O RLY?  12:30 pm August 15, 2008

GOP Congressman: There Are 40 Barrels Of Oil In Every Tree

by Jim Newell

And the light of his mind was a comfort to ships lost at sea Idaho Congressman Bill Sali has been participating in the current GOP Cuddle Party For Oil. But no one will listen to him even though he knows everything! In fact, he could solve the entire energy crisis in one hot minute if people paid any damn attention, because he knows that there “could be up to 40 barrels of oil” in a single tree. Ha ha, look at what you’ve really been hugging all these years, you filthy liberal hippies: a filthy casket of crude oil. Unless somehow Sali doesn’t know what he’s talking about?

Here’s a bit from Idaho state rep. Byron Yankey’s “blog,” reporting on a conversation he had with Sali:

Congressman Sali informed us that a solution to the high price of gasoline was to make petroleum from “all those trees in our forests.” Stunned by the comment, I suffered a momentary regret for not taking that high school chemistry class those many years ago. He continued by saying there ‘”could be up to 40 barrels of oil ” in a single tree.

Think Progress notes that Sali was probably referring to cellulosic ethanol, which is “derived from the stalks and stems of plants.” Maybe he was using crude oil as a metaphor for the vials or crack or whatever that cellulosic ethanol would come in. But maybe he’s an idiot, too? In 2006:

“Forty percent of the mass of every tree in the forest is crude oil,” he said. Going after that, he said, “could put Idaho in the oil business for the first time.”

This is the perfect way to develop clean, responsible alternative energies: chop down as many trees as possible. If the choice is between oxygen or oil, you know where America stands.

Rep. Sali: ‘There Could Be Up To 40 Barrels Of Oil In A Single Tree” [Think Progress]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 76 comments }

Dave J. August 15, 2008 at 12:33 pm

So spotted owls = Al Qaeda?

Terry August 15, 2008 at 12:33 pm

You’re debating whether he’s an idiot? He’s an Idaho Republican. His supporters live in cabins with no electric or water and write manifestos.

EnBuenOra August 15, 2008 at 12:33 pm

He must be thinking there are 40 elves in every tree filling barrels full of cookies!

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez August 15, 2008 at 12:33 pm

This nut is as dumb as a stump.

cal August 15, 2008 at 12:35 pm

The US must invade our national forests, kill all the trees and extract this oil immedaitely. Or else the terrorists win!

MoodProcessor August 15, 2008 at 12:35 pm

Oh the irony. Money does grow on trees.

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez August 15, 2008 at 12:37 pm

Maybe Exxon can use woodpeckers to extract the crude, thus saving labor costs.

Aurelio August 15, 2008 at 12:37 pm

I wonder how much oil we could squeeze out of Congressman Sali.

V572625694 August 15, 2008 at 12:37 pm

[re=60528]Terry[/re]: Two guys are standing in some mountain wonderland in Idaho. One of ‘em says, “God’s been so good to this state.”

The other one says, “Are you crazy?”

“Why do ask me that?” Guy 1 says. “Look at the forests, the grasslands, the clear blue sky, the wonderful fish in the sparkling rivers. God has truly blessed Idaho.”

Guy 2 says: “Yeah, but look at the people he put here.”

Cape Clod August 15, 2008 at 12:37 pm

New Republican slogan: “Chop Now!”

MoodProcessor August 15, 2008 at 12:38 pm

And so begins the great Canadian debate of the new millenium:

Flapjacks?

Transportation?

magic titty August 15, 2008 at 12:38 pm

There are also 40 pounds of snot in every feather, and 200 years of winter in every sock.

BadNewsJack August 15, 2008 at 12:39 pm

Pretty soon he’ll be saying that trees provide wood…..Oh wait.

themightysea August 15, 2008 at 12:40 pm

That explains why I always get so greasy when climbing trees.

AngryBlakGuy August 15, 2008 at 12:41 pm

…now we know why Smokey the Bear was so uptight! He was sitting on enough light sweet crude to vaporize North America!

shortsshortsshorts August 15, 2008 at 12:43 pm

Holy mother of Gawd. This is the most retarded person I have ever seen. I love him. I want to have his babies. I cannot live another moment without fucking him in the ass, G.O.P. style.

There is also oil in my office phone, monitor, computer, calculator, plastic bottle, coffee lid, desk, scissors, toothbrush (whats that doing there?), Stapler, magazine, vela bound, dictaphone, printer, fax machine, mail machine, Kleenex box, paper stand, bulletin board, calender, etc.

HOW DO WE SUCK THE SWEEEEET CRUDEZ OUT OF ALL THIS SHIT I GOTTA GET HOME TONIGHT?!!!!?

