About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Well, I picked the wrong day to leave my pitchfork at home.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Well its good to see some conviction from the little cockhead, for once.

  • Squiggyfm

    And that’s only marginally better than the “Squiggyfm, you are a moron” spams I get.

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    Out in the streets, they call it murder.

  • itgetter

    Oh noes! Kerry is finally going to finish Edwards off!

  • The Real JR Revisted

    Ever since being cut off at the knees in 2004, all of this unfair Obama bashing has riled up some sort of PTSD in Kerry in which he’s regressing back to a feral state aka 1960’s Vietnam in which he’s back in the bush, dark face paint, fatigues and a bandanna around his head, he’s launching himself out of the water into a flying pounce with a wild look in his eye and a hunting knife held between his teeth…

    Okay Rambo!Kerry is kinda hot.

  • 4tehlulz


  • AngryBlakGuy

    …damn it! Was that today?!?!

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=58632]4tehlulz[/re]: Win.

  • sanantonerose

    Jessica Fletcher for VP

  • BadNewsJack

    [re=58619]SayItWithWookies[/re]: What about your torch? Nobody should leave their house without their good old mob torch.

  • freakishlystrong

    The liars are back? When did they leave?

  • itgetter

    [re=58659]freakishlystrong[/re]: Weren’t they on vacation in Hawaii?

  • Perrys Mollycoddler

    Wait…I thought the democrats left Washington this month while the Republicans stayed behind…so that must mean…?

  • BadNewsJack

    [re=58659]freakishlystrong[/re]: i believe it was a thursday

  • Canmon (the Inadequate)

    He’s still better than Bush.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …when we “finish them off” can we use Mortal Kombat style fatalities?! Dibs on Kano’s heart grab!!!

  • Mr. Herpes

    I just got an e-mail from the Obama campaign that Kerry is going to be the keynote speaker on Friday, the 26th.

  • FMA

    Saigon. Shit. I’m still only in Saigon.

  • TGY

    No. If John Kerry wanted to commit ‘genocide’, he would do so by boring people to death. It certainly sucks your will to live.

    [re=58693]Mr. Herpes[/re]: That will be a good time to go to the restroom, get another beer or whatever. More like the ‘Bathroom keynote’.

  • bago

    [re=58684]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: You’ve got the fist in the right spot.

  • Mahousu

    Man, I thought this was another hopeless quest, but check the numbers:


  • dupontd

    redrum…redddrum….RED RUM! no wonder I kept saying that all morning.

  • Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    Well, at 6’4″ and with the ketchup money of known terrorist Teresa Simões-Ferreira Heinz, whose gonna stop him?

    First, Ruskie tanks roll into Georgia and the neocon patriots ramp it up to WW IV.

    Now, Pennsylvania private jets marked only with the image of St. Christopher will begin bombing Arizona.

    Barry, come back! We need you!

  • The Station Manager

    When this popped up in my inbox (should I admit that?), I did think it odd that John Kerry was urging me to go out and murder. But hey, the man knows what’s right, so I did my part and murdered a few of my neighbors who I guessed were probably lying about something or other.