Joe Biden Is Totally Going To Be Veep Nominee

Let's review the list of people who willnotbe Barack Obama's running mate: Hillary Clinton, because she would poison him; Jack Reed, because he isn't interested; Tim Kaine, because of the eyebrows; and Joan Allen, because of her rumored college sex orgy. Now there is only one human left on the planet who meets Barack Obama's stringent requirements of gravitas, foreign policy chops, and hair plugs...

It's Joe Biden!

Biden has been in office for 400 zillion years serving the pirate state of Delaware. He ran fairly convincingly for president once before he was felled by a plagiarism scandal that people would probably just yawn at today and be like, "Get back to us when you have a half dozen illegitimate children, a couple felony convictions, and an underage boyfriend in Cuba." Yes, his hairline has grown suspiciously more lush with age, and yes, he does have a tendency to run on sometimes, but he also has a decent sense of humor and seems like an OK dude.

We mention this because when Barack Obama sends you a sexy text message this week saying, "I LOLZ JOE BIDEN," you will not be so shocked.

 Obama VP buzz squarely on Biden [Political Ticker]