Outstando August 15, 2008 at 12:43 pm

[re=60528]Terry[/re]: That’s Montana. In Idaho, they kill people of color.

Oscar Folsom Cleveland August 15, 2008 at 12:44 pm

Just look at Sali’s photo…he’s the big brother of Prince Bandar Bush, second cousin to the bin Bush dynasty, and they know a lot about oil.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Prince_Bandar_bin_Sultan_with_G.W._Bush.jpg

Plus, big bro’ Ben al Sali is a Idaho Republican (what other kind is there, unless you’re talkin’ hybrid Mormon-Republican which is kinda redundant anyway); all Idahoans agree that cutting down trees is a good thing, especially on public lands. Good folks like Bruce Willis, Don Johnson and Ahnold Schwarzenopfler have all been buying up forests for the oil for years.

Once the trees is gone, there’s underground natural gas and crystal meth reserves available, just like in adjacent Cheney Wyoming country. Yahoo! We could be energy independent by November!

spencer August 15, 2008 at 12:44 pm

This explains how Larry Craig got those splinters.

Outstando August 15, 2008 at 12:44 pm

[re=60541]magic titty[/re]: This is the greatest thing I’ve ever read.

Larry McAwful August 15, 2008 at 12:45 pm

Hooray! Oil does grow on trees! Now that we know this, I’m going to spend the winter with the heat cranked up, duking it out with the air conditioner, creating my own local weather system in my apartment.

I can’t believe we’ve had chemists working on this problem. It should have been botanists all along.

AngryBlakGuy August 15, 2008 at 12:45 pm

…in right-wing GOP land everything has crude a oil value. I wouldn’t be surprised if they have done research to figure out how much “crude oil” they could get from denatured lipo-suction fat.

4everjung August 15, 2008 at 12:45 pm

When Sali was a young’un they told him ketchup was a veggie. Now a grown up repub he’s applying the same logic.

dano August 15, 2008 at 12:47 pm

I don’t know about the forty barrels of oil thing, but Sali looks like he’s got 40 pounds of fat is his face. Hell, you could probably fry an entire turkey with all that fat.

spencer August 15, 2008 at 12:47 pm

[re=60556]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: http://www.theyesmen.org/en/hijinks/vivoleum

queeraselvis v 2.0 August 15, 2008 at 12:47 pm

[re=60531]The Incomparable Tiny Valdez[/re]: Maybe, but if you put a derrick on top of that stump, you’ll soon be a rich dumb stump.

Johnny Zhivago August 15, 2008 at 12:48 pm

That Harvard PhD Jerome Corsi says oil is in the ground everywhere and regenerates itself when you pump it out. So it makes perfect sense that trees, which have roots in the ground would be full of oil.

obfuscator August 15, 2008 at 12:49 pm

Congressman Sali’s wiki entry reveals him to be an even bigger fucktard than this story would suggest. Sorry if any fucktards take offense to being likened to Rep. Sali.

Speaking with the Idaho Press-Tribune, Sali explained his view that multiculturalism is in conflict with the national motto “E Pluribus Unum,” or “out of many, one.” Sali said multiculturalism would mean “out of the many, the many.” “The question is, is multiculturalism good or not?” Sali said. “I don’t think the Founding Fathers were multicultural. Multiculturalism is the antithesis of (the motto).” In regard to the view that the nation was founded on Christian principles, Sali said, “If we’re going to move away from those principles … we better consider the blessings of God that have been bestowed on this country and the protective hand of God that’s been over this country.”

Monsieur Grumpe August 15, 2008 at 12:50 pm

He’s confusing oil with maple syrup. I do it all the time which explains why my car and lawn mower no longer work.

tragicallyohio August 15, 2008 at 12:53 pm

A recent study has found that 75% of truck nutz are made of sweeet crude. The end.

sezme August 15, 2008 at 12:53 pm

[re=60559]dano[/re]: Now you’re talking! I say we drill for oil in Sali right now. I don’t know if there will be 40 barrels, but i guarantee that it will be crude.

populucious August 15, 2008 at 12:55 pm

Not only are there 40 barrels of oil in every tree, it’s not just any oil…it’s the best oil of all: SNAKE OIL!!!! It can heal the lame and make carpets fly!!!

Makeithurt August 15, 2008 at 12:56 pm

[re=60567]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: “Wow Ma, flapjacks! Heavy on the forty-weight, please”

Doglessliberal August 15, 2008 at 12:56 pm

[re=60556]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: hey, I suggested that to my spouse the other day! I said we could vacuum all the fat butts and thighs and stomachs in the US and power cars for a loooong time (the air would smell pretty foul though, like a rendering plant). It is renewable, too, because people would keep overeating and producing more fatass power.

