NUMBER TWOS  9:12 am August 22, 2008

Obama Calls Failed VP Candidates To Officially Neg Them

by Sara K. Smith

Meet your new vice presidentThat Barack Obama, he’s such a gentleman! Not only does he carry his own luggage when he gets off a plane, he also personally calls the people who will not be his running mates to say, “Sorry bro you are not the one.” (He says “bro” every time because his running mate will be Hillary Clinton.) So uh who did he call last night with this tragic news?

Nobody is saying, of course.

Sen. Barack Obama called some people on his shortlist for the vice presidential slot Thursday night to tell them he had not selected them as a running mate, a highly placed Democratic Party source said.

Sen. Barack Obama says he has decided on his running mate but is not yet ready to reveal the name.

The source did not say which people got the call.

Obama has told some other potential running mates over the last few weeks that he would not be choosing them.

So basically he has been prank calling Joe Biden every night for two horrible weeks and chortling over what a loser he is. Barack Obama is
monster.

Obama notifies candidates on shortlist [CNN]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 107 comments }

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 22, 2008 at 9:18 am

I’m right on the edge of my seat.

4tehlulz August 22, 2008 at 9:18 am

BROS BEFORE HO’S O!

DoctorCulturae August 22, 2008 at 9:21 am

Hopey learned the intricacies of relationship torture at Hahvahd Yahd.

We’re all school girls waiting for the guy with the letter sweater to call us. (Will the Dems ever be able to stop this ongoing feminization?)

ManchuCandidate August 22, 2008 at 9:22 am

Bigfoot is personally disappointed since some goobers caught and killed his cousin last week in Georgia (the one that Russia hasn’t invaded, yet.)

ForTheTurnstiles August 22, 2008 at 9:22 am

This is the most constipated process since graduate school. Come on, pass the thing already…

loquaciousmusic August 22, 2008 at 9:22 am

So if AngryBlakGuy didn’t get a phone call, that means he’s the one!

Which is it? Or did Barry tell you not to share?

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 22, 2008 at 9:24 am

I have a feeling that I am not going to like it anyway.

snig August 22, 2008 at 9:25 am

This has reality show parody written all over it. Cue annoying theme music, amazingly frequent commercial breaks and tearful interviews from the back of a limousine.

ReelectTilden August 22, 2008 at 9:25 am

Does anyone really think he’ll pick Kaine? I think it would be a smart choice, but I’m concerned how the Repubs will spin a Harvard Law – Harvard Law ticket (with both candidates’ wives also having gone to Harvard Law). Too l33t?

Deepthroat August 22, 2008 at 9:26 am

AngryBlakGuy 4-eva!

norbizness August 22, 2008 at 9:26 am

Maybe the media should go back to the Mystery of Chandra Levy if they consider this ‘reporting.’

Doglessliberal August 22, 2008 at 9:26 am

Send the damn text already, Barry!! Man, he has already missed this morning’s papers and news, so now what is he going to do? Release it Friday afternoon when everyone has gone out to play early from work?

regisgoat August 22, 2008 at 9:28 am

I still want him to pick Debbie Schussell, the Bigfoot ILF. Plus, she gave Henry Poole is Here a coveted four Reagan heads!

DoctorCulturae August 22, 2008 at 9:29 am

One wonders if our current VP Darth will “politely” ask the phone companies to deny their mass texting. You know, just to keep an eye on things. And btw, I love my mom, apple pie, the flag, Toby Keith, Sam Walton, and Exxxon.

ForTheTurnstiles August 22, 2008 at 9:29 am

[re=65974]Doglessliberal[/re]: It’ll be an interesting time when half the cubicles light up in the office with text from the Obama people. We’re all outed.

Darehead August 22, 2008 at 9:30 am

I didn’t know Barry was ever on stage with Ann Coldturd. Did she cut her hair?

