Wonkette
Barack Obama publicly taking off his shirt in Hawaii — or as Reuters puts it in a headline, “Obama takes shirt off again” — is such a cheap topic of discussion that we had to make it, in fact, a topic of discussion, between yours truly and Sara K. Smith, in a chat, after the jump.
Jim N.
The tanline.
Sara S.
So, uh, I don’t know, I don’t really have any complaints about Barack Obama’s body.
Sara S.
The tanline is tricky…maybe it’s just a shadow?
Jim N.
That’s racist, but maybe.
Sara S.
Or does he have maybe a wifebeater tanline? Check out the shoulder.
Jim N.
Yeah, where did that even come from?
Jim N.
Can you IMAGINE if Barack Obama was captured, in a photograph, wearing a wife beater?
Sara S.
He wears v-necked wifebeaters all the time, in Hawaii
Sara S.
Ha ha ha! With the caption HAMBURGA HAMBURGA HAMBURGA
Sara S.
He works out in a Hawaiian spider hole, with his poi
Jim N.
New smear e-mail: “I saw in tha picksher that moozy obamma beats his lady wife”
Sara S.
OK here is a question: News reports indicate that he works out pretty much constantly, and lifts insane weights. Shouldn’t he be in *better* shape?
Jim N.
Do black people wear sunscreen? This is one of those questions that I always wanted to “Ask Jeeves” when that website was starting up. “This would be a perfect question for the white elitist Internet butler engine,” I thought.
Jim N.
We should answer these one at a time.
Jim N.
So let’s go with yours.
Sara S.
OK well YOU ANSWER IT, then.
Sara S.
Meanwhile I will research the sunscreen issue.
Jim N.
He should, absolutely, be in better shape. He always looks skinnier in his dumb jeans or suits. BUT his torso is so pale that it’s hard to see the definition, ya know? This is a problem for many of us “fair-skinned” types, which is why we usually don’t even try building definition.
Jim N.
HIS NIPPLES ARE SO BLACK CONTRASTINGLY DARK.
Sara S.
All that matters, for men, is that their shirts hang off their shoulders well, and his do.
Jim N.
What does that even mean?
Sara S.
Like from the back, you want to see a little shoulder blade.
Sara S.
I will look for a foto.
Jim N.
We’re skirting the main issue here.
Sara S.
Which is what?
Jim N.
Can Barack Obama, even if he works out six times a day, ever get rid of his man boobs?
Sara S.
How awesome John McCain looks in a swimming costume?
Sara S.
Ha ha ha ha
Jim N.
His body wants to have man boobs.
Jim N.
But Barry is like “goddamnit no”
Jim N.
And yet?
Sara S.
I don’t think those are fatty boobs, though. They look firm to me.
Jim N.
His pecs may just be “puffy.”
Jim N.
It is not fat or anything.
Jim N.
Just a vaguely conical tip for which there is no hope.
Sara S.
Oh god that is so sad…it reminds me of this guy I knew in high school, who I think probably has that what do you call it, the large man boob problem, but we all just thought he was hefty.
Sara S.
GYNECOMASTIA
Sara S.
I see no evidence of that with Obama, though.
Jim N.
You were so mean to everyone in high school, always.
Jim N.
Check out old Barry:
Jim N.
Jim N.
Don’t you see the traces of unfortunate genetics in those pecs?
Sara S.
I was not mean to anybody in high school! I was a terrible dork who did not go on a SINGLE date.
Jim N.
Yeah, because you were always calling all the boys hefty, to their faces.
Jim N.
But anyway ha ha no Barack Obama does not have man boobs.
Sara S.
That is exactly right. I was mean to everyone because I love confrontation.
Jim N.
He is not Phil Mickelson.
Jim N.
Sara S.
Oh lordy!
Jim N.
Phil Mickelson’s wife is hot as shit though.
Sara S.
And yes, Barack Obama has definitely improved. He probably saw those photos and was mortified.
Jim N.
OH GOD
Sara S.
Jim N.
SARA
Sara S.
Bill Clinton has very dark nipples as well.
Sara S.
I do not like to think of presidents having nipples.
Jim N.
I just google imaged “man boobs,” hoping to find a funny picture, right?
Jim N.
YOU MUST NEVER GOOGLE IMAGE “MAN BOOBS”
Sara S.
Oh no…
Sara S.
Ha!
Jim N.
You do not understand.
Jim N.
We have to end this, I’m going to be sick.
Jim N.
Wait.
Sara S.
Well, now I must try it.
Jim N.
Ha ha ok.
Jim N.
First column, second row, right?
Sara S.
Oh God I am weeping with horror/laughter
Jim N.
