Wonkette
For weeks John McCain has been saying, “Barack Obama is a pansy the end,” and Barack Obama has been saying, “That’s not very dignified of you,” and so now of course Barack Obama is losing the RACE FOR THE WHITE HOUSE. How can he turn it around and win this thing? By making Hillary Clinton his vice president, which will be fantastic and hilarious because they hate each other so much.
Basically, all the other VP picks are boring and a bunch of racist old Bitters who Hillary coaxed into the Democratic fold are rapidly defecting to McCain. But an Obama-Clinton ticket would get the Hilltards back on the bus, plus Barry clearly needs somebody who’s vicious.
Also we would like to find out if Andrew Sullivan’s body could continue to type 70 blog posts a day after his head explodes.
Obama: In Need of a Game Changer [CNN]
For a while there I thought Hillary as VP was inevitable. Then I thought there was no way. But now it’s staring to look more likely, though I’d still put it at less than 30% chance.
That said: if Hillary were really 1/2 as ruthless, nasty, deceptive, unfair and castrating as Andrew Sullivan seems to think she is, I’d have supported her candidacy from the get go. Because it’s pretty clear that McCain has no intention to fight clean.
“…plus Barry clearly needs somebody who’s vicious.”
That’s why I’m still holding out for Cobra Commander as a sleeper pick.
I mean, how boring could a VP that tries to carve his face in the moon with a giant laser be?
I wanted to read that article, but Andersen Cooper’s haunting blue eyes wouldn’t let me scroll down.
I hate you deeply for that image.
Cue the Spike Lee movie.
The Pic: Presidential porn on acid.
Ah CNN - still the Clinton News Network.
Hillary would be crazy to take the VP slot. A senator has a lot more power than the VP, well than VP’s other than Voldemort…uh…Cheney.
I have a strangely delicious urge to masturbate.
I keep thinking he is going to pick someone no one has even mentioned recently, like Bill Richardson. All this other stuff has been a diversion. I cannot believe he will pick someone who can’t bolster his “experience” perception issue. But what politician with “experience” doesn’t have an anatomy class’s worth of skeletons in his or her closet? It is like the Queen trying to find Prince Charles a virgin to marry–slim pickin’s.
My bet is that we will hear who it is today after lunch. Doesn’t make sense that they would do it for the Friday afternoon news dump and they are scheduled to campaign together on Saturday.
Maybe it’s just wishful thinking because if this goes on any longer my spleen and liver are going to rebel and start attacking my other internal organs, but hey, isn’t this election all about hope?
Ok, fine, she’s already hijacked the convention, but there’s that 300 lb gorilla in the room, namely, what the fuck is Barry supposed to do with BILL?
That’s NOT a three-way I can Believe in..
You know, all the possible VP picks at this point: Bayh, Biden, Kane are snoozerific. The only suitable VP for Barry is Barry. Since cloning technology is decades away from making this a reality, at least a Hillz VP would reignite the tire fire that is this never-ending race. There’s that whole she-might-kill-Barry thing, but as long as we make her taste Barry’s food first, it should work out fine. Moran vote sealed, WALNUTS! banished, the end.
Voted for Mondale: How is it that the “most trusted name in news” has such an obvious slant and nobody talks about it? I actually stopped watching during the primaries because it was nauseating. At least with Keithy on msnbc the opinions are obvious. Insidious bunch over at CNN
When are people going to figure out that those bitters that Clinton brought into the fold weren’t going to vote for her in the general election. They were always going to vote for WALNUTS!
Oh and this is the real reason Bill hates Barry. He knows Barry will take all of the white women, starting with Hillary cause baby got back!
Speaking psychosomatically, why else did Hopey get a cold? Because he was triangulated by the Clintbot machine playing both sides. The stink about the convention plan with the Clintonistas was tied up in this. So, even though he’s still doing his best Mandela he’s caught. It’s not so bad, he’ll have to make tougher decisions as preznit.
Cape Clod: Did you say “dump”? I guess it will be Biden after all.
Choosing Hillary would invalidate everything Barry’s campaign has stood for. It would be an unmitigated disaster.
…everytime I think of Hillary as VP I have the vision of that scene from psycho where the unsuspecting woman is in the shower!
Strictly for the Tardcore: …personally I’m really pulling for Serpentor or Mumra from the “Thunder Cats” if Barry is going to take a cartoon villain for VP.
Serolf Divad: …all the ruthlessness, nastiness and deceptiveness aside, if she came out in support of Barack Obama after the general election like a rabid British football hooligan, then she would have redeemed herself. Instead she waited too long to endorse him and then after she finally did she fell off the map and couldn’t even reign in her own husband.