Doglessliberal August 15, 2008 at 12:57 pm

[re=60560]spencer[/re]: OK, so I was not on the cutting edge of ideas.

Studge August 15, 2008 at 12:57 pm

[re=60540]MoodProcessor[/re]: Nothing like pouring some freshly tapped sweet, light crude over a heaping stack of buckwheat flapjacks.

StripesAndPlaids August 15, 2008 at 12:58 pm

[re=60531]The Incomparable Tiny Valdez[/re]: win.

TGY August 15, 2008 at 1:01 pm

…take one down, pass it around: 39 barrels of oil in the treeeeee…

Carrie_Okie August 15, 2008 at 1:01 pm

This begs the question:
How many Whore Diamonds are in the average tree?

obfuscator August 15, 2008 at 1:01 pm

[re=60574]sezme[/re]:

Let’s strip mine his fingers for the vast amounts of Dorito dust, dried booger residue, & Twinkie cream deposits that they are sure to yield.

Jeezus, this guy opposed SCHIP because he didn’t “rich kids” and dirty Mexican illegals to have their healthcare paid for by hardworking regular American whites.

He also says that breast cancer is linked to abortion.

I’d say he’s King of the Twats, but that’s a crowded field.

Serolf Divad August 15, 2008 at 1:02 pm

And there are 57 Al Qaeda sympathizers at the State Deparmtent.

CollegeStudent August 15, 2008 at 1:03 pm

[re=60536]Aurelio[/re]: Probably a better source of natural gas.

AngryBlakGuy August 15, 2008 at 1:04 pm

[re=60560]spencer[/re]: …hehehe!

Lascauxcaveman August 15, 2008 at 1:05 pm

[re=60547]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: You have a Dictaphone?

[/jealous]

Anyway, this Sali guy looks familiar … I know, its that bartender guy from “Men In Trees.” (Yes, I’ve seen it). Which also makes him Jerry, from the earliest seasons of E.R.

I think I’ve figured out why Idahoans are so darn clear-cut-crazy, and why they hate their trees so much: They are afraid of shade.

CollegeStudent August 15, 2008 at 1:07 pm

[re=60567]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: And why your pancakes suck.

magic titty August 15, 2008 at 1:07 pm

[re=60565]obfuscator[/re]: it’s good to know ‘the retardeds’ can get elected. it’s a great day for our “democracy”.

NoWireHangers August 15, 2008 at 1:08 pm

I hear Irish people have pots o’ gold in their brains. Luckily, I have my cordless drill right here…

Monsieur Grumpe August 15, 2008 at 1:09 pm

[re=60581]Makeithurt[/re]:
Don’t eat with your hands son; use your entrenching tool!

Firesign Theatre is not dead, they just smell funny.

Terry August 15, 2008 at 1:10 pm

[re=60550]Outstando[/re]:

True about the people of color, unfortunately.

Idaho DOES have more than it’s fair share of cabin dwelling manifesto writers, they just aren’t high achieving cabin dwelling manifesto writers.

larz August 15, 2008 at 1:27 pm

If only we could make oil from:

Aborted fetuses
Evangelicals
Golf Courses
the brains of NASCAR fans

the world would have lots of oil and be a much nicer place :)

Naked Bunny with a Whip August 15, 2008 at 1:28 pm

Hmm. I’ve got trees outside my home. Who do I sue for this environmental damage?

ReelectTilden August 15, 2008 at 1:37 pm

[re=60581]Makeithurt[/re]: We need a windfall profits tax on Big Maple. They’ve gotten away with their delicious profiteering for too long!

regisgoat August 15, 2008 at 1:37 pm

[re=60581]Makeithurt[/re]: It is like a Firesign Theater routine around here lately.
Maybe he meant a palm oil tree? Of course, they don’t have them in Idaho.

georgia_peach August 15, 2008 at 1:38 pm

[re=60619]Terry[/re]: Well of course it’s true. Why else would Mark Furman have moved there? Besides all the oil in the trees, obvs.

georgia_peach August 15, 2008 at 1:41 pm

[re=60638]larz[/re]: Actually, we already use all of those things to make other important U.S. goods.

Aborted fetuses: GOP Congressmen
Evangelicals: meth
Golf courses: um, a bunch of assholes with a boring, expensive hobby
NASCAR fan brains: there is a “what brains?” joke in here, but I won’t make it in case NASCAR is secretly awesome and I just haven’t realized it yet. I used to hate pro football, so what do I know?

