THE DIRT  8:07 pm August 14, 2008

Looks Like They Finally Got ‘Em

by Jim Newell

The Great Media Sweepstakes of Summer 2008 has a winner! Some lackey pool reporter was lucky enough to spy on Barack Obama’s private family vacation when his shirt was off. This reporter’s sweepstakes prize basket includes $100 in Delaware lottery tickets, a free dessert at Bennigan’s, and a comical CNN Political Ticker write-up to go alongside this, the most pathetic news photograph we’ve ever seen. [CNN]

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mattbolt August 14, 2008 at 8:11 pm


SayItWithWookies August 14, 2008 at 8:15 pm

They missed the part where he walked out on the beach and found the ocean perfectly calm, and at the behest of some surfers he waved his hands and boom! Twenty-foot swells, baby.

Gopherit v2.0 August 14, 2008 at 8:16 pm

These guys are worse than the paparazzi trying to get twat pictures of celebs.

Gopherit v2.0 August 14, 2008 at 8:16 pm

Oh, and I would like to thank them for NOT trying to get nip pics of McCain.

Advocatus_Diaboli August 14, 2008 at 8:20 pm

[re=60213]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Impossible – the NVA “removed” WALNUTS! nips.

Too soon?

WhatTheHeck August 14, 2008 at 8:24 pm

He tried to go in for a dip but he couldn’t sink below the waves. Had no other option than to walk
on top of the foaming, wild sea. Then glide out onto the sand with the Hawaiian sun reflecting off his six pack.

NotUrEvryDayWEzl August 14, 2008 at 8:26 pm

FAIL. What the hell can I do with this? The best I can manage is to add it as a blurry tile on my Barry floor mosaic.

Serolf Divad August 14, 2008 at 8:30 pm

Oh, come on! It doesn’t count if he’s toweling off. Man, our Paparazzi sucks. In Europe we’d have pictures of a naked Barack and Michelle suggestively embracing in the ocean.

mattbolt August 14, 2008 at 8:33 pm

Looks like some shaky-handed photographer out there with the world’s smudgiest lens has been having a busy week! First he did some freelance work snapping John Edwards for the Enquirer, then took that hot Big Foot picture, then hit the beach to take a Pulitzer-eligible snapshot of a topless presidential candidate! Man, can we start a charity to buy this guy a nice entry-level Canon or Nikon?

Spence August 14, 2008 at 8:35 pm

At that distance it’s impossible to tell if he’s a but-her face or not.

expatinOz August 14, 2008 at 8:36 pm

Too grainy and the bloody towel is covering his chest! What a waste of my momentary excitement at more shirtless Barack photos.

mattbolt August 14, 2008 at 8:36 pm

This is the hottest erotic-voyeur-presidential-candidate-action I’ve seen since the days that the Washington Post ran a shot of a nude, oiled-up, spread-eagled Walter Mondale in ’84

economywine August 14, 2008 at 8:40 pm

weak sauce.

Serolf Divad August 14, 2008 at 8:40 pm


Allright, I officially just lost my lunch.

graceless August 14, 2008 at 8:42 pm

[re=60210]mattbolt[/re]: Damnit. I was looking up the Britney video, and you win. I suck.

regisgoat August 14, 2008 at 8:42 pm

Oh, God, this is like the time John Kerry was caught windsurfing! Windsurfing! WINDSURFING! The Democrats lose! Humiliation, defeat!

Wee Mousie August 14, 2008 at 8:43 pm

Darn sneaky, that photojournalist. Tracking Obama to an unscheduled dip in the ocean when his superiors had assigned him to stake out the pool.

SaveMeeJeebus August 14, 2008 at 8:45 pm

Update your references Jim; Bennigan’s is dead. CONTEMPORIZE, MAN!

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 14, 2008 at 8:53 pm

Still none of him walking on water?

TGY August 14, 2008 at 8:57 pm

Did someone make him darker in that pic?

itgetter August 14, 2008 at 9:09 pm

Wow. Interesting mix of comments on CNN:

-what’s next? reporting him shaving as news?
-Unlike McCain, Obama campaigns 7 days a week.
-Are you guys serious? This isn’t news. Leave him alone.
-While Georgia is being brutally invaded……
-McCain was on top of the situation in Georgia and also sending his senator allies to monitor the situation in the capital of Georgia. Barack Obama on the beach enjoying the surf? Well, I think I know who I would trust to run this country.
-Ooh ooh! Did he have good pecs? Good abs?
-I’d ask for equal coverage of both candidates but I really don’t care to see a shirtless McCain at the beach. How about we just leave news items like this to the tabloids? This should be above CNN.

wheelie August 14, 2008 at 9:19 pm

[re=60235]trophy(forparticipation)wife[/re]: You didn’t hear? He turned all that water into wine just moments later.

[re=60220]Serolf Divad[/re]: Seriously, it’s surprising that some British tabloid hasn’t stepped forward to do the indecent thing and publish candid pics of his vacation. Or even just photoshop something hastily, and go, “SEXY NAKED BARACK ROMPS ON BEACH!!! – MORE fake IMAGES INSIDE!!!!”

AngryBlakGuy August 14, 2008 at 9:23 pm

…FAKE!!! If it really was Barack Obama, his penis would be dangling out of his pant leg!

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 14, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Lionel Hutz Esq. August 14, 2008 at 9:26 pm

And, yes, I did go back and forth on that one.

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 14, 2008 at 9:26 pm

[re=60244]wheelie[/re]: That’s change we can believe in.

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 14, 2008 at 9:28 pm

I’m pretty sure that is photo-shopped, as it looks like a giant Obama astride the world with a bank of clouds behind him.

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 14, 2008 at 9:29 pm

[re=60245]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Not so fast, he could have the Irish Curse.

Makeithurt August 14, 2008 at 9:34 pm

He’s such a fruit.

tsunami August 14, 2008 at 9:39 pm

fukk hopey…i demand naked michelle.

off-white working class August 14, 2008 at 9:39 pm

shirtless barry? hell, i’d much rather watch re-runs of the weightlifting accident at the olympics.

you fuckin pussy!

itgetter August 14, 2008 at 9:43 pm

[re=60255]off-white working class[/re]: Can’t unsee!

bjackrian August 14, 2008 at 9:43 pm

Barack topless on a beach? Imagine what would have happened if they’d got Hillary!

Jenna' August 14, 2008 at 10:00 pm

[re=60223]expatinOz[/re]: Bloody towel?! Oh no, was Hopey aborting white christian babies on the beach, again?!

wheelie August 14, 2008 at 10:03 pm

[re=60245]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Here’s the breaking British tabloid news.

Slutty_Chola_Cobbler August 14, 2008 at 10:03 pm

WTF I can’t masterbate to this shiznit! I need a close up of the Peenit!

gjdodger August 14, 2008 at 10:07 pm

[re=60254]tsunami[/re]: Even when Michelle is naked, she’s impeccably attired.

AngryBlakGuy August 14, 2008 at 10:09 pm

[re=60261]wheelie[/re]: …hehehe well played sir, well played indeed.

loquaciousmusic August 14, 2008 at 10:17 pm

Unless he had just parted the waters to save a drowning nymph, I’M NOT INTERESTED.

Richard Gozinya August 14, 2008 at 10:35 pm
mattbolt August 14, 2008 at 10:40 pm

[re=60262]Slutty_Chola_Cobbler[/re] enters the market with a demand, [re=60271]Richard Gozinya[/re] enters to provide supply. The free market works!

Larry McAwful August 14, 2008 at 10:49 pm

If Obama gets elected and continues to vacation in Hawaii, I wonder if that will cause Hawaii to become a popular vacation destination? It’ll be interesting to find out. It happened to Hyannisport, but not to Crawford. So we’ll have to wait and see.

John McCain’s vacation would be a bus ride to Atlantic City, where they give you and the other seniors a roll of quarters so you can really cut loose.

SuperRounder August 14, 2008 at 11:15 pm

Well, now we know how Hopey got the gay firefighter vote.

Larry McAwful August 14, 2008 at 11:31 pm

[re=60278]SuperRounder[/re]: Yeah. Who knew it would only take collective bargaining rights to win them over?

NoWireHangers August 15, 2008 at 12:42 am

What IS THAT? You call that a shirtless Barry pic? Not at all suitable for my masturbatorium. Next time, tell the pap to get the vaseline off the lense and into his hand like a REAL AMERICAN.

Johnny Zhivago August 15, 2008 at 1:01 am

[re=60241]itgetter[/re]: If Georgia was paying me $40,000 I’d take their calls at 4am.

Johnny Zhivago August 15, 2008 at 1:02 am

[re=60305]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: I meant to say “if georgia was paying me $40,000 a MONTH I’d take their calls at 4am”.

How about allowing EDITS of comments???

Oscar Folsom Cleveland August 15, 2008 at 1:20 am

Really? Are you sure? Looks more like a Darfur refuge running from an enormous pile of Sudanese government forces’ cocaine.

Could be Bush, no? He’s been trying to kick his habit since that “fall down dead drunk” routine at the Pekin Orympics.

sarcasticusername August 15, 2008 at 1:37 am

meh get back to me when you’ve got bikini pics of michelle. naked barry is so played out, he’s such an attention whore, look at him flashing those muscles he’s been working on at the gym, with that coquettish smile of his. bonus points for pics of the two hot pieces frolicking on the beach.

Darehead August 15, 2008 at 2:44 am

Here’s how some see our Barry-O, with a certain shadow on his upper lip:

S.Luggo August 15, 2008 at 2:45 am

Yet, this why we have the First Amendment and detention camps.

[re=60257]itgetter[/re]: So bitter, so.

Sabre_Justice August 15, 2008 at 2:57 am

[re=60276]Larry McAwful[/re]: Dude, I wanna go to Hawaii right now!

Vanity Smurf August 15, 2008 at 3:53 am

This is what happens when you send a pool reporter to do a paparazzo’s job.

gurukalehuru August 15, 2008 at 4:05 am

[re=60261]wheelie[/re]: I don’t usually say this, but LOL.

eyesfriedopen August 15, 2008 at 8:37 am

See, that’s the problem with the point-and-click generation. No pride in their work. Old Buckley would have produced a much more respectable tin-type.

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez August 15, 2008 at 8:54 am

ALERT! ALERT! HuffPo has major Obamaporn up. Body surfing, up close, in focus and juicy!

sanantonerose August 15, 2008 at 8:57 am

Did the description really have to include the word “shirtless?” I mean, like, duh…we can tell.

Street Organizer August 15, 2008 at 9:12 am

[re=60271]Richard Gozinya[/re]: thanks, now i have 342,000 more flix to wallpaper the inside of my bedroom.

YellowScientist August 15, 2008 at 9:22 am

[re=60261]wheelie[/re]: GOLD!

NoWireHangers August 15, 2008 at 10:22 am

[re=60342]The Incomparable Tiny Valdez[/re]: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


BoreExpert August 15, 2008 at 10:40 am

He’s got a farmer tan! *puffy heart*

PeteJayhawk v2.0 August 15, 2008 at 10:57 am

Best photo caption ever?

“Obama is vacationing in Hawaii.”

KevoTron August 15, 2008 at 11:00 am

[re=60230]regisgoat[/re]: No way. Body surfing is anything BUT elitist. In Hawaii only the really poor kids who can’t afford surfboards go body surfing. Also, that beach he is at (called Sandy Beach) is a fucking hardcore place to surf. We’re taking neck-breaking shore break. The day the Iraq war started I got tossed and nearly snapped my spine. So, I’m a little surprised Hopey even got in there because even on a small day the swell there can be nutz.

Ho cuz! You like get pounded in some shore break?

lilblackcorvette August 15, 2008 at 11:07 am

[re=60224]mattbolt[/re]: eeewwwww

sarcasticusername August 15, 2008 at 12:24 pm

Sir Hopey’s very own presidential surfboard. SO presumptuous.

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 15, 2008 at 12:44 pm

[re=60276]Larry McAwful[/re]: Only for elites.

CivicHoliday August 15, 2008 at 2:50 pm

[re=60397]NoWireHangers[/re]: Mmmmmmmm. Chocolate candy.

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