Advertising Inquiries:
wonkette@blogads.com
Tip Your Wonkette:
tips@wonkette.com
Editors:
Ken Layne | Email
Jim Newell | Email
Sara K. Smith | Email
Juli Weiner | Email
Intern:
Riley Waggaman
We do not wish to make jokes about Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones’ death and resurrection. But we do want John Kerry to learn his lesson. It’s kind of WEIRD when you first hear about someone’s death in one of John Kerry’s 977 daily e-mails. For Christ’s sake, let the body settle! Because she was not dead after all, and now you are creepy.
3:41 PM
on Wed August 20 2008
By
Jim Newell
1567 Views
Wonkette
Kerry does have a sort of creepy undertaker cast to his appearance. In cartoons, at least.
John Kerry’s been dead for years. His current status is “fully automated,” hence the 977 daily e-mails. Probably a malfunction in the processing unit, but no one wants to open up his casing to check.
Good thing I started blocking those annoying Kerry emails long ago.
Is there an award for the biggest douche in D.C? There should be. I submit we create such an award and call it the Kerry.
This resurrects the whole flip-flop thing.
Iggy Plop:
This may explain his upright appearance.
http://www.nypost.com/seven/08202008/news/regionalnews/standing_stiff_ly_125264.htm
There’s no reason to play both sides of this issue, Senator.
Darehead: Now THAT’S funny!
pdiddycornchips: There is, it’s called the “President”..
Why did he think it was his role to make this announcement anyway?
Part of me wonders who the hell writes his matereal. First he was for the war before he was against it, now he says that she was dead before he realized that she was alive. John, fire your Comm people, please! For your own sake!
Kerry should do what his previous VP is currently doing. Hide until after the election.
I’m sure Sen. Mufkin will send out a strong e-statement soon against death. If somebody had to have a brain blowout, why couldn’t it have been Cheney? Or Nader? Or Putin?
While Kerry was wind-surfing, the sail-fin must have knocked his head and even through his helmet hair, gave him a concussion that caused him to make this mistatement.
After Tubbs Jones resurrection, if Obama does not fee the masses at Denver, I am going to be sorely disappointed.
Iggy Plop: Kerry = Akira. Think about it.
Dammit, John Kerry is just ahead of his time! Why can’t you fools see that?!!!
Now he’s going to tell a bunch of students they’d better study, or else they’ll end up in Heaven like Rep. Tubbs-Jones.
http://xs.to/xs.php?h=xs130&d=08343&f=082008kerry398.jpg
Funny, I just got this email from him.
freakishlystrong:
Do all Presidents past and future fit the description? Certainly Van Buren was. He got the snot kicked out of him by the Whigs. How bad do you have to be to lose to a party that can’t think of a better name than the Whigs?
He went to visit Tubbsies, and when he started talking she appeared to die, as do most people who talk to Kerry.
pdiddycornchips: Shudder to think, losing to a party that calls itself “Republicans”..
Clinton superdelegate U.S. Sen Dianne Feinstein has chickened out of attending the DNC convention, claiming a broken ankle. Better than being stroked out on the highway or getting shot in the face at your office, I suppose.
http://www.total411.info/2008/08/more-obama-body-count-clinton.html
Gormogon:
When the PUMA’s hear about this, Obama Super D’s better sleep with one eye open.
See, GOP??? You didn’t need to make a big deal out of his windsurfing jackassery; he’d do something REALLY stupid all on his own.
To be fair, though, Tubbs Jones has the same saved email ready to go about Kerry, in case Teresa drowns him in 57 delicious sauces…and creamery butter…I need a snack.
Where’s Bill Frist, anyway? Isn’t he the senator who’s supposed to be providing diagnoses from 2,000 miles away?
Wow, this is quite some gaffe (well, not really, compared to tank riding or Poland-Soviet-Domination-Denying). But you wouldn’t trust John Kerry to tell you that the sun sets in the west if you didn’t verify it first, right? Effing dingus.
If John Kerry is willing to flip flop on an issue as fundamental as death, I don’t see how the American people can trust his stated position on LIHEAP subsidies.
No harm, but kind of foul.
“Contact: Whitey Smith”? Now why would anybody want to do that?
Resurrected? Rreally?? Does Bishop Rick Warren knows this?
Maybe Barry should ask the late Ms Tubbs Jones to run as prez and he can Veep for her.
She did pass away. So much for the scoop.
She’s dead.
Who knew “The Dead Zone” was a documentary on the young John Kerry?
Maybe we should get Kerry to shake Walnuts’ hand and see when he intends to push the button.
AxmxZ: Shit–John Kerry, clairvoyant, or just lucky?
Kerry may have been a bit premature, but in the end he was right:
N.Y. Times
Ah, Kerry reverts to his presidential campaign form: Knows what’s coming and what to do, but just completely botches the delivery.
Rep. Tubbs Jones is still more lively than John McCain.
freakishlystrong:
I find it hard to think that a group of republicans can be called a party.
Some party, nothing but two buck chuck and underage male prostitutes.
Not that there’s anything wrong with all that.
Jerry w
http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com