ForTheTurnstiles August 22, 2008 at 9:31 am

Incidentally, this has Boring White Guy from Indiana written all over it which is fucking irritating. Bayh was personally fellating the Clintonistas all through the primaries and this is his reward? Fuck him, fuck Indiana, fuck the Indiana 500 and its habit of turning left, and fuck that irritating John “Cougar” Mellencamp. Nobody fucking likes Indiana. We named the dog Indiana.

Doglessliberal August 22, 2008 at 9:32 am

[re=65980]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: seriously. I noted a lot of people with their cellphones with them in the gym last night despite the gym’s prohibition….

loquaciousmusic August 22, 2008 at 9:34 am

[re=65984]Doglessliberal[/re]: I kept checking my Blackberry during Tropic Thunder.

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez August 22, 2008 at 9:34 am

The announcement is going to be subliminally woven into today’s episode of One Life to Live. You’ll just have to watch.

Darehead August 22, 2008 at 9:35 am

[re=65983]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: Why do you hate dogs?

DoctorCulturae August 22, 2008 at 9:40 am

[re=65983]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: If it’s Bye-Bayh I propose we all immediately start emergency cocktails.

mothermaven August 22, 2008 at 9:41 am

Actually, I already know who the running mate is, because Barack says I am his biggest BFF — more than all the rest of you. So he calls me as soon as he told the lucky person. I was like going, “Like Barry, OMG!”
So like, I asked him, “So… like… were they totally freaking when they heard? What did they say?”
I totally pinkie swore I wouldn’t tell anyone. So like don’t EVEN ask.

Doglessliberal August 22, 2008 at 9:41 am

[re=65986]The Incomparable Tiny Valdez[/re]: so it is going to be a dead person suddenly not really dead? Or his or her previously-unknown twin?

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 22, 2008 at 9:42 am

[re=65990]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Just the suggestion makes me want to stiffen my coffee.

JadedDIssonance August 22, 2008 at 9:42 am

[re=65981]Darehead[/re]: Hahaha, pity the picture is actually the famed Terrorist Fist Jab…Ann Coulturd would NEVER do anything that mooslim, or black.

Doglessliberal August 22, 2008 at 9:42 am

[re=65985]loquaciousmusic[/re]: I normally want summary execution for people who use cell phones during movies, but this, I understand.

magic titty August 22, 2008 at 9:46 am

[re=65983]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: It makes sense. This country IS a boring white guy.

Keram2 August 22, 2008 at 9:46 am

[re=65972]Deepthroat[/re]: AngryBlakGuy/Bigfoot ’08!

freakishlystrong August 22, 2008 at 9:48 am

Sara, great pic!!…We are all squirmy, but keep in mind, he’s probably going to work the HOUSE GAFFE a little more as long as the attention is on him..

Donkey Sauce August 22, 2008 at 9:49 am

This is a missed opportunity to do the whole thing live on TeeVee.

Maury Povitch: “Tim Kaine … concerning the matter of Obama’s candidacy …. you are NOT the partner!”

Audience: “OMGWTFBBQ!”

Crow T. Robot August 22, 2008 at 9:50 am

Jesus, it’s gotta be Kum Bayh, right? I mean, NO PERSONALITY–therefor, no offense. ‘Cause there might be a democrat somewhere who thinks Biden needs more hair or less boringness.

DoctorCulturae August 22, 2008 at 9:51 am

[re=65998]magic titty[/re]: And don’t forget the meme: 18 million angry bitters. Perhaps we could persuade them to move to WV or maybe work on TX. It needs work.

JamesMichaelCurley August 22, 2008 at 9:52 am

I’m checking Wonkette several time an hour to find out if Obama named his VP pick. I need therapy.

Naked Bunny with a Whip August 22, 2008 at 9:53 am

So I’m still in the running! I’d be perfect! I’m small and adorable and have a cute, fuzzy ass. Just like Obama’s!