They take it quite literally, don’t they, the Google search people, when you type in “man boobs.”
Jim N.
I am vomiting.
Jim N.
I can’t stop vomiting.
Ken L.
has entered the room
Ken L.
you are both gross
Obama Bodysurfs In Hawaii [Huffington Post]
Well maybe we can just settle this election thingy with an old-fashioned swim suit contests. Game. Set. Match.
With a little luck, Barry could be the only man ever to serve as both the president and Mr. Buffalo Chip!
Our next president, frolicking in the Pacific as the world burns. Is this the message we want to send to this Al Kieda guy, whoever he is? I say no. Obama must deny himself male toplessness just as our gallant president has foresworn golf.
Which state legeslature does that man breast feeding the baby vote as a Republican in?
First of all, you two are Maddie/David for a new generation.
Second of all, no discussion of man boobs would be complete without famed right wing nutjob and talkshow hostHugh Hewitt.
…yes, some “black” people do use sunscreen. Is this going to turn into “Ask a Black Person”?
Can we get back to talking about guns?
Or religion?
You know, the two things that REAL Americans REALLY care about?
(And speaking of religion and guns: When I saw that picture of Hillary’s thighs, I again was reminded that Hell EXISTS.
And if I see that picture again, I’m going to SHOOT myself.)
Notice that we still have no photos of Michelle not wearing a burkka.
I knew this was going to happen to poor Hopey. This could work out well for him though, especially considering that no one wants to take pictures of WALNUTS! in a business suit, let alone when he’s swimming.
Blahblahblah GET TO THE PICTURES.
Yes, some black people wear sunscreen. Others do not. It depends how much melanin you have.
…and oh yeah the proper terminology for “Man Boobs” is “Moobs”!!!
AngryBlakGuy: Yes, yes it is.
Dave J.:
Don’t forget Karl Rove. He is one ginormous man boob.
I’d be more than happy to be in Barry’s physical condition at his age (which sadly isn’t all that far away.)
And Jim, why did you use a photo of the StayPuft Marshmellow Man instead of Phil?
AngryBlakGuy: I was hoping for an episode of I KNOW BLACK PEOPLE!
shortsshortsshorts: …how would you be able to tell it was her?
Sometimes we do wear sunscreen although I’ve only been sunburned once in my life I think. I’m not sure. It didn’t hurt.
AngryBlakGuy: Ever see Gustavo Arellano’s ¡Ask a Mexican! column in the Orange County newspaper? He’s discontinued it, but it was pretty funny.
You can also tell Obama is high on marijuana in those pictures, very unpresidential behavior.
AngryBlakGuy:
Do you know the commodores?
The nipple remark… sigh. Once I was in college watching the horrible movie, Swordfish. My white, Bostonian friend said, “Halle Berry’s nipples are brown?!”
The end.
Jim & Sara: aren’t you a little embarrassed about quoting yourselves? I mean, you are all “look how cute we are.” Just sayin’.
Phil Mickelson? C’mon, you two. For real golfer moobs, try John Daly. I defy you to unsee that!
Another conversation worthy of Tolstoy! He said it best,
“Perfect man-bodies are all alike; every fat man-body is fat in its own way.”
AngryBlakGuy: I have a few questions about how emissions will effect my low income neighborhood.
“His pecs may just be “puffy.”
Jim N.”
That explains why he can’t bowl.
I’m waiting for a picture of McCain in one of those striped full-body 1890’s bathing costumes.
His Manzire would be at least a b cup..
Don’t the Republicans see that this “celebrity” smear is going nowhere? Anyone who has ever stood in a supermarket checkout knows that Americans are obsessed with celebrity.
Actually his Bro would be a b cup..
shortsshortsshorts: Fuck! I meant the emissions TAX. Goddamn I’m looking forward to getting out of this fucking place for the weekend (so I can stalk Ken).
Some of my best friends, my friends, are black peoples. And they have very fine nipples.
Russia invaded Georgia because Obama is a Muslim?
Woops, posted to the wrong damn thread. Need to stop drinking before noon.
I am so glad we are finally having a presidential election that focuses on the many challenging issues facing our nation in these difficult times.
Evil Jim Newel and Evil Sara K. just made me google “man boobs” You are Evil!
I just want to say, as a black woman, You honkeys with the pink nipples look really weird.
The first time I learned that some white people had pink nipples, I thought it was a joke. Cause nipples are supposed to be dark. It’s true. It’s so true.
shortsshortsshorts: I think your argument is bullshit!
Dark tight nipples tell you a lot about a man.
It’s the pot what gives him the manboobs. That’s why we Oregonians rarely go “skins” when we play pickup hoops.
