Wonkette
This thing about John McCain’s houses is too good. John McCain cannot remember how many houses he owns, because he doesn’t really own any, because his wife inherited most of them. You know, his wife, Cindy — the same Cindy whose father bought WALNUTS! a seat in Congress as a wedding gift. John McCain’s life has been so kooky! And that’s why his campaign released a comical statement today in response to Obama’s “Seven Houses” ad. It is, how shall we say, loaded?
They have foolishly omitted William Ayers, and some other stuff. But not much:
Does a guy who made more than $4 million last year, just got back from vacation on a private beach in Hawaii and bought his own million-dollar mansion with the help of a convicted felon really want to get into a debate about houses? Does a guy who worries about the price of arugula and thinks regular people ‘cling’ to guns and religion in the face of economic hardship really want to have a debate about who’s in touch with regular Americans?
$4 million… wouldn’t that make Barry middle class by McCain’s own standards, by a full $1 million? At least Barry’s money is his own, and he’s not some crazy old kept husband mooch. And Barry made most of his money from his books which he *wrote*, whereas John McCain’s books are all creepily written by Mark Salter.
(PSST: Mark Salter is known as a hackneyed, trite sort within erudite literary circles! Oh golly wolly we’ve spilled the beans!)
Fuck you, McCain.
I used to give you slack because of seemingly being moderate. but you’re actually worse than Bush because you either don’t believe the shit you’re saying or you’ve gone completely bitter/senile.
McCain shows he can play good baketball, because he just slammed dunked Osama.
At night, those dolls come to life and drag Karen Black into the basement. Scary!
They brought the cling back. How retro.
…am I the only one that smells the blood in the water? Im not going to miss Kieth Olberman tonight!!!
..triggering another round of ‘I know you are, but what am I?’ Perhaps the information age is too fast.
C’mon now, 4 of the gardening staffs at McCain’s McMansions say that Honest John is totally in touch with the working man. He remembers their countries of origin and everything.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Larry Fine: You have the right avatar
I love how Barry’s ad has WALNUTS not remembering how many houses he owns because he is so rich, when in fact it is because he is so old.
I’m still wondering what happened to McCains black love child. Anyone heard anything? Why isn’t the Enquirer on top of that one? Damn conservative media bias.
Like I said.
ObamaCamp: You’re absurdly wealthy! Don’t even know how many houses you have!
McCainCamp: Oh yeah, well you’re not even rich and worry about the price of things, like food and housing!
Nice trick.
Also, where is the snarky alt text?
Methinks the Walnuts doth protest too much.
Cindy McCain has 7 house for each of the 7 dwarfs.
Does a guy who made more than $4 million last year, just got back from vacation on a private beach in Hawaii and bought his own million-dollar mansion with the help of a convicted felon really want to get into a debate about houses? Does a guy who worries about the price of arugula and thinks regular people ‘cling’ to guns and religion in the face of economic hardship really want to have a debate about who’s in touch with regular Americans?
Yes he does, bitch.
GET OFF MY LAWNS YOU DAMN KIDS
What’s with the arugala bashing? A search of Peapod (internet groceries) shoes a bag of arugala is the same price as a ceasar salad kit and 10 cents more than other, ordinary salads.
Shit, the only cliche’ they missed was out and out calling him a Muslum terraist!…oh and Larry Fine, uk-fay oo-yay, I’m speaking in yer language….
OMG - is he for realz? And why is it always arugula? Is it because it sounds foreign?
“Shows a bag”. I can spell, I just can’t type.
carerer: Ok, so McCain is “Grumpy” - who are the other seven?
Thanatopsis: Arugula is “elitist” per Hillary and Co. REAL ‘muricans eat iceberg..
I’m a political junkie. That’s why I read this site all day every day. Even so…
I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF THIS GODDAMN PRESIDENTIAL RACE.
And we haven’t even hit the conventions yet. Fucking shit.
@AfghanVet: you mean the one Cindy Lou lied about when she said Mother Teresa begged her to take her home. I’m surprised wonkette didn’t have a little fun with Cindy Lou’s newest whopper. it’s near Tusla quality, such inventive story telling surely deserves recognition. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-nickolas/the-anatomy-of-a-deceptio_b_120381.html
We should start calling arugula by its more patriotic sounding British name ‘rocket’! That’ll show Walnuts. Barry loves ‘rocket(s)’ yay lets blow things up!!
Oh man, it’s degraded into the most widely publicized cock-fight of our time. Wait…that’s been outlawed.
Whatevs, I’m off to Canada with Kwame.
AxmxZ: W is Dopey, Lieberman is Sleepy, Lindsey Graham is Happy (Gay), the rest are up for discussion…
…is it me or does this sound like Sean Hannitty wrote this?! Which explains the shear ass-hattery of its tone.
