LITERATURE  2:35 pm August 19, 2008

Today In ‘Great Action Scenes From Obama’s Book’

by Jim Newell

Ha ha... cocks.In today’s installment, we remember The Slaughter of The Cock: “I watched the man set the bird down, pinning it gently under one knee, and pulling its neck out across a narrow gutter. For a moment the bird struggled, beating its wings hard against the ground, a few feathers dancing up with the wind. Then it grew completely still. The man pulled the blade across the bird’s neck in a single smooth motion. Blood shot out in a long, crimson ribbon. Lolo rubbed his hand across my head and told me and my mother to go wash up before dinner.” As some Harvard guy writing in a small newspaper wrote today, “As we approach the critical months of the national campaign, Obama may need to recall the oedipal lessons learned from his stepfather or consult his notes on the Balinese cockfight.” Truer words. Wait, what? [The Free Lance-Star]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 45 comments }

ManchuCandidate August 19, 2008 at 2:37 pm

Poor Leetle Jerry Seinfeld.

4tehlulz August 19, 2008 at 2:40 pm

OBAMA LUVS TEH COCK

grendel August 19, 2008 at 2:40 pm

Maybe he should pay a visit to Mike Vick…

shortsshortsshorts August 19, 2008 at 2:40 pm

No Freud here, people. Move on. Nothing to see. NO REALLY NO FREUD AT ALL, only us chickens.

BillyClubb August 19, 2008 at 2:40 pm

“Blood shot out in a long, crimson ribbon.”
They say Barry has no foreign policy experience, but if he’s O.K. with gushing streams of blood I say he’ll do just fine…

Tybalt August 19, 2008 at 2:42 pm

HOPEY : IT’S NOT THE SIZE OF THE COCK IN THE FIGHT, IT’S THE SIZE OF THE COCK IN MY SUIT.

The Real JR Revisted August 19, 2008 at 2:43 pm

Huh? What?

Wait- So McCain and Obama should start pulling out the switchblades? Cause from my watching cockfights in the Philippines, that’s always what happened… from my notes.

AngryBlakGuy August 19, 2008 at 2:43 pm

…this gives me flashbacks to when I was 8 years old and saw a chicken (poorly)slaughtered. It ran around with its head dangling off by a tiny strip of flesh for about 2 or 3 minutes until it collapsed into quivering mass of feathers. Needless to say, fried chicken is my favorite food!!!

RuperttheBear August 19, 2008 at 2:44 pm

“Cockfight is a window to the Balinese life. The cock that loses the fight is slaughtered at the ring. Either you win or you lose and die.”

Balinese Soap Opera

Mother: Honey, how was school?

Headless child: grggelgelll.

Mother: You win some, you lose some. That’s life!

Sussemilch August 19, 2008 at 2:44 pm

McCain’s an old codger, but I don’t think you can pin him with one knee.

InsidiousTuna August 19, 2008 at 2:44 pm

And the world fell to its knees.

freakishlystrong August 19, 2008 at 2:44 pm

I think the writer is calling WALNUTS! a cock?

The Real JR Revisted August 19, 2008 at 2:47 pm

Ok. Just read the entire article. It’s so random. It starts off like Cliff Notes on Obama’s Indonesian childhood, then to the legality of cockfighting to an unironic mention of Paris Hilton.

Randomest article ever.

Strictly for the Tardcore August 19, 2008 at 2:49 pm

[re=63173]Sussemilch[/re]: McCain’s old and infirm enough that if you pinned him AT ALL, he’d break his feeble old-man hip and be out of the fight.

NotUrEvryDayWEzl August 19, 2008 at 2:50 pm

My inner anthropologist (i.e., just me) just orgasmed.

shortsshortsshorts August 19, 2008 at 2:50 pm

[re=63177]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: It is also terrible. Like Walmart quality bad.

Doglessliberal August 19, 2008 at 2:53 pm

[re=63177]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: Oh, a fun new game! Let’s randomly pick quotes out-of- context from candidate’s books and use those to create bizarre and unrelated theses for essays! But I didn’t go to Harvard, so I am stupid and don’t understand this intellectual stuff.

Darehead August 19, 2008 at 2:53 pm

What, another crazy random happenstance because I just mentioned cockfighting in a Wonk-thread like 8 hours ago!

Cockfighting is like blogging. The cock is your avatar and it does what you want it to do, with or without trucknutz, but it’s not the really you, just the imaginary you, so you feel safer taking risks and accepting the consequences if you get silent-coned or beheaded.

Doglessliberal August 19, 2008 at 2:54 pm

[re=63181]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]: Your inner anthropologist likes rooster snuff porn? Whoa!

The Real JR Revisted August 19, 2008 at 2:56 pm

[re=63182]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Like it was written by a disinterested 9th grader with ADD who just needs to take up two pages worth of words in order to hand in the dumb assignment.

NotUrEvryDayWEzl August 19, 2008 at 2:58 pm

[re=63190]Doglessliberal[/re]: That’s nothing compared to my outer anthropologist.

Doglessliberal August 19, 2008 at 3:00 pm

[re=63188]Doglessliberal[/re]: candidates’

HollowBrain August 19, 2008 at 3:00 pm

[re=63171]AngryBlakGuy[/re]:

Well that goes without saying doesn’t it?

bloodsprite August 19, 2008 at 3:04 pm

And whats with the “oedipal leasons” where was it that he learned that he should murder his father and marry his mother?
huh?

superfecta August 19, 2008 at 3:05 pm

My grandmother would just hang a bunch of chickens up by their feet and run along the row with a knife – but my people are from the Other America.

