RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS  4:37 pm August 19, 2008

Political News That Is Not About Joe Biden

by Juli Weiner

  • If John McCain were tortured, that would mean opening up a freezing, dark can of sexually humiliated and sleep-deprived worms. [Andrew Sullivan]
  • John McCain is the President of house pets. [The Corner]
  • Howard Dean stress eats M&Ms at an airport Holiday Inn. [Yeas and Nays]
  • Age-inflation victim John McCain is actually middle-aged,
    which is why his chief economic adviser wants everyone to work until
    they are 142, or dead. [Democracy in America]
  • Rev. Wright’s half-real new book will just be about the boring history of Obama’s Muslim Church. [Top of the Ticket]
  • Obama caught a luxurious cold in the resort town of Hawaii and is trying to infect New Mexico. [Ben Smith]
 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 19 comments }

freakishlystrong August 19, 2008 at 4:43 pm

Hi Juli, welcome, you’re new here, Barry doesn’t get luxurious colds honey, he gets elitist colds.

The Real JR Revisted August 19, 2008 at 4:45 pm

Yeah. As a NYC Subway rider, I read he wiped his nose then shook a hand and totally went ew.

Yes, I ew’ed.

NoWireHangers August 19, 2008 at 4:46 pm

Since when is The Clap considered a cold?

ManchuCandidate August 19, 2008 at 4:47 pm

McCain’s ahead of Obama with pet owners (dogs and cats). It means several things:
1) Crazee Cat ladies luvs their Walnuts (No shock, see PUMAs.)
2) Hunters loves their Walnuts (Again, Walnuts has been known to bring down flying things, too.)
3) Because he’s a Repub, it means that the bestiality vote’s a lock for Walnuts.

shortsshortsshorts August 19, 2008 at 4:55 pm

Biden:

More cowbell.

NotUrEvryDayWEzl August 19, 2008 at 4:56 pm

Not all of us have longer life expectancies. I, for one, with all the drinking, smoking, and buttsex I have, am slated to die in about, oh, tomorrow. Can I collect social security now?

bitchincamaro August 19, 2008 at 4:56 pm

I see what you did there Mr. Sullivan, and I heart you for it.

Neilist August 19, 2008 at 4:58 pm

Andrew Sullivan is ready to “torture” John “Tie Me Up/Tie Me Down!” McCain anytime the latter can make it to the “Sully-Dungeon” located underneath the Altantic’s office.

(Andy looks really cute in that little People’s Liberation Army uniform he had tailored up.)

SayItWithWookies August 19, 2008 at 5:00 pm

So which old-age-exploitative realm of industry did McCain’s economic guy lobby for? That is the question.

TGY August 19, 2008 at 5:09 pm

When Hopey catches a cold, New Mexico sneezes or somesuch.

RuperttheBear August 19, 2008 at 5:09 pm

That’s a big can of worms. FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, ALAN big.

Canmon (the Inadequate) August 19, 2008 at 5:09 pm

[re=63349]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Maybe it’s because Obama ate a dog and wrote about it in “Dreams from my Father”.

TGY August 19, 2008 at 5:44 pm

Also, pet owners are inured to the presence of shit (or poetically inured to manure, whatevs).

Canuckledragger August 19, 2008 at 6:07 pm

Did I miss a photo of our new intern, Juli?

‘Coz I missed the first photo of SKS when she signed on, and don’t want to repeat that mistake.

Wonkette: home of politically conscious feminine pulchritude.

And horndog guys….

liquiddaddy August 19, 2008 at 6:27 pm

Good job, Juli. You are hyphenating liberally, which is the third leg of the snark stool.

GayInMaine August 19, 2008 at 6:27 pm

Juli! You came back!

I see you still haven’t found the lost ‘e’, though. Have you looked under the bed?

S.Luggo August 19, 2008 at 6:41 pm

— [T]he idea of indexing [social security eligibility] for longevity—making automatic adjustment in the retirement age to reflect increases in life expectancy—has one important proponent. His name is Douglas Holt-Eakin, a former director of the Congressional Budget Office, and the chief economic adviser to John McCain. —
I drink, I smoke, I drive with my eyes shut and with live bees in my mouth. Does this mean that I became eligible for SS benefits ten years ago?

Hey Barnard,
“Everyone” is a singular pronoun.

Canuckledragger August 19, 2008 at 7:01 pm

[re=63490]GayInMaine[/re]: It’s a Wonkette rule that employees must donate a letter from their given names to the less fortunate. Just ask Ken[t] Layne, Jim[i] Newell or Sara[h] K. Smith.

dantangel August 19, 2008 at 7:54 pm

The drums are beating, speculation is rising. Is Joe Biden to be named our next Vice Presidential candidate?

http://www.webcastr.com/videos/politics/hope-history-obama-biden-08.html

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