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Oh no, some sort of 9/11 is happening in downtown D.C. today: “Authorities have closed portions of two downtown Washington streets as they investigate the discovery of several containers carrying an unknown substance. D.C. fire department spokesman Alan Etter says the containers were found on a sidewalk midday Thursday at the corner of 15th and I streets. Hazmat crews are working to determine what is inside the containers and who put them there.” The “air around the containers tested negative,” so it’s probably just urine. As far as who put them there, well: “A Spanish-language bible appears to be resting on top one of the containers.” The Bush Administration is expected to bomb a random brown country by nightfall. [WJLA]

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48 COMMENTS

  1. “7/NewsChannel 8 iWitness Sara Diaz sent photos of the investigation.”

    Diaz, eh? Sounds like she just booked herself a one-way to Gitmo. Say hello to Senor P

    PS – I’m sure they’ll find a way to delay the red line because of this.

  2. well, if it’s a piss jug, we know no chicks were involved. it’s really hard to piss in a small hole standing up if you have a vag

  3. [re=59976]dcgrrl[/re]: somehow, this will affect the Blue line at Rosslyn because everything causes a delay on the Blue line at Rosslyn.

  4. Any truth to the rumor that McCain has come out in favor of air strikes on Washington DC to solve the urine bottle problem?

    We are all Hobos now.

  5. [re=59981]Doglessliberal[/re]: You know that it is inevitable that the blue line will be delayed at Rosslyn on the commute home because of the morning fires on the red line. Somehow, someway, it will happen.

    Speaking of this though, just saw on the local NBC site that the jugs were harmless and they reopened it. I work at 14th and K, so I spent much of the day watching this unfold rather than working.

  6. [re=59981]Doglessliberal[/re]: Oh yeah, this is only today’s excuse for the delay on the Orange/Blue lines (which will spill over to the Red line no doubt). As a matter of fact, I think WMATA officials should be #1 Suspects in this case. They’re just looking for someone to blame.

  7. [re=59989]Godot[/re]: That was one of the scariest moments in American history. I really did think the mooninites were finally attacking.

  8. Maybe the mexicans were just trying to bring some more of their culture over here to “enrich” us all. Since their culture is worth about as much as a jar of piss I don’t see what the surprise is.

  9. nice Gang of Four reference, Jim.

    [re=59985]Gopherit v2.0[/re], [re=59997]trophy(forparticipation)wife[/re], [re=59989]Godot[/re]: awesome!

  10. [re=60031]rickmv[/re]: Thats not true. We’ve brought plenty of significant things over to this country. Lets see, we gave you guys California, Tacos, Burritos…….ummmm, Texas….. umm, Montezuma’s revenge…. ummmm, Oh yeah, Selma Hayek, ummm, George Lopez…….

  11. Coincidentally, the wires are reporting that the Vice President’s Office is reporting that five gallons of Dick Cheney’s urine samples were reported missing today, Thursday, August 14th, 2008.

  12. Now that he’s back from his near-total collapse due to booze and blow in Pekin, Shrub is jettisoning all of his contraband….and who else to help him out but Juan’s Veep, Tom Ridge? Tommy Boy has his boyz distributing the white powder throughout the, ah, darker sections of D.C.

    Later, the police will be tipped off and the 34% of Washington’s black male population who aren’t already in jail or otherwise locked up in the “justice” system will be rounded up and blamed for this.

    Wait, FOX News is reporting the story now….
    http://bravenewfilms.org/blog/48918-how-to-stop-the-smears-against-obama

  13. [re=60046]BadNewsJack[/re]: Bullshit. “George Lopez” is from Honduras, and of German ancestry. No, wait, that’s “Carlos Mencia.” George Lopez is American.

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