Fear of a Black Reagan August 19, 2008 at 3:06 pm

That’s nothin’! In McCain’s day, his parents just made him bite the head off with his teeth.

The Real JR Revisted August 19, 2008 at 3:14 pm

[re=63188]Doglessliberal[/re]: I’m game!

John McCain watched the American plains roar past his window of his Straight Talk Express. He thought of all the people he left behind at the last campaign stop. He imagined the many faces he would see at the next stop.

For a moment, he felt oddly… lonely. Oddly enough, he remarked to himself. For almost a year and a half since he began this trip to November, he’s been constantly surrounded by aides and advice givers and favor seekers. He had been shaking so many different hands that even during quiet moments, his limbs would still feel jostled. Forced to speechify and answer questions over and over again, there was a constant sensory overload. But now, watching the fields of wheat rushing past him peppered with a silo here, a barn there… there was a sense of piece. An unnerving quiet that seemed louder than the din of prompted applause.

He closed his eyes and the image of his mother – spry, wrinkled, a bit distractable but unrestrainable in her wit and remarks – stoking his head in comfort. His ears strained for her, to hear some sort of sweet lullaby to help soothe him to some sort of easiness, and hopefully for some sleep.

It was proceeded by a melodic hum gaining intonation and a bouncy meter…

“Bomb bomb bomb. Bomb bomb Iran.”

John smiled. He gave off what seemed like the longest breath, and then drifted off to sleep.

The Real JR Revisted August 19, 2008 at 3:16 pm

[re=63220]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: please pardon the typos. i was answering phones during.

DangerousLiberal August 19, 2008 at 3:16 pm

Clifford Geertz either made up or embellished the Balinese Cockfight chapter. And he sure used the dual meaning of the word “cock” a lot. Barry H O’Bama may have actually embellished his story less than an academic, which is shocking, until you realize Geertz is an anthropologist.

Baconcat August 19, 2008 at 3:23 pm

[re=63188]Doglessliberal[/re]: Okay, then here’s one from John McCain’s 1973 interview: “I was… …homosexual… …for… …my captors.”

Doglessliberal August 19, 2008 at 3:25 pm

[re=63233]Baconcat[/re]: nice one.

Doglessliberal August 19, 2008 at 3:25 pm

[re=63220]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: wow. You are good!

Gopherit v2.0 August 19, 2008 at 3:25 pm

Ahhhh. Politics is exactly like a cock fight. Two opposing cocks bash into each other again and again, tearing at each other with their claws, until only one is left standing proud.

Or your opponent gives you a reach-around.

CorkPopper August 19, 2008 at 3:29 pm

Wow, that may be the stupidest article I’ve ever read. And I read Kristol AND Brooks AND Krugman, so that’s saying something.

There were no cockfights in Obama’s book. His relationship with Lolo had no oedipal overtones. If Harvard gives out doctorates for this crap, my opinion of that institution needs a serious adjustment.

sike101 August 19, 2008 at 3:43 pm

Crocodiles in the backyard? In florida thats the equivalent of trucknutz AND a family NRA membership card. I smell victory, my friends, and possibly tiger meat.

sezme August 19, 2008 at 3:52 pm

Is this the writer’s enigmatic way of contemplating whether or not Obama is circumsized?

TGY August 19, 2008 at 3:53 pm

[re=63238]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Pecker politics?

Ailuropoda melanoleuca August 19, 2008 at 3:57 pm

Corkpopper: “There were no cockfights in Obama’s book. His relationship with Lolo had no oedipal overtones.”

Oh, and AFAIK he never lived in Bali. Aside from that, yes, highly relevant.

WIDTAP August 19, 2008 at 4:11 pm

[re=63171]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: The best way to avoid that “running around liek a chicken with its head cut off” trauma is to just dump them into the hot fryer alive. Quite a sight as the feathers ignite and set off the grease.

gurukalehuru August 19, 2008 at 5:01 pm

It’s simple, really. The fight for the presidency is analogous to a cock fight. One winner, one loser. And it’s all about whose cock is bigger, and tougher. My money’s on the tall guy.

S.Luggo August 19, 2008 at 6:02 pm

“Reminiscent of a denouement of a Balinese cockfight made famous by the anthropologist Clifford Geertz …”
Dinesh Sharma must be David Brooks.

S.Luggo August 19, 2008 at 6:03 pm

[re=63171]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Need we have guessed?

MasaiiWarrior August 19, 2008 at 9:58 pm

Now, that all the crowing is done…most of you are betting on the taller and younger rooster, it seems…politics is like cockfighting, a good bit of it…

Cockfighting is indeed illegal in most states, Louisiana just banned it last week…

More crowing in the morning!

MasaiiWarrior August 20, 2008 at 8:19 am

Let’s find another story on cockfights, ha ha ha…

Viagra causes “cock” fight (Written by susan allen-rosario)
Words were exchanged and fists flew as two men waiting to be treated for Priapism (Priapism is a persistent, usually painful, erection that lasts for more than four hours and occurs without sexual stimulation. The condition develops when blood in the penis becomes trapped and unable to drain. If the condition is not treated immediately, it can lead to scarring and permanent erectile dysfunction, very often caused by medications like Viagra.) began fighting over who would be examined first.

Male Impotence March 19, 2009 at 12:27 pm

A New male impotence problem will only get hidden or will have a temporary solution but there is actually no complete cure for it, so any medicine that you pick up to be you male impotence treatment will become a regular product that you are going to need to be acquiring.

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