Details Leak About Presumed Worst Book Ever

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Hold me, Charlie Crist.Meghan McCain is a quick finisher! It hasn’t been that long since we first learned about John McCain’s unemployed blogger daughter’s upcoming children’s book, and already it’s nearing publication. September 2 in fact, during the convention! And yes, that is the actual cover art, and yes, members of the Main Stream Media got a sneak preview today. Can you describe the sweet children’s book for us, CBS News? “There are illustrations of the McCain’s capture as a prisoner of war and stumping on the campaign trail, drawn by artist Dan Andreasan, who also did the illustrations for the childrens’ books ‘Pilot Pups’ and ‘A Special Day For Mommy.’” We will seriously pay someone $100 in Disney Dollars for a copy of the book RIGHT NOW. [Indecision 2008, CBS News]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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83 comments

  1. SuperRounder

    POW illustrations? Really? No way that’ll fuck the kids up. Good one, Daughter of WALNUTS!

  2. Uncle Al

    Cindy McCain, along with Meghan’s siblings Jack, Jimmy and Bridget, are described fondly in the book — but the children from McCain’s first marriage are left unmentioned.
    Also: One percent of the book’s proceeds will go to the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund, which provides support for wounded military veterans and their families.

  3. FMA

    I can’t wait to read the scene where John McCain explains to his first-marriage children that mommy’s going off to live at a nice farm where she can romp and roam free and introduces their new mommy who keeps falling asleep.
    That’ll be great.

  4. TGY

    McCain’s capture as a prisoner of war in a CHILDREN’S BOOK? BwahAHHAHahahahaAHhaaa…

    See John go off with the not-nice men.
    See John have an close and special encounter with bamboo splinters.
    See John make a happy film about ‘black air-pirates’.

  5. superfecta

    I’m glad we went with a knockoff Norman Rockwell look for the cover art. That will really appeal to the kids!

  6. BadNewsJack

    “Daddy, what is that guy doing to him?”
    “oh he’s just pulling off his fingernails and water boarding him.”

  7. american mutt

    [re=58907]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It’s going to show illustration of Obama sitting around an elitist muslim school as a child while mccain is eating bugs.

  8. Doglessliberal

    the smaller pic of him as a younger man looks sort of like John Travolta. All puffy in the cheek/jowl area.

    [re=58909]Nikolai Vsevolodovich Stavrogin[/re]: totally Lee Marvin.

  9. The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    I think my grandmother gave that book to my mother when she was a little girl.

  10. FunkyPalmettoBug

    “Thanks for giving me a hug Jack Kemp!”

    I don’t care how dumb she appears(and wow, has she chunked up on the campaign trail), i’d tap Meg Mccain.

  11. Mr. Herpes

    It’s part of an entire series — “My Dad, Ronald Reagan” by Bonzo the Chimp, “My Dad, John Edwards” by the National Enquirer, “My Dad, Bill Clinton,” by Monica Lewinsky….you get the drift.

  12. edgydrifter

    [re=58929]DoctorCulturae[/re]: “No, honey, you’re much too fat to be a trollop. You’re a slattern.”

  13. WadISay

    My mommy is tall and pretty and takes medicine that makes her happy all the time. Old mommy is all gross and stuff because she walks funny and cries a lot.

  14. Nikolai Vsevolodovich Stavrogin

    Since when did writing kid’s books become the vocational fall-back for any monosyllabic dumb-shit too stupid to obtain any sort of other employment? It’s the new “teaching English in Japan”.

  15. Nasara

    Why is there only ONE comment about this book on the Amazon pre-order page?

    I know what I’ll be doing this afternoon.

  16. Doglessliberal

    [re=58935]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: Oh, man, those pics with him and his daughters are too damn sweet.

  17. UnindictedCo-conspirator

    Why is little Meghan dressed like she’s from the forties? Is this just further confirmation that her dad is 162?

  18. Doglessliberal

    [re=58945]Nikolai Vsevolodovich Stavrogin[/re]: and it does seem sort of odd since no children actually read anymore. When does it come out on video?

