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SURE WHY NOT

Did Obama Pick … Lincoln Chaffee?

Wonkette operative “Basart” just sent iron-clad evidence supporting his completely made-up theory that Lincoln “Rhode Island Red” Chaffee will be Barack’s challenging independent vice president — our new LBJ! The list is sure to surprise/confound you.

1. Independent
2. “Strengthen the economy.” He used to be a blacksmith. When all the oil is gone, and we return to horse-drawn carriages, he will take over the blacksmith/iron industries and the government will reap the rewards.
3. Chaffee is from Rhode Island. So is Sara Smith.
4. “Lincoln,” duh. He’s on the penny! Which is money! IT’S THE ECONOMY, STUPID.
5. Plus he’s a total Democrat.

EARLIER: Lincoln Chaffee Might Vote For Obama!


5:56 PM on Thu August 21 2008
By Ken Layne
4063 Views

  1. pattycake says at 6:02 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Obama/Chaffee sounds too much like it would be cured by a liberal application of ointment.

  2. BillyClubb says at 6:03 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Oh, now how’s that gonna look: “Obama / Lincoln”? Wait, that looks good. Lincoln freed the slaves; Barry’s running for Prez. Winner!

  3. Gopherit v2.0 says at 6:03 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Nah, I think it’s gonna be Janet Napolitano. Napolitano knows how to push around Republicans, can take Arizona away from John McCain, and could beat Hopey’s ass in an arm-wrestling match. The only problem is, he’ll lose the Bitters because he won’t have picked a woman.

  4. Voyou Charmant says at 6:04 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Sounds legit to me.

  5. Ken Layne says at 6:05 pm, August 21st, 2008

    I’m thinking somebody more sidekicky, like Chewbacca the Wookie.

  6. BobLoblawLawBlog says at 6:06 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Lincoln Chafee sounds like a smooth ride, like it’s got really good suspension and de-luxe interiors. Yeah, I’d vote for it.

  7. pattycake says at 6:08 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Ken Layne: he’s clean, and articulate.

  8. Dave J. says at 6:08 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Gopherit v2.0: I think she’s awesome, but isn’t she, um, you know…?

  9. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 6:12 pm, August 21st, 2008

    BobLoblawLawBlog: Diamond in the back, sunroof top, diggin’ the scene, with a gangsta lean . . .

    I see the ad now. Perfect!

  10. S.Luggo says at 6:13 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Dave J.: Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  11. Gopherit v2.0 says at 6:13 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Dave J.: A catholic? Yeah, I think so.

  12. S.Luggo says at 6:15 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Voyou Charmant: Plus, like Barry, Linc enjoys teh Bolivian Marching Powder.

  13. Rodney Badger says at 6:15 pm, August 21st, 2008

    VP? No. But I can see Obama appointing him to be Secretary of Perpetual Sadfaces, or something.

  14. SayItWithWookies says at 6:15 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Dave J.: From a state with few electoral votes? True that. I’d choose a real American hero.

  15. Lascauxcaveman says at 6:15 pm, August 21st, 2008

    BobLoblawLawBlog: I can buy that. “Chafee,” from the french verb chauffix, “to racially balance the ticket.”

  16. Gopherit v2.0 says at 6:16 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Dave J.: Asexuals don’t have sexual preferences, do they? Cuz, if she’d ever had sex in her life, the sleazy Republican Party in AZ would have found out and used it by now.

  17. Hooray For Anything says at 6:16 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Ken Layne: Barak/’Bacca in 2008!

  18. Gopherit v2.0 says at 6:17 pm, August 21st, 2008

    SayItWithWookies: She let Dubya touch her ass. She’s tainted.

  19. Dave J. says at 6:18 pm, August 21st, 2008

    SayItWithWookies: Not sure I could handle the existential reality of wanting to smack the VP on the bootie.

  20. SayItWithWookies says at 6:22 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Gopherit v2.0: Yeah but he did it wrong, so it doesn’t count.
    Dave J.: We will learn to get used to it. As a nation.