Advocatus_Diaboli August 15, 2008 at 1:41 pm

I’m pretty sure there are 40 gallons of oil in those chins.

shortsshortsshorts August 15, 2008 at 1:48 pm

[re=60609]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Every office should have one, dammit.

weirdiowasculpture August 15, 2008 at 1:59 pm

So when I get a woodie, the stuff that comes out is oil? But isn’t it kinda the wrong color?

Dr.GonzoMD August 15, 2008 at 1:59 pm

http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:rbzykr3RGEv7tM:http://www.newpantagruel.com/issues/1.4/seuss/onceler.jpg
This is a photo of Sali’s house. I am on the job, private dick style. Why didn’t he enlighten us earlier? He owes Exxon and the rest re-prepayment with interest for holding out on us.

Big Al1317 August 15, 2008 at 2:04 pm

I believe there are at least 40 barrels of oils in that guys foolish empty grin.

KTHXBAI August 15, 2008 at 2:09 pm

[re=60528]Terry[/re]: I will have you know I live in Sali’s district that is so not true. Their cabins have generators. Powered by all the crude oil in the the trees.

My dad works for the state and had to deal with him when he was in the state legislature and said he was a huge asshole. Bill Sali is a fucking moron who should die. The end.

KTHXBAI August 15, 2008 at 2:10 pm

[re=60550]Outstando[/re]: and teh gayz

ReelectTilden August 15, 2008 at 2:15 pm

In all honestly, I think there is a tree in Australia that is quite oily, to the extent that when they burn they’re difficult to put out. Certainly not 40 gallons’ worth, but it’s something.

The trucknutz tree is also a good source of oil, which is typically processed into frumunda cheese.

Godot August 15, 2008 at 2:23 pm

You mean there’s OIL in trees??!?

And here I’ve been putting it on my pancakes! I feel like such a fool!

Walter Sobchak August 15, 2008 at 2:45 pm

[re=60549]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: You have a dictaphone?

Walter Sobchak August 15, 2008 at 2:49 pm

[re=60609]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: [re=60695]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: [re=60823]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Fuck, I should read the comments more.

mhale0 August 15, 2008 at 3:05 pm

We could boil that fat cocksucker down to at least one or two barrels of tallow. Can you make gasoline from tallow?

snig August 15, 2008 at 3:16 pm

Sometimes new frontiers in stupidity can really engage your sense of wonder. Maybe someone once explained to him that the old wooden barrels were made from trees. I hope his vision becomes a Republican talking point, that way the rest of us can make a fortune selling them the crude oil rights to patches of forest.

CivicHoliday August 15, 2008 at 3:27 pm

There’s also TNT in salmon. That’s why they put up so many damns in Idaho. They’ve successfully prevented fish rebellion for many years now.

DangerousLiberal August 15, 2008 at 4:28 pm

[re=60528]Terry[/re]: No shit. It’s a violation of the laws of God and man (and woman, too) to use the words “Republican,” “Idaho” and “Congresscritter” without the word “idiot.” Ok, class, let’s try some sample sentences:

Helen Chenowith, Republican congresswoman of Idaho, was a terrorist enabler and a full-on idiot.

Senator W.E. Borah of Idaho was a progressive Republican (really, no shit) but was an idiot about the Nazis and about part of the New Deal (hey, it’s right there in Wikipedia).

Idaho Congressman Bill Sali is an idiot for believing that trees have oil, but Idaho Sen. Larry Craig is a bigger idiot for cruising for bjs in an airport.

Very good, class!

snig August 15, 2008 at 4:36 pm

Reminds me of this:
http://xkcd.com/282/

Hart88 August 15, 2008 at 4:43 pm

Just don’t ask him where babies come from.

S.Luggo August 15, 2008 at 5:59 pm

[re=60638]larz[/re]: and from Hindus and God-haters:

http://mountaingoatreport.typepad.com/the_mountaingoat_report/2007/11/steven-thayns-s.html
“Most of the hospitals in this country have Christian names. If you think Hindu prayer is great, where are the Hindu hospitals in this country? Go down the list. Where are the atheist hospitals in this country? They’re not equal.” — Rep. Bill Sali (R-ID-01) to the Idaho Press-Tribune editorial board in response to criticism of his views regarding Hindu prayer in the [US] Senate.

Outstando August 15, 2008 at 6:31 pm

[re=60619]Terry[/re]: Oh, so they just haven’t been discovered yet. That makes sense.

Jingo August 16, 2008 at 1:34 am

McCain: “We have to log here and we have to log now!”

zhubajie August 16, 2008 at 10:30 am

Has he been caught in a public toilet yet?

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: