Why Hasn't Barack Obama Stopped the Russians?

 Jonah Goldberg penned a steaming heap of trash for today'sLA Times, blasting Moroccan strongman Barack Obama for not properly managing America's foreign relations with Russia and Georgia during these current (oh wait, aborted!) beginnings of World War III. (Not the war with Mexico, different one.)

Little Jonah, you may recall, entered punditry by defending his mother's entirely fake role in the Linda Tripp-Monica Lewinsky operation, in which Lucianne Goldberg (the literary agent who is also Jonah's mother as well as a former Nixon spy in the McGovern campaign) was alleged to be the One who helped Tripp contact the Office of the Independent Counsel when Tripp was illegally taping phone conversations with Lewinsky, which is impossible, as Tripp had been testifying for that Office for at least four years previous — all of which conspired to put Lewinsky in the position of being threatened with jail if she did not become an agent of that Office in a groovy plot to take down horndog Bill Clinton!)

One of Jonah's most delightful turns of phrase is a brand-new coded anti-liberal-elitism reference to Obama's "cosmopolitan upbringing." This is a technically accurate — Obama grew up in many different cities and one foreign country! — although it is also true that Panamanian-born John McCain's upbringing also included residence in Hawaii and foreign countries. Hawaii: It is the dirty liberal state, where Britney goes to visit her gyno doctor and the local currency is actually the Koran, except they spell it "Qu'aran," like the foreigners they are.

Goldberg then introduces Strong Evidence about Obama acting like he is already president. It is in the form of a David Letterman Top Ten list, of which Goldberg reprints three. This quotation of comedy-satire regarding Obama's "make-believe presidency" is almost convincing.

But he cannot skip the "to be fair" paragraph, to be equally fair, in which he notes that THE ACTUAL PRESIDENT, not a presidential CANDIDATE who has not even named a vice president yet, was busy flapping around the courts with volleyball players in Beijing — though Goldberg doesnotnote that Bush was sitting just adjacent to Putin during the opening ceremonies, ha! — while the tanks were rolling.

Wee Goldberg ends by suggesting that Obama should not be on vacation. No, no one should ever be on vacation. Vacations are for the fucking FRENCH. Goldberg was perhaps inspired by George Bush briefly giving up candy and then settling on giving up of golf during the War in Iraq. George Bush didn't just never go on vacation, except for several months every year, but he also went on vacation from golf clubs, permanently! Anyway.

Fortunately, press secretary Dana Perino did some on-camera work  from the Crowne Plaza Sun Palace in Beijing a couple of days ago. Somewhere, most likely somewhere very Mormon, Mitt Romney is pissed that no one is listening to him talk about some motherfucking foreign policy, motherfuckers.

 Obama without his script [LAT]

 Choire Sicha writes for like 500 newspapers and websites and was editor of Wonkette for several months one time!