• February 14, 2012


McCain’s so high all the time, he might even believe that bogus Viet Cong dirt cross story. [American Drug War via CelebStoner]

{ 45 comments }

Strictly for the Tardcore August 18, 2008 at 3:32 pm

Jesus Christ, is it just me or does WALNUTS! entire campaign seem like a year-long full-body seizure? Who the hell votes for this guy?

TaraAriano August 18, 2008 at 3:33 pm

The audio from poor old addled McCain’s ad is up: http://www.entertonement.com/collections/2208/John-McCain-Faith-Campaign-Ad

EnBuenOra August 18, 2008 at 3:34 pm

I was inspired by the story John McCain told that preacher guy about how, this one time, when he was in POW camp, one of his Vietnamese captors and he were walking on a beach, and there were two sets of footprints, but then for a while there was only one set of footprints, and John McCain asked his captor why he had abandoned him for a while, and his captor replied, “John, my dear future President of America, it was in those times that I carried you!”

Serolf Divad August 18, 2008 at 3:34 pm

LOL! “We’re all gonna die if McCain gets elected.” Best slogan ever! Seriously, Obama should fire his media guys and hire these people.

Ken Layne August 18, 2008 at 3:35 pm

[re=62241]EnBuenOra[/re]: And Jesus said, “Oh, dude, when there was only one set of footprints, that’s when I was fucking you.”

thefrontpage August 18, 2008 at 3:35 pm

I’m Dennis Hopper, and I approved this message.

thefrontpage August 18, 2008 at 3:36 pm

John McCain For President!

NotUrEvryDayWEzl August 18, 2008 at 3:38 pm

I’ll have what he’s having.

EnBuenOra August 18, 2008 at 3:39 pm

[re=62244]Ken Layne[/re]: The other version I tell of this story has the person ask, “God, why in my times of need did you abandon me?” And God replies, “Oh, yeah. Um, sorry about that.”

Botswana Meat Commission FC August 18, 2008 at 3:41 pm

NO REFILLS.

That’s my favorite part. No second term for Walnuts at THIS cvs!

Serolf Divad August 18, 2008 at 3:41 pm

[re=62244]Ken Layne[/re]:

And Jesus said “Uh… the one set of footprints? Yeah well… there’s a good explanation for that… er… you know how I can walk on water? No, no, no wait… even better, even better: that’s when I was carrying you… yeah, that’s right. I was totally carrying you.” But really Jesus had just slipped away to take in a movie.

villageatrois August 18, 2008 at 3:43 pm

It was actually a telephone pole that the guard drew in the dirt, trying to say, “Phone Home! Phone Home!”

CivicHoliday August 18, 2008 at 3:45 pm

So I’m confused, are they saying he should switch from Ambien to MaryJane? That way, he’ll just eat a lot of cheetos and taco bell, and won’t bother us for four years?

The Real JR Revisted August 18, 2008 at 3:46 pm

AngryBlakGuy August 18, 2008 at 3:51 pm

…can you smoke Ambien? If so, this may make good middle ground for a compromise!

SayItWithWookies August 18, 2008 at 3:52 pm

Next they’ll start saying that Ronald Reagan wasn’t really in Europe at the end of World War II filming the liberation of the concentration camps. And when George Bush says he flew fighters for the Texas Air Guard, it actually means he was snorting coke off the ass of transvestite hookers in Alabama.

villageatrois August 18, 2008 at 3:53 pm

But he still supports medicinal use of beer. C’mon, doesn’t he? Strictly for the terminally ill, of course.

V572625694 August 18, 2008 at 3:54 pm

Say what you like about commercial television, it does at least force its users to make their point in less than four minutes and forty-one seconds.

skroocap August 18, 2008 at 4:02 pm

I’m surprised to learn that Cynthia McKinney smokes weed. I mean sure, there’s that pattern of paranoia, but what about the sedative effects? Or is she normally even more wound up?

mattbolt August 18, 2008 at 4:02 pm

They couldn’t shave off 23 seconds and make the video length 4:20?

TGY August 18, 2008 at 4:06 pm

That’s very..really..interest..ing..ZzzZZzZZZzzzz..huh, what?

user-of-owls August 18, 2008 at 4:09 pm

[re=62295]mattbolt[/re]: Did you mean ADD a few seconds to make it FIVE AND A HALF MINUTES, MATTBOLT!

