Wonkette
Look everyone, we are returning “this thing,” your end-of-the-day roundup of political news. New Wonkette Intern JULI will write it. Very nicely welcome Intern Juli!
- Why won’t McCain lose his own 11 homes and $520 moccasins to foreclosure, in solidarity? [The Caucus]
- Four alarm symbolism! John “son-of-a-mill-worker” Edwards’ precious mill burned to the ground yesterday. [Fresh Intelligence]
- McCain is choosing every resident of Ohio as his Vice President. [Marc Ambinder]
- Respected journalist Jerome Corsi links McCain to jihadists in Muslim Kosovo and the St. Regis Hotel. [World Net Daily]
- McCain insists Obama is disguising his shameful ambition with “claims” and “positions” on Iraq. [Top of the Ticket]
- Thumb-sucker/Freudian caricature Sally Quinn wants John McCain to transform into a winged horse and rescue her from an earthquake, just like she used to fantasize her father doing. [On Faith]
- Only the Libertarians can save children from horrible field trips to Mark Twain’s house. [Hit and Run]
You guys, I swear, how are you going to ever get invited to any parties at Sally’s if you keep saying uncomfortably true things about her?
Oops. Juli, you know that thing I said a few minutes ago about interns always having dicks in their mouths? That wasn’t really me. That was Shortshortshorts impersonating me and trying to get me in trouble. I would never say anything that stupid about interns.
So, got any nude photos of yourself?
Hmm…JULI in all caps like it’s some sort of acronym. Jewish Ultra-Liberal Insider? Jeering Unitarian Long Islander? Anyway, welcome JULI — if that’s your real name…
Did Juli get a beer car like the other interns? If so, which beer does it run on?
So…I guess I didn’t get the job, right?
I actually appreciated Quinn’s editorial. But she left out one important point: Barry is a unicorn, and unicorns trump pegasuses in battles to the death of mythical creatures. So THAT is why he’ll win the election, not that other he’s-centered-in-reality crap.
Welcome to Juli, please fasten your lap belt and prepare to get horndogged out of existence.
Maybe Juli and Sara can get together and find the missing last letters of each of their names?
Hi Juli the Intern, hope you don’t suck like the last one here.
Nah, I’m just kidding, they’ve all been pretty great. Just wanted to give you one of the “Classic Wonkette Welcomes.” Most of the others are variations on requests for naked pix. But that’s not me.
Quinnie says “Obama’s world can be scarier. It’s multicultural. It’s realistic (yes, there is evil on the streets of this country as well as in other places, and a lot of evil has been perpetrated in the name of good). It’s honest.” Well I for one am sick of these coded attacks on Hopey, pretending that he is some kind of urban Negro or something. For shame.
Sally Quinn: tl/dr. Plus got her her self-proclaimed “Washington insider” status the same way Monica Lewinsky did.
whiteasasheet: If you applied for the DC INTERNSHIP ANNOUNCED LAST WEEK, this is a different one entirely that was settled a while ago. The DC INTERNSHIP is still being decided.
Why howdy doo Juli? Care to get hit on by a guy who has too much time on his hands?
El Bombastico: I’m glad Juli could join the team with Sara and Ji and Ke and Li.
Her last name is “Weiner”? Uh-oh.
That Sally Quinn thing wasn’t bad — for a washed-up MTV VJ. Oh, and “kneeled” in sentence 2? Is “knelt” archaic now? Oh, what the hell do I know? I’m just a flautist with a collection of daugerreotypes.
El Bombastico: Eh?
El Bombastico: It’s not their fault they have semi-literate parents.
El Bombastico: Is it me or does that sound hot?
Lascauxcaveman: Oh come on. You want naked pics as much as the rest of us.
Not to go off topic, but does anyone know just who the fuck this Corsi guy ACTUALLY WANTS to be president, and if he get his way will he finally shut the fuck up…
And where does he get the idea that Jihad Watch is “a popular website?”
weirdiowasculpture: It would serve you right if she sent you naked pictures……of WALNUTS!
