o rly?

GOP Congressman: There Are 40 Barrels Of Oil In Every Tree

And the light of his mind was a comfort to ships lost at sea Idaho Congressman Bill Sali has been participating in the current GOP Cuddle Party For Oil. But no one will listen to him even though he knows everything! In fact, he could solve the entire energy crisis in one hot minute if people paid any damn attention, because he knows that there “could be up to 40 barrels of oil” in a single tree. Ha ha, look at what you’ve really been hugging all these years, you filthy liberal hippies: a filthy casket of crude oil. Unless somehow Sali doesn’t know what he’s talking about?

Here’s a bit from Idaho state rep. Byron Yankey’s “blog,” reporting on a conversation he had with Sali:

Congressman Sali informed us that a solution to the high price of gasoline was to make petroleum from “all those trees in our forests.” Stunned by the comment, I suffered a momentary regret for not taking that high school chemistry class those many years ago. He continued by saying there ‘”could be up to 40 barrels of oil ” in a single tree.

Think Progress notes that Sali was probably referring to cellulosic ethanol, which is “derived from the stalks and stems of plants.” Maybe he was using crude oil as a metaphor for the vials or crack or whatever that cellulosic ethanol would come in. But maybe he’s an idiot, too? In 2006:

“Forty percent of the mass of every tree in the forest is crude oil,” he said. Going after that, he said, “could put Idaho in the oil business for the first time.”

This is the perfect way to develop clean, responsible alternative energies: chop down as many trees as possible. If the choice is between oxygen or oil, you know where America stands.

Rep. Sali: ‘There Could Be Up To 40 Barrels Of Oil In A Single Tree” [Think Progress]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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76 comments

  1. Terry

    You’re debating whether he’s an idiot? He’s an Idaho Republican. His supporters live in cabins with no electric or water and write manifestos.

  2. cal

    The US must invade our national forests, kill all the trees and extract this oil immedaitely. Or else the terrorists win!

  3. The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    Maybe Exxon can use woodpeckers to extract the crude, thus saving labor costs.

  4. V572625694

    [re=60528]Terry[/re]: Two guys are standing in some mountain wonderland in Idaho. One of ‘em says, “God’s been so good to this state.”

    The other one says, “Are you crazy?”

    “Why do ask me that?” Guy 1 says. “Look at the forests, the grasslands, the clear blue sky, the wonderful fish in the sparkling rivers. God has truly blessed Idaho.”

    Guy 2 says: “Yeah, but look at the people he put here.”

  5. AngryBlakGuy

    …now we know why Smokey the Bear was so uptight! He was sitting on enough light sweet crude to vaporize North America!

  6. shortsshortsshorts

    Holy mother of Gawd. This is the most retarded person I have ever seen. I love him. I want to have his babies. I cannot live another moment without fucking him in the ass, G.O.P. style.

    There is also oil in my office phone, monitor, computer, calculator, plastic bottle, coffee lid, desk, scissors, toothbrush (whats that doing there?), Stapler, magazine, vela bound, dictaphone, printer, fax machine, mail machine, Kleenex box, paper stand, bulletin board, calender, etc.

    HOW DO WE SUCK THE SWEEEEET CRUDEZ OUT OF ALL THIS SHIT I GOTTA GET HOME TONIGHT?!!!!?

  7. Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    Just look at Sali’s photo…he’s the big brother of Prince Bandar Bush, second cousin to the bin Bush dynasty, and they know a lot about oil.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Prince_Bandar_bin_Sultan_with_G.W._Bush.jpg

    Plus, big bro’ Ben al Sali is a Idaho Republican (what other kind is there, unless you’re talkin’ hybrid Mormon-Republican which is kinda redundant anyway); all Idahoans agree that cutting down trees is a good thing, especially on public lands. Good folks like Bruce Willis, Don Johnson and Ahnold Schwarzenopfler have all been buying up forests for the oil for years.

    Once the trees is gone, there’s underground natural gas and crystal meth reserves available, just like in adjacent Cheney Wyoming country. Yahoo! We could be energy independent by November!

  8. Larry McAwful

    Hooray! Oil does grow on trees! Now that we know this, I’m going to spend the winter with the heat cranked up, duking it out with the air conditioner, creating my own local weather system in my apartment.

