LITERATURE  3:55 pm August 13, 2008

Details Leak About Presumed Worst Book Ever

by Jim Newell

Hold me, Charlie Crist.Meghan McCain is a quick finisher! It hasn’t been that long since we first learned about John McCain’s unemployed blogger daughter’s upcoming children’s book, and already it’s nearing publication. September 2 in fact, during the convention! And yes, that is the actual cover art, and yes, members of the Main Stream Media got a sneak preview today. Can you describe the sweet children’s book for us, CBS News? “There are illustrations of the McCain’s capture as a prisoner of war and stumping on the campaign trail, drawn by artist Dan Andreasan, who also did the illustrations for the childrens’ books ‘Pilot Pups’ and ‘A Special Day For Mommy.’” We will seriously pay someone $100 in Disney Dollars for a copy of the book RIGHT NOW. [Indecision 2008, CBS News]

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blackdontcrack August 13, 2008 at 4:00 pm

That strangely looks like the cover art to My Two Daddies.

SuperRounder August 13, 2008 at 4:01 pm

POW illustrations? Really? No way that’ll fuck the kids up. Good one, Daughter of WALNUTS!

Uncle Al August 13, 2008 at 4:01 pm

Cindy McCain, along with Meghan’s siblings Jack, Jimmy and Bridget, are described fondly in the book — but the children from McCain’s first marriage are left unmentioned.
Also: One percent of the book’s proceeds will go to the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund, which provides support for wounded military veterans and their families.

BoreExpert August 13, 2008 at 4:02 pm

Why’s that kid hugging Cary Grant?

FMA August 13, 2008 at 4:04 pm

I can’t wait to read the scene where John McCain explains to his first-marriage children that mommy’s going off to live at a nice farm where she can romp and roam free and introduces their new mommy who keeps falling asleep.
That’ll be great.

SayItWithWookies August 13, 2008 at 4:04 pm

I’m just assuming it’s all about Barack Obama, right?

Nikolai Vsevolodovich Stavrogin August 13, 2008 at 4:04 pm

[re=58899]BoreExpert[/re]: Lee Marvin? My Dad, Lee Marvin.

TGY August 13, 2008 at 4:05 pm

McCain’s capture as a prisoner of war in a CHILDREN’S BOOK? BwahAHHAHahahahaAHhaaa…

See John go off with the not-nice men.
See John have an close and special encounter with bamboo splinters.
See John make a happy film about ‘black air-pirates’.

superfecta August 13, 2008 at 4:05 pm

I’m glad we went with a knockoff Norman Rockwell look for the cover art. That will really appeal to the kids!

AngryBlakGuy August 13, 2008 at 4:06 pm

…”A Special Day For Mommy” = Menopause

BadNewsJack August 13, 2008 at 4:08 pm

“Daddy, what is that guy doing to him?”
“oh he’s just pulling off his fingernails and water boarding him.”

american mutt August 13, 2008 at 4:08 pm

[re=58907]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It’s going to show illustration of Obama sitting around an elitist muslim school as a child while mccain is eating bugs.

carerer August 13, 2008 at 4:09 pm

Is that a picture of Wesley Clark hugging that child?

Doglessliberal August 13, 2008 at 4:09 pm

the smaller pic of him as a younger man looks sort of like John Travolta. All puffy in the cheek/jowl area.

[re=58909]Nikolai Vsevolodovich Stavrogin[/re]: totally Lee Marvin.

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez August 13, 2008 at 4:09 pm

I think my grandmother gave that book to my mother when she was a little girl.

DoctorCulturae August 13, 2008 at 4:13 pm

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Daddy, am I a trollop too?”

FunkyPalmettoBug August 13, 2008 at 4:16 pm

“Thanks for giving me a hug Jack Kemp!”

I don’t care how dumb she appears(and wow, has she chunked up on the campaign trail), i’d tap Meg Mccain.

Mr. Herpes August 13, 2008 at 4:16 pm

It’s part of an entire series — “My Dad, Ronald Reagan” by Bonzo the Chimp, “My Dad, John Edwards” by the National Enquirer, “My Dad, Bill Clinton,” by Monica Lewinsky….you get the drift.

edgydrifter August 13, 2008 at 4:20 pm

[re=58929]DoctorCulturae[/re]: “No, honey, you’re much too fat to be a trollop. You’re a slattern.”

StripesAndPlaids August 13, 2008 at 4:21 pm

Sadly, this book will be overshadowed by pics on Obama on vacation.

