As you know, the worst mayor ever of anything, Rudy Giuliani, will deliver the keynote address at his party’s convention. Rudy Giuliani is a fucking stupid rat-demon whose pathetic 5th place campaign couldn’t even make it past January after 12 months of exploiting, for political purposes, the deaths of thousands of innocent civilians whose safety he, as mayor of the attacked city, was supposed to protect. He really is the most appropriate symbol for the Republican convention that follows eight years of George W. Bush, although probably not for the same reasons that the speaker selection committee chose him. Anyway he had a conference call today and just completely bombed on it, because he’s fucking stupid.
First he ran his mouth for a while about how John McCain could pick a pro-choice vice president — not supposed to talk about that to the reporters, sport — saying, among other things, “If that person happens to be, among other things, pro-choice, the party will support that.” O rly?
Dungeons & Dragons nerd Michael Goldfarb had to hastily change the subject.
Earlier, this hilarious exchange went down:
Before that, Ron Kampeas, a reporter from the Jewish news outlet J.T.A., essentially accused the McCain campaign of hypocrisy for criticizing Kurtzer for meeting with the Syrians because Giuliani, he said, has represented the company Citgo, which is owned by the Venezuelan government. He also noted that Giuliani’s firm once represented Saudi Arabian interests.
“Actually I don’t have any representations with the Saudis, that’s incorrect,” said Giuliani. “And I never represented Citgo in negotiations with the Chavez government. So, both of those are factually inaccurate.”
Kampeas said, “Bloomberg reported that your law firm lobbied for Huge Chavez at Citgo — is that not correct?”
“It is not correct that I had negotiations with Chavez’s government,” said Giuliani. “It is correct that my law firm for many, many years — it doesn’t any longer — represented Citgo, an American corporation. But it had nothing to do with Chavez.”
“And you never represented Saudi Arabia’s oil ministry in a Texas court case?” Kampeas asked.
“I never represented Saudi Arabia,” Giuliani said. “I’ve never been to Saudi Arabia.”
Moments later Kampeas’s line went dead.
“I’ve never been to Saudi Arabia,” the fuckshit declares.
May we also note that our beloved Doctor Congressman Ron Paul won 35 pledged delegates in the Republican primary contests this year but was still denied any sort of speaking role at the convention, which is what led him to plan his rival Paultard Convention. Rudy Giuliani won ZERO delegates, because he’s fucking stupid and awful, but has somehow been granted the Keynote Address. They should both be banned to Outer Space.
Giuliani’s Maiden Keynote Conference Call Goes Off the Rails [New York Observer]
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Dear God, why does anyone ever listen to anything this fuckwit says? And write it down???
My father is an employee of that law firm.
what an ass clown.
I would just like to say that this is the best post I’ve ever read on Wonkette. I wish the Washingtonpost would put this on the front page.
Giuliani’s wife can appear at the Convention and speak to America’s women about how to snag a man. That would be a ratings bonanza.
“Giuliani went on to say that the meeting in Syria reflected Obama’s inexperience, and added, “Which is of course the point Hillary Clinton made.” He called Obama “one of the least experienced candidates for president in the last 100 years, if not the least experienced.” ”
Except for Dubya of course… oh, damn, I made myself sad…
Who is this Huge Chavez? I thought I was current with all teh pr0n stars.
Wheeee — and the race is on. Whichever party shoots itself in the foot the least wins.
[re=64392]Larry Fine[/re]: Or maybe on how to cook puppies
[re=64392]Larry Fine[/re]: Oh, I don’t think Judi is too happy with Rudy right now. She thought she was going all the way to the top, baby, not stuck babysitting a cancer-assed has-been with a bad eye lift.
[re=64394]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]: It’s Huge O’Chavez. A gay, Irish-Mexican pr0n star.
Rudy, the original surrender monkey
He’s not a douche. He loves his wife.
Oh, wait. Yeah, he’s a douche.
At the Convention, Giuliani will tell America not to vote for the Mooli.
Saudi Arabia is RUDY COUNTRY!
Wait a goddamned second!! Rudy 9/11 Guiliani said something stupid? Holy fucking shit!!1!
Moments later Kampeas’s line went dead.
“Mr. Kampeas…? Um, Mr. Kampeas? I believe we’ve lost the journalist on line 12.”
Shortly after that, Giuliani receives a text message:
“HANDLED.”
Crossdressing, dictator enabling, authoritarian douchebag to be slightly more precise.
