news analysis

Why Isn’t John McCain One Million Points Ahead In Every Poll?

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Is he yawning, vomiting, or drinking in his own delicious smell?Oooh, it’s TROUBLING NEWS on the McCain front. Despite every conceivable advantage in news coverage this week, he has steadfastly refused to budge from his squatting position at the bottom of the polls. Why hasn’t John McCain capitalized on the many blessings showered on him by the press, and Fate? And what does this say about his ability to lead?

It is a Proven Fact that God and newspapers want John McCain to win. Witness the following recent developments:

  • Barack Obama goes on vacation at an exotic third-world elitist resort in the Phillippines to hang out with his Muslim grandmother and watch the Batman movie, which is all about the secret awesomeness of George Bush. With Obama off the national stage, McCain is free to show that he would never abandon America by going on vacation in August.
  • Russia invades Georgia, a close U.S. ally, giving John McCain the opening to spout more Tuff Guy crap about how Russia better back off even though America can do exactly nothing about any of this. But who cares, because Americans love it when their leaders shake their fists threateningly at hostile global rivals.
  • George Bush shows up drunk at the Olympics, which somehow should also benefit John McCain.

And yet!!!! John McCain remains 4.6 points behind Barack Obama in the Real Clear Politics poll average. Conclusion: John McCain has a problem with white working-class voters.

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith


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  • Larry Fine

    He ain’t gettin any younger, could be the reason.

  • Kos

    Looks like fake John McCain is pulling off his disguise a la Scoopy Doo.

  • tsunami

    i think he just threw up in his mouth.

    maybe it was something cindy said.

  • Whiskeybaby

    Maybe because voters have realized they’d prefer a leader whose face ISN’T likely to melt off during his inauguration speech? Just guessing.

  • Godless Liberal *

    Seriously, I think it didn’t help him to run his asinine anti-Obama ads during the Olympics. Fuck, man. People are watching the Olympics and they are all happy and shit (except for the Sacrameno family) and then it cuts to commercial and they get his negative crap that is all about “He can’t do things because he’s famous!”

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …John McCain doesnt have a “white working-class voter” problem, he has a “people with more than 2 brain cells” problem!

  • cheeto_christ

    help, I’m squatting and I can’t get up.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=58696]tsunami[/re]: If I had to look at Cindy’s dried up twat every day, I’d be throwing up in my mouth too.

  • Mr. Herpes

    Well, let’s look at the obvious. Obama commercials are all about Obama. And McCain’s commercials are all about….Obama. Basicially, Sen. Cool is getting twofers here. Oh sure, the McCain ads say snotty things, but Obama still looks young and vital and then comes the clunky sign-off — Ol’ Melanoma Face saying he approved the ad. Everytime the ads run, America goes and buys more sunblock.

  • The Real JR Revisted

    How about how he pissed on himself a couple of weeks ago going nuts about how BO was being too “presumptive” by looking “too presidential” during his world tour and then the second BO goes on vacation and then the Russia/Georgia thing jumps off, McCain excitedly scurries to the first podium surrounded by flags to give out the sad sad “We are all Georgians” speech basically saber rattling and pissing off the Russians reminded them about ALaska.

    Now today the Georgian Pres is calling in his lobbyist dollars saying publically, well thanks for the words, now show us the deeds.

    LOL presumptive. McCain toatlly failed 3am. This is why Murder She Wrote ended at 8, so that folks like him would get their rest.

  • EnBuenOra

    Umm, because John McCain can count on the entire press core to instead focus on why Barack Obama isn’t so far ahead that he can declare himself Emperor of All Dimensions, so the subject will be Obama’s failure to be beating McCain bad enough, rather than McCain’s failure to lead.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    John McCain doesn’t care about white people.

  • Terry

    Because McCain is a bitter, bitter old man who will change any stand he has to please the hard core GOP’ers even it they don’t represent most of the party anymore? Naw, couldn’t be that.

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    Just wait until the next poll, the one where all of us Georgians are asked who we’re voting for. Then, you’ll see, McCain will be President of Georgia!1!!!! I’m series.

  • Servo

    This question has to be asked?

  • MoodProcessor

    Wally is making the “OMG, I can’t believe I banged that person” face, made frequently during hangovers.

    Perhaps he’s realized that he is truly a whore.


  • Fata Morgana

    [re=58705]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]:

    Trust me, after all those years of marriage he only gets to see that twice a year, and that only if he’s been good. Ask any married guy and he’ll let you know I’m telling the truth.

  • sati demise

    Why can’t McCain close the deal?

    Cokie wants to know.

  • StripesAndPlaids

    Wonkette how dare you? How dare you use an Obama lead as an indication that McCain is not going to win. Haven’t you heard? Obama is AHEAD in the polls, but not ahead ENOUGH, which OF COURSE means John McWalnuts gets to be President. If you don’t believe me, turn on MSNBC at any point in the day to hear Pat Buchanan say it. Which brings me to my next point, does Pat Buchanan live on set at MSNBC? I swear he is on 24 hours a day.

