Wonkette
Some dudes say they’ve found a dead Bigfoot, in Georgia! It is being revealed to The Media in Palo Alto, which is on the other side of the country, in California. We are pretty sure it’s just a dead stoner-hillbilly, maybe from Lynerd Skinerd or something, but what the hell, maybe eight-foot-tall hair-apes really do wander our nation, voting for Hillary. Why won’t Barack Obama stop his Indonesian Sex Tourism and protect America from Dead Georgian Hair-Apes? [Inquisitr/CryptoMundo]
…I guess we know why Russia invaded! They were trying to stop a Sasquatch insurrection!
Today, my friends, we are all Bigfoot.
And John McCain said, “So then the lady says ‘Where is that marvelous ape?’!” Ba-dum-bum.
As if Georgia doesn’t have enough to worry about right now. Oh wait…
Tim Russert didn’t actually die before, but he sure as hell is dead now.
EnBuenOra: TELL ME it died in from auto-asphyxiation masturbation
I’ll believe it’s bigfoot when Wonkette publishes its account of a late-night hookup with Larry Craig back in the ’70s.
Given the recent events in Tennessee and Arkansas, maybe they just thought he was a Democrat…
Probably just some unlucky Furry, sorry COS Play, who got shot on his way to the latest COS play sex orgy.
Now PETA’s going to get involved.
Isn’t that one of the Enquirer pics of Edwards on the run?
We’re attacking bigfoots(bigfeet?) in Iraq so we don’t have to fight them over here.
Best ‘o bigfoot for your viewing pleasure.
Fata Morgana: When you’re banned, that’s when. (Oh look that is now.)
…Chewbacca?! NoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO!!!!
This guy obvs overdosed on beef jerky.
Whatever happened to the Montauk Monster? Is this our new monster of the week?
Whoa, somebody took something too seriously-
Sorry to upset y’all!
White chicks dig Bigfoot.
Ken Layne: Whoa you not only banned but removed the comment entirely. This new system is totez badass.
God, I’m pathetic. You have no idea how much I want this to be real…
OK, this is the second strange creature (assuming this or the one that washed up on the beach is not Mark Penn) that has turned up dead in the past few weeks. One more and I am going to think “secret government experiments”.
And then adjust my meds.
The Montauk Monster and now Bigfoot. I’m definately bring my camera when I visit Loch Ness in September. And I’m promising Wonkette first dibs on the photos.
Bah, it’s horse crap. If it’s not a fraud, they need to turn the body over to reputable scientists for examination, not just exhibit ‘DNA evidence’, which could be from anybody’s shorts. Gebus.
shortsshortsshorts: What did she say?! What did she say!?! I’m so curious for some self-inflicted PAAAAIIINNNNNNN
pondscum: In the meantime, some Bubba’s poor family is trying to find out how to get his picture on a milk carton.
Ken, I love you in a manly and non-threatening sort of way, but the hick in me will cut you if you ever misspell either Lynyrd or Skynyrd like that again.
If you’re having trouble remembering how to spell it, just do what I did and get the correct spelling tattooed, along with a proud eagle, on your left inner forearm.
Gopherit v2.0: That was my second thought…
Godless Liberal *: I think I’m in love.
Bigfoot went down to Georgia. He was lookin’ for some votes to steal. He was in a bind ’cause
he was way behind, and he was willin’ to make a deal, when he came across this old man
sawin’ on a fiddle and playin’ it hot. And the devil jumped up on a hickory stump and said,
“Man, let me tell you what.
I guess you didn’t know it but I’m a fiddle player, too. And if you’d care to take a dare, I’ll
make a bet with you. Now, you play pretty good fiddle, dude, but give Bigfoot his due. I’ll bet
a fiddle of gold against your vote, ’cause I think I’m better than you.” The boy said, “My
name’s McCain, and it might be a sin. But I’ll take your bet, you’re gonna regret, ’cause I’m
the best that’s ever been.”
i hope McCain Campaign hacks dont read Wonkette…this is almost too perfect for his next ad…
on second thought if there are any McCain Campaign asshats reading this, i work cheap…only uhmmm..$500 an hour…
Fuck Bigfoot. Why won’t Obama apologize for the Chupacabra!!!
anabellum: oops..missed a devil/bigfoot substitution opportunity didnt ya?..
ok im a lousy editor…$350 an hour?…
TGY: One is reminded of the Raelian promises to provide DNA evidence of their cloned podlings a few years back. Of course, the Raelian “scientists” turned out to be super hotties well-versed in the art of senusal massage, so nobody cared at all when their claims turned out to be completely bogus.
FFS! What is it about Big Foot that makes everyone unable to fuckin’ focus!
…how much do you guys want to bet that after unveiling “bigfoot” they are arrested for murdering a hairy Armenian man?
Guess this means no more endorsements for the Sasquatch Feeder (TM):
“I am a Bigfoot, and let me tell you, THESE THINGS ARE FUCKING TASTY.”
“I retain my skeptical open-mindedness and nonaligned objectivity with regard to this carcass.”
What’s my uncle doing in Georgia?
Is this another geographical error?
If they found a dead Big Foot in Georgia, the Eurasian country, this is Big News.
However, if they found a dead Big Foot in Georgia, the redneck state, that is most likely a Ron Paul supporter, aka, truss.
Oh no! It’s Shrub’s new best friend, მიხეილ სააკაშვილი! (Mikheil Saakashvili to those of you who didn’t finish freshman Georgian at the American University.)
Now we understand why Murika’s funniest president since Cal Coolidge collapsed suddenly yesterday while watching Chris Colwill and Jevon Tarantino towel each off after their dives at the Pekin Olympics. It wasn’t homoerotic horror after all but good ol’ human grief at the loss of his good buddy, “Sucka Shivvie” as Junior liked to call the Georgia president.
How sad. But apparently Condie Rice has managed to obtain one furry paw of the late Georgian dictator, as a souvenir for his friend Shrub. Word has it that Junior will hang the paw from the mirror of his Crawford pickup; no word yet on whether the dried testicles will adorn the rear of the truck.
Wonder what it tastes like? Dibs on the eye balls.
Godless Liberal *: I did that on purpose to enrage a Southerner who might’ve stumbled here from Google. (I am a Southerner, I am allowed to toy with them.)
Fata Morgana: Oh you were only banned for a few hours. Muslim Jesus has come to forgive everyone. Well, not everyone, but a few commenters at least.
Don’t let him near Ned Beatty.