Wonkette
Usually it’s not worth it to post about Maureen Dowd’s column. She just does her thing. Nicknames, gender stereotypes, alliteration, hackneyed jokes, hackneyed narratives, whatever, let her quill gush forth, just leave us out of it. But things have changed, and she needs an intervention after this shit. Wasn’t this column the first scene from one of the Harry Potter books, with Voldemort talking about evil? Also: we are not notable practitioners of the so-called “Journalistic Ethics,” but is it really worth a New York Times columnist’s time and writerly capital to make things up? Like, entire narratives and motives? This column wouldn’t make the cut at most high school newspapers. Because. The badness. [New York Times]
MoDo has gone off the deepest end with her latest fiction. What’s really compelling about her excercise as fiction is her state of mind.
I just skimmed the first graph this morning and said, “fuck this.”
te/cmitte [too excruciating/couldn't make it to the end]
Chortle.
“Oh, John, you know I love you and I’m happy to help,” Hillary says.”
Newsflash! Next Presidential race scandal: McCain dumps beer heiress for Hillary!
I hope the National Enquirer is on this one.
Sometimes I hate her. Well, mostly I hate her. Stupid Dowd. This isn’t as bad as her Gone With the Wind/Sense & Sensibility/Mr. Darcy/Obami references. I image that she writes her column while sitting on an antique settee, resting her Christian Louboutins, and grinning that stupid, smug smile with her stupid Chanel Rouge Allure lipstick in “dazzling.”
Fuck it, this is close enough: http://www.mediabistro.com/fishbowlny/original/1015dowd.jpg
I kept waiting for her little bit of schoolgirl fanfiction to go the porno route, and it never happened. But I’m disturbed at how close it got…
It takes a lot for me to say this, but the opening scene in Harry Potter was actually a bit better.
The whole scene would be totes better if it was set in a hot tub… actually, no. ew.
NoWireHangers: Why did you have to go and link that? WHY?
NoWireHangers: That pic makes her look like the Evil Nanny in a Disney Channel movie.
NoWireHangers: Ew. Pass the retina bleach, please.
V572625694: ditto
“They approached eachother grinning, as if preparing for the inevitable embrace. McCain gave Hillary two walnuts, which she discreetly placed into her purse. Daunted by his act of kindness, she approached to kiss him. It wasn’t long before they were coddled in a session of sexual bliss, roused by the thoughts and hopes of their presidential ambitions. And then, like a flash, McCain forgot where he was. When he came out of it, all he could say was “what are you doing to me, you cunt?”
Okay it might be the worst article ever written, buuut I would not put this past Hillz. McCain wants it bad enough to do this, too. And Lieberman is just a d-bag for d-bags’ sake so he’d be in on it. Jesse, though, not so sure…
God damn it, look at what this is doing to me…SEND THE DAMN TEXT ALREADY.
Mo needs to go back to griping about men and relationships and shit..she’s really un-hinged…
Strictly for the Tardcore: she’s gotten Cinemax-style with her previous Obama posts on Obama.
So MoDo believes in a less than attractive people conspiracy against the pretty? I wish I could get paid what she does to write short fiction. Also, I miss the days when you had to pay to read the Times’ columnists online. That greatly limited my exposure to her craziness.
You know what never gets old? Blaming the Clintons for everything. How they haven’t caught it for the Georgia invasion is beyond me, but I’m sure great minds like Kristol and Dowd can put something together.
I need some brutally cold Stoli to wash down some humble pie. I failed to finish this crucible. I am…nothing. *head bows in shame*
First, the facts: — She’s obviously hormonal and her rational mind has had the bejeezus stomped out of it by her Biological Clock and the gang.
— Two, that’s her driver’s license photo. No shit. She talked the gal at the DMV into letting her pose. She’s actually sitting on a bed covered with rose petals, but DMV will only go so far.
imatter: Wow, there’s an image that I’m gonna have to try to vomit out. I’m gonna get started on that.
shortsshortsshorts: I, and my boyfriend thank you for destroying out sex drives for at least a month, sometimes I re-read these posts cuz of teh funneh..I shant make that mistake…
shortsshortsshorts: SICK!
This is a step outside her comfort zone. She usually spends all her column time figuring out new ways to call Democrats effeminate dong touchers. This might be a step up.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
I read MoDo this morning and, while the concept is OK, the actual dialogue is so pathetic that I felt embarrassed for her.
She’s right, though. Hillary and Bill do not want Obama to win.
Exactly what audience is she trying to reach here? Is she trying to convince some future publisher of her fiction writing skills? ‘Cause I hate to break it to you sweetie, honey-pie, lamby-lamb, but that prose ain’t worth the electricity used to type it with.