AliBabaInBA August 22, 2008 at 9:55 am

I hit this page just I had Etta singing “At Last”.
Creepy.

jagorev August 22, 2008 at 9:57 am

I can’t believe Obama didn’t do his veep-selection as a teevee reality contest. That would have had ratings going through the driven, and driven turnout to record levels. If there is one thing that Americans care about, it’s reality teevee.

confusionanddelay< August 22, 2008 at 9:58 am

[re=65990]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Blech. If it’s Bayh I will prepare a mayonnaise sandwich and drink some pisswater American beer.

If on the other hand it is Biden I will get drunk on delicious gin martinis and run my mouth inappropriately. Hooray!

For Hillary, a champagne cocktail with LOTS of bitters.

AliBabaInBA August 22, 2008 at 9:58 am

…AS I had…
Crap.

ForTheTurnstiles August 22, 2008 at 9:58 am

[re=65985]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Was Tropic Thunder worth a shit?

[re=65998]magic titty[/re]: Fair enough, but the Obama thing is to make us think we might be what we want to think we are. Boring White Guy reminds me that I am, in fact, a boring white guy. I’d rather be AngryBlakGuy. Better one-liners.

Fear of a Black Reagan August 22, 2008 at 9:58 am

Oooh! Sorry, Evan Bayh, but your hair just wasnt’ Hoffa-y enough. BURN!!!

loquaciousmusic August 22, 2008 at 9:59 am

[re=65996]Doglessliberal[/re]: I usually feel the same way too. But this was AN EMERGENCY.

Also, one of the teenage boys sitting behind us slapped my lady friend’s ass as we were walking out. So I kind of wish I had used my cellphone more. And also done a terrorist fist jab in his fucking face.

KittyKatMan August 22, 2008 at 9:59 am

[re=65971]ReelectTilden[/re]:
Ah, yes, the Repubs embrace their “Homer Syndrome.”

grendel August 22, 2008 at 10:00 am

It’s Stephen Colbert, and they’re going to announce it on the Colbert Report on a special live edition on Monday.

Darehead August 22, 2008 at 10:00 am

Is tuff-guy cold war experience the new vogue now? Seems to be doing wonders for John boy. How ’bout Barry with his current foreign affairs adviser for the campaign ….

Obama-Brzezinski 2008

magic titty August 22, 2008 at 10:00 am

[re=65983]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: You also forgot “Fuck Hillary Clinton”. She has little to do with Indiana, but it’s still appropriate.

DoctorCulturae August 22, 2008 at 10:01 am

[re=66010]jagorev[/re]: Am I missing something? We already have a reality teevee show, it’s called the election process.

grendel August 22, 2008 at 10:02 am

[re=66006]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Let’s send them all to Germany… They have a woman Chancellor the bitters can believe in

ForTheTurnstiles August 22, 2008 at 10:02 am

[re=66020]Darehead[/re]: Hello, Sen. Jack Reed. If it’s a boring white guy, at least it’s someone not named Evan.

medievalist August 22, 2008 at 10:03 am

Meanwhile Time reports that WALNUTS! has chosen Mittens. Oh please sweet Lord let it be so.

freakishlystrong August 22, 2008 at 10:04 am

[re=66020]Darehead[/re]: But Mornin’ Joe! would hound Mika to an early grave..

Darehead August 22, 2008 at 10:06 am

[re=66025]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: But is Obama ready to Reed?

The Real JR Revisted August 22, 2008 at 10:06 am

I would think he would do a John Mayer when he broke up with Jennifer Aniston by breaking up by text message.

DoctorCulturae August 22, 2008 at 10:08 am

[re=66026]medievalist[/re]: A Mittens-Biden debate would be delicious, but methinks Joey B.’s head would explode from exasperation.

jagorev August 22, 2008 at 10:08 am

[re=66022]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Sersleh? Do the contestants visit weird, out-of-the-way places to try gross local foods? Are there regular revelations of drug addictions and sexual perversion? Does the audience get to vote on which one they like the best? Damnit, I have got to tune in next season.