Wow, so we could have two heads of state, just like Russia. Begun the new arms race has!
Yeah, sure, pick the Hillz for Veep even while she’s dispatching siblings to consort with McCainiacs:
http://www.thetimes-tribune.com/articles/2008/08/20/news/sc_times_trib.20080820.a.pg1.tt20brazil_s1.1888751_top5.txt
Those who have no soul have no shame.
Campaign advice from a political pundit. That’s really rare.
freakishlystrong:
He is to be reassigned to…the equatorial region. *gestures to guards to remove him*
I think it could work if the Obama camp hadn’t run it whole campaign on the concept of changing Washington. Making Hillz the veep send a very mixed message, and I think that she is enough of a polarizing person that a move like that would turn away a lot more independent voters and left-leaning repubs than it would attract disaffected dems. I think picking a Vp just to appease a few noisy hilltards is a bad move on all counts.
Although if Hopey loses, I have a sneaking suspicion that Hillary is, in fact Quetzalcoatl and will usher in the end of the world in 2012.
OMG, Sara, please tell me you’re not responsible for that terrifying Photoshop image. I have to go take a shower now. *shiver*
Doglessliberal:
I’m holding out hope for Richardson, in which case i think this thing is locked down. It’s possible that during the vetting process the determined that he has a thing for 14 year old Bangladeshi prostitutes, in which case he’s about two rungs above Cheney.
Supernatural_Delegate: I think he would seal the deal, yes, despite shenanigans in his past. I am just having trouble thinking of someone “experienced” and who would add to the ticket whose past isn’t rife with targets for the Republicans.
Jesus, just pick Michael Phelps as VP.
This is America, our minds will wander unless it’s bright and shiny.
Well, that’s burned into my retinas.
Doglessliberal:
I think the only choice is Roberta McCain. Let’s see Walnuts try to rip apart his own mother, Hillz might do it, but republicans only eat their young…they respect their elders.
Its a perfect plan.
This looks shopped. I can tell from some of the pixels…
Doglessliberal: Even if their past lives are squeaky, Republicans will manufature negative to target, it’s what they do, and why they win. *SOB*!
…I think WALNUTS! and Barry are on 2 opposite sides of the spectrum when it comes to who they can choose to be VP. WALNUTS! despite all of his allusion to picking a dark-horse liberal realizes that his conservative base is shaky at best. If he chooses anyone other than a VP in the traditional (neo)conservative mold he would face a revolt from the “Evangelicals” as well as the “Neo-Cons” all of which don’t like him that much in the first place. My opinion is “the fix is in” and Mittens will be WALNUTS! VP. As far as Barack Obama there is a lot of talk of taking a VP with experience. However I think the pool of experienced Democrats is so wide and deep that it encompasses nearly every high profile Democrat in the party. In recent weeks his poll numbers haven’t been looking so good so there is an added incentive to take an energizing and exciting VP. That being said my money is on Biden but I WOULD NOT be surprised if he takes a complete dark-horse like John Kerry(who has been attacking like a VP as of late) or Bill Richardson(who has mysteriously disappeared off the map)
Strictly for the Tardcore:
AngryBlakGuy:
If you want laser moon-carving, you gotta go with Chippendale Charlie.
http://www.thetick.ws/tvvillains.html
Yeah, brilliant. I’m sure that won’t mobilize the ambivilent fundie base and swell McLame’s camp. Go for it.
Three words of warning to the Clintons in Denver: DO NO HARM.
So, the reason she is polling so well is because she’s had nothing but positive coverage. Barry would be polling well if he weren’t running. The moment she enters the race, her numbers would drop drastically. It is better to have someone who causes doesn’t help, but doesn’t hurt. She would help and hurt. And you don’t know how much more she’ll hurt than help… it could be a lot. You could probably say goodbye to being effective in some of the swing states.
“How can he turn it around and win this thing? By making Hillary Clinton his vice president…”
That *is* irony, right? Please? I’m middle-aged, and I’m having a hard time keeping up…
I doubt Hillary VP would alienate liberal republicans, because they are like Jew-loving Nazi’s, not very common. Obama has a huge problem with Dem base, more than Kerry or Gore had. With his lackluster, Kerry like performance post primaries (who takes vacation during the election?), how much harm can Hillz do? Obama would never win anyway because I know Americans, and McCain seems to be just the type. Maybe Barry should try Germany instead.
AngryBlakGuy: I would like Bill Richardson. He’s the only option (at this point) that I can get mildly excited about. But does the rest of America feel that way? The campaign needs some excitement.
The Incomparable Tiny Valdez: Only doctors take the Hippocratic Oath. Clintons take the Hypocritic Oath.
The social healthcare issue has suddenly re-surfaced.