Damn liberal media.

WadISay August 13, 2008 at 4:21 pm

My mommy is tall and pretty and takes medicine that makes her happy all the time. Old mommy is all gross and stuff because she walks funny and cries a lot.

Doglessliberal August 13, 2008 at 4:22 pm

[re=58934]edgydrifter[/re]: one of my all time favorite words.

Nikolai Vsevolodovich Stavrogin August 13, 2008 at 4:26 pm

Since when did writing kid’s books become the vocational fall-back for any monosyllabic dumb-shit too stupid to obtain any sort of other employment? It’s the new “teaching English in Japan”.

Nasara August 13, 2008 at 4:28 pm

Why is there only ONE comment about this book on the Amazon pre-order page?

I know what I’ll be doing this afternoon.

Doglessliberal August 13, 2008 at 4:28 pm

[re=58935]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: Oh, man, those pics with him and his daughters are too damn sweet.

UnindictedCo-conspirator August 13, 2008 at 4:29 pm

Why is little Meghan dressed like she’s from the forties? Is this just further confirmation that her dad is 162?

Anita Cocktail August 13, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Doglessliberal August 13, 2008 at 4:31 pm

[re=58945]Nikolai Vsevolodovich Stavrogin[/re]: and it does seem sort of odd since no children actually read anymore. When does it come out on video?

Botswana Meat Commission FC August 13, 2008 at 4:32 pm

Looks like one of them Norman Rocawear paintings or sumpin.

NebraskashireGentry August 13, 2008 at 4:32 pm

do the ugly, retarded daughters of every Republican President/candidate automatically get a book deal now?

are publishers just aware that Jenna and Meghan have no skills and feel its the charitable (Christian) thing to do? or do such effronteries simply provide a good return on the investment–since their fathers will assuredly fuck up, the publishers who published these women’s initial forays into literature guarantee themselves an inside track on either sickeningly apologist or caustic memoirs to print mere weeks after these men drop dead?

ManchuCandidate August 13, 2008 at 4:34 pm

The original title was supposed to be; “One SAM, Two SAM, Downed Plane, Hanoi Hilton”

sarcasticusername August 13, 2008 at 4:37 pm

i pity the child that gets that one as his bedtime story, the republicans sure know how to discourage kids from developing reading skills, especially since you don’t need them to become president anymore.

tunamelt August 13, 2008 at 4:37 pm

Oh, this is all kinds of fucked up. He looks like he’s taking a shit.

thefrontpage August 13, 2008 at 4:37 pm

Here’s a leaked portion from the book, given to us in a darkened parking garage in Crystal City:

“And so, like, I totally didn’t want to talk to her, but at 3 a.m. in Wisconsin one night during the primary campaign, I get, like, this really, really loud knock at my hotel room door, and I go and answer the door all tired, you know, ’cause, like it was like 3 a.m. and all, and who do you think is standing there, all smiles, with a bottle of Jagermeister and a six-pack of Pabst? It’s that cute Democrat girl, Chellsey [sic] Klinton [six], and she’s like, “Hey, Meghan, I was coming back to my room, you know, and the hotel bar closed, and I’m still awake, and I was, you know, wondering if you wanted to party? Well, politics aside, I, like, think this chick’s pretty cute, so I said, yeah, for sure there, Chellsey [sic] dudess, come on in! And I never thought that this would happen to me, and I had never done this before, but after a few drinks…”

user-of-owls August 13, 2008 at 4:38 pm

[re=58930]FunkyPalmettoBug[/re]: [re=58909]Nikolai Vsevolodovich Stavrogin[/re]: Ted Baxter?

Vanity Smurf August 13, 2008 at 4:39 pm

At least Pickles and Jenna had the good taste not to write their kiddie book about W.

shortsshortsshorts August 13, 2008 at 4:40 pm

“Daddy used to hit me because I’ve been voting for Democrats, but I joined the Republican party two months ago so that Daddy could stop hitting me and focus on beating mommy instead. And very strangely, for the first 10 years of my life, I always thought Mommy’s name was ‘cunt!’ Ohh Daddy! You’re so silly!”