ForTheTurnstiles August 22, 2008 at 10:08 am

[re=66028]Darehead[/re]: No, it won’t happen, which is why I’m pissed about all this. Obama is overthinking this one, getting constipated, looking a bit Clintonesque actually. It sucks.

kudzu August 22, 2008 at 10:09 am

In addition to calling them personally, Barry should have sent them Truck Nutz as well. It’s common courtesy.

Doglessliberal August 22, 2008 at 10:10 am

[re=66016]loquaciousmusic[/re]: no WAY! That little piece of crud deserves a …I don’t know. Something that would publicly humiliate him to the utmost degree. What a little pig.

And yes, it was an emergency. I agree.

ForTheTurnstiles August 22, 2008 at 10:10 am

[re=66021]magic titty[/re]: Right, thanks. Here goes: Fuck Hillary Clinton. Please, someone, be nice and mercy fuck Hillary Clinton.

Doglessliberal August 22, 2008 at 10:12 am

[re=66036]kudzu[/re]: The TruckNutz of Consolation.

Darehead August 22, 2008 at 10:12 am

[re=66027]freakishlystrong[/re]: Ah, I had to wiki that cuz I never heard of Mika. Was thinking of pappy-Z. Dang. That was a bitch to spell, too.

hockeymom August 22, 2008 at 10:13 am

How many homes do you think McCain and Mittens own between them? Double Digits?

Get off their lawn(s), peoples!

loquaciousmusic August 22, 2008 at 10:14 am

[re=66040]Doglessliberal[/re]: That’s all right. I teach middle school, so I let him know what’s what.

grendel August 22, 2008 at 10:15 am

[re=66041]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: That’s a suicide mission

Darehead August 22, 2008 at 10:16 am

[re=66035]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: He’ll probably say he didn’t want to announce while everyone was mourning Stephanie.

But I wonder if he was all ready until…the neo-Cold War….and then changed his mind to get a good, tuff cold warrior. (Biden)

And then after “losing” the “debate” in fundie-land, maybe he changed his mind again to get a good God-person (Kaine).

Larry McAwful August 22, 2008 at 10:16 am

I hope it’s Joe Biden, and that the man with the debonair phony hair from Delaware pulls up in his SUV full of logs and dumps them right there in front of the state house Springfield. Then Biden could say, “Heh heh… hey, Barack. I just took a dump on the lawn.” And Barack could reply, “Huh huh… yeah. That was cool.” Then they could air guitar “Iron Man.” Yes!

DoctorCulturae August 22, 2008 at 10:16 am

[re=66035]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: It is beginning to smell like overwrought cheeze. Why do I think a lot of what is going on has to do with the leaden feet of the DNC, not Hopey’s streamlined Chicago machine?

Doglessliberal August 22, 2008 at 10:19 am

[re=66050]loquaciousmusic[/re]: You good and brave soul. When I rule the world, teachers will get law firm first-year associate salaries (and associates will not, because no one, I don’t care if you are God, is good and experienced enough fresh out of law school to merit $175K per year with a $120K bonus)

loquaciousmusic August 22, 2008 at 10:19 am

Nothing on Drudge yet except a picture of four old white people.

Sigh.

irisheyes August 22, 2008 at 10:20 am

[re=66007]JamesMichaelCurley[/re]: I, too, have developed a compulsion. Kids are being ignored, my lesson plans are going half assed, and I haven’t eaten a prper meal since Tuesday. SEND THE DAMN TEXT.

Larry McAwful August 22, 2008 at 10:23 am

[re=66063]irisheyes[/re]: Tell me about it. If we don’t get this announcement soon, I think this will be able to be legitimately called a syndrome.