  • NoWireHangers

    Why can’t WALNUTS! seal the deal?

  • The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    What was that “we are all Georgians” crap about anyway? I grew up in Florida.

  • tunamelt

    [re=58706]Mr. Herpes[/re]: Yeah, it really bugs me, I’m trying to watch shirtless swimmers and then McCain pops up on my screen and I just shudder.

  • WhatTheHeck

    “Damn liberal press is giving the black guy all the breaks.
    How can a white man compete with this.”

  • tsunami

    [re=58705]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]:

    oh…that’s just mean.

    well, not JUST mean…it’s funny, too…and, thanks to that image,
    i just threw up in MY mouth.

    thanks, qae.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=58707]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: and don’t forget McCain’s triumphant presidential tour of South America before Hopey even went to Europe. We had McCain down there meeting with presidents and claiming credit for hostage rescues. I guess that is not presumptuous if you are old and have anger management problems.

  • TGY

    John McCain is at the ‘bottom’ of the polls because he just can’t ‘get it up’.

    Perhaps I could work in ‘ass-fucking’ somehow.

  • Another DC Lawyer (Again)

    Ok, totally unrelated. But can the great Wonkette editors do anythin about the very disturbing American Apparel ad running this week…I know I’m not hip and down with all the cool kids tehse days but seriously — What. The. Fuck? I’m worried I’m going to have some bad 70’s porn repressed memories come bubbling up in the middle of the day…can we just put the Cindy McCain pics back up there, much less scary….

  • Aurelio

    Unlike over-achieving mulatto Barack Obama, John “Walnuts” McCain has never achieved anything in his life. The facts are well known to any elite reader of Wonkette. But in case you forgot, John McCain is the guy who:

    *Graduated 895th in his class at Annapolis.

    *Told the North Vietnamese everything they wanted to know.

    *Crashed 5 planes.

    *Couldn’t make Admiral.

    *Got to be a Senator because his vicodin snorting wife was rich and had connections.

    *Is older than dirt.

    *Can’t move his arms higher than his penis.

    The only thing John McCain has going for him is that he is white. So in this election we will see just how racist America is. Just sayin.

  • edgydrifter

    [re=58719]Fata Morgana[/re]: I try not to count because it’s depressing, but I think you’re in the ballpark. On the other hand, I don’t think McThusela is too worried about the aridity of his Baroness’ trim, as A) she keeps a roll of hundreds the size of a soup can stuffed in there and those greenbacks are pretty absorbant; and B) he’s got “Cindi-lite” the Stepford lobbiest waiting for him with a lunchbox full of Viagra tablets in the bunk room of his campaign RV.

  • cynbot

    Umm, because they’re polling the same ten people over and over again? And one of them is Paris Hilton?

  • tsunami


    dam…you were so close to an assfukking reference.

    so close.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Oh please. Cindy can have a little duck sex and all will be well again.

  • Fear of a Black Reagan

    [re=58747]tsunami[/re]: He was in the Navy! And prison! Should it really be that hard!?!?!?

  • Not_So_Much

    Nothing to see here folks. Just readjusting the cheek tumor…

  • Anita Cocktail

    Because he fucking sucks.

    Just stop getting my hopes up that the American public is finally starting to notice.

  • Canmon (the Inadequate)

    [re=58741]Aurelio[/re]: That’s still more than Obama’s accomplished.

  • BrandonMills

    [re=58721]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: If Obama wins, I’m afraid Uncle Pat might need more of his blood pressure medicine. He’s been absolutely losing it onair when talking about the mere possibility of an Obama presidency.

  • Servo

    I swear they powder him with tough-actin’ Tinactin to keep the fungus down. Aliens aren’t that fuckin’ white.

  • Godless Liberal *

    [re=58763]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: He beat a Clinton for the first time in 35 years.

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=58763]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]:
    But the difference is it’s all FAIL. Much like Hilsbot’s EPIC FAIL. The world needs plenty of 3am wake up calls for leaders who put their heads in the sand when they had to make a tough decision.

  • mookworthjwilson

    [re=58768]Godless Liberal *[/re]: Actually 28 years…Bubba lost the Ark Gov in 1980

  • freakishlystrong

    And the LIBRUL MEDIA will shrill that it’s a “TIGHT RACE”!!!

  • Mumble Softly

    [re=58705]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: What? You have a problem with 50 something poontang?
    Thats one hot GILF !!!!

  • Delicious

    I love the smell of Ben Gay in the morning.

  • Mumble Softly

    [re=58741]Aurelio[/re]: Go ahead and get all reasoned and logical on us!!
    Damn elitist

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=58775]Mumble Softly[/re]: Ok, I just threw up in MY mouth..please Wonktards can we not use the words “cunt”, “poontang”, “getting it”, “hard” and “assfucking” on a WALNUTS! post? It destroys the want for the seks…

  • The Real JR Revisted

    On the low, though… I swear Jake Tapper wishes he was writing for WOnkette.

