LOVE'LL GET YOU LIKE A CASE OF ANTHRAX  3:47 pm August 14, 2008

‘Illegals’ Leave Terrorist Piss Jugs On D.C. Sidewalk, Everybody Freaks

by Jim Newell

Oh no, some sort of 9/11 is happening in downtown D.C. today: “Authorities have closed portions of two downtown Washington streets as they investigate the discovery of several containers carrying an unknown substance. D.C. fire department spokesman Alan Etter says the containers were found on a sidewalk midday Thursday at the corner of 15th and I streets. Hazmat crews are working to determine what is inside the containers and who put them there.” The “air around the containers tested negative,” so it’s probably just urine. As far as who put them there, well: “A Spanish-language bible appears to be resting on top one of the containers.” The Bush Administration is expected to bomb a random brown country by nightfall. [WJLA]

 
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{ 48 comments }

BenG August 14, 2008 at 3:52 pm

Putin pissed on us because we’re Georgian too.

sezme August 14, 2008 at 3:53 pm

What does Travis Childers say?

Botswana Meat Commission FC August 14, 2008 at 3:54 pm

Meth starter ingredients.

Noodle Salad August 14, 2008 at 3:55 pm

“7/NewsChannel 8 iWitness Sara Diaz sent photos of the investigation.”

Diaz, eh? Sounds like she just booked herself a one-way to Gitmo. Say hello to Senor P

PS – I’m sure they’ll find a way to delay the red line because of this.

Monsieur Grumpe August 14, 2008 at 3:55 pm

Think what would have happened if it was a flaming bag of shit!

WhatTheHeck August 14, 2008 at 3:56 pm

That’s the result of drinking too much Bud Lite.
As for the spanish bible, it references the piss and vinegar found therein.

SayItWithWookies August 14, 2008 at 3:56 pm

If it smells like Corona, it’s just pee.

Volumptuous August 14, 2008 at 3:58 pm

I say we nuke all of DC, just to be safe.

Winsome August 14, 2008 at 3:58 pm

I think it’s a protest against high gas prices AND Mexican immigrants.

dano August 14, 2008 at 3:59 pm

Does Lou Dobbs know about this yet? He’s gonna have a coronary over these Mexican piss jugs.

dcgrrl August 14, 2008 at 3:59 pm

I hope this is done by 5pm because that’s my Metro stop. I am so OVER hazmat scares.

HollowBrain August 14, 2008 at 4:01 pm

It’s okay, it’s not like there’s going to be a sort of Spanish Inquisition.

PoliticalGraffiti August 14, 2008 at 4:02 pm

well, if it’s a piss jug, we know no chicks were involved. it’s really hard to piss in a small hole standing up if you have a vag

Doglessliberal August 14, 2008 at 4:03 pm

[re=59976]dcgrrl[/re]: somehow, this will affect the Blue line at Rosslyn because everything causes a delay on the Blue line at Rosslyn.

SayItWithWookies August 14, 2008 at 4:03 pm

[re=59963]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: They would’ve said, “Sorry Senator Craig — carry on.”

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 14, 2008 at 4:04 pm

Looks like an urea nitrate explosive to me.

Tawmn August 14, 2008 at 4:04 pm

[re=59978]HollowBrain[/re]: awesome!

Gopherit v2.0 August 14, 2008 at 4:05 pm

Wow, you Beltway types are effete, aren’t ya? You know what we call finding 30 gallons of pee on the sidewalk in Tucson?

Thursday.

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 14, 2008 at 4:07 pm

Any truth to the rumor that McCain has come out in favor of air strikes on Washington DC to solve the urine bottle problem?

We are all Hobos now.

defeatism August 14, 2008 at 4:07 pm

Hasta la meados siempre.

Lou Dobbs, is that sentence grammatically correct?

NotAnEvilLobbyist August 14, 2008 at 4:08 pm

[re=59981]Doglessliberal[/re]: You know that it is inevitable that the blue line will be delayed at Rosslyn on the commute home because of the morning fires on the red line. Somehow, someway, it will happen.

Speaking of this though, just saw on the local NBC site that the jugs were harmless and they reopened it. I work at 14th and K, so I spent much of the day watching this unfold rather than working.

Godot August 14, 2008 at 4:08 pm

Good thing these jugs didn’t have any LEDs on them depicting a cartoon character or the National Guard would have been called in already.

dcgrrl August 14, 2008 at 4:10 pm

[re=59981]Doglessliberal[/re]: Oh yeah, this is only today’s excuse for the delay on the Orange/Blue lines (which will spill over to the Red line no doubt). As a matter of fact, I think WMATA officials should be #1 Suspects in this case. They’re just looking for someone to blame.

shortsshortsshorts August 14, 2008 at 4:12 pm

[re=59989]Godot[/re]: That was one of the scariest moments in American history. I really did think the mooninites were finally attacking.

