PSYCHO  1:22 pm August 13, 2008

John Kerry Plans Genocide?

by Jim Newell

Oh look, it’s past one o’clock on any day, which means John Kerry has just e-mailed all of Washington his 64th press release of the early afternoon. And what is it about? Murder. MURRRRRDER.

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Hola wonkerados.

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SayItWithWookies August 13, 2008 at 1:24 pm

Well, I picked the wrong day to leave my pitchfork at home.

shortsshortsshorts August 13, 2008 at 1:24 pm

Well its good to see some conviction from the little cockhead, for once.

Squiggyfm August 13, 2008 at 1:25 pm

And that’s only marginally better than the “Squiggyfm, you are a moron” spams I get.

Botswana Meat Commission FC August 13, 2008 at 1:29 pm

Out in the streets, they call it murder.

itgetter August 13, 2008 at 1:29 pm

Oh noes! Kerry is finally going to finish Edwards off!

The Real JR Revisted August 13, 2008 at 1:29 pm

Ever since being cut off at the knees in 2004, all of this unfair Obama bashing has riled up some sort of PTSD in Kerry in which he’s regressing back to a feral state aka 1960′s Vietnam in which he’s back in the bush, dark face paint, fatigues and a bandanna around his head, he’s launching himself out of the water into a flying pounce with a wild look in his eye and a hunting knife held between his teeth…

Okay Rambo!Kerry is kinda hot.

4tehlulz August 13, 2008 at 1:30 pm


AngryBlakGuy August 13, 2008 at 1:35 pm

…damn it! Was that today?!?!

shortsshortsshorts August 13, 2008 at 1:37 pm

[re=58632]4tehlulz[/re]: Win.

sanantonerose August 13, 2008 at 1:38 pm

Jessica Fletcher for VP

BadNewsJack August 13, 2008 at 1:42 pm

[re=58619]SayItWithWookies[/re]: What about your torch? Nobody should leave their house without their good old mob torch.

freakishlystrong August 13, 2008 at 1:45 pm

The liars are back? When did they leave?

itgetter August 13, 2008 at 1:47 pm

[re=58659]freakishlystrong[/re]: Weren’t they on vacation in Hawaii?

Perrys Mollycoddler August 13, 2008 at 1:51 pm

Wait…I thought the democrats left Washington this month while the Republicans stayed behind…so that must mean…?

BadNewsJack August 13, 2008 at 1:52 pm

[re=58659]freakishlystrong[/re]: i believe it was a thursday

Canmon (the Inadequate) August 13, 2008 at 2:02 pm

He’s still better than Bush.

AngryBlakGuy August 13, 2008 at 2:06 pm

…when we “finish them off” can we use Mortal Kombat style fatalities?! Dibs on Kano’s heart grab!!!

Mr. Herpes August 13, 2008 at 2:10 pm

I just got an e-mail from the Obama campaign that Kerry is going to be the keynote speaker on Friday, the 26th.

FMA August 13, 2008 at 2:37 pm

Saigon. Shit. I’m still only in Saigon.

TGY August 13, 2008 at 2:39 pm

No. If John Kerry wanted to commit ‘genocide’, he would do so by boring people to death. It certainly sucks your will to live.

[re=58693]Mr. Herpes[/re]: That will be a good time to go to the restroom, get another beer or whatever. More like the ‘Bathroom keynote’.

bago August 13, 2008 at 3:11 pm

[re=58684]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: You’ve got the fist in the right spot.

Mahousu August 13, 2008 at 3:27 pm

Man, I thought this was another hopeless quest, but check the numbers:

dupontd August 13, 2008 at 3:31 pm

redrum…redddrum….RED RUM! no wonder I kept saying that all morning.

Oscar Folsom Cleveland August 13, 2008 at 6:21 pm

Well, at 6’4″ and with the ketchup money of known terrorist Teresa Simões-Ferreira Heinz, whose gonna stop him?

First, Ruskie tanks roll into Georgia and the neocon patriots ramp it up to WW IV.

Now, Pennsylvania private jets marked only with the image of St. Christopher will begin bombing Arizona.

Barry, come back! We need you!

The Station Manager August 13, 2008 at 6:39 pm

When this popped up in my inbox (should I admit that?), I did think it odd that John Kerry was urging me to go out and murder. But hey, the man knows what’s right, so I did my part and murdered a few of my neighbors who I guessed were probably lying about something or other.

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