Incidentally, those might get you a regular gig, if you can get them.
I’ll overlook the painful spelling of Juli-without-an-E since it was about time we got more vag up in here.
“Behind all of these claims and positions by Sen. Obama (on Iraq) lies the ambition to be president.”
Oh, my — I got by all the Obama-is-an-America-hatin’-Muslim-Indonesian, but what’s this — he wants to be president? Is there no limit to this presidential candidate’s ambition?!
DP: I used to wear a Jihad Watch, but it kept attacking my crucifix necklace.
Jim Newell: I was away last week. What internship!?
Jim Newell: I will suck all the right cocks for the job.
“Behind all of these claims and positions by Sen. Obama (on Iraq) lies the ambition to be president.”
Earth to McLame: Duh!!!
Gopherit v2.0: It would also induce projectile vomiting, since we here on the west coast just had lunch.
So sweet, so shy: http://www.teenvogue.com/teamvogue/blogs/intern/2007/06/meet_juli.html
S.Luggo: Wonkette… Teen Vogue…. basically the same thing.
I hope “Juli” is wearing her slim slacks.
Barnard College? Shit, this is going to be too easy.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: OH! i have found it,,,, i agree with shortsshortsshorts
S.Luggo: What the hell….a professional intern??
S.Luggo: Okay, now I really want nude photos. But to be fair, I’ll go first:
http://www.rakemag.com/blogs/just-passing-through/2008/05/john-mccain-nude-64-results
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Sounds like a new t-shirt for cafepress…..”I’d suck all the right cocks for a job at Wonkette!”
“I would rather live in McCain’s world than Obama’s. But I believe that we
live in Obama’s world.”
I don’t want to know what that sentence means.
You have to get a new font for JULi. The one with the little heart for the dot over the “i.”
Upper Dublin High has a hype club? Funny, you don’t look like the heroin type . . .
Do you like Republicans?!?!?!?
Remember that time McCain called Cindy a trollop? Good stuff, that.
weirdiowasculpture:
Why not a pick of Newell naked? Hmmm? So sexist that comment.
This post reminds me of this:
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/07/20/104-unpaid-internships/
Although I don’t like him much, a few weeks ago Stanley Fish had an excellent column about how ever since the primaries, this election has been boring as hell, and is morphing into the 2004 contest. ‘Clarity vs. Nuance’. That column was written 500 times about Bush v. Kerry.
SloppyCronkite: Because Newell is 112 years old, has green leathery skin and drool hanging out the side of his mouth, and lives under a bridge. Who would want a picture of that?
ignore all these critical poseurs. they’re just jealous of your svelte ‘e’-less physique.
welcome.
Hi Juli,
Do you prefer weener or winer?
Welcome Juli, I hope you enjoy your time here. And an evening round-up is a good idea, I think.
weirdiowasculpture: Ha ha ha, great line!
Anyone who goes by the name “Juli” better dot her “i” with a heart, star or smiley face, is all I am saying.
El Bombastico: I believe Juli is working her way through the Intern Alphabet: … Teen Vogue, Wonkette …. After this, she’s moving on to Xii Magazine, Yoga Quarterly, and finally Zymurgy Today.
But when she’s done with all that, she gets appointed to the Supreme Court, so it’s probably worth it.
El Bombastico: Not quite. Teen Vogue has far more mentions of buttsecks than Wonkette, although they are usually contained in articles about prevemtion of acne breakout.
El Bombastico: Start looking in Canada.
Tybalt: Weird, Barnard is missing a letter, too. If you add up all the missing letters, it spells YAHWEH. Plus, there are some extra letters that spell EEEEP, the name of Will Smith’s God. Which means that Ken’s real name is Khan and the former editor’s birth certificate reads Perineum. Alexum Perineum, namesake of the ruler of that little swatch of land between Pisa and Naples.