The Real JR Revisted: OMG THAT IS SO TRUE.
Behold, Kennemoobs:
http://www.debbieschlussel.com/archives/tedkennedy2.jpg
Does Michael Shirt-off have moobs?
The Real JR Revisted: Sorry. On behalf of pink-nippled honkeys everywhere, I apologize.
The Real JR Revisted: I prefer to think of them as a dusty rose.
The first time I learned that some white people had pink nipples, I thought it was a joke.
Well, shit, the first time I learned that Chinese people had horns, I thought it was a joke too. You live and learn in this world.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: No, it was actually a good non-sequitor.
So the cops knew Internal Affairs was setting them up?
The Real JR Revisted: That’s only the gingers. Normal whiteys have nipples more in line with your preferences. Why, mine are a rich mahogany that match the beauty of my eyes and various moles.
The Real JR Revisted: I didn’t know anybody used the H-word.
ReelectTilden: I’m pretty sure if you saw McCain in any type of swimwear whatsoever you would melt or turn to stone or something. I know it’s cruel, but I have to use peripheral vision whenever that man is on TV.
Guess the window of opportunity for a Michelle bikini photo op has passed.
Aurelio: They are cute, although I hates them for ever for making me Google-Image “man boobs.”
Not only, but Michelle got a slanted pussy. Just saying.
Once I was in college watching the horrible movie, Swordfish. My white, Bostonian friend said, “Halle Berry’s nipples are brown?!”
This young man should never, ever impregnate another human being. He’s in for a major disappointment.
Supernatural_Delegate: …nah, that was little before my time. Now if you want to talk about the Jackson 5 that’s another subject!
shortsshortsshorts: …”emmisions taxes” wont effect your low income neighborhood because black people don’t pay taxes! Kinda defeats the purpose of welfare, affirmative action and free Medicaid! Worst case scenario pay your crack-head cousin(probably day-day, ray-ray, boo-boo or some other double name) to ghetto rig your hoopty to pass emmisions test. Problem solved!
V572625694: …yeah, I think I heard of it. If I remember correctly a whole bunch of Latino and Hispanic groups were pissed off because he was “stereotyping” their community.
Don’t ever display another picture of Hillary in a bathing suit or I’ll cancel my subscription.
MMMM baby. Hillary thigh make me wanna spread on the Cream Cheese and buttah.
TGY: Tybalt: I had to learn to get over my nipple-prejudice. I figure that I can only evolve with education. That said…
Since we’re all together in the spirit of racial transcendence and cultural exchange (and yes black people do have to wear sunscreen and it’s also true that black don’t crack) I have a question.
Do pink nipples taste like peppermint?
SayItWithWookies: So if they’re mauve, is that indicative of something? I’m just trying to create a helpful color chart here.
edgydrifter: Ok. Not to be inappropriate, but your smooth, smooth mahogany nipple talk is actually turning me on.
paolaccio: …what happens? I’m at work.
The Real JR Revisted: [i]Do pink nipples taste like peppermint?[/i]
My pink nipples taste like slow-cooked smoky BBQ ribs, but I’m a messy eater when I have my shirt off.
erymanthian bore: Nice ass.
AngryBlakGuy: That shit is hyphy.
queeraselvis v 2.0: Memo to John Daly: when you have a body like a misshapen potato hell demon, don’t remove your shirt in public. Or anywhere else for that matter.
The Real JR Revisted: Just doing my job, ma’am. Glad I could help.
All this nipple talk is making me hungry, and a lil bit thirsty. Giggity giggity goo.
This thread is entirely inappropriate for the workplace. Unless you work in a whorehouse. Which I do.
The Real JR Revisted: Almost certainly not. Not without ’sensual oil’, that is.
Whiskeybaby: See, some of you Wonketters simply googled “man boobs.” The truly masochistic of us google imaged “John Daly Shirtless.” For this alone, I should get a (now-defunct) star. Or a swift kick upside the head.
Who would you like to see next to Putin and wearing wifebeaters? Obama or McCain? Just imagine.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v642/shakespeares_sister/shakes5/putin1.png
Headlines:
Nipples Bombshell Hawaii: Muslims Suspected
He only has to put sunscreen on his white half.
If at least a few Wonkette commenters end up having hot Barry-induced sex, this post will have done it’s duty.
meanwhile, the amount of people now googling “man boobs” on the image search has skyrocketed..
I do not like to think of presidents not having nipples.
looking at those pictures i don’t buy that barry can curl anything more than 25lbs, clearly he hasn’t been working hard enough at the gym in preparation for this vacation. once again i’m reminded however that if she weren’t so damn fabulous i’d hate michelle obama for getting to screw barry, though i’m deeply saddened by the lack of michelle’s burkini photos (best part is those things actually exist). what are the odds on those two making another super cute baby, perhaps a barry this time?