Scarab: Good idea. Phelps only has one drunk driving conviction. The current vp has two.
Obama should pick John McCain for VP.
Your enemies you keep close, real close. Closer still.
fishandvodka: Tons, heaps, assloads. Madame doesn’t play to the base, she plays to the corporatist/centrist wing of the party made up of racist bitters who are going to vote for the white guy anyway, scared shit-for-brains who think that civil rights are nice on paper but will gladly toss them away in the name of security (also a prime McC demographic), and an assorted collection of loudmouths so stupid that they actually believe the whole “Hillary has 95 years of public service and diplomatic experience, and she’s only 43 years old!” line of bullcrap.
Supernatural_Delegate: genius.
NoWireHangers: Agreed. Excitement factor important before convention since McCan’t borrowed Hilz slash and burn tactics the last month. Also, Repubtards will dump “Peace in Iraq” meme Friday afternoon.
edgydrifter: That is the democratic base. Hillz or no Hillz, most of them will vote for McCain anyway. With her there, there is some hope few of them will vote democratic out of habit. Whose mind Biden is going to change - ‘I am uncomfortable with black man as president, but since Joe is on it, it’s ok’. They do not know him, they know Hillz.
CivicHoliday: Ha ha nope: http://wonkette.com/361790/mrs-clinton-and-mr-obama-making-out-on-video
DoctorCulturae: NoWireHangers: …Richardson would put the whole lower Midwest into play and even though it may sound crazy I think it would make Texas competitive because of its large Hispanic population. I like Kerry as well because he opens old Democratic wounds! What else could energize Democrats more than the memory of a stolen election; also I think it reminds Republicans of the choice “they should have” chosen in 2004. I like Biden because he Tourettes syndrome and wouldn’t hesitate to drop an F-bomb if he is provoked. I think that will actually play very well with so-called “hardworking white people”. Frankly anyone other than the status quo would give Barry a huge advantage over a WALNUTS! and Mittens ticket.
AngryBlakGuy: I heart that fat, boring, sometimes-bearded man with every neuron of my political sensibilities. He would do such a fine job in the role that he absolutely MUST NOT be picked for it. Yay America!
Barry doesn’t think like his hippy, dope smokin’, progressive base. He could pick a homeless crack whore and Rachel Maddow would swoon about it. He knows no matter how unhappy his base might be about Clinton, they’re gonna vote for the ticket. That makes her a pretty attractive choice. Barrys’ will to win will trump the Obamabots will to cleanse the Democratic party of the Clintons. He might take risk a and pick someone like Kaine who doesn’t bring much to the table but leaves the spotlight firmly on him. Doing so would be out of character for him. He normally takes the most politically expedient path.
pdiddycornchips: It’s political math like that that swept the Dems to victory in ‘00 and ‘04.
From the look on Hillz’s face and all them purdy swirlin’ lights in they background, I’d say Hopey’s got some mouth action goin’ on as mighty as his thick beach hose you showed us yestiday!!
Bitters n’ Nutz wants more Barry! Mo’ Barry! Mo’ Barry!
AngryBlakGuy:
If Richardson could put the entire midwest in play, why didn’t he do better in the primaries? Nevada, New Mexico and Colorado are all purple states right now. Richardson probably could turn them blue but he would do nothing to help in states like Ohio and Michigan. He may help a little in Florida but Cubans are not Mexicans and it wouldn’t be enough. Ohio has more electoral votes (20) than the others do combined (19).
It’s 12:30. BARRY, WHERE’S MY FUCKING TEXT MESSAGE?!
AngryBlakGuy: I like Richardson too but he seemed like he was on cough medicine during his entire run in the Primaries and there’s no sign he’s off the horse as of yet.
pdiddycornchips: ooohhh a Rachel Maddow dig! SO BOLD!! SO FRESH!! SO CLEVER!!
WhatTheHeck: I should fuck my enemies? I think JEEBUS said that, too.
pdiddycornchips: “He normally takes the most politically expedient path.” Substantiated examples, please?
pdiddycornchips: …yes, Richardson would most likely tilt Nevada, New Mexico and Colorado into the Democratic column. Michigan and Ohio are more difficult but I don’t believe Obama needs to “swing for the fences” to get them especially if WALNUTS! chooses Mittens as his running mate. I seriously think they are over estimating Romney’s influence in Michigan especially since he is a former investment banker. In regards to Ohio, I think once more attack ad’s highlighting McCains big business ties and fiscal policy are aired he will tumble in the polls. I think it is very important for Obama to continue to attack WALNUTS! wealth because once Romney(and his wealth) is on the ticket they can be painted as completely out of touch with “normal” people.
pdiddycornchips: If Obama wins all the Kerry states (which he is very likely to do) and then wins Iowa and Wisconsin (which he is also very likely to do) and then wins Colorado and New Mexico (which Bill Richardson would help with) then he wins the election. No Ohio or Florida needed.
