moonie times

Ha Ha, Lanny Davis’ Column Is Called, ‘Ted Stevens: An Innocent Man’

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After Hillary Clinton lost, her annoying lawyer friend Lanny Davis had to find a new dumb job, even though he was never on staff to begin with. And so he became a columnist for where else, The Washington Times. Yesterday’s column did, in fact, have the comical headline quoted in this post’s headline. It’s some of that contrarian hot air you’d usually see nestled indiscreetly on the front page of Slate or TNR, linking to a boring article by some “legal correspondent” almost surely named “Jeffrey.” But this is different in some respects: it’s in the Moonie Times and it’s written by Lanny Davis, so somehow it manages to be even less edifying.

Lanny’s first sentence is: “Just the headline of this piece alone, I’ll bet, shocks a number of people.” Not when it comes from you, Lanny. Nor does this lame first sentence shock any number of people — whether it’s something they teach in journalism school or just one of those unofficial rules, when you compromise your opinion piece with a “wait, wait, just hear me out” sort of lede, it usually means you have little information or grand insight to offer. Having “Lanny Davis” in your byline also has this effect.

Lanny’s column has all of these problems:

Most people assume, or have concluded, that Sen. Ted Stevens is guilty. After all, didn’t a D.C. grand jury indict Mr. Stevens on seven felony counts? Haven’t the U.S. government and its federal prosecutors concluded that Mr. Stevens failed to disclose taking more than $250,000 worth of gifts on his Senate financial-disclosure forms?

Of course the media hype and Page One, above-the-fold headlines about these charges lead to the public impression that Sen. Stevens must be guilty of … well … something.

But just suppose all these media stories began with the following paragraph:

“Sen. Ted Stevens, who must be presumed to be an innocent man until he is proven guilty by the U.S. government beyond a reasonable doubt, today was indicted on charges of filing false statements in Senate financial-disclosure forms. As is normal, the grand jury voted the indictment based on one-sided evidence presented by prosecutors, without Sen. Stevens or his attorneys having an opportunity to be present, to cross-examine witnesses, or to present contrary evidence that could have created a reasonable doubt regarding his guilt.”

Most media people and government prosecutors would probably say such a lead would be naive and ridiculous. What they couldn’t say is that a single word of the above paragraph is untrue.

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And that is the point of Lanny’s column: that indicted citizens in this country are innocent until proven guilty, so we should all lay off of Ted Stevens. Hmm! Because what if he is innocent in his trial (not gonna happen, unless he bribes the jury, which he will), then how will we feel?

Lanny Davis hates happiness & fun things.

DAVIS: Ted Stevens: An Innocent Man [Washington Times]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • ManchuCandidate

    Lanny Davis, apologist for hire.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Lanny Davis has invented due process?
    We should embrace this idea which is not obvious at all to anyone who is a U.S. citizen.

    Ted is an exception, however. He should be burned at the stake before ever walking into a court room.

    Nixon’s innocent to, by little Lanny’s standards.

  • mookworthjwilson

    You know what else is true Lanny? No court in the land has ever proven that Lanny Davis does not fuck farm animals.

  • Strictly for the Tardcore

    One wonders if Davis learned about this “Innocent Until Proven Guilty” theory from Ted’s Internet Tubes.

  • V572625694

    This is the same strategy Lanny used to save Bill Clinton from impeachment. Win!

  • NotUrEvryDayWEzl

    Lanny, this is the Age of Bush. Indictments are as good as convictions.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Ken Lay — an innocent man ’cause he died during his appeal. Geeze, with a mind like that helping out, how could Hillary possibly have lost the nomination?

  • ReverendGreen

    If it’s a crime to love America, then I guess Ted Stevens is guilty.

    And if it’s a crime to accept free repairs on your house, among certainly other, less-provable donations, then I guess Ted Stevens is guilty.

    And if it’s a crime to bribe a jury, then I guess Ted Stevens will be guilty of that too!

    God bless America!

    On another note, Lanny Davis, please write a column about how unfairly OJ is treated.

