Wonkette
Ever since its founding by George Washington in 17-whatever-something, the District of Columbia has never heard the thrilling ring of gunfire. Finally, after more than two centuries of firearm-free boredom, Washington will get its very first guns, this month!
Nobody knows how the D.C. vibe will change with the addition of guns. What will people do with guns? Will they just innocently collect the firearms, and perhaps occassionally have “target practice” at picnics, on the National Mall? Or could a few ne’er-do-wells dream up some negative uses for handguns — uses we probably can’t even conceive of, today, in this time of No Guns?
But let’s not be negative creeps. This is the time to rejoice, as Washington finally joins a fun little country we like to call the U-S of A.
While handguns have been legal in the District for a month, residents are still unable to purchase guns because there are no gun stores in the city. Charles Sykes is the only licensed gun dealer in the city who is willing to facilitate the transfer of handguns from out-of-state dealers into the District. Sykes, who has been transferring handguns for security firms since 1994, is waiting for the ATF to approve his change of address before he can start doing business again.
Sykes tells WTOP he met with ATF inspectors on Tuesday.
“They inspected my office. They say it should be only a few weeks now, then I’ll get my license from the District police and I’ll be back in business.”
The Guns Are Coming [WTOP]
Large bore or small, you won’t regret it! Guns are tons of fun!
I’m sure he’ll open his store right across from a liquor store in South East. Hooray for the Second Amendment!
Who will be the first pro-gun wing nut killed in a street robbery?
Don’t point that thing unless you mean to use it. (thats the pickup line John Edwards girlfriend used to nab him)
Let the games begin.
Yaaaaay.
This is gonna be entertaining.
Why does that Kitten hate America?
Guns don’t kill people. People with moustaches kill people.
I stole that from a t-shirt I saw in a shop window the other day. Words to live by.
If Bob Novak had had a gun, that homeless person never would’ve been allowed to damage his car. It’s so sad when justice comes too late for the rich and famous.
Yes! Soon maybe we can beat those librul hippie fascists and legalize bombs too! This is the BEST EVER.
And this post is awesome. SAID.
Homer: A gun is not a weapon, Marge! It’s a tool. Like a butcher’s knife or a harpoon or… uh, a… an alligator.
SayItWithWookies: And if that vigilante cyclist who chased down Novak’s superbadass Corvette had been packing heat, the relevant quote might have been “well, at least he’s dead–that’s the most important thing.”
Whiskeybaby: Guns dont kill people, but they sure help
Did we get so desparate for art to go with these stories that we started stealing from the icanhascheezburger website??
I’m bracing myself for an email Forwarding barrage of dubious fucking anecdotes “proving” why guns are good or bad for dc.
The District has a long way to go yet before you get sympathy from me. If it hadn’t been for our Governor, Arizonan could have brought guns to bars three years ago.
D.C. has gone from a city of mudslingers to a city of gunslingers.
Hey, Wonkette, don’t open your doors to any Paultard or hard working American.
“Mouse” over the pic, exxxerrent…
handguns, psssh. Let me know when you guys have AR-15s…
SPCA = Gitmo.
There’s going to be a huge concert celebrating the return of guns to D.C., and the acts booked so far are Ted Nugent, L.A. Guns, Guns ‘n Roses and .38 Special.
Washington, D.C.
It’s paradise to me
It’s not because it is the grand old seat
Of precious freedom and democracy
No, no, no
It’s not the greenery turning gold in fall
The scenery circling the Mall
It’s just that’s where my baby lives
That’s all.
Washington D.C.!
It’s the greatest place to be
It’s not the cherries everywhere in bloom
It’s not the way they put folks on the moon
No, no, no
It’s not the spectacles and pagaentry
The thousand things you’ve got to see
It’s just that’s where my baby waits for me
W a-s-h i-n-g t-o-n, baby D.C.!
W a-s-h i-n-g t-o-n, baby D.C.!
Washington, D.C.!