That being said, ew, Bill Richardson. No way. Team Biden (yes, I am all for putting the VP selection on the same level of Jen versus Angelina).
I would be conflicted if Obama picked Clinton, but I don’t think she invalidates his message. Isn’t his “change” all about working with people he hates?
Until all Americans are covered, she is not going to open her mouth.
VOLTRON for VP. Or Bill Richardson. Who is VOLTRON, actually.
pdiddycornchips: That’s still 19 points McCain doesn’t get.
Please Wonkette, it’s Hilltally Challenged not Hilltards. Learn from Tropic Thunder, learn.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
N8Ma: No, no, no! If it must be a non-biological organism then it should be an American non-biological organism. I say Optimus Prime all the way! He’s red, white and blue even.
Doglessliberal:
Examples:
The gun control memo.
Rev. Wright (keeping him around during the southern primaries and tossing him overboard when he became a liability)
Fighting to keep Michigan and Florida from being counted during the primary and then saying they should be given a full vote once Hilz conceded.
Saying he believes in an undivided Jerusalem in front of AIPAC and then disavowing that statement the next day (as quietly as possible, through a spokesmen).
Need I go on?
BIDEN BIDEN BIDEN!
eatsshootsleaves:
“If Obama wins all the Kerry states (which he is very likely to do) and then wins Iowa and Wisconsin (which he is also very likely to do)”
Do your math again. Kerry won Wisconsin in 2004. You can’t count it twice.
pdiddycornchips: IMO, Florida should just be barred from voting for anything ever again, period. America’s flaccid penis seems to be populated with nothing but sun-baked retards, and blue-hairs who think Eisenhower is still president. Still, I’ll grant you the scheduling of their primary was not entirely the fault of the state Dems there and I’d have been fine with some kind of accomodation for their delegates.
But Michigan? Fuck them. They knew what they were doing, got warned not to do it, did it anyway, and then bitched like bitchy bitches when the DNC was forced to make good on it’s threat. And Hillary who just innocently couln’t figure out the paperwork to get her name off the ballot and then… well you know the rest? Fuck her most of all.
OneSarcasticMexican:
Bush won by more than 19 electoral votes though. The election will come down to the key swing states like it always does. Florida, Michigan, Ohio, and PA. Barry has to win at least three of them and probably swing at least one or two smaller states like New Mexico, West Virginia or Iowa.
Understand, this election should be a cake walk for the Democrats. Bush is such a total incompetent that he’s poisoned the well for everyone with an (r) next to their name. It shouldn’t even be close. The fact that it is this close should tell everyone that maybe Obama isn’t nearly as universally loved as his nutty supporters assume he is. I think I read it here but someone said the two conventions will likely have similar themes going in opposite directions. Both will be primarily about Obama. Republicans will look to sow doubts about his authenticity and his abilities. Obama will need to defend himself and at the same time, drive up McCain’s negatives. That becomes difficult to do when you run as the post partisan savior. He’s naturally uncomfortable being the attack dog but he needs to make this election about Bush and not him. If he can do that, he’s gonna win. If it’s about him, he still may win but it will be much closer than it needs to be.
I’m thinking now it should be Hillary, to get the bitters in play. Plus, she can be the campaign attack dog and she loves that shiz.
I’m not a fan of hers, but I’d vote for Obama even if he picked a rubbery frozen hoax Sasquatch for Veep.
By the way, I’m putting my cell on vibrate and putting it in my pants pocket. Who’s with me?
GlennBecksTaint:
Not really. She’s obvs a big, big fan of Barry’s is all I’m saying.
edgydrifter:
Interesting analysis.
“Fuck you, Michigan, you fucking fucktards. But Don’t for get to vote Obama in November”. At least Barry understands their are more important things than petty primary rules. Winning the state in November is chief among them.
AngryBlakGuy: Two words: Wesley Clark
vicuna: I am. Got it right here. He has to send this text before tomorrow afternoon. No way he will let that news out in the dead time for news, would he?
Canuckledragger: So Hillary is going to be McCain’s running mate?
pdiddycornchips: As opposed to having a single-candidate ballot and then pretending it was a valid and legitimate vote? No thanks, I’ll stick with my “fuck you, fucktards” position.
Servo: Actually, I was thinking more “Alien”…Go, Hil, go!! Cripes, people there is political expediency that needs to be working here. Do you want a Democratic presidency, or not? Keep your enemies closer, if you must. But who else could come out with bigger guns blazing? (pardon the disturbing visual)…