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    It’s some of that contrarian hot air you’d usually see nestled indiscreetly on the front page of Slate or TNR, linking to a boring article by some “legal correspondent” almost surely named “Jeffrey.”

    Oh god, Newell you hilarious ginger-headed bastard.

  • Guppy06

    Is the same “innocent until proven guilty” nonsense standard also applied in Guantanamo? What about to pot-smokers and homosexuals?

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …before, I have accused such HACK lawyers of getting their law degrees from a cereal box. However after reading this excerpt I have come to the conclusion that Lanny Davis must have stole his law degree from traveling carnival, that escaped from.

  • ReverendGreen

    You know what they say: every failed presidential campaign launched by increasingly-irrelevant politicians needs the equivalent of an Internet Troll on board.

  • grendel

    Apparently he has not been living in the USA for the last 7.5 years… Ted Stevens is lucky not to have electrodes connected to his balls in Guantanamo.

  • Larry McAwful

    [re=63240]Guppy06[/re]: Well, those terrorists haven’t proven that they’re not terrorists, so they clearly are terrorists. Since that’s settled, there’s only about 300 million Americans who haven’t proven they’re innocent of terrorism. Guantanamo’s going to be awful busy, once the courts get it in gear!

  • botlrokit

    [re=63219]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: He was born before his state became a member of the Union. I say that strips him of his rights.

  • Harvey Birdman

    [re=63235]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: fo’ realz.

  • ReelectTilden

    If this gig doesn’t work out, he ought to write Larry Craig’s next appeal.

  • Scooter

    We will never run out of smarm as long as Lanny Davis slithers the earth!

  • Da Derga

    Something tells me that Davis didn’t do so well on his Criminal Procedure final. At least the Moonie Times keeps him out out of the court room, where he could do some real damage.

  • Nasara

    What a puppy killer.

  • natoslug

    Let’s go easy on the old guy. After all, not every wrong, or even every violation of the law, is a crime. It’s only a crime if you’re not Ted.

  • columnv

    [re=63223]mookworthjwilson[/re]: not that they haven’t tried, mind you!

  • TGY

    Isn’t Lanny Davis easy to ignore? He’s a fake writer writing for a fake paper.

  • snig


    Ted Stevens house doubled in size by lumber magically arriving through a series of tubes.

    Lanny Davis visited Alaska, and Uncle Ted has 8 by 10 glossies of him doing something untoward with an Alaskan or with native Alaskan fauna.

    Lanny Davis just hearts losers.

    or possibly all three.

  • Tybalt

    Lanny Davis ought to have his nuts ripped off with a plastic fork. This guy has done more to advance the cause of bullshit than anyone since the Nixon era. In the meantime, perhaps he should look up the meaning of “innocent” in the dictionary and go back to high school.

  • gurukalehuru

    Does this mean we don’t get to torture the old coot? Damn.

  • magic titty

    [re=63223]mookworthjwilson[/re]: are you sure??

  • johnbpt

    Douchebags like Lanny Davis are precisely the reason I dropped out of law school — a decision I have never regretted.

  • GlennBecksTaint

    Lanny the Tranny

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    By God, yes, Lanny’s right! Grand Jury indictments are the work of the Devil!

    Hey Lanny, for your last few seconds of fame you should rail against the communist policy of Habeas Corpus.

  • LBOtomist

    I love it when people apply this tired due process argument to totally irrelevant issues like media coverage of allegations or indefinite detention of foreign nationals on a Caribbean island. Duh, everyone knows that due process only protects us from action by the government (so long as such action has not been deemed legal by Alberto Gonzalez – in which case, never mind). Silly lanny davis.

  • HomoPolitico

    [re=63368]GlennBecksTaint[/re]: Unfair…to trannies.

  • Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    Trannies Protest Use of Lanny as Pejorative: Threaten to Walk Off the Job at Wash Times and UPI

  • Franklin Pierce & Pierce

    Does Lanny Davis know (or care) that the Mooney King considers the Holocaust to God’s punishment to the Jews for rejecting Jesus?

