Wonkette
Jonah Goldberg penned a steaming heap of trash for today’s LA Times, blasting Moroccan strongman Barack Obama for not properly managing America’s foreign relations with Russia and Georgia during these current (oh wait, aborted!) beginnings of World War III. (Not the war with Mexico, different one.)
Little Jonah, you may recall, entered punditry by defending his mother’s entirely fake role in the Linda Tripp-Monica Lewinsky operation, in which Lucianne Goldberg (the literary agent who is also Jonah’s mother as well as a former Nixon spy in the McGovern campaign) was alleged to be the One who helped Tripp contact the Office of the Independent Counsel when Tripp was illegally taping phone conversations with Lewinsky, which is impossible, as Tripp had been testifying for that Office for at least four years previous — all of which conspired to put Lewinsky in the position of being threatened with jail if she did not become an agent of that Office in a groovy plot to take down horndog Bill Clinton!)
One of Jonah’s most delightful turns of phrase is a brand-new coded anti-liberal-elitism reference to Obama’s “cosmopolitan upbringing.” This is a technically accurate — Obama grew up in many different cities and one foreign country! — although it is also true that Panamanian-born John McCain’s upbringing also included residence in Hawaii and foreign countries. Hawaii: It is the dirty liberal state, where Britney goes to visit her gyno doctor and the local currency is actually the Koran, except they spell it “Qu’aran,” like the foreigners they are.
Goldberg then introduces Strong Evidence about Obama acting like he is already president. It is in the form of a David Letterman Top Ten list, of which Goldberg reprints three. This quotation of comedy-satire regarding Obama’s “make-believe presidency” is almost convincing.
But he cannot skip the “to be fair” paragraph, to be equally fair, in which he notes that THE ACTUAL PRESIDENT, not a presidential CANDIDATE who has not even named a vice president yet, was busy flapping around the courts with volleyball players in Beijing — though Goldberg does not note that Bush was sitting just adjacent to Putin during the opening ceremonies, ha! — while the tanks were rolling.
Wee Goldberg ends by suggesting that Obama should not be on vacation. No, no one should ever be on vacation. Vacations are for the fucking FRENCH. Goldberg was perhaps inspired by George Bush briefly giving up candy and then settling on giving up of golf during the War in Iraq. George Bush didn’t just never go on vacation, except for several months every year, but he also went on vacation from golf clubs, permanently! Anyway.
Fortunately, press secretary Dana Perino did some on-camera work from the Crowne Plaza Sun Palace in Beijing a couple of days ago. Somewhere, most likely somewhere very Mormon, Mitt Romney is pissed that no one is listening to him talk about some motherfucking foreign policy, motherfuckers.
Obama without his script [LAT]
Choire Sicha writes for like 500 newspapers and websites and was editor of Wonkette for several months one time!
Ah, Choire. That explains the above interesting ramble.
I don’t get all this. Isn’t that Michael J. Fox on Family Ties?
Well, you certainly can’t blame George Bush. He was in China.
Wait, who’s Choire? That name sounds furrin. Also, does anyone else remember those quaint days way back in 2001 when our biggest beef with Bush (besides the election) was the fact that he was taking tons of vacation time?
What is the deal with these pudgy little Repubs (Goldberg, Limbo, any of them from the religious right)? I think they’re just mad because no one will do them (well, not for free, anyway.)
I agree, no one should ever take a vacation except Jonah Goldberg. But he can take like 80 years worth if he likes.
My arugula might be showing, but it’s “Qu’ran”, and you have to sort of gag in the middle when you say it. Not hard to do, if you’ve ever read what’s in it.
Did… did this putz actually insert a bit from Letterman in the article? What, to beef up the point? Does he not GET what Letterman was going for?
I too had a cosmopolitan upbringing but all I got for it was these lousy underwear 3 packs.
itgetter: “Choire Sicha” is just an anagram of “Heroic Chias.” You have to admire what these little guys have accomplished.
Barack is busy clearing brush in Hawaii. He has no time to mention why the U.S. and Israel had military advisors in Georgia to help conduct war games. Removing tumbleweeds takes away precious time to comment on why the U.S. virtually goaded Georgia to attack its breakaway state killing approx 1,400 civilians.
And at the end of the day he was too tired to discuss what a terrible blubder the U.S. and NATO got itself into because the Russians were waiting for the Georgian military to attack with U.S. supplied weaponry.