If you get stuck in the front row, is it kinda like a Gallagher show and you have to bring a tarp for all the spittle?
BTW: the new American Apparel ad is much less NSFWer, but also much more fap-worthy. Thank you, Wonkette.
…can someone please tell me how/why this guy was ever elected to public office?! I hold you responsible New York!!!
Ghouliani’s giant forehead makes baby jeebus cry
[re=64424]Fear of a Black Reagan[/re]: And how!
My friends, remember: he would be the perfect running mate for McCain. Then him and the rest of the fucking nasty elves/lollipop guild can bake us cookies with yellow teeth. YUCK!
What’s the officail +/- on Rudy brigging up 911 in his speach? I’m thinking he might make it a few minutes in, since he will not want to look like he is exploiting it for political gain.
Yes, but when he’s in the middle of making his big address, will Judi phone him and ask him to pick up some milk and Lindt chocs on the way home?
‘Coz that was just so endearing the last time it happened. It’s what put him over the top [of 10%] in Florida…
[re=64394]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]: Huge Chavez: Second cousin to Dirty Sanchez.
Was this guy the mayor of New York City once, or am I mixing that up with an old “X-Files” episode?
KOS is wondering what the drinking game will be like for the Keynote Address. You guys are on top of this right Jim?
BTW, Kos also suggests not making a reference to 9/11 punishable by drinking for fear that we would have a large uptick in alcohol poisoning.
*bringing* Eh, it was the way obvious joke anyway.
I’m going to be so heavily sedated during the Republican convention, I won’t even remember it happened. Sort of like Cindy.
I heard that they origanlly offered the Keynote to Fred Thompson but he was too lazy to write a speech for it.
They just invited him ’cause he provides his own brown-shirted goon squad to work security and arrest all loiterers in town.
Julie who, now?
[re=64393]grendel[/re]: Or Carter. Or Kennedy. Or Clinton. Or even FDR. Hell, even Reagan had less national experience than Barry before moving into the White House.
Soooo….I don’t get it. What’s yr beef with Rudi?
[re=64432]masterdebater[/re]: Strangely enough, the over/under is set at 911.
[re=64461]Oscar Folsom Cleveland[/re]: 9/11.
Dang, Jim, you REALLY don’t like Rudy; you’re actually kinder to Walnuts. That’s one of the funniest posts I’ve read in a long time.
“Rudy Giuliani is a fucking stupid rat-demon whose pathetic 5th place campaign couldn’t even make it past January after 12 months of exploiting, for political purposes, the deaths of thousands of innocent civilians whose safety he, as mayor of the attacked city, was supposed to protect.”
Most beautiful sentence ever. I am so looking forward to the coming conventions and the Wonkette responses to both. And drinking. I’m also looking forward to drinking.
Hey, 9ud11 made this city livable again. So you shut your mouth, Wonkette! 9/11 4eva!!! NEVER FORGET.
[re=64425]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: “Law and Order” issues, which often manifested with shooting of random members of the dark-skinned hordes, or the occasional rape with a plunger.
I fucking lol’d when I read it was JTA that he hung up on; so much for Obama’s Jewish problem.
Also, 9/11
Shucks, I thought we had him on Citgo but probably not:
Wikipedia: “Citgo Petroleum Corporation or Citgo is a United States-incorporated, Venezuela-owned refiner and marketer of gasoline, lubricants, petrochemicals and other petroleum products.”
Headquarters are in Houston.)
“In 1983, Citgo and the Citgo and Cities Service brands were sold by Occidental to Southland Corporation, owners of the 7-Eleven chain of convenience stores; 50 percent was sold to Petroleos de Venezuela in 1986, and the remainder in 1990.”
God, that convention is going to set records for sucking ass. Liederman, Guiliani, Romney, McCain. I want to work in a bar near the convention center that week.
Will official convention drinking rules be forthcoming? I’d hate to be gauche and miss a round of brutally cold vodka.
Christ, I forgot. President Fuckward leads the whole shambling parade off. Is anyone going to be left alive in that city after they’re done?
[re=64442]KevoTron[/re]: OMG, the drinking game!
OK, how many Wonketteers are in Seattle and where are we meeting to watch this?
I forgot which species of rodent Giulliani belonged to. Ratus Chambersstreetus?
[re=64442]KevoTron[/re]: [re=64538]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Every time 9ud11 says 9/11, you must drink 1oz pure grain spirits. At that rate you will be dead within the first five minutes of his speach.