    Oops! Doesn’t matter!

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Is it true that if Lanny Davis and Bill Kristol were to ever meet, they would explode in a wild fit of self destruction leaving nothing but a large pile of steaming shit behind?

  • Cape Clod

    Hey Lanny, thanks for explaining the Grand Jury process to stupid people, (Washington Times readers).
    We’re familiar with it. It often leads to convictions for crooks like Stevens.

    Please prove Lionel Hurtz right. It will be your one significant contribution to life on Earth and might fertilize some plants in the process.

  • The 3-Legged Man

    I understand the editors made him substitute “grand jury” for “kangaroo court”. How myopic.

  • salmonshark

    I did not realize this goon Lanny Davis was a Clinton associate, but for me it goes to prove that the existance of the two party system is just a cooperative charade designed at screwing the little guy.

    While many blame the GOP voters in Alaska for Ted being elected, well they have their reasons and one reason is the Democrats putting up equally dispicable characters.

    In 2002 they ran Jim Duncan, who was at one time AK Senate president until the Senate had a coup to remove him in his position. After a few more years in the senate then Drifted into the Knowles Administration where backstabbed his way to Commissioner of Administration. He was the Other choice in Ted’s last race in 2002. His endeavors include running after hours political phone banks out of the State office Building.

    He was canned as commissioner after Frank Murkowski was elected to the Governors office for a one term crash and burn. Jim moved from Commissioner of Administration to AFSCME Business Manager of the state’s employee union in violation of conflict of interest laws.

    To resolve his conflict of interest, Jim agreed by signed stipulation that he would not represent any matter which arose under his position as commissioner, and a stipulation he subsequently violated. He could also work on no contract he had worked on as Commissioner. His representation of any grievance was a charade, and a fraud. This stipulation which neutered the Union, Left Frank Murkowski to unfettered ability to abuse contract and civil rights of state employees.

    Many are looking for Alaska to beat the number of convictions associated with George Ryan’s tenure.

    Point being again we now have two parties, two choices, one or the other bent on tyranny, and working together preserve their own power and to screw the little guy who has not given a donation. Apologetic comments by Lanny Davis are a perfect example of this symbiosis.


  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=63575]The 3-Legged Man[/re]: I understand the editors made him substitute actual words for the random scratches and thrown feces that he initially submitted.

  • James01

    Hi guys this is James here.After Hillary Clinton lost, her annoying lawyer friend Lanny Davis had to find a new dumb job, even though he was never on staff to begin with. And so he became a columnist for where else, The Washington Times.
    New York Drug Treatment

  • salmonshark

    [re=63565]Cape Clod[/re]: Steven’s lost his bid to move his trial to Alaska about an hour ago.

    Now he will have to pay DC price to bribe Jurors.

  • salmonshark

    Hey All-

    Avoid shootin from the hip, because innocent bystanders might be in danger.

    A few of my facts are a little inaccurate about Duncan. He was the House speaker deposed in AK, not senator yer.

    I was corrected in an e-maiil.

    A couple of facts are incorrect here; Duncan has never been Senate President. He was deposed as Speaker of the Alaska House of Representatives in the early 1980s because he had promised everybody anything they wanted. According to my late BEST FRIEND, Hugh Malone (who was a former speaker of the House that brought us the PFD, and Commissioner of Revenue under Steve Cowper) when everybody realized Duncan’s duplicity they were revolted and the House has been held by a Republican majority ever since.

    Later Duncan was elected to the Senate (by the political bumpkins in Juneau) where he accomplished very little, and lost by a wide margin to Don Young in 2002. At the time I worked for NEA-Alaska and participated actively in Duncan’s campaigns because he was a bought-and-paid-for boy of the teacher’s union. Knowles brought Duncan in as DOA special assistant to keep the unions down in their effort to gain increased pay and benefits while I was a business agent for ASEA, and after Knowles’ first commissioner Mark Boyer lost the Central Dupe Arbitration I brought against the state, and won.

    Your statements about the likely results of Duncan’s settlement with Dept of Law are correct.