  19. NebraskashireGentry

    do the ugly, retarded daughters of every Republican President/candidate automatically get a book deal now?

    are publishers just aware that Jenna and Meghan have no skills and feel its the charitable (Christian) thing to do? or do such effronteries simply provide a good return on the investment–since their fathers will assuredly fuck up, the publishers who published these women’s initial forays into literature guarantee themselves an inside track on either sickeningly apologist or caustic memoirs to print mere weeks after these men drop dead?

  20. ManchuCandidate

    The original title was supposed to be; “One SAM, Two SAM, Downed Plane, Hanoi Hilton”

  21. sarcasticusername

    i pity the child that gets that one as his bedtime story, the republicans sure know how to discourage kids from developing reading skills, especially since you don’t need them to become president anymore.

  22. thefrontpage

    Here’s a leaked portion from the book, given to us in a darkened parking garage in Crystal City:

    “And so, like, I totally didn’t want to talk to her, but at 3 a.m. in Wisconsin one night during the primary campaign, I get, like, this really, really loud knock at my hotel room door, and I go and answer the door all tired, you know, ’cause, like it was like 3 a.m. and all, and who do you think is standing there, all smiles, with a bottle of Jagermeister and a six-pack of Pabst? It’s that cute Democrat girl, Chellsey [sic] Klinton [six], and she’s like, “Hey, Meghan, I was coming back to my room, you know, and the hotel bar closed, and I’m still awake, and I was, you know, wondering if you wanted to party? Well, politics aside, I, like, think this chick’s pretty cute, so I said, yeah, for sure there, Chellsey [sic] dudess, come on in! And I never thought that this would happen to me, and I had never done this before, but after a few drinks…”

  23. user-of-owls

    [re=58930]FunkyPalmettoBug[/re]: [re=58909]Nikolai Vsevolodovich Stavrogin[/re]: Ted Baxter?

  24. shortsshortsshorts

    “Daddy used to hit me because I’ve been voting for Democrats, but I joined the Republican party two months ago so that Daddy could stop hitting me and focus on beating mommy instead. And very strangely, for the first 10 years of my life, I always thought Mommy’s name was ‘cunt!’ Ohh Daddy! You’re so silly!”

  25. Vanity Smurf

    [re=58955]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I thought it was “One Gook, Two Gook, Red Gook, Blue Gook”

  26. MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend

    The book also lacks a feature about his prior c*nt wife and his children with her and her daddy’s cheatin’ whorin’ ways after vietnam. It also neglects to mention how the current trollop used her cunning wiles and $$$$$$ to lure him away from the first wife (trollop).

  27. obfuscator

    “Here’s a 4 year old Meghan hugging longtime McCain family friend Race Bannon”

    Seriously, if Meghan’s 3 or 4 years old in that illustration, Johnny Mac is in his early 50′s. Am I supposed to believe he ever looked that healthy?

  28. user-of-owls

    [re=58965]Vanity Smurf[/re]: Maybe that’s because the publisher’s lawyers checked the legal code for the exact definition of “Aggravated Assault on a Minor” and “Terroristic Threatening.”

  29. BobLoblawLawBlog

    [re=58949]Anita Cocktail[/re]: Thank you thank you thank you!!! Now I know what to read our iguana to sleep with. Seriously, she seems to be writing for 8-year-olds (or thereabouts) in a picture book, which makes me think that this is just the way she talks/writes. I’ve never read her blog, and now I’m glad.

  30. tonashideska

    Chapters include;

    Daddy crashes first plane
    Daddy crashes second plane
    Daddy crashes third plane
    Daddy burns up fourth plane
    Daddy loses fifth plane to VC
    Mommy learns to fly (she’s a much better pilot than daddy)

  31. BigDupa

    The McCain family must be pissed that Leslie Nielsen is comforting their child while John McCain is poking blonde telecom lobbyists… err… searching for Mommy #3. Will his “darkie” child be featured in this book?