A Seattle/Tacoma drink off would be as good of way of putting up with the convention as any.
[re=64441]thefrontpage[/re]: You must be thinking of the one with Charles Nelson Reilly. (RIP)
We need Metafilter style meetups for this Repub drinkathon. I’m in STL. Who’s with me?
Where is her highness Lady Judith? Polishing his sceptre, mayhaps? Or clapping young Andrew in chains for hating his father more than most NYers. No mean feat.
If I may say so, Comrade McCant has an exemplary example of a Hollywoof combover in place at this moment, probably geared to the upcomoing festivities.It looks more sedate, more polished and at ease in its own falseness and illusion. In fact, the lines have clearly been drawn and retouched, the rug says dig me, I have snow on the roof but fire in the oven. Just don[t mess with my lines, I got you cov yoo
I’m excited to hear that Giuliani will be lisping his way through the keynote address. I can’t wait to see the front row republicans wrap themselves in American flags to duck Rudy’s salivary onslaught like some July 4th Gallagher Show. Thufferin’ 911 thuccotash!
Also glad to see the crossdressing community getting such a warm reception from the GOP… although I bet they’ll get many hotter receptions at the republican afterparties.
“I never represented Saudi Arabia,” which means either the pudenda of his last misttress or, in NYC code, the South Bronx.
But I say this in a good way.
Between Rudy’s lisp, his cross dressing and not being able to find the right gal, he might definitely have teh gay. Which is why he’s right at home with all of the other Rethug cocksuckers. He, Joe Lieberman, Larry Craig ad Ted Haggart will have a wild buttsecs foursoom in that airport bathroom Larry is already so fond of. Oh that Gay Old Party! Ain’t it grand?
[re=64461]Oscar Folsom Cleveland[/re]: What is the problem with Rudy? Well, aside from Rudy being a serial adulterer while claiming to be a member of a ‘pro-family’ party, and his being a flip-flopper on abortion rights, a 9/11 media whore and a pro-fascist (but ignoring his often tawdry and sad selection of oh so gosh-darn tacky Hello Dolly evening gowns), nothing.
From wiki:
— In a well-publicized 1982 case, Giuliani testified in defense of the federal government’s “detention posture” regarding the internment of over 2,000 Haitian asylum seekers who had entered the country illegally. The U.S. government disputed the assertion that most of the detainees had fled their country due to political persecution, alleging instead that they were “economic migrants.” In defense of the government’s position, Giuliani stated at one point that political repression under President Jean-Claude Duvalier (the infamous “Baby Doc”) no longer existed After meeting personally with Duvalier, Giuliani testified that “political repression, at least in general, does not exist” in Haiti under Duvalier’s regime —
[Footnotes omitted]
[re=64656]S.Luggo[/re]: Thanks for the Guilsterafu zombie-beat reportage. He didn’t think Baskethead Duvalier was politically repressive? Incredible.
Wow! The first Republican keynote speaker to appear in drag !
Hey, leave the guy alone, he won 1 delegate! Inquiring minds want to know, who is the mystery delegate of America’s Mayor? My guess is Cristyne Lategano.
I am betting that the backdrop for his speech will alternate between a waving American flag and images of the Twin Towers burning. Just a guess.
he got elected because he probably has mafia ties i’m guessing. his beady, evil little eyes, like W’s eyes really piss me off.
i think the worse crime he ever comitted was covering up the 911 crime scene. he had all the debris shipped off to china in like 2 weeks. why all the hurry? no matter, steven jones got samples and found thermite, an explosive in all of them.
a product of thermite is molten metal. molten metal was found at the bottom of both towers.
the real interesting fact is that pools of molten metal were found at the bottom of builing 7 too. that building was never hit by a plane and fell at freefall speed. the owner of the building, larry silverstein said he “pulled” his building on a pbs interview. which is shady because everyone knows to pull a building means controlled demolition. that takes days to set up properly. he supposedly had it set up in a matter of hours? don’t believe it. he had a fat insurance policy bought a week before 911 protecting him against fires and planes hitting his building. he made out lie a bandit.
so did the folks who put put options on american airlines that day.
we can safely deduce larry silverstein had prior knowledge of 911. this and the put options are not the only “coincidences” that day. there are hundreds. all one needs to do is research.
http://www.truther.org is a great site. so is http://www.infowars.com
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