    Political Punch: “Candidate Who Voted with President Bush 9 out of 10 Times Assails Rival for Doing So a Whopping 4 out of 10 Times”

    Seriously, Sara, is this you?

  • Mumble Softly

    [re=58779]freakishlystrong[/re]: To clear my semi-good name, I was referring to Cindy not walnuts.
    But I apologize and regret any sexual imagery “the gays” on this board may have had relating to Johnny “angry dwarf” McCain


  • freakishlystrong

    [re=58789]Mumble Softly[/re]: As well as teh straightz!

  • Fata Morgana


    Beautiful imagery there, ED!

  • qwerty42

    can McCain just declare war on Russia — would reinforce the “maverick” image.

  • ethernet

    Godless Liberal: Don’t mind Canmon, they have been banging pots outside his/her house at night….PUMA

  • Urbanachiever

    [re=58690]Kos[/re]: “And I would’ve been president too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids!!!”

  • WadISay

    Wow, if Obama had vacationed in Myrtle Beach, he’d be up by 20% now.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=58741]Aurelio[/re]: 895th was considered quite respectable during the Barbary Wars.

  • dupontd

    McCain died on a cow pasture in S.Carolina back in 2001. His reanimated corpse hasn’t ‘warmed to the task’

  • dupontd

    [re=58823]WadISay[/re]: LOL! yes, and he could have caught an awesome Alabama show at the House of Blues and lamented the pavillion.

  • Godot

    Caption for that picture: “Uh-oh, it still smells like poop. Hope no one notices…”

  • trophy(forparticipation)wife

    Interesting- I tried to quote Richard Pryor and my post didn’t make it through. No N-word allowed. Are there others?

  • magic titty

    [re=58721]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: Pat Buchanan is the only conservative i respect. the end.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=58981]magic titty[/re]: you are kidding, right?

    some of my faves are:

    On AIDS, Buchanan wrote in 1983: “The poor homosexuals — they have declared war upon nature, and now nature is extracting an awful retribution (AIDS).” (Los Angeles Times, 11/28/86) Later that year, he demanded that New York City Ed Koch and New York Gov. Mario Cuomo cancel the Gay Pride Parade or else “be held personally responsible for the spread of the AIDS plague.” “With 80,000 dead of AIDS, our promiscuous homosexuals appear literally hell-bent on Satanism and suicide,” Buchanan wrote in 1990 (syndicated column, 10/17/90). In the 1992 campaign, he declared: “AIDS is nature’s retribution for violating the laws of nature.” (Seattle Times, 7/31/93)

  • gurukalehuru

    [re=58763]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: If by “more” you mean “more bad,” then yes, it is more. Do you want 4 more years of war, 4 more years of economic meltdown, 4 more years of ignorance defying knowledge, religion, in its most primitive forms, defying science and wishful thinking replacing reason? Do you want more? How much more? 100 year? A thousand years? Ten thousand years?

  • gurukalehuru

    [re=59007]Doglessliberal[/re]: Yes, but Pat was actually against the war before it began. Hitting a tar baby was how he referred to it, and maybe he was just making a funny there, but he sure was right. Of course, he continued to vote for Bush and is an absolute dickweed, but he’s like ten times as smart as that Tony Blankley cretin.
    I know he’s a hateful old bigot, but I listen when he speaks.

  • gurukalehuru

    …but I am glad you found a way to recycle the Bush does Beijing photos. As this article is about to drop off the bottom of the page, I hope you manage to slip a link of them into another article soon.
    Thank you, really.

  • Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    Photo sez it all: bitch-slapped Cindy Sassypants has a shit eating grin on her face, looking forward to the day when she and Laura can set up household – in a three-way with Billie Jean King – and let Juan go to hell in a private jet handbasket.

    See that hand over Juan’s face? It’s not his. It’s Cindy’s bionic hand – yeah, the one that was causing her trouble earlier today – and it controls all the levers and buttons hidden under the back of Juan’s jacket.

    Yup, all those “gaffes” and “misspokes” and wacky cell phone calls from Juan? Cindy.


  • dupontd

    [re=59007]Doglessliberal[/re]: Respect and agree with aren’t the same thing. And besides, over the last year Buchanan has been quite reasonable – excepting his reaction to Obama’s race speech.

    Also, that race speech accomplished more than Hillz has done in her career.

  • BrandonMills

    I have my copy of Blazing Saddles ready to go for when Obama wins the election. I guess I’ll have Grumpy Old Men and a couple of Jack Daniels on-hand in case of emergency.

  • eyesfriedopen

    I recognize that look. It’s stinkfinger appreciation. Can you spell USFB?

    Now I just threw up in my mouth. Damn you, Candy McCain!