Eventually Barack may notice that this area of conflict is close to oil and gas fields and a southern oil pipeline proposed to run through Georgia to Turkey and south to Israel.
Its best he keep quiet for now, because once again its about the U.S. wanting to impose its will on the world. And we sure don’t want a more powerful, resurgent Russia.
Silence is golden.
I think it’s embarrassing that the L.A. Times gives Goldberg and Max Boot a platform beyond the lunatic fringe. I can respect true conservatives who have integrity. Lucy Jr. and Maximum Asshat are nothing more than cartoon characters.
Aww, little Jonah’s so cute, pretending to be all Karl Roveish. It would work better, Jonah, if Dubyah wasn’t on vacation at the same time, and if you managed not to have to mention that he didn’t cut his vacation short.
Also, it’s hard to avoid the fact that Obama actually had a statement too. You’re gonna have to brush up on your evil, wet-behind-the-ears boy, because that’s just not cutting it.
Mahousu: http://wordsmith.org/anagram/anagram.cgi?anagram=Jonah+Goldberg&t=1000
I had a Cosmopolitan at dinner, but I still don’t know what this Goldberg person has to do with anything
WhatTheHeck: I do agree, Obama’s first presidential term has been a grave disappointment so far. I’m wondering if he really deserves reelection this November.
Wait. Your mom admits to actually having spoken to Linda Tripp in person, and you didn’t crawl under a rock for the rest of your miserable life?
…Jonah Goldberg the poster boy for post natal abortion!
i guess we really are starting an ex-Gawker social club around here…
AnnieGetYourFun: Well, that was fun.
“Bland jogger, ho!”
“Old beggar John”
“God, John! Garble!”
“Job: Hog Dangler”
“Hand job logger”
“Be Lord: gag John”
“Go John, bred gal”
“Jab her old gong”
It’s hard to believe that the author of “Liberal Fascism” would write a bad column.
…the sad part is that some sad dick-wad will repeat all this bullshit as if it actually has any credence. Some people are so hopelessly BRAIN-WASHED that they completely ignore the brightly flashing facts that contradict all that they believe. The other day I overheard a right-winger blaming the past 7 years of partially liquefied diarrhea that has been called governing on the Democrats!? Despite the fact that comments like this cause me to develop and aneurysm, I no longer interject myself into these conversations. I sincerely feel like just conversing with these mental regressives results in the loss of brain cells and with the way I drink I cant afford to lose ANY!
HA, is this the long-awaited 3rd installment of ENDLESS BUMMER? Also, in case this hasn’t been entirely SAID, did Jonah really just spend the first part calling Obama presumptuous for pretending he’s already president, and then criticize Obama for not pretending he’s already president during this “crisis”? Good thing McCain wasn’t being presumptuous for the last couple of years when he has been actively lobbying for a New Cold War against Russia by childishly insulting Putin and calling him “evil,” randomly, because he’s dense. Screw Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Pakistan — the most frightening aspect of a McCain foreign policy would be the way he stubbornly fucks with Russia. And China! Jesus… if this guy becomes president, we’ll be begging for the happy years of George W. Bush’s pragmatic, moderate foreign policy.
The key objection in both Barack Obama’s and Dana Perino’s notes on this is the invasion of Georgia proper, including the bombing of Gori. They essentially agree on the grounds for objection.
Meanwhile, as this clown Jonah Goldberg ponders what the US should do, Sarkozy has brokered some sort of face-saving deal.
It is more desirable, in the long run, for the US to play more of a supporting diplomatic role in the affairs of eastern Europe. Sarkzoy is currently President of the EU; it should be his job to sort this out.
So the general US political response has been appropriate in this instance, with the exception of John McCain, who has been fantasising about taking on the Russian Empire.
Moral: any idiot, myself included, can piss out a geopolitical take and make with the sweeping analysis over time and space. You can make it up as you go along. And Mr Goldberg, one faker can spot another xx xx
Jim Newell: …kinda ironic considering “W” picked a fight with the “Axis of Evil” Iraq, Iran and N.Korean. Now Walnuts sees his “Axis of Evil” and raise him a “Russian Empire” and a “Communist Juggernaut” of China. Neo-Cons the other kind of “Penis Envy”!
wheelie: …considering that Sarkozy was able to do what “W” couldn’t, I wonder if the Republicans will lay off the France jokes?
I had a cosmopolitan upbringing, a jaegermeister college stint, and settled on a wonkettini adulthood.
Jonah who?
