rumors on the internets

Political News That Is Not About Joe Biden

  • If John McCain were tortured, that would mean opening up a freezing, dark can of sexually humiliated and sleep-deprived worms. [Andrew Sullivan]
  • John McCain is the President of house pets. [The Corner]
  • Howard Dean stress eats M&Ms at an airport Holiday Inn. [Yeas and Nays]
  • Age-inflation victim John McCain is actually middle-aged,
    which is why his chief economic adviser wants everyone to work until
    they are 142, or dead. [Democracy in America]
  • Rev. Wright’s half-real new book will just be about the boring history of Obama’s Muslim Church. [Top of the Ticket]
  • Obama caught a luxurious cold in the resort town of Hawaii and is trying to infect New Mexico. [Ben Smith]

About the author

Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

View all articles by Juli Weiner
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  1. freakishlystrong

    Hi Juli, welcome, you’re new here, Barry doesn’t get luxurious colds honey, he gets elitist colds.

  2. The Real JR Revisted

    Yeah. As a NYC Subway rider, I read he wiped his nose then shook a hand and totally went ew.

    Yes, I ew’ed.

  3. ManchuCandidate

    McCain’s ahead of Obama with pet owners (dogs and cats). It means several things:
    1) Crazee Cat ladies luvs their Walnuts (No shock, see PUMAs.)
    2) Hunters loves their Walnuts (Again, Walnuts has been known to bring down flying things, too.)
    3) Because he’s a Repub, it means that the bestiality vote’s a lock for Walnuts.

  4. NotUrEvryDayWEzl

    Not all of us have longer life expectancies. I, for one, with all the drinking, smoking, and buttsex I have, am slated to die in about, oh, tomorrow. Can I collect social security now?

  5. Neilist

    Andrew Sullivan is ready to “torture” John “Tie Me Up/Tie Me Down!” McCain anytime the latter can make it to the “Sully-Dungeon” located underneath the Altantic’s office.

    (Andy looks really cute in that little People’s Liberation Army uniform he had tailored up.)

  6. SayItWithWookies

    So which old-age-exploitative realm of industry did McCain’s economic guy lobby for? That is the question.

  7. Canmon (the Inadequate)

    [re=63349]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Maybe it’s because Obama ate a dog and wrote about it in “Dreams from my Father”.

  8. Canuckledragger

    Did I miss a photo of our new intern, Juli?

    ‘Coz I missed the first photo of SKS when she signed on, and don’t want to repeat that mistake.

    Wonkette: home of politically conscious feminine pulchritude.

    And horndog guys….

  9. GayInMaine

    Juli! You came back!

    I see you still haven’t found the lost ‘e’, though. Have you looked under the bed?

  10. S.Luggo

    — [T]he idea of indexing [social security eligibility] for longevity—making automatic adjustment in the retirement age to reflect increases in life expectancy—has one important proponent. His name is Douglas Holt-Eakin, a former director of the Congressional Budget Office, and the chief economic adviser to John McCain. —
    I drink, I smoke, I drive with my eyes shut and with live bees in my mouth. Does this mean that I became eligible for SS benefits ten years ago?

    Hey Barnard,
    “Everyone” is a singular pronoun.

  11. Canuckledragger

    [re=63490]GayInMaine[/re]: It’s a Wonkette rule that employees must donate a letter from their given names to the less fortunate. Just ask Ken[t] Layne, Jim[i] Newell or Sara[h] K. Smith.

Comments are closed.