Barry O had better be careful on these swimming vacations. We all remember the time he went skinny dipping in Loch Ness. That was years ago and people are still talking about it.
queeraselvis v 2.0: You, sir, are a true American hero.
shortsshortsshorts: Lick my wattles, sucker.
The sad thing is that all of us then went and Google-Imaged Man Boobs. That shizz was not cool. Ahm-a gonna be lifting weights immediately.
queeraselvis v 2.0: I should think that would burn the gay right out of you. You really need to be more careful around John Daly pics.
erymanthian bore: I had to google “wattle,” and my response is an emphatic “No, please.”
Barry is strangely hairless, is he not?
I cannot believe that I’ve never looked at my nipples closely enough to know what color they are. And now I’m at work and can’t look. Arrrgggghhh!
The Real JR Revisted: I think mauve nipples is an indication of eating too much salmon. But that’s just a guess, as I’m neither a nutritionist nor an icthyologist (although I have played one on tv).
justshocking: wax
justshocking: Thank evolution. He has hybrid vigor.
sezme: Jesus, she’s getting her name put into nomination, a prime-time speaking slot and a video paean. Let it the fuck go!
All this talk about nipples….excuse me, I have a 5 minute date with an American Apparel Store ad.
Could we ask Tom Ridge to pleeze pretty pleeze make us a terror threat scale based on nipple color variations? “Pink nipple day - go find a bomb shelter”
AngryBlakGuy: Re ¡Ask a Mexican!…uudge for yourself. Hhttp://www.ocweekly.com/columns/ask-a-mexican/ask-a-mexican/19246/
Less man boobs, more boob consultation… please.
shortsshortsshorts: It’s baaa-aaa-aaaack.
sarcasticusername: It could be that Barry can only curl high weights in communist kilograms. Maybe good old Imperial measurements are too much for his slim frame.
“Sara S.
OK here is a question: News reports indicate that he works out pretty much constantly, and lifts insane weights. Shouldn’t he be in *better* shape?”
He’s not in his twenties, sheesh.
SuperRounder: Is pimpin’ easy?
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Now, now. Let’s not make a rash decision you’ll regret later.
Jim, ain’t nothing wrong with Barry’s body. He looks good for his age and his breast are not puffy. He has perky, firm, brown nipples. But the best thing about them is that they lactate Hennessey.
Maus: And also, there’s working out for strength and working out for definition, if my memory of some weightlifter’s interview serves me correctly. I don’t know what the difference is, but many bodybuilders don’t look all cut and glorious until just before a competition. A little baby oil and eyebrow pencil doesn’t hurt, either.
I’d like to think that the president wears a suit in the ocean. Then again, I feel like the president should do all activities in a suit. It just seems more “presidential?” After all, do you think George Washington frolicked in the ocean in board shorts? NO! He wore a suit AND a powdered wig. Now THAT’S presidential.
Holy fucking shit!
You know you may just be a global celebrity when you get this headline in Reuters, “Obama Takes Shirt Off Again, Goes Body Surfing In Hawaii.”
This was seriously just sent out by the McCain camp.
Maus: All I’m saying is, he needs to start juicin’.
bago: Y’know, I scrolled past that and I think my brain just pretended it wasn’t there. This is McCain’s idea of the Rovean tactic of attacking your opponent’s strengths — but really all it does is reveal that whenever McCain’s staffers see Hopey half-naked, they can’t help being reminded that their candidate’s body probably looks like a rotting potato.
This was seriously just sent out by the McCain camp.
Seriously, I think that John McCain whiles away the hours on the Tight Ass Express doodling JOHN LUVS BARACK over and over on his pencil case. That and writing “MRS. JOHN S. HOPEY OBAMA” in the margins of his McGuffey’s Reader.
I agree, the “dialogue” - Socratic at times, neurotic mostly - between Sara K. Smith and Jim Newell is the anti-Christ.
‘Nuiff said, way too ’nuff.
Personally, I vote for the Barack bodysurfing photos best.
Maus: He either doesn’t eat enough protein or he is a cardio junkie and doesn’t lift.
If there is a god, I will never EVER see John McCain’s moobs
I didn’t know those people could swim. Must be his white half keeping him afloat. Has the liberal media reported anything about him parting the sea again? I can’t wait to send Obama’s beach pics to my Republican friends. I bet they will enjoy laughing at them for hours on end… late at night… when their wives are asleep in the other room. Laughing until they absolutely explode with glee and are too spent to laugh again for the next few hours.