It fits me to a T
It’s not the people doing something real
It’s not the way the springtime makes you feel
No, no, no
It ain’t no famous name on a golden plaque
That keeps me that makes me ride that railroad track
It’s my baby’s kiss that keeps me coming back
It’s my baby’s kiss that keeps me coming back
OK, for y’all who dunno what to git, har’s a good list of wut you might choose from:
# Artillery gun
* Carronade
* Howitzer
* Tank gun
# Autocannon
* Chain gun
* Gatling gun
* Minigun
* Mitrailleuse
# Grenade launcher
# Machine Gun
* General-purpose machine gun
* Heavy machine gun
* Light machine gun
* Medium machine gun
* Squad automatic weapon
# Mortar
# Recoilless rifle
# Small arms
* Handgun
o Captive bolt pistol
o Hand cannon
o Machine pistol
o Pistol
+ Howdah pistol
+ Junk gun
+ Mousegun
+ Pocket pistol
o Revolver
* Long gun
o Arquebus
o Blunderbuss
o Musket
+ Musketoon
+ Wall gun
o Personal defense weapon
o Rifle
+ Assault rifle
+ Battle rifle
+ Carbine
+ Elephant gun
+ Express rifle
+ Service rifle
+ Sniper rifle
o Shotgun
+ Combat shotgun
+ Semi-automatic shotgun
o Submachine gun
I recommend a blunderbuss. Because you can shoot silverware.
TJBeck: What’s good for shooting all those Chinamen I am now seeing on the TV?
Larry Fine: I would suggest an M240 medium machine gun. It’s belt fed, and has pretty good range and power. That would do well repelling the Chinamen.
Oh, I am so totally getting a mitrailleuse.
I’m sort of in DC now, only on the Virginia side of the river, and I brought a couple “firearms” with me (a Remington .41 rimfire double derringer that doesn’t fire for some reason - I suspect a weak mainspring - and a reproduction .36 Colt Navy cap-and-ball revolver that also needs work). And I’m planning to move into the District soon, so should I keep these sort-of handguns, or send them home to Georgia? The “Colt” (made by Italians) is definitely not a firearm under federal definition, and I’m not sure about the Remington (uses an obsolete cartridge, but this one was manufactured post-1898 and I have ammo for it (that it won’t fire)).
Screw it, I’m just gonna go buy a Glock and carry it everywhere, like every self-respecting District gang-banger.
I assume that members of Congress are exempt and won’t be permitted guns?
Too bad. A good day on the hill could clear up a lot of roadblocks, legislatively speaking.
TJBeck: I recommend a blunderbuss. Because you can shoot silverware.
I would recommend a Trebuchet, with that you can fire off the whole frigging restaurant.
Make mine a double (barrel)!
So, this is most likely the official end of the Launch Kittens From Wrist Rockets Era.
if freedom fries are outlawed, only outlaws will be obese.
Everybody can have guns but walking around the bus station drunk, naked and smearing bean dip on people is illegal?!
Lazy Media:
.41 Short?
.41 Long?
.41 Swiss?
The mainspring might be the problem. But it also could be the age of the cartridges. And even it you can find them, they are ridiculously expensive - between $3-$4 each, up to $37-plus each.
Get a shotgun. It’s cheaper, and you can take out a whole playground of Terrorist Preschoolers.
I’d install thousands of cameras, wall off the District (or ideally inside the Beltway), give everyone guns, and let everyone have it out. It would be like The Running Man and probably get very good ratings for whatever network picked it up.
Just so you know. Washington DC has NOT been free of guns for over 2 centuries. More like about 30 or so years. If you check your history, you’ll see that President Lincoln even fired a gun on the White House lawn. He test fired the Spencer repeating rifle, along with it’s inventor, Christopher Spencer, who went to see President Lincoln to sell his gun, as the War Department was refusing to buy it. They thought it would cost the Union forces to much money in ammunition if Federal troops were equipped with a rifle that could fire over 20 rounds a minute.
Newsflash Wonkettes-
DC is the murder capital of America.
You’all ALREADY have more guns than anywhere else… on the PLANET.
Let’s play a game & see if you can DOUBLE the murder rate next year!!!
worstprezever: I’d steer clear of Michaels.
LNS and guns.