Is there a Benz Chili Bowl in Denver?The Mayor of Detroit has gotten into more scrapes than Harriet the Spy and Ramona Quimby combined, times a million. Nonetheless, Kwame Kilpatrick will get to throw off his electronical tether and CUT LOOSE at the Democratic National Convention in Denver later on this month. The judge who has been so mean to him lately, throwing him in jail for various things, said it would be fine for Kilpatrick to go be a superdelegate at the convention because “No one has been found guilty of anything … Let’s not trash the Constitution.” Well, that sounds oddly reasonable! We look forward to running into the Mayor at the Verizon Wireless store, where he will be buying phones to send sexy text messages to Madeleine Albright. [AP]

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    Meet me at Benz Chili Bowlz for some hawt stuff. Drench me in yur sour cream and chopped onionz.”

    I hope he doesn’t violate his fucking bail to get there.

  2. Jeezus Wonkette, didn’t you get the invite to the Mile High Suite party with Kwame, John Edwards, and Bill Jefferson? I thought you three were in the know.

  3. Apparently the DNC is short on big black dudes in security uniforms. Kwame’s leg shackles can be hidden beneath long trousers and he needs the coin to fight his legal issues.

    Note: not baggy pants. Mayor Kilpatrick fucked up the modern spot of booty gazing with Detroit’s ban on baggy pants. Next, he was planning on instituting burkhas, but blew his chance at Benz’s Chili Bowl.

  4. This just in:

    Don Sherwood, Ted Stevens, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Duke Cunningham, Jack Abramoff, William Jefferson, several politicians from New Jersey, members of Richard Daley’s administration, that Congressman who had the affair and was caught drunk driving, Eliot Spitzer and John Edwards are also going to the Democratic Convention!!! In fact, they’re all staying at the Hooters Hotel and Casino, on the same floor!!!! Parties every night! BYOB. 7:30 p.m.–?. Music provided by Rikki Rocket.

  5. …I guess the mystery over who is Obama’s VP is over! And has anyone noticed that you never see Suge Knight and Kwame Kilpatrick(if that’s his real name) in the same place at the same time? I’m just saying.

  6. “Let’s not trash the constitution”??? Why the fuck does that judge hate America? Doesn’t he know about the Global War on Terror and that the constitution has already been trashed??

  7. [re=59509]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Suge Knight is a lot more scary looking than Kwame could ever be.

    Kilpatrick might be the only superdelegate at the convention with an electronic tether on his ankle.

  8. [re=59525]donner_froh[/re]: …I wonder how many Republicans will have to re-register their sex offender status to be able to attend their convention?

  9. They are only doing this as a slap in the face to Lieberman. He donated a bunch of money, but at the door, the DNC bouncer will let Kwame pass and ask Joe to wait in line indefinitely. “But I donated!” He’ll say. “Yeah, well, you party with old white republicans, and that ain’t our scene.”

  10. And it’s with a tear in their eyes that the strippers/lap dancers/hookers of Windsor bid Kwame a fond adieu.

    Winsor’s finanical meltdown begins in 3…2…1…

  11. Will his Mayorosity be allowed to wear his new clown shoes at the convention or must he save those for Detroit city council meetings?
    BTW: Moms is a superdelgate. Photo-ops galore when daily she breast feeds her little Kwame on the convention floor.

    Prediction: Confused by the closeness of the cities’ names, Herr Mayor, instead of going to Denver, will travel to Windsor, Ontario, or maybe to a small island in the Atlantic. Mistakes happen.

  12. Kwame should get himself nominated for President. He would be million times funnier and more innarresting than Barry, who is incapable of shenanigans.

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