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 14, 2008 at 4:12 pm

Have they determined yet that there isn’t anyone hiding in them?

WadISay August 14, 2008 at 4:14 pm

If it tests positive for Gerber’s baby food, it’s a urine specimen from Chinese girls’ gymnastics team.

Studge August 14, 2008 at 4:15 pm

Buck up, DC. You know the old saying: find pee in a jug, make lemonade! {smiley-face emoticon}

Wee Mousie August 14, 2008 at 4:19 pm

I’m feel just a little sorry for the CSI investigator they called in to taste it.

cynbot August 14, 2008 at 4:20 pm

Man, I knew the traffic in DC was bad, but couldn’t you at least keep your recycled coffee in the cupholder until you get to the office?

Naked Bunny with a Whip August 14, 2008 at 4:21 pm

I take it back. I don’t wanna be your goddamn DC intern.

CrunchyKnee August 14, 2008 at 4:22 pm

Damnit! I thought we were fighting jugs-o-piss over there so we don’t have to over here?

cynbot August 14, 2008 at 4:22 pm

[re=59980]PoliticalGraffiti[/re]: I dunno … have you ever witnessed the engineering marvel that is the Stadium Gal?

DarkSynergy August 14, 2008 at 4:25 pm

FIVE AND A HALF YEARS GODDAMMIT!

user-of-owls August 14, 2008 at 4:32 pm

Well, I guess now we know what the DC answer is to “Donde esta el bano?”

rickmv August 14, 2008 at 4:44 pm

Maybe the mexicans were just trying to bring some more of their culture over here to “enrich” us all. Since their culture is worth about as much as a jar of piss I don’t see what the surprise is.

In a Jar August 14, 2008 at 4:47 pm

nice Gang of Four reference, Jim.

[re=59985]Gopherit v2.0[/re], [re=59997]trophy(forparticipation)wife[/re], [re=59989]Godot[/re]: awesome!

BadNewsJack August 14, 2008 at 4:48 pm

Boooyaahh Biotches!! See how my people fight. Surrender and hail us Mexican overlords.

Shit, I gotta take a piss.

BadNewsJack August 14, 2008 at 4:52 pm

[re=60031]rickmv[/re]: Thats not true. We’ve brought plenty of significant things over to this country. Lets see, we gave you guys California, Tacos, Burritos…….ummmm, Texas….. umm, Montezuma’s revenge…. ummmm, Oh yeah, Selma Hayek, ummm, George Lopez…….

CivicHoliday August 14, 2008 at 5:13 pm

Donde estas la casa de Pepe?!? Ah skrew it, I’ll just take a piss and read my bible right here.

pondscum August 14, 2008 at 5:21 pm

I can’t believe no one has said this yet:
It’s good to be the king!

thefrontpage August 14, 2008 at 5:54 pm

Coincidentally, the wires are reporting that the Vice President’s Office is reporting that five gallons of Dick Cheney’s urine samples were reported missing today, Thursday, August 14th, 2008.

Joey Ratz August 14, 2008 at 6:21 pm

[re=59985]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Aw, you beat me to it. Go Tuscon!

Oscar Folsom Cleveland August 14, 2008 at 6:45 pm

Now that he’s back from his near-total collapse due to booze and blow in Pekin, Shrub is jettisoning all of his contraband….and who else to help him out but Juan’s Veep, Tom Ridge? Tommy Boy has his boyz distributing the white powder throughout the, ah, darker sections of D.C.

Later, the police will be tipped off and the 34% of Washington’s black male population who aren’t already in jail or otherwise locked up in the “justice” system will be rounded up and blamed for this.

Wait, FOX News is reporting the story now….
http://bravenewfilms.org/blog/48918-how-to-stop-the-smears-against-obama

Lazy Media August 14, 2008 at 7:22 pm

[re=59993]dcgrrl[/re]: Ha Ha, I ride the yellow line “home” and it’s never delayed (so far).

Lazy Media August 14, 2008 at 7:33 pm

[re=60046]BadNewsJack[/re]: Bullshit. “George Lopez” is from Honduras, and of German ancestry. No, wait, that’s “Carlos Mencia.” George Lopez is American.

llyn August 14, 2008 at 7:47 pm

I hope there’s gonna be a follow-up letting us know what was in the jugs. I’m betting HtwoO.

llyn August 14, 2008 at 7:53 pm

[re=60031]rickmv[/re]: [re=60046]BadNewsJack[/re]: For Americans to be looking down on Mexican culture is rich!

Mongo August 14, 2008 at 7:58 pm

The package I sent to Lou contained a dildo and a Spanish dictionary.
No, this one is similar, but not the same one.

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