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John McCain Is President of Sports

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Gladiatorial combat via golf cartDoes Barack Obama have a “major league sports team owner” problem? It sure looks like it, because he has not raised nearly as much money from this crucial demographic as that other guy, John McCain. McCain has raised more than $3.2 million from major sports team owners and their families, while Barack Obama has raised only $615,000 — despite the fact that Obama is way better at basketball. Too bad Obama is too much of an elitist to relate to simple, working-class multimillionaire sports team owners. [Politico]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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  • sanantonerose

    Dear Lord, it’s the golf cart from hell.

  • Doglessliberal

    Wel, if Sam Zell, that man of the people, gave $22K to McCain, that proves Obama is foreign and a terrorist, along with all those military folks and firemen. They hate America.

  • loudmouthredhead

    C’mon, haven’t those guys given enough cash to black men? Cut ’em some slack, will ya? Damn naggers. I said N-A-G-G-E-R-S!

  • superfecta

    What about the all-important Jai alai demographic? Why has Barry shamefully ignored their needs?

  • BigDupa

    Who leads in drug peddlers? Barry from back in the day or Cindy’s pushers?

  • carerer

    Jeez, how many ways are we going to split the money count? Are we going to track donations from Container Store managers or Broadway choreographers?

  • loudmouthredhead

    [re=60452]sanantonerose[/re]: And look, it even has a windshield for poor pedestrians to roll off of if they’re unfortunate enough to get in the way of the mad dash to Old Country Buffet for the early bird special.

  • The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    That golf cart is the real Straight Talk Express.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …yeah, because we need Mark Cuban choosing our president!

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=60461]The Incomparable Tiny Valdez[/re]: True that. It’s certainly more McCain’s speed, and it has the added benefit of not being able to wreck minivans as it makes right turns.

  • Urbanachiever

    Sam Zell doesn’t count! He’s only the guy that bought the news company that also happens to own the Cubs. NO one in Chicago thinks of him as a “major league sports owner.”

    Besides, this article dodges the MOST important question, which is: Who does Mark Cuban support?

  • SayItWithWookies

    This proves that McCain is the real uniter — since he fooled around on his wife, he represents both the owners and the playas.

  • trophy(forparticipation)wife

    Looks like they’re off to get a brontosaurus burger.

  • sanantonerose

    And what’s that sign on the windshield say? COME AND TAKE IT?

  • trophy(forparticipation)wife

    Who’s driving McDaisy? Where’s Jay, his black man?

  • AngryBlakGuy
  • qwerty42

    Clearly Barry is doomed. Without the all-important sports-team owner demographic, there is simply no way he can win.

  • loudmouthredhead

    [re=60470]sanantonerose[/re]: “Dante’s Express”

  • sanantonerose

    [re=60476]loudmouthredhead[/re]: No stops until you get off at the 9th circle!

  • Godless Liberal *

    I am stunned that ultra-rich businessmen would be more supportive of the Republican candidate in any election.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=60470]sanantonerose[/re]: “My Other Car is a Handbasket”

  • Cape Clod

    [re=60459]carerer[/re]: Dog show handlers. Who are they giving their money to? They are the real bellwether.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=60470]sanantonerose[/re]: “Kiss Me, I’m WASPy”

  • Cape Clod

    [re=60470]sanantonerose[/re]: I think it says ‘Get The Fuck Out Of The Way, Poor People!’

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …WALNUTS! probably still thinks football players still wear open faced leather helmets and basketball teams still consist of 90% white guys.

  • loudmouthredhead

    [re=60484]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: You are on a roll today! You have some hidden Jew writing for you today? Hmmmm?

  • badco/LoJ

    [re=60466]Urbanachiever[/re]: Probably Obama. Cuban’s a douche, but a pretty progressive one.

  • loudmouthredhead

    [re=60459]carerer[/re]: Well I think we all know who’s “stitched up” the taxidermist vote.
    See what I did there? Huh? Didja?

  • StripesAndPlaids

    I think that number is inflated by the signing bonus Al Davis gave McCain to play free safety

    (If you are long suffering Oakland Raider’s fan, that joke is HYSTERICAL. I play to very small demographic.)

  • loudmouthredhead

    [re=60470]sanantonerose[/re]: “My other car is a cunt”

  • MoodProcessor

    [re=60487]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: “Honk if you’re Honky”

  • spencer

    Baseball owners are the ultimate Republican base: Homophobic racist chickenhawks who claim to be Republicans while raising taxes to build stadiums, use the government to enforce antitrust legislation which allows them to maintain their monopolies, and pretend to support the military by forcing people to hear someone sing God Bless America instead of allowing them to go pee.