Which Americans are “regular” and which Americans are “irregular?”
freakishlystrong: Are you kidding? Lettuce is for pussies. Real ‘Muricans eat things like bacon double cheeseburgers and buffalo wings. You can bet John McCain eats only red meat and drinks only Bud– partially because his wife just made gajillions when that Belgian company bought Budweiser.
sarcasticusername: By the convention, Cindy will be claiming that Jesus Christ himself urged her to take the kids.
And the news orgs will dutifully report the uplifting story.
What’s left of democracy after Apathy tried to kill it will be finished off by Youtube.
RuperttheBear: Nice ‘Trilogy of Terror’ reference.
Regular murkins eat iceburg…more ruffage. Irregular murkins eat arugula…zips right through ya.
Everyone has known about all the houses forever. But it’s funny how a deft one-two made this the lead story of the day. Even on teevee. Housegate! Now let’s go for veteran issue votesgate, Adulterygate, Cindy’s pillgate, Angergate, Flip-flopgate, cunt trollopgate…
choinski: Opens the door for the cute lil story from Cindy later this week ’bout how he calls salad “rabbit food”. She’ll, of course, omit the “you cunt” outta the “I don’t eat rabbit food” story. But still, all the Bitters will love how much he reminds them of their ornery uncle hank.
Hooray For Anything: Vote John McCain: Cuz when you don’t eat fiber, who needs Depends?
I’m waiting for the reformulation of Budweiser to come back to bite the McCain’s on the ass. Good luck maintaining liquidity then, fuckers.
Oh, I so hope McCain already use up all his crash-and-burns in A4s, and that he’s got one more left in him.
BREAKING!!!
McCain Camp uses the FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, ALAN excuse for the houses gaffe!
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/the-trail/2008/08/21/mccain_spokesmans_retort_obama.html
“This is a guy who lived in one house for five and a half years — in prison,” referring to the prisoner of war camp that McCain was in during the Vietnam War.
Rogers called the house story “by far the most personal attack” of the campaign, and said “it comes from a candidate who said he was against this kind of thing.”
He predicted that the story would not “stick” with the American people.
“In terms of who’s an elitist, I think people have made a judgment that John McCain is not an arugula-eating, pointy headed professor-type based on his life story.”
BONUS POINTS FOR SHIV’ING HIM WITH THE ARUGULA DIG AGAIN!
Larry Fine: You’re fairly dumb, I see. Stick around and you might learn sumpthin.
The Incomparable Tiny Valdez: Not to forget S’n'L-gate, or Keating-gate, as we could also call it. Okay, he’s rich and he cheated on his first wife–you can’t run for president unless you’re rich, and many powerful men cheat on their wives. Isn’t the fact that he sold out his country to a crooked banker the thing that really disqualifies him? Why didn’t that fatass chin-whiskered padre from the OC ask him about that?
Ha ha, not too funny I know. But I’m getting nervous.
The part I like is the other response from the McLame folks. Yes, Virginia, they pulled the POW card. One wonders how long it will take for Noun-Verb-POW to spread for Walnuts. The only thing Biden ever said that I enjoyed and t just keeps on giving. Although, I think I may need to add a bit - “Noun-Verb-POW, but I don’t want to talk about it”
So, is McCain a “regular guy” because he offered to show his wife’s tits to a crowd of bikers?
No way is Obama going to announce the VP today. Not now. The McCain campaign just got got caught in another apple sauce jar avalanche.
I bet someone over at the McCain camp is screaming at the rest of the staff to let this story die.
Larry Fine the Living Abortion: “McCain shows he can play good baketball, because he just slammed dunked Osama.”
hyuk hyuk, osama!! haha…baketball, durrfff! haha..blacky! more elmer’s paste please!
I hope Obama supports anti-inbreeding laws. We need to clamp down on this national dilemma.
4tehlulz: It seems like John McCain is going to be busy enough shooing kids off the lawns of his seven (7) houses. I don’t know how he would be able to fulfill his presidential duties too.
This has left Barry with no alternative but to buy himself a mobile home in a trailer park so he can be in touch with McCain’s regular Merican base.
And Hopey, you better not buy a double-wide GulfStream. That would be truly elitist of you.
Jesus fucking Christ, the McCain campaign is now beyond parody. Did he call him a fag too?
Arugula is fucking delicious. Let’s be serious. I bought a bunch of it recently, and I put that shit in everything I cooked for like a week, a week fifty.
Hooray For Anything: Hasten the coronary!
The Real JR Revisted: that’s right, so fuck all of you ungrateful bastards. One push of a button, bitches, and you’ll all be on the road to being as good as Johnny.
John “Five and a Half years and Seven houses” McCain.