Darehead August 22, 2008 at 10:24 am

Even on Wonkette, there’s hardly any comments on the non-veep threads. We’re all getting carpal tunnel from checking our technology devices! McCain has it so much easier with Pony Express!

loquaciousmusic August 22, 2008 at 10:25 am

Well, here’s a fun graf from the AP article that Drudge linked to:

The Arizona Republican is expected to announce his choice between the Democratic National Convention that begins Monday and his own GOP coming out party in St. Paul, Minn., that begins Sept. 1.

Good lord, “coming out party”? Couldn’t they use a phrase that was a little less, um, LOADED? I mean, McCain remembers debutante balls (he attended one in the late 1800s), but for the rest of us, a Republican “coming out” means one thing and one thing only.

loquaciousmusic August 22, 2008 at 10:26 am

[re=66060]Doglessliberal[/re]: So Obama picked you, Dogless Liberal?

ForTheTurnstiles August 22, 2008 at 10:27 am

[re=66057]DoctorCulturae[/re]: You’re onto something there I think.

[re=66063]irisheyes[/re]: My lesson plans are always half assed. Fuck it, it’s only the start of the semester or whatever, and I’m never getting tenure anyway.

DoctorCulturae August 22, 2008 at 10:27 am

[re=66072]Darehead[/re]: Someone better wake McStutter to tell him. But his staff may not be able because they forgot which house he stayed in last night.

kmarie08wj August 22, 2008 at 10:28 am

I kinda feel like Obama is making a bigger deal out of this whole VP thing than it needs to be. He acts like he is Donald Trump or something and Biden and Byah are duking it out to be his Apprentice. Just give someone the f’ing rose (or clock) already!!

confusionanddelay< August 22, 2008 at 10:29 am

[re=66063]irisheyes[/re]: My kids are developing very bad habits because of all the tv and snacks I’ve been feeding them to keep them occupied while I check on the stupid vp news. So yes, Barry, tell us who it fucking is already. For the children. Or else they’ll be fat and stupid and it’ll be all your fault.

MoodProcessor August 22, 2008 at 10:29 am

I think OB was just waiting for the Mittens leak. Soon enough, we’ll see Biden go all Sinead O’Connor on live TV, ripping up a picture of Mittens.

Then he’ll call Wally a trollopy cunt.

Larry McAwful August 22, 2008 at 10:30 am

[re=66074]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Come to think of it, between the natural GOP hatred of Teh Gayz and the current class warfare crossfire the McCain camp has found itself in, I don’t think they’d want to associate themselves with either meaning of the term “coming out.” John McCain is what you get when you cross a tin ear with a lead baloon.

medievalist August 22, 2008 at 10:32 am

[re=66074]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Wow, the GOP convention is going to be interesting. Rudy will probably be giving the keynote address in drag, and McCain will announce “I am a gay American.”

S.Luggo August 22, 2008 at 10:32 am

I could be mistaken, but I believe that Barry is with Steve Schmidt’s love child.

Larry McAwful August 22, 2008 at 10:33 am

[re=66084]MoodProcessor[/re]: I hope so. I tear up pictures of Mittens all the time, so this would make me feel that Joe Biden cares about people like me.

loquaciousmusic August 22, 2008 at 10:33 am

[re=66086]Larry McAwful[/re]: So I guess that kind of blows my idea of playing both Diana Ross’s “I’m Coming Out” and Biggie’s “Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems” as McCain takes the stage during the convention, huh?

Darehead August 22, 2008 at 10:33 am

Maybe we should just let the Supreme Court decide already.

DoctorCulturae August 22, 2008 at 10:34 am

[re=66086]Larry McAwful[/re]: “…what you get when you cross a tin ear with lead balloon.”

And that’s why the red state bitters are loving him: he’s playing their song.

Doglessliberal August 22, 2008 at 10:35 am

[re=66075]loquaciousmusic[/re]: hahahahahahahahahaha

My cat does not wear a flag pin, thus he is a terrorist, and that disqualifies me.

popsicle schitk August 22, 2008 at 10:37 am

Oh my, aren’t we all up and at ‘em early today! On a Friday no less. Oh, wait, is something important happening today?

