  44. trophy(forparticipation)wife:
    Did you do Drew Carey’s little arm gesture?

  45. PrairiePossum says at 11:10 am, August 22nd, 2008

    Reading that article is way beyond my pay scale.

  46. AngryBlakGuy says at 11:11 am, August 22nd, 2008

    V572625694: Doglessliberal: …many time babies were actually twins, but at some point early in the pregnancy the stronger twin actually kills off and absorbs the other fetus. Does this mean we can arrest babies when they are born?

  47. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 11:12 am, August 22nd, 2008

    AngryBlakGuy: Or you could pop an RU486 on Monday and be painting by Tuesday.

  48. But what if a fetus is murdered by it’s mother’s steady diet of Dinty Moore, ramen noodles, and processed cheese products? I’ll bet the Eucharist has some undisclosed toxicity. Look what it’s doing to their brains.

  49. AngryBlakGuy says at 11:17 am, August 22nd, 2008

    trophy(forparticipation)wife: *Threw-up in his MOUTH*

  50. But what of the fetal position?

    WAKE UP, PEOPLE! I mean, coffee or something.

  51. Schadenfried says at 11:20 am, August 22nd, 2008

    trophy(forparticipation)wife: If you mean preggers w/ ciggies, I almost saw that in real life. This woman on the El train had one in her hand in the “ready to light up as soon as I get off” position. I didn’t even know if she was pregnant until she got into a fight with her boyfriend and he got off at another stop, and her friend says “I don’ care about them other fawkin’ six kids he’s got out there, I just care about the one in ‘ere!” pointing to her stomach.

    Gotta love those PA bitters, even the Philly kind.

  52. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 11:24 am, August 22nd, 2008

    AngryBlakGuy: You never have understood feminist art or women’s rights, for that matter.

  53. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 11:27 am, August 22nd, 2008

    Schadenfried: I mean smokin’ cooch.

  54. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 11:29 am, August 22nd, 2008

    Schadenfried: Philly! I love that jawn.

  55. Doglessliberal says at 11:34 am, August 22nd, 2008

    AngryBlakGuy: a lot of people believe that. And this is the greatly watered-down version of this:
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/08/21/AR2008082102818.html?hpid=moreheadlines

  56. Gopherit v2.0 says at 11:40 am, August 22nd, 2008

    Schadenfried: Not for long.

    My cat marked a wall socket. That made for quite a light show,
    and required a trip to the vet for the poor boy’s burnt bits. Our
    vet almost passed out laughing.

  57. BayhSexual says at 12:50 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    Doglessliberal: Christ, I’m tired of these fuckers. I keep saying to myself what else they can’t possibly add to the awfulness of their tenure in the White House but they keep finding new ways to surprise me.

  58. Doglessliberal says at 12:55 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    BayhSexual: yes, it is sort of like renters destroying the apartment right before they leave. They want to leave this country in shambles. This lovely item is another example:

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/08/21/AR2008082103607.html

  59. JadedDIssonance says at 12:56 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    Gopherit v2.0: WOW! Ow! Does your cat have litigious rights?

  60. How’s a fetus supposed to get a phone to call up a lawyer? Did Obama think of that? Sue happy liberals, can’t trust ‘em.

    http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

  61. Serolf Divad says at 1:58 pm, August 22nd, 2008

    Doglessliberal:

    The right of fetuses to own a handgun was established in: God v. Liberals, 410 U.S. 167 (1988).

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