KittyKatMan: Does this Fine example of Larry have a history of trollage aboot here? I could totally read that as sarcasm…Dunking doesn’t mean you can play basketball…
but if it was meant seriously, he belongs in the alternate reality where McPain is Prez and the world asplodes.
dano: His daughter was there, too, but she was too fat to win Miss Buffalo Chip. Probably could have married her off to a fine Murican there, though……if by married you mean “give her away as a scooter bitch.”
The Real JR Revisted: The McCain campaign was in full damage-control mode as the housing story took off today. Rogers tried to play down the story, saying that reports of the many McCain houses were overstated.
“The reality is they have some investment properties and stuff. It’s not as if he lives in ten houses. That’s just not the case,” Rogers said. “The reality is they have four that actually could be considered houses they could use.”
Let’s see…Phoenix -that’s one. San Diego - that’s two. La Jolla (one of the most expensive ZIP codes in the nation) - three. And his Virginia townhouse - four.
So apparently his OTHER $2.1 million beachfront condo in Coronado, California and the loft he bought for his daughter are hovels unfit for use other than as investment property. Makes me feel good about my basement apartment in DC, that’s for sure.
In other news, he owns three properties on Hidden Valley Ranch Road…mmm…delicious salad dressing…mmmm.
These people seriously believe Barry is unqualified to be president because he eats a specific vegetable.
If Obama had said greens instead of arugula, he would have been accused of playing the race card.
shortsshortsshorts: So he was really being charitable. The actual reason he wouldn’t say the number of houses is that he’s in the process of evicting his half-sister in laws from their homes to add to his collection, while twirling his long black mustache and tying his newly revealed half-sister in law Nell to the train tracks while cackling. That’s what they did in his day before they threw people under buses.
“You see, the difference is he’s a rich BLACK man! Did you hear me? B-L-A-C-K. How realistic is THAT?! C’mon Amur’ca! Come back to whitey…that’s it.”
dano: That might actually be the most valid attempt at being “normal” and “in touch with the regular guy”.
This is going to get Limbaugh and O’Reilly screaming ” class warfare, class warfare!!!”
Does a guy who lies about how he gave the Viet-Namese everything they wanted to know and THEN crossed himself in the sand on Xmas Eve really deserve another house? Or how about a guy whose left cheek (on his face) is one day going to explode and spray lysergic acid all over the world, causing its destruction, really think he can be Bush III? Does a butch Navy stud with anger issues and a burning hatred for women of all persuasions lose sleep over where his next campaign dollar is gonna come from? Really? Nasty punk old man Viagra loser dude? Huh?!! NOW who’s the bitch boy to Bitters and sucks Truck Nutz without his dentures? Yeah?!!
Did McCain mention the family Alpine chalet Engle’s Nest? It has a wonderful view of Bavaria and there’s this draw bridge and fortified bunker and lotsa other cool stuff. Plus a trebuchet to keep the peasants in Berchtesgaden under control.
nyhfrog: Yes sir, fuck him.
And his houses
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Glia_Vrbc8
And Cindy’s pill-induced lied about a conversation with mother Theresa whom she never met.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-nickolas/the-anatomy-of-a-deceptio_b_120381.html
I am loving this day. Barack will win big.
MY WALLET’S GONE!
NotNotLickingToads: There’s no salad in that man for that dressing. Nothing green passes his lips, unless it’s aged beef.
McCain’s response COMPLETELY forgot to mention Monica Lewinsky or 9/11. Make an effort next time!
America will elect a guy who can’t spell potato or who thinks catsup is a vegetable before it’ll elect someone who knows what arugula is.
dano: Yeah. You poor people should feel lucky. You don’t know the rich man’s burden.
Oh, and it might be wealth warfare, but with McCain, Limbaugh, Billo, and Hannity involved, I’ll guarantee you there’s no “class.”
The only way McCain could buy my vote is to get his wife to give me a lifetime supply of beer…oh wait…She distributes Budweiser doesn’t she. Never mind.
snig: Damn that WALNUTS and his elitist soft foods.
JadedDIssonance: my trolldar went off. i can usually smell them, but maybe it’s just me. I did eat a albocore+mayo+relish sandwich about 15 min ago.
If the recent TNR piece on Salter is to be believed, he’s just as big a self-righteous douche as McCain. 60% of the Salter quotes are about much he hates Barry for not having “earned” his way to the nomination like McCain did and how Barry’s constantly stealing phrases and ideas from McCain what the fuck.
AxmxZ: Embezzle, Bank-whore, Georgia, Karl, Hateful Jew Democrat, and Perfidy
mookworthjwilson: Rove is Bashful, especially when it comes to talking to congressional subcommittees.
Gopherit v2.0: This is America, you communist…we can make a salad out of meat, and top it with ranch dressing! And in the meantime, we will use it to dress wings, pizza crusts, ice cream, and so forth.
