Wonkette
Back in May, the Denver Host Committee announced that the Molson Coors Company would be the “Official E85 Ethanol Producer” for the Democratic convention. Joe Coors must be going ballistic, in Hell. The liberal ethanol in Colorado is made from “waste beer” — you can make “clean-burning ethanol fuel for the fleet of General Motors flex-fuel vehicles to be used for Convention transportation needs” with this “waste beer.” Imagine what the “waste beer” — the stuff that doesn’t meet standards — must taste like at the COORS LIGHT factory. The point is, this rancid beer gas, according to an early Denver operative, is making the cars kill everybody.
This disturbing report comes from Wonkette early bird operative “Madelyn,” in Denver:
This morning I was walking to class in the shadow of the Pepsi Center as I do nearly every day and saw something very dangerous. A warning to all those people on the mean streets of Denver:
Watch out for a black hybrid Chevy Tahoe with fancy plates that are specially made for DNC official vehicles. It is being piloted by a young woman no older than intern age. I saw her almost mow down a woman who had the right of way. This same Tahoe almost mowed me down despite my having the right of way. Perhaps she had been drinking what was meant to be the biofuel for the car at 8:30 in the morning, but it is far more likely that she is in the warpath.
Will Barack Obama be killed by cars drunk on beer “flex-fuel”? Stupid Democrats, always blowing the elections with their interns driving beer cars.
Molson Coors Donates Beer Waste Ethanol for Democratic National Convention Flex-Fuel Vehicles [NewsBlaze]
At least Coors Light finally has a use.
I’m literally unable to contemplate a beer that tastes worse than Coors.
sezme: ____________.
Insert malt beverage here.
Coors? The stalwart donor of the Republican Party Coors?
I have to agree with shortsX3. A purpose for the silver bullet (the .22 of beers) at last.
The bitters are in town, lock up your wimmen and chillins.
Wait — they can get alcohol out of Coors Light? Pshaw.
Uh oh….Juan’s Str8 Tlk Xpres driver has infiltrated DNC.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VKr06HO1DY
There’s a difference between “Coors Light” and “rancid waste beer”?
“It is being piloted by a young woman no older than intern age.”
Did they card her to see if she was, indeed, of intern age, and not of pilot’s age? Damn libruls.
SayItWithWookies: Did you expect them to leave the alcohol in the Coors Light?
sezme: Michelob and Carta Blanca come to mind.
Michelob Ultra–the beer for people who passionately hate beer.
God damn. I fucking hate Coors, Bud, PBR, Miller, all that crap. Beer waste is right.
Hey wait a minute. Didn’t Doc in Back to the Future II use beer and beer cans to fuel his time machine?
‘Waste beer’ AHaHAhAhahAHaHAhaaa, the possibilities are endless.
being piloted by a young woman
By planting her right foot firmly, she was merely having the pistons move up and down rapidly in her chambers, thereby blowing out any remaining gasses out her manifold.
She seems to know a thing or two about her internal combustion.
Barry needs Stella served at his convention, even though its related to the opposition.
By-product of Coors manufacturing process, by-product of drinking Coors…what’s the difference?
jagorev: Keystone.
Coors?? Barry will be rolling with the Colt, if you know what I mean.
Works every time.
jagorev: Maybe this is what that guy was talking about who said he developed a car that runs on water.
ManchuCandidate: Since Coors sold out to Molson, they’re totally Canadian-style liberals now. Coors Light still manages to taste like weak piss, though.
We used to call Natty Ice waste beer. I don’t think it meant the same thing though.
Didn’t the chairman run as a Republican for the US Senate?
Silver bullet . . . this little dynamo whirs with surprising intensity.
Imagine if Hillz had been the nomination. There’d be an army of Dodge Caravan-driving soccer moms terrorizing brewpub patrons and other assorted Denver hippies right now.
Coors light has alcohol in it? What will they think of next?
I’m sorry, but why do they need to go to Coors for rancid beer gas? Doesn’t about half of Amur’ca get that every evening around dusk, right when CMT starts its “music” video lineup? Just plug some hoses into those Lay-Z Boys and we’d get ‘er done!
Madelyn would never leave the house if she lived in Boston; everyone drives like it’s Death Race here.
BadNewsJack: Only to prevent microbial growth from getting TOO out of control.
It’s hard for democratic interns to drive because they always have dicks in their mouths.
loudmouthredhead: Thank god.
How is drinking Coors Light like making love on a canoe?
They’re both fucking close to water.
Waste beer? I thought that’s how you ended up in Irish hell or something.
“in the warpath”? In it?
Barry needs Stella served at his convention, even though its related to the opposition.
Just don’t bring it up around me for a while. They were serving it at the party I was at on Saturday night, every time someone stumbled and knocked over a beer (there was a lot of stumbling going on b/c of the free beer) 25 people would should “STELLAAAAAA!!!!!”
If I were John McCain, Belgium would be a smoldering ruin as we speak.
When Republican Pete Coors was running for Senate he plastered the city with his signs. I would add under the larger signs that read “PETE COORS!!!”:
-almost as good as his beer
pete lost big
The “waste beer” accidentally has some sort of taste.
johnbpt: No, it’s what you drink in Irish Hell….while listening to Walnuts! acceptance speech.
PLEASE TAKE ALL OF OUR LONE STAR BEER!!!
Signed,
Texas
Democrats waste beer, and that is why America hates them.
Gopherit v2.0: Sounds eerily like Mexican hell, where you drink Jose Cuervo and listen to Country music all day, and not the good Johnny Cash type of country, the crappy generic country.
Wait, the beer’s getting wasted? No, no, no, that’s not how it’s done. Listen: YOU and ME are gonna get WASTED, that beer there’s just gonna get DRUNK.
BadNewsJack: an eternity without accordions is hell, indeed.
I’ve got a shelf of cans of Natty in my fridge that expired before Walnuts hit puberty. If science is able to convert that shit to fuel does that mean I can charge blue-blooded tourist yuppies $80 to fill up their tanks with it?
Expect every college town in the country to experience an oil boom in the very near future.
It must be the exhaust backing up in the cabin and causing inebriation. Ever smell an old merc converted for BioDiesel I imagine that a waste beer car would smell like a bar floor.
sezme: Milwaukee Best Ice
“Watch out for a black hybrid Chevy Tahoe with fancy plates that are specially made for DNC official vehicles. It is being piloted by a young woman no older than INTERN age. I saw her almost mow down a woman who had the right of way. This same Tahoe almost mowed me down despite my having the right of way. PERHAPS she had been drinking what was meant to be the biofuel for the car at 8:30 in the morning, but it is far more likely that she is in the warpath.”
Madekyn: Beware. Professional Intern.
coors: the cat urine of beers
The key word here is “almost.” She “almost” mowed down a woman who had the right of way. No harm,no foul, dude. Chill.