And on that Barnyard, they had an intern, E-I-E-I-O!
Gopherit v2.0: I believe that Eliot Spitzer wrote that phrase in the “Memo” portion of some of his checks.
SayItWithWookies: Mm hmm…
Outstando: Can I get a hit off whatever that is?
Lascauxcaveman: If it were truely a “Classic” wonkette welcome it would involve Gin and Assbuggery. All of which I’m sure Juli will be offered in due time.
Juli, if you want to be taken seriously by these, uh, people, just type everything caps. Oh, and they just can’t read enough about what a great president Ronald Reagan was. Trust me.
[Tybalt: re=62427]SayItWithWookies[/re]: et alia…
What if JULI is pronounced “You-Lee” and not “Jew-Lee”?
Wonkette, what a Sausagepalooza!
schvitzatura: Thoughtful. There is MacArthur Prize in your future.
S.Luggo: Where do I sign up?
The Foundation does not require or expect specific products or reports from MacArthur Fellows, and does not evaluate recipients’ creativity during the term of the fellowship.
If Youlee/Chewlee is indeed a seasoned Teen Vogue alum from Planet t.A.T.u., well played, Ken, Jim, and Sara…
Dear Juli Weiner,
This comments section is appalling. I wouldn’t be surprised if you resigned effective immediately. Not all the commenters here are as disgusting as a great many of the ones on this thread.
I wish you well if you can bear to stay and would understand if you chose to leave.
llyn: Jezebel-inspired concern balrog, much?
Juliwog, just think of this as when McAmbien crossed the equator for the first time back in 1806, crawling through days-old puddin’ from the mess and having to kiss Newell’s greased-up gut.
llyn: Sometimes I fuck my mother in the ass while she is making a salad.
From a moral stand point, I agree with yoooo. But it’s hard to bring morality into the picture right now, err ever. More! allity is a bit like what we could’ve said before the Cold War.
And I am also 87 years old.
llyn: Words truly awful, monstrous, vulgar, nasty, vile, barbarous, tres horrible, malicious, but not without a generating source. Once you have written for “Teen Vogue”, shouldn’t you expect to see something virtous and kindly creeping upon you later?
But then there is this dada bio: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/juli-weiner
Him/her/she?
Several of you are getting banned.
weirdiowasculpture: Banned.
BadNewsJack: Banned.
S.Luggo: Since you were #1 commenter of 2007, consider this a warning.
DP: Corsi supports Pastor Doctor Chuck Baldwin of the Constitution Party, aka “Ron” as in “Paul”-stitution Party, so he can Swiftboat both Obama and McCain.
Juli is off to a good start with that snarkasm, “Respected journalist”! I’m for animal rights and everything but just in this one case I’d like to see these two fighting cocks, Corsi and. Kristol, peck each other’s heads off. Bets, anyone?
This thread reminds me of Season One of Madmen. What is it about “new girls” anyway?
(don’t answer…)
Jim Newell: That’s insane. S.Luggo beat me last year? I’m gonna go hit the gym. And by gym, I mean bottle.
Heh, heh, heh…. Weiner.
That textile plant was probably “precious” to the people who hoped to work there once the new owners reopened it. Stay classy, Juli.
So Juli also interned at Teen Vogue? She won’t need those fancy clothes when she blogs from her parents’ basement.
Well, uh. Hi.
*So* awkward.
Jim Newell: So if I text “DC INTERN” to 62262, will I find out who gets the position before the rest of America?
Welcome, Juli! A fine first post. Hint: if your first post results in the banning of several commentards, you’re doing okay! On the other hand, if owning a pair of $520 calfskin loafers made by Salvatore Ferragamo is a crime, aren’t we all a little guilty?
No? Ok, then go ahead and string up McCain.
I’d like to take this opportunity to invite Juli to my condo for Hawaiian pizza and blow jobs.
KevoTron: Well played.