This only proves how well Cindy can write when she’s pepped up on poppers.
the debate is not just about who is an elitist, it’s also about can grandpa remember to change his diaper?
NotNotLickingToads: Actually, what was I thinking…in America, ranch dressing EQUALS salad. What lies underneath said dressing is something of interest only to elitists with loads of free time to kill on accounta not spending their days on manlier pursuits, like stalking and subduing beach condos with their bare hands.
McCain is totally in touch with the common man. Why, I’ll bet all his chauffers know how much gas costs.
Hooray for the internet:
http://nomoremister.blogspot.com/2008/06/arugula-essence-sapping-salad-green-of.html
Proof that George Bush has had arugula in the White House. Now can we impeach him?
Hannity’s head’s exploding…..he just pulled out the fucking orphan card.
“But ALL Veterans have 10 homes Alan!! 10 Homes I tell you, ALL OF THEM!!!!”
McCain reminds me of Jeffrey Lebowski: the old man from the Big Lebowski whose identity was confused with the ‘Dude’s’. Can’t you picture McCain sitting in his big mansion, talking about all his achievements and wealth when, in fact, everything he owns belongs to his wife? However, Obama would be wise not to call him on it. Why? “Strong men do cry, Mr. Obama. Strong men do cry”.
$4 million… wouldn’t that make Barry middle class by McCain’s own standards, by a full $1 million?
Touché…. my hat’s off to ya Jim!
sarcasticusername: That’s right because according to Bill O’Reilly there’s no such thing as a homeless veteran.
They oughta drop the arugula shit, because I can guarantee that iceberg lettuce does not pass Cindy McCain’s lips.
wallythepug: That’s not fair. The only things that do pass her lips are bourbon and vicodin.
The most recent response from the campaign is even more entertaining.
McCain Spokesman’s Retort: Obama Lives in “a Frickin’ Mansion”
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/the-trail/2008/08/21/mccain_spokesmans_retort_obama.html
Also, we should remember that once McCain only had “one house for five and a half years — in prison” in Vietnam.
“you either don’t believe the shit you’re saying or you’ve gone completely bitter/senile”
Either?!
Considering that the natural diet of politicians is public fancy luncheons and dinners, how can it be there is no widely distributed picture of McCain eating arugula?
snig: Arugula is McCain’s kryptonite. One bite, and he’s thankful for his Depends Ultraslims.
sarcasticusername: It’s a cover up for his love child fo’ sure.
i think it’s time that the american association of arugula retail growers (aaarg, for those of you who don’t easily see such things)hired a lobbyist to work with mccain campaign. things are getting ugly, what with Whole Foods now claiming that mccain only eats bitter, bolted arugula as opposed to the sweet dead baby leaves that are favored in obamanation.
The Real JR Revisted: Which only shows to go ya that the McCain campaign reads Wonkette for potential ideas.
For, at 9:49 this very AM, I wrote:
“My friends, wherever I lay my torture-twisted, cancer-riddled head is my home. I don’t have long to achieve my lifelong dream, so please don’t let my multiple home-ownership stand between me and the throne… strike that… me and the Oval Office.
“My friends, the longest I’ve ever slept in one place was Hanoi. FUCKIN’ HANOI!!! While you were all smokin’ dope and banging gook-lover Jane Fonda, I was eating Rice-A-Roachy and trying to jerk off with my one good foot. And I was one of the LUCKY ones, because everyone else in that war died in my arms.
“My friends, did I mention the war?”
I just don’t understand why they left out the rest of my post.
No TRUCK NUTZ for me, I guess.
So McCain has a few dozen houses. He’s got a lot of cunts to house. Did I mention he was in Vietnam and spent twenty decades being tortured by Asian lesbians? They need a roof over their head too right?
“five and a half years” … funny, when that shithead was attacking max cleland in 2002, they weren’t screaming “an arm and two legs.” what gives?
I talked to my dad today and told him about this. I framed it like, “Oh, it’s hiLARious because it’s so obvious that Obama got to McCain and now McCain’s all overreacting and ARUGULA! LOLZ!” and my dad just paused and said, “Yeah, but… McCain’s stupid attacks are working.”
And I was sad.
I’m glad they didn’t forget about arugula.
That quote is priceless! He forgot to call him an uppity Muslim Socialist, though.
Next time?
Scarab: Motherfuckin’ right! Thanks for bringing up Rezco you crusty old bitch. Now Barry can talk about the Keating 5 Scandal from now until November. Now who wants to help me start a rumor that McThusela got special treatment from the his Vietnamese captors by willing giving up his ass for buttsecs?
Hooray For Anything: Speaking of Budweiser being bought by the Belgians…
… has anyone had any yet? Does it taste like real beer yet, or at least not like pisswater?
smashtheduck: you forget, all of america hates ornery uncle hank.
it will backfire.