  • The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    What about the horse show judges?

  • loudmouthredhead

    [re=60470]sanantonerose[/re]: “My Cunt Can Beat Up Your Honor Roll Student”

  • Monsieur Grumpe


    Jai alai demographic? Naw. Obama needs to tap into the bottomless bag of bucks behind curling.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=60473]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: you win!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    [re=60496]MoodProcessor[/re]: [re=60495]loudmouthredhead[/re]: [re=60470]sanantonerose[/re]: …Im guessing the bumper sticker says:

    “Consciousness; that confusing time between naps!”


    “Go ahead and honk, I cant hear you!”

  • pdiddycornchips

    Baseball owners side with McCain because he looks like Don Zimmer.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=60499]loudmouthredhead[/re]: “This vehicle makes sharp white turns”

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=60508]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: “This cart brakes for duck fuckers”

  • V572625694

    [re=60497]spencer[/re]: You nailed ’em. Politicians are whores for sports team owners because the love, love, love those seats in the luxury boxes the taxpayers pay to build.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?”

  • weirdiowasculpture

    [re=60473]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Do the rims spin?

  • MoodProcessor

    Is the license plate Georgian?

  • WadISay

    [re=60497]spencer[/re]: The part of their job sports franchise holders like best is the slaveholding (albeit with multimillionaire slaves). Maybe gun shop owners are further right wing, but not much.

  • spencer

    [re=60519]WadISay[/re]: I forgot about that part. I was reading ESPN yesterday and they were talking to a baseball GM who said that what Manny Ramirez did when he wanted to quit playing for the Red Sox was, “criminal.” The only other jobs I can name that it are criminal to quit are the army and being a slave.

  • MoodProcessor

    [re=60517]weirdiowasculpture[/re]: That’d be Larry Craigs cart.

  • Maus

    They’re probably afraid that people will get out of their homes and actually exercise and play sports for themselves under Obama.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    [re=60517]weirdiowasculpture[/re]: …counter clockwise my friend!

  • Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    You commie liberal Jihadist east coast media tyes just can’t give Barry a break, can you? He’s on a fucking family vacation in Tahiti, visiting his ailing granny – who is so old, there aren’t photos of her, only cave drawings – and all you can do is ride his ass about wind surfing and eating at posh restaurants with sugar cane magnates and Bollywood starlets.

    Well, here’s your 411: on Wednesday night at the convention, in addition to speeches by Clinton, Bayh, Biden, Richardson, Rockefeller, Reid, Kaine, Sebelius, Warner and Spitzer, there’s gonna be an all-star ball match – yup, right there on the floor of the Pepsi Center – featuring Shaq and Jermaine, Bill Bradley, Jordan, Pippin, Kobe, Garnett, LeBron and Iverson, among others.

    (Clinton and Gore are working their Chinese connections to get a few of the big name Olympic stars to come over; they’re connected to big oil and coal and should bring in a few billion dollars or so.)

    The bball money is gonna flow like nightmares from Baylor, and Juan won’t know what hit him in the nuts. Even truck nutz will begin donating to Hopey’s cause and Murika will be saved.

    The End

  • mr.november

    Yankees can not win the world series with all the money they spend on players.

  • cal

    [re=60529]Oscar Folsom Cleveland[/re]: Hopey should reunite the Jackson Five. Not THAT would win him the election!

  • trophy(forparticipation)wife

    [re=60534]mr.november[/re]: Don’t get me started on A-Rod.

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    Am I crazy or is that golf cart about one pull on the throttle away from doing a huge wheelie due to the “beefy” fellow in the back?

  • pdiddycornchips


    They haven’t been the same team since the Red Sox beat them three straight in ’04. I’m pretty sure that cause Steinbrenners’ dimentia.

  • ManchuCandidate

    It’s not like anyone talented will take Angelo’s money anyway.

  • Big Al1317

    [re=60494]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: Excellent!! I get it.

  • Tybalt

    there’s gonna be an all-star ball match Рyup, right there on the floor of the Pepsi Center Рfeaturing Shaq and Jermaine, Bill Bradley, Jordan, Pippin, Kobe, Garnett, LeBron and Iverson,

    Shaq and Kobe are gonna ball each other on the floor of the convention center? I AM SO THERE.

  • TGY

    W. was a sports team owner.
    Sports team owners favor their own.
    WALNUTS=Bush, so sports teams owners favor WALNUTS.

    It all makes sense in a senseless sort of way.

  • snig

    I do give McCain credit for looking into electrical vehicles. I don’t think he should have promised the driver 300 million for it though.