AngryBlakGuy: That could depend. Will the Parti Socialiste lay off the US jokes now?
A story about Jonah Goldberg without a reference to the true fact that Lucianne was the communal sex toy on the McGovern campaign plane? Come on!
So Linda Tripp was a spy for Nixon and hired Lewisnky as President so Bill Clinton could be an intern and give her head? AHHAAHAHA!!!!!!!!1!
I’ll have to come back to this one after about 3 shots…… 10 minutes.
And yes the Clinton thing was so awesomely incredibly funny, because it is true. Monica was the only intern in the Ovarian Office for one week. Thank you Rove, you pin-dicked cockhead.
jagorev: Oh. That actually explains quite a bit.
Mitt Romney? How ironic is it that Linda Tripp used to refer to Monica’s female parts as her “mitt”?
This idiot needs a vacation. To Gitmo!
Doughy pantload may be a neocon scumfucking tool, but he kills at Star Wars trivia (How many legs are on and Imperial Probe Droid??? oH Jonah knows!!!) .
Sadly the Georgians are waking up this morning to the same bitter realization we came to several years ago - that George Bush is a lying jackass:
“WHERE IS BUSH???” —> http://www.newsweek.com/id/151970
Of course, if Bush had DONE SOMETHING, chances are that the OTHER HALF of Georgia would be a smoldering pile of ruins today as well!!!
With wisdom and acumen like that, one wonders why Jonuh isn’t Sec State? Such brilliance and logic worthy of Aristotle. Making the man who isn’t preznit responsible for this little tiff between the Rooshins and Jorja.
As the LAT, they’re owned by Sam Zell, uber neocon and real estate mogul. It’s workfare for losers who otherwise would be living in their parents basements.
I think the real reason Obama hasn’t said anything about South Ossetia, serious, is because if he did, people would say “Obama calls for war against Caucasians.”
Ohhh. I couldn’t figure out where I’d seen Skippy here before. Stewart shredded him a new one on the Daily Show when he released that tripe masquerading as a book. Now I remember.
irisheyes: Oh yeah! That was lovely.
Another Goldberg who sucks…
Bernard Goldberg.
Though, I believe I dislike the “wee” Goldberg more. Wee and twee.
Jim Newell: Exactly.
People seem to think no one could be worse than Bush.
Buchanan said McCain will make Cheney look like Ghandi.
Perot le fou: Brilliant!
sati demise: Scary, isn’t it, when Pat Buchanan makes sense? Didn’t he say that Bush’s doctrine of pre-emptive intervention was a recipe for perpetual war?
Okay, he also said everybody who isn’t a Catholic is going to hell. But even a blind pig finds an acorn once in a while.
Every time I see that smirky picture of Jonah Goldberg I want to have Tucker Carlson beat him up in the men’s room.
It’s not Qua’aran, but Qurʾān or Qur’aan, from the Arabic triconsonant root qaf - ‘alif - nun (q’n).
http://www.jstor.org/pss/1570680
Perot le fou: If only I had stars to give.
itgetter: lovely to take a walk down memory lane. I can only hope that since the Daily Show/Colbert Report demographic skews young, that it takes but a generation to reveal what truth lies at the bottom of these infantile Republicans.
Mahousu: Or “A chi chi rose” whatever that means.
so, the french agreed with what Obama said? where’s that article?
Ah, the shrill harpy screech of a caponhawk conservative, who suffers from one/some/all of the pandemic genetic disorders that have swept through the ranks of contemporary conservatism, and have now reached epidemic levels within the College Republican campus enclaves. It must have been heartbreaking for Jonah when he was denied his dream to be a soldier for freedom in a warzone, at his military recruitment physical. I wonder which of the following he is afflicted with:
A) Acute Genitalia Deficit Disorder (AGDD)
B) Involuntary Bowels
C) Weak Knees (now ravaging its 3rd consecutive generation of conservative males)
D) Spinal Gelatinitis
E) Alabaster-Hued Liver
F) Subconsciously Reflexive Bladder Syndrome
G) Jaundiced Abdomen
H) Congenital Castration
It’s dickless conservatives like Goldberg who force REAL conservative women like Annie ‘git yer guns’ Coulter into forced spinsterism. No self-respecting conservative woman is going to marry a man who possesses a tinier set of testicles than she does.
‘wee’.
this is good.
‘wee’ is a word we need to use more in relation to nearly all of our elected officials.