AngryBlakGuy August 18, 2008 at 4:09 pm

…Ambien; the official sleep aid for the nuclear holocaust!

Whiskeybaby August 18, 2008 at 4:10 pm

That headline has so many Ls in it. Hypnotic…

Whiskeybaby August 18, 2008 at 4:11 pm

[re=62306]user-of-owls[/re]: Nevr4get

Sussemilch August 18, 2008 at 4:14 pm

I’d rather he was asleep at 3am and miss the war than be wide awake at 3am reliving his torture and launching the missiles himself.

grendel August 18, 2008 at 4:15 pm

[re=62244]Ken Layne[/re]: You see, you put McCain’s rear hooves in your Ug boots so he can’t get away and… nevermind

gurukalehuru August 18, 2008 at 4:16 pm

O.k., loved the video, but it could have been more powerful if it weren’t about marijuana. I love my reefer, too, just talking tactically here. The McCain on Ambien stuff was powerful, the newspaper headlines, and especially, especially, the line: We’re all gonna die if McCain gets elected.

Odd Ass City August 18, 2008 at 4:20 pm

PTSD plus Alzheimers gotta be a nasty combination.

Tawmn August 18, 2008 at 4:20 pm

McCain hates america with his Paraquat!

grendel August 18, 2008 at 4:26 pm

[re=62329]Odd Ass City[/re]: And his latent “Manchurian Candidate” training becoming active is leaving him a little confused and dizzy

Gopherit v2.0 August 18, 2008 at 4:28 pm

[re=62255]EnBuenOra[/re]: Look, is Jesus gonna have to slap a bitch?

4tehlulz August 18, 2008 at 4:28 pm

Ambien + Viagra = Global Nuclear Holocaust

Gopherit v2.0 August 18, 2008 at 4:30 pm

[re=62323]gurukalehuru[/re]:Yeah, but you have to admit that someone who’s been married to Cindy know from experience that there are much stronger pain relievers out there than marijuana.

Guppy06 August 18, 2008 at 4:44 pm

That film is entirely too long to be the work of potheads.

shortsshortsshorts August 18, 2008 at 4:45 pm

Why do drugs when you can do REAL drugs.

Oscar Folsom Cleveland August 18, 2008 at 4:58 pm

Juan Jeebus is high on life.
The End

Ken Layne August 18, 2008 at 5:35 pm

[re=62287]V572625694[/re]: It goes by really fast (or MUUUCCCCHHH SLLLLOOOOWWWER) when yr high.

valobama August 18, 2008 at 5:36 pm

[re=62244]Ken Layne[/re]: your are on your way to HELL, you heathen you!

RuperttheBear August 18, 2008 at 6:29 pm

[re=62244]Ken Layne[/re]: Then there would’ve been footprints, then kneeprints, then handprints, and maybe a faceprint where Jeebus pushed your face down in the sand.

Yeah. Take it. Take the holy spirit.

Sorry.

Gopherit v2.0 August 18, 2008 at 6:33 pm

[re=62547]RuperttheBear[/re]: Thanks for ruining 12 years of catholic education for me. From now on, it’s faceprints in the sand……and I’m not really up to having the Holy Spirit touch my forehead, thanks.

Lazy Media August 18, 2008 at 6:44 pm

I bet that video is really, really fascinating when you’re high. Hippies are so cute with their marijuana/hemp panaceas. They’re like the people who claim the government is hiding the carburetor that allows cars to run on water.

expatinOz August 19, 2008 at 1:10 am

[re=62547]RuperttheBear[/re]: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, naughty bit to naughty bit, forever and ever. Amen.

Jingo August 19, 2008 at 1:15 am

Ambien is the only thing that will bring McCain down after freebasing Geritol. It has the minor side effect of sleepwalking. Marijuana on the other hand, even when prescribed by a doctor, has a much more dangerous side effect – fits of uncontrollable laughter. What’s the danger in a hearty giggle-fest? Just ask any septuagenarian with brittle bones and a limited sense of balance.

Lincon August 19, 2008 at 5:29 am

I was inspired by the story John McCain told that preacher guy about how, this one time, when he was in POW camp, one of his Vietnamese captors and he were walking on a beach, and there were two sets of footprints, but then for a while there was only one set of footprints, and John McCain asked his captor why he had abandoned him for a while, and his captor replied, “John, my dear future President of America, it was in those times that I carried you.

Lincon

Kansas Drug Treatment

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