  21. GlennBecksTaint says at 6:23 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Rhode Island is a Swinger State

  22. Gopherit v2.0 says at 6:24 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Dave J.: See, there’d be no problem with that with Janet.

  23. pdiddycornchips says at 6:24 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Ken Layne:

    Chewbacca was complicit in the destruction of Alderon. He didn’t fix the hyperdrive in time and Vader’s death star destroyed the planet. Or something like that. Whateves. Republican attacks don’t have to make too much sense so long as they blame Democrats for foreign policy debacles.

  24. Hooray For Anything:
    And the immediate counter by the RNC: McCain/Jabba 2008

  25. Gopherit v2.0 says at 6:28 pm, August 21st, 2008

    pdiddycornchips: Hey, don’t you be Millenium Falconing Chewbacca!

  26. Gopherit v2.0 says at 6:29 pm, August 21st, 2008

    SayItWithWookies: Again, something only Dubya could screw up.

  27. Gopherit v2.0 says at 6:30 pm, August 21st, 2008

    jimh: You don’t really think Rove would go for an office do you?

    Besides, I heard he was…..you know…

  28. jimh: Jabba has:
    • A successful business background
    • Proven leadership experience
    • Makes McCain look young, handsome, human

  29. SayItWithWookies says at 6:33 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Gopherit v2.0: Really. Okay, I think I’ve posted this before but it was a while ago, so what the hell:
    Do you know why Laura’s always on top when she and the president have sex?
    ‘Cause Dubya can only fuck up.

  30. pdiddycornchips says at 6:35 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Gopherit v2.0:

    He would destroy Lieberman in the Larry King VP debate. Literally if we’re lucky.

  31. josereyes.theroof says at 6:40 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Gopherit v2.0: I like your style, Dude.

  32. notthe600 says at 6:46 pm, August 21st, 2008

    He should have picked Suzy Chaffee.

  33. cockblock says at 6:57 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Missing Linc!

  34. Hooray For Anything says at 7:00 pm, August 21st, 2008

    pdiddycornchips: I don’t know how much help Chewy would provide because I don’t think Kashyyyk is a swing state.

  35. Oscar Folsom Cleveland says at 7:05 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Wrong Linc…these young’uns didn’t know Old Abe. Juan McExpress knew the railspitter. He knew Methusala and he dated Lucy, our common ancestor, just a few years before Cindy was borned.

    http://www.redorbit.com/news/science/1019044/meet_the_ancestors_lucy_is_going_on_display_outside_africa/index.html

    Still, I think it’s gonna be Sibelius. I always did.

  36. dave666 says at 7:16 pm, August 21st, 2008

    John McCain knew Abe Lincoln, Abe Lincoln was a friend of John McCain’s, and Chaffee………………. you know the rest

  37. Wee Mousie says at 8:25 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Either it is Obama/Chaffee which sounds like something McCain got from his diaper (like pattycake said) or it is Barry/Lincoln which they did already back in 1865.

  38. Wee Mousie: Wee Mousie: It’s only fair that McFossil got something from his diaper, considering how much he’s put into it.
    Jerry w
    http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com

  39. Perot le fou says at 8:45 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Lincoln Chaffee is the son of a moderate Republican New England Senator, he’s dumb, and he likes cocaine. Too familiar, no thanks.

  40. chaseychasem says at 9:38 pm, August 21st, 2008

    Shit, why not just reanimate Gerald Ford and pick him?

  41. donner_froh says at 10:13 pm, August 21st, 2008

    pattycake: Just so it is liberal…

  42. sanantonerose says at 11:36 pm, August 21st, 2008

    GlennBecksTaint: Swinger state? Duly noted.

  43. Darehead says at 4:39 am, August 22nd, 2008

    chaseychasem: Obama-Deadbody 2008

  44. choinski says at 10:15 am, August 22nd, 2008

    If you’re going to pick a Rhode islander, it MUST be Buddy Cianci’s wife, Nancy Ann Cianci!

  45. Mistrez_Mish says at 10:59 am, August 22nd, 2008

    I’m still hoping for Biden… but now I want coffee milk… gah

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