Vanity Smurf August 13, 2008 at 4:40 pm

[re=58955]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I thought it was “One Gook, Two Gook, Red Gook, Blue Gook”

MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend August 13, 2008 at 4:41 pm

The book also lacks a feature about his prior c*nt wife and his children with her and her daddy’s cheatin’ whorin’ ways after vietnam. It also neglects to mention how the current trollop used her cunning wiles and $$$$$$ to lure him away from the first wife (trollop).

cal August 13, 2008 at 4:41 pm

Isn’t that Bob Barker?

obfuscator August 13, 2008 at 4:44 pm

“Here’s a 4 year old Meghan hugging longtime McCain family friend Race Bannon”

Seriously, if Meghan’s 3 or 4 years old in that illustration, Johnny Mac is in his early 50′s. Am I supposed to believe he ever looked that healthy?

Vanity Smurf August 13, 2008 at 4:44 pm

What’s with the pic of Aaron Spelling and little Tori on the cover?

BoreExpert August 13, 2008 at 4:44 pm

[re=58964]user-of-owls[/re]: you’re all wrong–it’s Lt. Frank Drebin.

user-of-owls August 13, 2008 at 4:45 pm

[re=58965]Vanity Smurf[/re]: Maybe that’s because the publisher’s lawyers checked the legal code for the exact definition of “Aggravated Assault on a Minor” and “Terroristic Threatening.”

TGY August 13, 2008 at 4:47 pm

Also, does it have pop-up art by chance?

BobLoblawLawBlog August 13, 2008 at 4:47 pm

[re=58949]Anita Cocktail[/re]: Thank you thank you thank you!!! Now I know what to read our iguana to sleep with. Seriously, she seems to be writing for 8-year-olds (or thereabouts) in a picture book, which makes me think that this is just the way she talks/writes. I’ve never read her blog, and now I’m glad.

freakishlystrong August 13, 2008 at 4:53 pm

And again, the ALT tag is effen’ brilliant!

PrairiePossum August 13, 2008 at 4:54 pm

I hope it has Cindy’s recipe for Vicodin Vodka martinis.

Gopherit v2.0 August 13, 2008 at 4:55 pm

[re=58982]TGY[/re]: Dammit! Beat me to it!

Gopherit v2.0 August 13, 2008 at 4:56 pm

That’s a beautiful wedding photo of John and Cindy on the cover.

tonashideska August 13, 2008 at 4:56 pm

Chapters include;

Daddy crashes first plane
Daddy crashes second plane
Daddy crashes third plane
Daddy burns up fourth plane
Daddy loses fifth plane to VC
Mommy learns to fly (she’s a much better pilot than daddy)

shortsshortsshorts August 13, 2008 at 4:57 pm

[re=58992]PrairiePossum[/re]: That sounds like a Wonkettini I can go for.

BigDupa August 13, 2008 at 4:59 pm

The McCain family must be pissed that Leslie Nielsen is comforting their child while John McCain is poking blonde telecom lobbyists… err… searching for Mommy #3. Will his “darkie” child be featured in this book?

Gopherit v2.0 August 13, 2008 at 5:01 pm

[re=58997]tonashideska[/re]: You forgot, “Daddy becomes a Vietnamese Ace! Hurray!!”

Gregory_of_Nazianzus August 13, 2008 at 5:03 pm

Pictures of McCain being captured and tortured will make great bedtime story material.

blowhard August 13, 2008 at 5:11 pm

[re=58996]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: John/Cindy wedding photo. Bingo!

So far I’m the only one who thinks that’s Former Senator (now dead?) Fritz Hollings hugging Meg.

johnbpt August 13, 2008 at 5:14 pm

From the cover it appears that her dad is Newt Gingrich. Who’d have guessed?

Wee Mousie August 13, 2008 at 5:17 pm

I have already figured out that ‘Pilot Pups’ tells about what a hotdog Meghan’s father was at the controls of a jet. But, does ‘A Special Day For Mommy’ describe the time John-Boy left Carol for Cindy’s trust fund?

Andreasan is just recycling old material in Meghan’s Faierie Tale Book. (No criticism intended toward real fairies.) No wonder the book was finished quickly.

Slutty_Chola_Cobbler August 13, 2008 at 5:18 pm

She prolly has pics of Stepford Cindy eating Oxicontin like they were tic tacs and Daddy McAnus dressed like G.I. Joe in Decatur, Georgia making it rain on them Soviet Union Hoes!!!

loquaciousmusic August 13, 2008 at 5:33 pm

Wait, is it “Megan” or “Mee-ghan”? Because that makes a difference. To me, at least.

Oscar Folsom Cleveland August 13, 2008 at 5:34 pm

Once again we are forced to choose between two evils. On the left coast we have Hopey kidnapping young black girls and sequestering them on white sand beaches in mysterious, exotic foreign islands. And on the right coast – home to the liberal commie corporate media out to elect a radical Mslim to the White House – we have war hero and wife beater Juan with his hand up the pants of a young Caucasian girl.