    I can’t believe we’ve had chemists working on this problem. It should have been botanists all along.

  9. AngryBlakGuy

    …in right-wing GOP land everything has crude a oil value. I wouldn’t be surprised if they have done research to figure out how much “crude oil” they could get from denatured lipo-suction fat.

  10. 4everjung

    When Sali was a young’un they told him ketchup was a veggie. Now a grown up repub he’s applying the same logic.

  11. dano

    I don’t know about the forty barrels of oil thing, but Sali looks like he’s got 40 pounds of fat is his face. Hell, you could probably fry an entire turkey with all that fat.

  12. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=60531]The Incomparable Tiny Valdez[/re]: Maybe, but if you put a derrick on top of that stump, you’ll soon be a rich dumb stump.

  13. Johnny Zhivago

    That Harvard PhD Jerome Corsi says oil is in the ground everywhere and regenerates itself when you pump it out. So it makes perfect sense that trees, which have roots in the ground would be full of oil.

  14. obfuscator

    Congressman Sali’s wiki entry reveals him to be an even bigger fucktard than this story would suggest. Sorry if any fucktards take offense to being likened to Rep. Sali.

    Speaking with the Idaho Press-Tribune, Sali explained his view that multiculturalism is in conflict with the national motto “E Pluribus Unum,” or “out of many, one.” Sali said multiculturalism would mean “out of the many, the many.” “The question is, is multiculturalism good or not?” Sali said. “I don’t think the Founding Fathers were multicultural. Multiculturalism is the antithesis of (the motto).” In regard to the view that the nation was founded on Christian principles, Sali said, “If we’re going to move away from those principles … we better consider the blessings of God that have been bestowed on this country and the protective hand of God that’s been over this country.”

  15. Monsieur Grumpe

    He’s confusing oil with maple syrup. I do it all the time which explains why my car and lawn mower no longer work.

  16. sezme

    [re=60559]dano[/re]: Now you’re talking! I say we drill for oil in Sali right now. I don’t know if there will be 40 barrels, but i guarantee that it will be crude.

  17. populucious

    Not only are there 40 barrels of oil in every tree, it’s not just any oil…it’s the best oil of all: SNAKE OIL!!!! It can heal the lame and make carpets fly!!!

  18. Doglessliberal

    [re=60556]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: hey, I suggested that to my spouse the other day! I said we could vacuum all the fat butts and thighs and stomachs in the US and power cars for a loooong time (the air would smell pretty foul though, like a rendering plant). It is renewable, too, because people would keep overeating and producing more fatass power.

  19. Studge

    [re=60540]MoodProcessor[/re]: Nothing like pouring some freshly tapped sweet, light crude over a heaping stack of buckwheat flapjacks.

  20. obfuscator

    [re=60574]sezme[/re]:

    Let’s strip mine his fingers for the vast amounts of Dorito dust, dried booger residue, & Twinkie cream deposits that they are sure to yield.

    Jeezus, this guy opposed SCHIP because he didn’t “rich kids” and dirty Mexican illegals to have their healthcare paid for by hardworking regular American whites.

    He also says that breast cancer is linked to abortion.

    I’d say he’s King of the Twats, but that’s a crowded field.

  21. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=60547]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: You have a Dictaphone?

    [/jealous]

    Anyway, this Sali guy looks familiar … I know, its that bartender guy from “Men In Trees.” (Yes, I’ve seen it). Which also makes him Jerry, from the earliest seasons of E.R.

    I think I’ve figured out why Idahoans are so darn clear-cut-crazy, and why they hate their trees so much: They are afraid of shade.

  22. magic titty

    [re=60565]obfuscator[/re]: it’s good to know ‘the retardeds’ can get elected. it’s a great day for our “democracy”.

  23. NoWireHangers

    I hear Irish people have pots o’ gold in their brains. Luckily, I have my cordless drill right here…

  24. Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=60581]Makeithurt[/re]:
    Don’t eat with your hands son; use your entrenching tool!

    Firesign Theatre is not dead, they just smell funny.

  25. Terry

    [re=60550]Outstando[/re]:

    True about the people of color, unfortunately.