Just write your opinion, normally, and get on with it.
imatter:
Strictly for the Tardcore:
I firmly believe Momo has a vibrator named “Barry” and most of her “articles” are the watered down remains of her late-night diddling fantasies
Columns like this are part of the reason I’ve grown to hate Mo. The others are that she keeps shaving her firecrotch clean when I ask her not to, and she still refuses to lick my taint.
But mostly it’s the columns.
shortsshortsshorts: “Let me see that oil barrel you’ve got there, you trollop”
I thought all good fanfic was supposed to end with fucking?
I sometimes read Maureen because of the way she twists the knife. It always makes me grateful to God or Bog that she is not my GF. This column, however, is not even worth one whore diamond. No more dialogue, Mo. Pleeeeeeze.
NoWireHangers: Ew. Ew. Ew. I firmly believe we need to move onto another subject. Before I die of nausea.
Gopherit v2.0: There’s no such a thing as good fanfic, and I fail to see how fucking would improve the fanfic under discussion.
SayItWithWookies: You said it! (I think MoDo and Billy K are collaborating on column ideas.)
Gopherit v2.0: It always does, my friends.
Miller: And they’re not?
*******
“… you [McCain] can throw that Mark Penn stuff at him that I couldn’t use in a Democratic primary about how he’s not fundamentally American in his thinking and values. While he’s up on his high-minded pedestal, you’ll scoot past him in your Ferragamos.”
As if McCodger would need Hilbotz to tell him that, but anyone disagree?
Mo really sucks at harlequin romance. McCain never even touches Hillary’s bustle, or her petticoat! Boo.
ProfessorJukes: She licks my taint every day
Bah. Another fictitious dialog column. Corny.
she looks glorious. i am big fan of her.
NorthDakotaDrugTreatment
“I have a little secret to tell you about that, John. Bill made it happen. He loves you so much. ”
Suddenly I’m not so embarrassed about my witless posts here.
“My gals know when I say ‘We may have started on two separate paths but we’re on one journey now’ that Skinny’s journey is to the nearest exit.”
Lieberman will know which way to send the “Joe-mentum” when I end my speech with either “one if by land, two if by sea.”
Is this her entry for the Bulwer-Lytton Award?
Safire used to do these kinds of columns, mostly this-is-what-is-going-on-inside-my-head fantasies by say Nixon or Clinton. MoDo needs to hurt someone else the same way she hurts, so we’ll say “oh my you are so right, now we all feel bad!” Poor angry little girl.
That fanfic needs more Picard or Harry Potter to be believable
Her columns used to be relatively interesting and insightful, and she’s definitely onto something about McCain conspiring explicitly/implicitly with the 1-term pledge and all.
That said, how can her editor accept the drivel she’s written the last few years?
ProfessorJukes: That’s true. MoDo is way hotter when it’s spread halfway across her thighs and up above her belly button.
One word: Mandingo
WTF happened to the NYTimes? MoDo is nothing but a character assassin. Kristol proves there is no such thing as a discredited political pundit. Brookes is a month behind whatever the latest media narrative is and yet the NYTimes still has a reputation as a serious newspaper? They have some talented reporters but the paper itself needs a good kick in the ass. I’m not of the opinion that newspapers are dead, I think there is more than enough space for a quality daily but the NYTimes isn’t that paper. They survive off their reputation. MoDo’s latest word dump shouldn’t have made it into print. An editor who actually reads the fecal matter she writes should have taken a match to this. The fact no one stopped this is proof that nobody gives a shit anymore at the NYTimes.
Oh, to be so rich you don’t have to worry about the outcomes of elections! You can just keep feminizing male Democrats and demonizing female Democrats. The only problem in her world is finding Mr. Darcy and carrying around all that hatred for mommy–I mean Hillary. At least Mo has her psychic powers– mind reading and remote viewing– to fill her empty days.
NoWireHangers: Thank you for reintroducing that image into my nightmares. Seriously, does she ever use her legs for walking? They don’t look like they could support all. that. smug.
Outrageous slander! There is no way McCain knows how to use a Blackberry. I demand a retraction!
Boo_Boo_Hoff: The line saying “Our toast…is that he’s toast” should win it for her. I’d ask how her editor sleeps at night, but I already know: between her razor-sharp pins, red toes tickling his ears, mind swarming with images of being devoured head-first by fire-crotched dragons.
Another Bulwer-Lytton Honorable Mention.
liquiddaddy: Or Colonel Mustard in the kitchen with a lead pipe.
Boo_Boo_Hoff: Sorry. Missed yours. Besides how do we know this isn’t real reporting and not just yet another figment of her tortured paranoid imagination?
i wish my shoes matched my coffee table. stunning!
I thought it didn’t suck. Now ban me.