Wonkette
Many of us freaked out today when John McCain voiced this unusual piece of his mind: “I think it’s very clear that Russian ambitions are to restore the old Russian Empire. Not the Soviet Union, but the Russian Empire.” How does anyone arrive at that after reading about the situation between Russia and Georgia? Jesus. But then again, are we just getting soft? Think back to the glory days of the Republican primary season. All of the candidates launched into over-the-top fear babble of this nature on a daily basis, and it was usually more insane! So let’s check out two of our favorite ads from late last year — one from Mitt Romney and another from Rudy Giuliani — and laugh at monstrous bullshit all over again.
This is one of Mitt Romney’s masterpieces, “Jihad.” Amidst the bucolic comforts of his New England estate, with autumn’s foliage singing a visual symphony of colors to the Heavens, Mitt Romney gently tells us: “It’s this century’s nightmare, Jihadism – violent, radical Islamic fundamentalism. Their goal is to unite the world under a single Jihadist caliphate. To do that, they must collapse freedom-loving nations like us.” WHAT? It’s quite a challenge to come up with more ridiculous language than that.
…Unless you’re Rudy Giuliani!
This is Rudy’s most intense ad, “Tested.” That was the thing about Rudy, he always wanted us to think he was the “Tested” one. The ex-MAYOR running for president! What a sack of shit. This is probably the worst ad ever made. He never could understand that people *don’t like* being reminded of horrible, bloody attacks all the time. Too grim! “A people perverted”? Oh go fuck yourself you fucking fuck.
We still have no clue why John McCain was talking about restoring the Russian Empire today. What a child.
UPDATE: Whenever you start thinking about how fucking stupid Rudy Giuliani is, it’s hard to stop. Here’s another memorable example of how this sadistic fuck couldn’t keep himself from reminding people of the horrors in their lives. He thought he could win elections doing this. So that’s why when he went to Florida — actually he was always in Florida, because he had no fucking clue what he was doing and thought he didn’t need to compete elsewhere, and then he got third in Florida anyway, because he’s fucking stupid — one of his first ads in the state showed old footage of Hurricane Andrew destroying everyone’s livelihoods. How mirthful. Fucking idiot.
Rudy Giuliani: “Tested” [YouTube]
Mitt Romney: “Jihad” [YouTube]
Giuliani: Tested, and found wanting.
Yeah, but if the last eight years have proven, we like our foreign policy crazy.
Maybe he was just reminiscing back to his youth when Tsar Nicholas first took the throne?
DARK SKINNED ISLAMOHADIST ISLAMIC 9-11 TERRORS ALL THE TIME NEVER BE NOT SCARED EVER AGAIN!
Jesus, that’s exhausting. I don’t know who those two kept it up as long as they did.
Was he tested for a clinical psychosis?
Republicans and the fear reflex is like masturbation. Sure it feels good, but f you do it too much or grip it too tight, pretty soon you don’t feel anything at all.
“My friends,…mumble mumble… Reagan!…mumble mumble…tear down this…mumble mumble..Reagan!”
It’s almost like smurf dialogue, where many verbs and nouns are replaced by a key word:
“Dude, we should totally Reagan those Reagan-ing Russians man. I mean, they’re Regan-ing to Reagan Europe back to Cold Reagan times!”
It looks cold, and he is not wearing his MITTENS?
It also appears when you put the words together differently:
Rudy Giuliani and Mitt Romney Tested Jihad.
Who will stop these terrorist hacks?
Well, that McCain fellow may be a little off his rocker, but there’s something so…foreign! about that other fellow. Did you know he’s a muslin?
You think if we really keep confusing the GOP, they’ll ask us to invade Georgia, the state? Oh, please, let us use one piece of ignorance to eliminate another!
Oh god! The sand people - beware the Tusken Raiders!
Don’t forget Tom Tancredo’s ad about child-raping immigrants.
Be afraid. People with funny names want to rape and murder your children.