Maybe this is part of Barry’s secret plan to increase worker productivity.

Ok, show of hands, who is actually doing *work* while waiting for Bary’s secret love letter?

MARCdMan August 22, 2008 at 10:38 am

Damn, just got the call.

loquaciousmusic August 22, 2008 at 10:40 am

[re=66097]popsicle schitk[/re]: The AT&T U-Verse guy is here installing my new FrankenFIOS. I can’t do ANYTHING until he gets that shit DONE!

But it will be funny if he gets an Obamamessage at the same time I get mine.

grendel August 22, 2008 at 10:43 am

[re=66099]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Al Franken has a high-speed fiber optic network?

Darehead August 22, 2008 at 10:48 am

How many schmaltzy love songs have been written about people like us, sitting around waiting for our lover to call? to send us a letter? a text? Just take a dump on our porch, or do something!

mr.november August 22, 2008 at 10:51 am

Is it going to be Clay or Ruben?

irisheyes August 22, 2008 at 10:52 am

[re=66080]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: Well, I’m at the other end of the spectrum- PreK. So i guess I’ll just toss a couple of Barney videos in the old bag and call it September. I’ve already planned a movie/quiet activity/playground day for November 5th!

loquaciousmusic August 22, 2008 at 10:52 am

[re=66102]grendel[/re]: Franken, like -stein. It’s part fiber part copper. Bleh. But at least it’s not freakin’ Cablevision!

kellygrrrl August 22, 2008 at 10:55 am

Hope / Sarcasm 08!!!!!!

loquaciousmusic August 22, 2008 at 10:56 am

I think that now is the time to send some of those fake text messages.

ReelectTilden August 22, 2008 at 10:57 am

[re=66017]KittyKatMan[/re]: It’s bullshit too call either Hopey or Kaine elite, but I can definitely see that playing out. The campaign wouldn’t be able to go within five miles of a Whole Foods.

Sussemilch August 22, 2008 at 10:59 am

You are the weakest link. Goodbye!

loquaciousmusic August 22, 2008 at 11:02 am

[re=66110]irisheyes[/re]: My kids come back the day after Labor Day…and then I go on a three-day whalewatch trip to Provincetown with the whole seventh grade and a bunch of elitist gay whales.

Go, field trips, go!

Gopherit v2.0 August 22, 2008 at 11:08 am

He had to make the calls. Hillary was sending out those fake text messages to EVERYONE. He wanted toset the record straight.

thefrontpage August 22, 2008 at 11:58 am

The National Reporter is reporting that Obama has settled on his finalists, and they are Ted Nugent, Ross Perot, Robert Byrd, Chelsea Clinton and Denise Richards.

loquaciousmusic August 22, 2008 at 12:01 pm

[re=66237]thefrontpage[/re]: Barack Obama/JoBeth Williams ’08!

Mr Blifil August 22, 2008 at 1:29 pm

I JUST GOT A TEXT MESSAGE!! The only problem was that it wasn’t about Obama’s veep. It was an announcment about new developments in the science of male enhancement. Funny thing is that I was so excited that it might be about Obama’s veep, that my dick actually grew a full 3 inches in length and obtained the circumference of a can of Foster’s.

Miller August 22, 2008 at 1:34 pm

I heard he didn’t even call them, he just de-friended them on Facebook and unsubscribed to their Twitter feeds. Web 2.buuuurn

http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

CivicHoliday August 22, 2008 at 2:09 pm

Is that picture supposed to be Barry terrorist fist-bumping his secret chosen VP? I didn’t even know Larry King was interested in running for office, but if he shows up to campaign with Hopey, I guess he’s serious.

Darehead August 22, 2008 at 2:27 pm

[re=66464]Mr Blifil[/re]: You oughta work for Pfizer.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: