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Fuck You Cat.Ever since its founding by George Washington in 17-whatever-something, the District of Columbia has never heard the thrilling ring of gunfire. Finally, after more than two centuries of firearm-free boredom, Washington will get its very first guns, this month!

Nobody knows how the D.C. vibe will change with the addition of guns. What will people do with guns? Will they just innocently collect the firearms, and perhaps occassionally have “target practice” at picnics, on the National Mall? Or could a few ne’er-do-wells dream up some negative uses for handguns — uses we probably can’t even conceive of, today, in this time of No Guns?

But let’s not be negative creeps. This is the time to rejoice, as Washington finally joins a fun little country we like to call the U-S of A.

While handguns have been legal in the District for a month, residents are still unable to purchase guns because there are no gun stores in the city. Charles Sykes is the only licensed gun dealer in the city who is willing to facilitate the transfer of handguns from out-of-state dealers into the District. Sykes, who has been transferring handguns for security firms since 1994, is waiting for the ATF to approve his change of address before he can start doing business again.

Sykes tells WTOP he met with ATF inspectors on Tuesday.

“They inspected my office. They say it should be only a few weeks now, then I’ll get my license from the District police and I’ll be back in business.”

The Guns Are Coming [WTOP]

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38 COMMENTS

  1. Guns don’t kill people. People with moustaches kill people.

    I stole that from a t-shirt I saw in a shop window the other day. Words to live by.

  2. If Bob Novak had had a gun, that homeless person never would’ve been allowed to damage his car. It’s so sad when justice comes too late for the rich and famous.

  3. Yes! Soon maybe we can beat those librul hippie fascists and legalize bombs too! This is the BEST EVER.

    And this post is awesome. SAID.

  4. [re=60096]SayItWithWookies[/re]: And if that vigilante cyclist who chased down Novak’s superbadass Corvette had been packing heat, the relevant quote might have been “well, at least he’s dead–that’s the most important thing.”

  5. D.C. has gone from a city of mudslingers to a city of gunslingers.

    Hey, Wonkette, don’t open your doors to any Paultard or hard working American.

  6. There’s going to be a huge concert celebrating the return of guns to D.C., and the acts booked so far are Ted Nugent, L.A. Guns, Guns ‘n Roses and .38 Special.

  7. Washington, D.C.
    It’s paradise to me
    It’s not because it is the grand old seat
    Of precious freedom and democracy
    No, no, no
    It’s not the greenery turning gold in fall
    The scenery circling the Mall
    It’s just that’s where my baby lives
    That’s all.

    Washington D.C.!
    It’s the greatest place to be
    It’s not the cherries everywhere in bloom
    It’s not the way they put folks on the moon
    No, no, no
    It’s not the spectacles and pagaentry
    The thousand things you’ve got to see
    It’s just that’s where my baby waits for me

    W a-s-h i-n-g t-o-n, baby D.C.!
    W a-s-h i-n-g t-o-n, baby D.C.!

    Washington, D.C.!
    It fits me to a T
    It’s not the people doing something real
    It’s not the way the springtime makes you feel
    No, no, no
    It ain’t no famous name on a golden plaque
    That keeps me that makes me ride that railroad track
    It’s my baby’s kiss that keeps me coming back
    It’s my baby’s kiss that keeps me coming back

  8. OK, for y’all who dunno what to git, har’s a good list of wut you might choose from:


    # Artillery gun

    * Carronade
    * Howitzer
    * Tank gun

    # Autocannon

    * Chain gun
    * Gatling gun
    * Minigun
    * Mitrailleuse

    # Grenade launcher
    # Machine Gun

    * General-purpose machine gun
    * Heavy machine gun
    * Light machine gun
    * Medium machine gun
    * Squad automatic weapon

    # Mortar
    # Recoilless rifle
    # Small arms

    * Handgun
    o Captive bolt pistol
    o Hand cannon
    o Machine pistol
    o Pistol
    + Howdah pistol
    + Junk gun
    + Mousegun
    + Pocket pistol
    o Revolver
    * Long gun
    o Arquebus
    o Blunderbuss
    o Musket
    + Musketoon
    + Wall gun
    o Personal defense weapon
    o Rifle
    + Assault rifle
    + Battle rifle
    + Carbine
    + Elephant gun
    + Express rifle
    + Service rifle
    + Sniper rifle
    o Shotgun
    + Combat shotgun
    + Semi-automatic shotgun
    o Submachine gun

    I recommend a blunderbuss. Because you can shoot silverware.

  9. [re=60147]Larry Fine[/re]: I would suggest an M240 medium machine gun. It’s belt fed, and has pretty good range and power. That would do well repelling the Chinamen.

  10. Oh, I am so totally getting a mitrailleuse.

    I’m sort of in DC now, only on the Virginia side of the river, and I brought a couple “firearms” with me (a Remington .41 rimfire double derringer that doesn’t fire for some reason – I suspect a weak mainspring – and a reproduction .36 Colt Navy cap-and-ball revolver that also needs work). And I’m planning to move into the District soon, so should I keep these sort-of handguns, or send them home to Georgia? The “Colt” (made by Italians) is definitely not a firearm under federal definition, and I’m not sure about the Remington (uses an obsolete cartridge, but this one was manufactured post-1898 and I have ammo for it (that it won’t fire)).

    Screw it, I’m just gonna go buy a Glock and carry it everywhere, like every self-respecting District gang-banger.

  11. I assume that members of Congress are exempt and won’t be permitted guns?

    Too bad. A good day on the hill could clear up a lot of roadblocks, legislatively speaking.

  12. [re=60133]TJBeck[/re]: I recommend a blunderbuss. Because you can shoot silverware.

    I would recommend a Trebuchet, with that you can fire off the whole frigging restaurant.

  13. [re=60174]Lazy Media[/re]:

    .41 Short?
    .41 Long?
    .41 Swiss?

    The mainspring might be the problem. But it also could be the age of the cartridges. And even it you can find them, they are ridiculously expensive – between $3-$4 each, up to $37-plus each.

    Get a shotgun. It’s cheaper, and you can take out a whole playground of Terrorist Preschoolers.

  14. I’d install thousands of cameras, wall off the District (or ideally inside the Beltway), give everyone guns, and let everyone have it out. It would be like The Running Man and probably get very good ratings for whatever network picked it up.

  15. Just so you know. Washington DC has NOT been free of guns for over 2 centuries. More like about 30 or so years. If you check your history, you’ll see that President Lincoln even fired a gun on the White House lawn. He test fired the Spencer repeating rifle, along with it’s inventor, Christopher Spencer, who went to see President Lincoln to sell his gun, as the War Department was refusing to buy it. They thought it would cost the Union forces to much money in ammunition if Federal troops were equipped with a rifle that could fire over 20 rounds a minute.

  16. Newsflash Wonkettes-

    DC is the murder capital of America.

    You’all ALREADY have more guns than anywhere else… on the PLANET.

    Let’s play a game & see if you can DOUBLE the murder rate next year!!!

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