Meanwhile, the Republicrat congresspersons are all screwing various boy whores and winking at one another in public toilet stalls in the darkened Capitol building, calling for a collapse of the government.

Where’s Pelosi when we need her?!

Oh yeah…muff diving in Cali

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 13, 2008 at 5:42 pm

I’m getting a little Ted Knight.

sanantonerose August 13, 2008 at 5:42 pm

[re=58899]BoreExpert[/re]: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

I love Cary Grant. *sniff*

edgydrifter August 13, 2008 at 5:51 pm

[re=59098]trophy(forparticipation)wife[/re]: I’m getting a Captain Hank Murphy vibe. Actually, there’s a whole hell of a lot about McVC that emits a strong Capt. Murphy vibe.

RuperttheBear August 13, 2008 at 5:52 pm

I think the original title was “Oh! The Torture You’ll Endure!”

shortsshortsshorts August 13, 2008 at 5:55 pm

[re=59115]RuperttheBear[/re]: I was just going to suggest

“My Dad,
Old Man McWalnuts.”

RuperttheBear August 13, 2008 at 5:56 pm

[re=59122]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: “Make Way for WALNUTS!”

anabellum August 13, 2008 at 6:04 pm

“My dad’s father and his grandfather were both navy admirals. In fact, our ancestors have fought for their country in every American war since the Revolution.”

“My mom’s father is a felon and was convicted on 7 counts of filing false liquor records and one count of conspiracy. In fact, my grandfather was sentenced to six months in federal prison. Lucky for him, he knew the judge, and later on the sentence was suspended and he was placed on probation instead.”

Mahousu August 13, 2008 at 6:21 pm

So what’s the contest going to be to win this book? Tell which prescription drug we most like to abuse and why?

Upthruster August 13, 2008 at 6:41 pm

Can someone explain to me why this 4 year old little girl, presumably the author of the book, is being caressed by a nine hundred year old man, presumably her father, on the cover? I mean, WTF? And it’s now immortalized forever as Rockwell’s “Grampy clutches Cindy Brady” Eewww!

BadNewsJack August 13, 2008 at 7:07 pm

Why is she hugging Peter Graves?

Vewol Mevemont August 13, 2008 at 7:23 pm

At first I was like, what the fuck, there’s no cross in that cover art. But the medal includes a cross, so she managed to pass the retarded patriot standard after all.

CivicHoliday August 13, 2008 at 8:15 pm

Wow. Just read that mini-preview of the book. I think she was writing this as an editorial for the local paper, and they editors took pity on her and forwarded it to a children’s book publisher. It is just bad writing with pretty pictures. WTF.

serj! August 13, 2008 at 9:26 pm

Rachel Maddow says Charlie Crist and Rachel is a god/dess so she wins.

badco/LoJ August 13, 2008 at 10:06 pm

Man, and I thought that kids’ book about Louis Pasteur (“Believing in Yourself”) with the kid all chewed up by the rabid dog fucked me up as a kid.

And the little vaccine soldiers in the huge syringe? Yikes.

sanantonerose August 13, 2008 at 10:48 pm

[re=59175]BadNewsJack[/re]: Meghan, have you ever seen a grown man naked?

Mista Eko August 13, 2008 at 11:04 pm

“Meghan McCain is a quick finisher!”

….that’s what he said?

Lolo August 14, 2008 at 1:17 am

We’re all looking forward to the sequel: “My Mom, A Cunt” by Meghan McCain.

Smoke Filled Roommate August 14, 2008 at 1:30 am

[re=58955]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “I had a pretty much normal upbringing. My father is just like any father that loves his kids. We used to play ‘Di-di Mao’. For some reason, I think he let me win. But when he got that look in his eye and started to sweat, I knew it was time to go see Mom.”

Borat August 14, 2008 at 9:26 am

[re=58960]thefrontpage[/re]: i think i read that story in penthouse?? its a good one, now we just need hilton involved for some real good action

regisgoat August 14, 2008 at 10:22 am

Are the Keating 5 in it?

DirkLeisure August 14, 2008 at 12:20 pm

[re=59113]edgydrifter[/re]: WALNUTS! = FIGNUTS!

josereyes.theroof August 17, 2008 at 9:50 pm

I cannot wait for the coming-of-age sequel: “My Vag, Meghan Mc Cain”.

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