    Idaho DOES have more than it’s fair share of cabin dwelling manifesto writers, they just aren’t high achieving cabin dwelling manifesto writers.

  26. larz

    If only we could make oil from:

    Aborted fetuses
    Evangelicals
    Golf Courses
    the brains of NASCAR fans

    the world would have lots of oil and be a much nicer place :)

  27. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Hmm. I’ve got trees outside my home. Who do I sue for this environmental damage?

  28. ReelectTilden

    [re=60581]Makeithurt[/re]: We need a windfall profits tax on Big Maple. They’ve gotten away with their delicious profiteering for too long!

  29. regisgoat

    [re=60581]Makeithurt[/re]: It is like a Firesign Theater routine around here lately.
    Maybe he meant a palm oil tree? Of course, they don’t have them in Idaho.

  30. georgia_peach

    [re=60619]Terry[/re]: Well of course it’s true. Why else would Mark Furman have moved there? Besides all the oil in the trees, obvs.

  31. georgia_peach

    [re=60638]larz[/re]: Actually, we already use all of those things to make other important U.S. goods.

    Aborted fetuses: GOP Congressmen
    Evangelicals: meth
    Golf courses: um, a bunch of assholes with a boring, expensive hobby
    NASCAR fan brains: there is a “what brains?” joke in here, but I won’t make it in case NASCAR is secretly awesome and I just haven’t realized it yet. I used to hate pro football, so what do I know?

  32. weirdiowasculpture

    So when I get a woodie, the stuff that comes out is oil? But isn’t it kinda the wrong color?

  33. KTHXBAI

    [re=60528]Terry[/re]: I will have you know I live in Sali’s district that is so not true. Their cabins have generators. Powered by all the crude oil in the the trees.

    My dad works for the state and had to deal with him when he was in the state legislature and said he was a huge asshole. Bill Sali is a fucking moron who should die. The end.

  34. ReelectTilden

    In all honestly, I think there is a tree in Australia that is quite oily, to the extent that when they burn they’re difficult to put out. Certainly not 40 gallons’ worth, but it’s something.

    The trucknutz tree is also a good source of oil, which is typically processed into frumunda cheese.

  35. Godot

    You mean there’s OIL in trees??!?

    And here I’ve been putting it on my pancakes! I feel like such a fool!

  36. Walter Sobchak

    [re=60609]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: [re=60695]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: [re=60823]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Fuck, I should read the comments more.

  37. mhale0

    We could boil that fat cocksucker down to at least one or two barrels of tallow. Can you make gasoline from tallow?

  38. snig

    Sometimes new frontiers in stupidity can really engage your sense of wonder. Maybe someone once explained to him that the old wooden barrels were made from trees. I hope his vision becomes a Republican talking point, that way the rest of us can make a fortune selling them the crude oil rights to patches of forest.

  39. CivicHoliday

    There’s also TNT in salmon. That’s why they put up so many damns in Idaho. They’ve successfully prevented fish rebellion for many years now.

  40. DangerousLiberal

    [re=60528]Terry[/re]: No shit. It’s a violation of the laws of God and man (and woman, too) to use the words “Republican,” “Idaho” and “Congresscritter” without the word “idiot.” Ok, class, let’s try some sample sentences:

    Helen Chenowith, Republican congresswoman of Idaho, was a terrorist enabler and a full-on idiot.

    Senator W.E. Borah of Idaho was a progressive Republican (really, no shit) but was an idiot about the Nazis and about part of the New Deal (hey, it’s right there in Wikipedia).

    Idaho Congressman Bill Sali is an idiot for believing that trees have oil, but Idaho Sen. Larry Craig is a bigger idiot for cruising for bjs in an airport.

    Very good, class!

  41. S.Luggo

    [re=60638]larz[/re]: and from Hindus and God-haters:

    http://mountaingoatreport.typepad.com/the_mountaingoat_report/2007/11/steven-thayns-s.html
    “Most of the hospitals in this country have Christian names. If you think Hindu prayer is great, where are the Hindu hospitals in this country? Go down the list. Where are the atheist hospitals in this country? They’re not equal.” — Rep. Bill Sali (R-ID-01) to the Idaho Press-Tribune editorial board in response to criticism of his views regarding Hindu prayer in the [US] Senate.

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