  32. Gregory_of_Nazianzus

    Pictures of McCain being captured and tortured will make great bedtime story material.

  33. blowhard

    [re=58996]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: John/Cindy wedding photo. Bingo!

    So far I’m the only one who thinks that’s Former Senator (now dead?) Fritz Hollings hugging Meg.

  34. Wee Mousie

    I have already figured out that ‘Pilot Pups’ tells about what a hotdog Meghan’s father was at the controls of a jet. But, does ‘A Special Day For Mommy’ describe the time John-Boy left Carol for Cindy’s trust fund?

    Andreasan is just recycling old material in Meghan’s Faierie Tale Book. (No criticism intended toward real fairies.) No wonder the book was finished quickly.

  35. Slutty_Chola_Cobbler

    She prolly has pics of Stepford Cindy eating Oxicontin like they were tic tacs and Daddy McAnus dressed like G.I. Joe in Decatur, Georgia making it rain on them Soviet Union Hoes!!!

  36. loquaciousmusic

    Wait, is it “Megan” or “Mee-ghan”? Because that makes a difference. To me, at least.

  37. Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    Once again we are forced to choose between two evils. On the left coast we have Hopey kidnapping young black girls and sequestering them on white sand beaches in mysterious, exotic foreign islands. And on the right coast – home to the liberal commie corporate media out to elect a radical Mslim to the White House – we have war hero and wife beater Juan with his hand up the pants of a young Caucasian girl.

    Meanwhile, the Republicrat congresspersons are all screwing various boy whores and winking at one another in public toilet stalls in the darkened Capitol building, calling for a collapse of the government.

    Where’s Pelosi when we need her?!

    Oh yeah…muff diving in Cali
    http://www.marinij.com/ci_10185801?source=most_emailed

  38. edgydrifter

    [re=59098]trophy(forparticipation)wife[/re]: I’m getting a Captain Hank Murphy vibe. Actually, there’s a whole hell of a lot about McVC that emits a strong Capt. Murphy vibe.

  39. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=59115]RuperttheBear[/re]: I was just going to suggest

    “My Dad,
    Old Man McWalnuts.”

  40. anabellum

    “My dad’s father and his grandfather were both navy admirals. In fact, our ancestors have fought for their country in every American war since the Revolution.”

    “My mom’s father is a felon and was convicted on 7 counts of filing false liquor records and one count of conspiracy. In fact, my grandfather was sentenced to six months in federal prison. Lucky for him, he knew the judge, and later on the sentence was suspended and he was placed on probation instead.”

  41. Mahousu

    So what’s the contest going to be to win this book? Tell which prescription drug we most like to abuse and why?

  42. Upthruster

    Can someone explain to me why this 4 year old little girl, presumably the author of the book, is being caressed by a nine hundred year old man, presumably her father, on the cover? I mean, WTF? And it’s now immortalized forever as Rockwell’s “Grampy clutches Cindy Brady” Eewww!

  43. Vewol Mevemont

    At first I was like, what the fuck, there’s no cross in that cover art. But the medal includes a cross, so she managed to pass the retarded patriot standard after all.

  44. CivicHoliday

    Wow. Just read that mini-preview of the book. I think she was writing this as an editorial for the local paper, and they editors took pity on her and forwarded it to a children’s book publisher. It is just bad writing with pretty pictures. WTF.

  45. badco/LoJ

    Man, and I thought that kids’ book about Louis Pasteur (“Believing in Yourself”) with the kid all chewed up by the rabid dog fucked me up as a kid.

    And the little vaccine soldiers in the huge syringe? Yikes.

  46. Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=58955]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “I had a pretty much normal upbringing. My father is just like any father that loves his kids. We used to play ‘Di-di Mao’. For some reason, I think he let me win. But when he got that look in his eye and started to sweat, I knew it was time to go see Mom.”

  47. Borat

    [re=58960]thefrontpage[/re]: i think i read that story in penthouse?? its a good one, now we just need hilton involved for some real good action

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