Whenever I get mad at Jonah Goldberg existing, I take solace in the fact that he married a horse.
http://charmaineyoest.com/uploads/goldbergs.jpg
Is “make-believe presidency” code for “presidential candidate who will hopes to have actual presidential powers and influence in three months?”
Or is it more along the lines of taking anything Letterman said as logic (or even sensible)?
I take umbrage (and burnt sienna) to that “Wee Goldberg” crack.
We Wees are small, but insignificant. Goldberg, on the other hand, is a wee wee.
i think Jonah is suggesting that Obama just take over the presidency now, instead of waiting till next year, and i totally agree.
i think Jonah is suggesting that Obama just take over the presidency now instead of waiting till next january, which is a really good idea
AnnieGetYourFun: “Jangled Orb Hog” might work as an anagram, if you think “Orb” equals TV–the lout is quoting David Letterman like he’s Adam Smith or David Hume or something. Forget it, too obscure.
Too bad Georgia didn’t read the fine print on the Coalition of the Willing Contract: “Joining this invasion will not give you reciprocal protection if you are invaded.” It’s not surprise that the resurgent Russian Bear is acting like Viagra on feeble old time cold warriors. Geroge Will could barely sit still on ABC’s This Week from the thrill of it all.
The big fish spit, but it should have swallowed. So we’re stuck with this Jonah who is full of contaminated fish offal.
Our illustrious still-president also had a cosmopolitan upbringing. Babs the Old was bombed on cosmos throughout her entire pregnancy, and all through breastfeeding (sorry for that image).
AngryBlakGuy: “…considering that Sarkozy was able to do what “W” couldn’t, I wonder if the Republicans will lay off the France jokes?”
Don’t hold your breath. You’d turn bleu first.
Obama refused to get lei’d in Hawai’i, or wear aloha shirts, to avoid feeding the Cokies and Jonahs of ‘Murica their stereotyped impressions of exotica.
Which makes him stuck-up by Hawai’i standards.
ladymacbeth: as in: wee-willy-wankers?
Look, I know that there are some that are disappointed with Hopey’s first term, but we are at war here, and we don’t change cars in the middle of a race, or something.
Besides, when President Bush took a vacation during Katrina, he did an excellent job; it was everyone else that failed miserably.
Since even a stopped clock is correct twice daily, I must grudgingly admit that Jonah has a point.
Russia is the epitome of ultra-liberal fascism [per JG's literary doorstopper] and must be stopped. But the liberal fascist Obama, to whom this will fall, is pretending to be on vacation so that he doesn’t actually have to confront the Russkies. It’s all a conspiracy, with Hopey timing his vacation so he’d be away when his Russian masters made their move.
What the world needs right now to put the Russkies back in their place is a US-nurtured Panamanian-born strongman. Somebody compact who strikes fear in the hearts of adversaries, somebody with an illustrious military background, somebody well familiar with the US intelligence apparatus, somebody thoroughly schooled in narco-terrorism and money laundering, somebody who can finish the job that Bush the Elder started.
Clearly, this is a job for Manuel Noriega.
Me, I just want to punch Jonah Golderberg in the cock. The world is not big enough for him and David Frum, both beneficiaries of affirmative action for the congenitally retarded.
stupid south african internet, sorry for the double post
Texan Bulldoggette: Exactly. One look at the photo and you can see this turd has issues. And that’s an old photo, he’s gotten more fat and florid.
Not to mention his name. Jonah Goldberg? It sounds like a joke.
Canuckledragger: Clearly, this is a job for Manuel Noriega.
I’d like to say something witty, but seriously, this just cracked me right up.
The Russians have spent years developing Hope shielding. Nothing Obama can do will penetrate it. This is why we need the belligerent, deranged warmongering of John McCain. The man uses any opportunity to pledge support for kicking Russia out of every organization. He refuses to put Russian dressing on his reubens. He is the leader we need.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
More importantly, is Obama going to stop the Russians from bombing Atlanta? They’ve already bombed other parts of Georgia, and since I live in Florida, we’re right on the border! Plus, the commies in Cuba still have ICBMs aimed at us. But heck, nobody cares about Florida anyway. We can’t vote or anything, since both the Republicans and Democrats and the Russians think that we’re subhuman. Well, now they’re gonna give us 50% of a vote. Heck, I remember the old slaves used to get 3/5 of a vote. Guess we’re not as good.
Well, I sure do hope that the ObaMessiah stops the Russkies.