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THE NEW CONSERVATIONISTS

Senator Norm Coleman Didn’t Pay Utility Bills At Tragic Hovel

Get a job and pay your electric bill, bum!It is common knowledge around D.C. that Hobo King Norm Coleman sleeps in a drawer and gives hand jobs for lunch money. But NOW it turns out that he also failed for a whole year to pay the utilities on the 6-cubic-foot basement dungeon he rents from some pal of his. He is truly the most corrupt legislator invented since, who is it, that guy with the astonishing head-merkin.

Here is the deal with your dirty senator Coleman: He rents a wee room from some lobbyist friend, and once he skipped rent for a few months, and apparently didn’t pay a single cent to keep the lights on in his depressing little box for a year, and also he paid his friend in used furniture once.

Norm Coleman is an emotionally deranged homeless man who should never leave his box without strict instructions pinned to his jacket lapel.

Coleman defends D.C. lease [Star Tribune]


2:49 PM on Thu August 14 2008
By Sara K. Smith
4937 Views

  1. Best. Photo. Ever.

  2. Gopherit v2.0 says at 2:54 pm, August 14th, 2008

    cal: “Juke Box Heroooooo!!!”

  3. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 2:55 pm, August 14th, 2008

    Since when did Geddy Lee get elected as a Minnesota senator? I thought he was Canadian.

  4. BoreExpert says at 2:55 pm, August 14th, 2008

    Jesus is my senator!

  5. Delicious says at 2:56 pm, August 14th, 2008

    Did Norm Coleman tour with Todd Rundgren?

  6. CrunchyKnee says at 3:00 pm, August 14th, 2008

    I saw that dude with Styx in ‘78!

  7. AngryBlakGuy says at 3:00 pm, August 14th, 2008

    …he essentially lives in a glorified walk-in closet. How much of a utility bill could he rack up on that?

  8. Doglessliberal says at 3:00 pm, August 14th, 2008

    Gopherit v2.0: oh my god, totally.

    Though I was thinking a member of the Manson family. Or the dude who hung out in the smoking area off the cafeteria in my high school and pretty openly sold dope.

  9. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 3:02 pm, August 14th, 2008

    Fantastic the way he turned those girlish locks into the daring fez o’ hair that he sports today.

  10. These go to eleven.

  11. grendel says at 3:03 pm, August 14th, 2008

    Wasn’t he in Dazed and Confused?

  12. StripesAndPlaids says at 3:04 pm, August 14th, 2008

    Are you sure that isn’t Al Franken? He kind of looks like an unpatriotic rotten doctor commie rat.

  13. kmarie08wj says at 3:13 pm, August 14th, 2008

    He was definitely the kid in school everyone was nice to because they thought he might “snap” and no one wants to be on that kid’s shit list.

  14. grendel says at 3:15 pm, August 14th, 2008

    kmarie08wj: No, we were nice to him because he could score us some weed

  15. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 3:15 pm, August 14th, 2008
  16. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 3:31 pm, August 14th, 2008

    His wife Laurie is hot. He must have something to offset his Class III malocclusion.

  17. Monsieur Grumpe says at 3:33 pm, August 14th, 2008

    We’re getting saturated with Coleman ads here in Minnesota and he’s accusing Franken of being a bad bowler. Oh the horror. Al needs to get that photo on his next commercial to shake up those Coleman zombies.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsszXlPZc5Y&feature=user

  18. trophy(forparticipation)wife says at 3:33 pm, August 14th, 2008
  19. Gopherit v2.0 says at 3:41 pm, August 14th, 2008

    Monsieur Grumpe: Al Franken writes porn? How did I not know this?

  20. econdave says at 3:42 pm, August 14th, 2008

    Norm: “All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I’m fine.”

  21. botlrokit says at 3:44 pm, August 14th, 2008

    trophy(forparticipation)wife: Oh, my… I can now only think of foursomes with her, cindy mccain, and her husband’s new buddies Paris and Britney.

    Naturally, Cindy’s the bartender. Let her senior experience lend itself to the best course of action (and self-perpetuating revenue stream)

    Best part of this story, however, would be when Five’s a Crowd, and Barack comes in to fuck ‘em all.

  22. Rusty Shackleford says at 3:50 pm, August 14th, 2008

    His yearbook photo reminds me of incense, black light posters and a four foot Tokemaster. And let’s face it, aren’t we all pining for the glory days of cheap weed and $1.00 per gallon gas?

  23. I can’t fault him for the photo. He’s looks like everyone I went to high school with.

  24. bearbait says at 3:53 pm, August 14th, 2008

    queeraselvis v 2.0: I was thinking Boy George.

  25. ReverendGreen says at 3:56 pm, August 14th, 2008

    Meanwhile, in a centrist state that’s going to go for Obama by 10+ with a Republican Senator who buddied up to Bush, the Iraq War, and most every conservative cause, Coleman’s almost a lock to win against the “satirist.”

    I’m a huge Franken fan, but way to cost your party a Senate seat, dumbass.

  26. bearbait says at 3:58 pm, August 14th, 2008

    Rusty Shackleford: Actually, I’m pining for the days of cheap weed and $0.65/gallon gas, but then I guess I’m dating myself.

  27. natoslug says at 4:13 pm, August 14th, 2008

    AngryBlakGuy: Depends. Is he using Metal Halide, HPS or High Power LEDs as his grow lights?

  28. blowhard says at 4:26 pm, August 14th, 2008

    $600/mo? My stinkhole is $1,200, but that includes cable and internet, which probably is worth about 6 C-notes per month, so yeah, that’s market rate.

  29. Sabre_Justice says at 5:39 pm, August 14th, 2008

    Clearly, he pays with his body.

    I can see you all shuddering from here.

  30. slowhansolo says at 7:22 pm, August 14th, 2008

    The dude built a platform over his fold-a-bed, and put a couch on it, and we sat up there listening to “Piper at the Gates of Dawn,” and a half hour later the Christmas lights and lava lamp began to dance, and then we were all on the bridge of the Enterprise, negotiating with Klingons on the viewer and talking over each other, because each thought he was the captain, and the ego of it all put such a zap on my head that I had to abandon ship and play with the dog until it passed.

  31. gliberal says at 10:40 pm, August 14th, 2008

    Seriously, what is the goddamn deal with those American Apparel banner ads? We had 3 weeks of Miss Camel Toe 1998 and now Sonny Bono cavorting in tube socks. What is the goddamn deal?

  32. You liberal bastards! Stop making fun of this poor woman. Like most ugly chicks, she probably has a hot friend that businessman Larson wants to bang. The apartment is obviously Larson’s secret “love nest” that he hides from his wife. Coleman is just housesitting until Larsen can lure Coleman’s friend there with the promise of drugs and pot-bellied sex.

  33. darbyogill says at 1:33 pm, August 15th, 2008

    He should have saved the money he made playing Neal on “The Young Ones”.

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