Hooray For Anything: Shit, our crazy foreign policy seems to be contagious. Putin has a fever and the only prescription is invading a sovereign country for spurious reasons. Whoopie!
Those videos scared me shitless.
I’m voting for any blood-thirsty, war-mongering politician who can kill the most furriners possible - preemptively.
sezme: At least they frighten easily. But we have to be prepared for when they return, and in greater numbers!
What’s with the Snowtroopers at 0:20 in the Giuliani vid?
All we need now is for McCain to shave himself bald, wear a Mao suit, stroke a pussy (not Cindy’s) and declare: “Observer Mr Putin, the instruments of Armaggedon”.
Best part of the Romney ad? Has to be those awesome 1980’s synth drum beats backing him up. Like he is some sort of new wave band.
obfuscator:Excuse me, you wrote 9-11. You have to pay Giuliani royalties now.
The funny thing, well…maybe sad, is that even the redneck “hard workers” don’t care…or much remember the “Red Scare”. McSame is barking up the wrong tree if he thinks he can raise the fear factor via the Rooskies.
If he starts talking about a mineshaft gap we are in trouble.
John McCain is the only man who can stop the Tsarist-Achaemenid axis from working against our interests in Asia Minor. We must reinforce our allies in Transjordan, Byzantium, and the Crimea post-haste. Also, we must be careful about how Russia’s behavior might encourage China or Japan to pursue their own adventures in Formosa or Batavia.
Uncle Al: Not only that, he vacations in Hawaii, is popular with white women and Germans, and eats arugula. You just can’t trust arugula eaters with foreign policy decisions.
Remember Mitt saying he’d have to check with his lawyers to see if he needed Congressional approval before bombing Iran?
God, that other Guiliani ad has some great music in the background. Just makes you want to dance, dance, dance away those horrible tragedies.
The other thing, also sad, is that we cannot even bitch with a straight face that they invaded a sovereign nation for no good reason as they will be like, “WTF…over?”
“But you’ve killed all those civilians!”
“Yeah, we got about 98,000 more to go there WMD bitches.”
The disturbingly ironic thing is that their approach to “direct action” probably saves more lives as the distant rumbling of tanks and screams of low level aircraft say “run like fuck” better than just about anything and while we may be more precise…no one knows what buildings NOT to be in when we strike.
I bet they find more WMD in Georgia than we did in Iraq. Just sayin’.
Does mean McCain intends to engineer another Bolshevik Revolution to put the reborn Russian Empire back in its place?
OOH i forgot how cute mittens was, especially compared to walnuts! thank God he didn’t get the nomination, or it would have been stud vs. stud instead of stud vs. drooling whispy haired gremlin.
though it would have been such fun to watch people freak out about “muslim” vs. mormon.
it doesn’t seem very smart of old giuliani to link his face with a stream of nightmarish imagery, but then it’s not very smart to marry your cousin, either.
Is this because he’s worried more people want to drink Russian imperial stouts than the crap put out by Cindy’s peeps?
How unreasonable that the russians would invade a small nation over what seems to be oil… What kind of f-ed up country would do that?
StrangelyBrown: i’d like to engineer a bolshevic revolution in obama’s pants, if you know what i mean.
Holy terrifying shit! Cold war II: Nuclear Boogaloo. Lets put a dodering old man who doesn’t know what to say about viagra and birth control in charge of the macho posturing department of planet earth.
These politicians are all such dorky high-school student council types. Check out the voice of the narrator on Giuliani’s ad–strong, deep, serious-sounding, saying all this scary shit. Then at the end, Giuliani comes on with his lisp and says he “approved thith methhage.” Hilarious!
Now if the Russians buddy-up with the Iranians…life’s gonna get more interestin’, but with less travel…think what THAT will do to the price of gas!
pickleandcake:
Mormon vs. Muslim would have been the Alien vs. Predator of presidential politics.
trophy(forparticipation)wife: I always thought that using 9-11 as the foundation for your presidential campaign was an odd strategy: “Hey, remember that horrific tragedy that happened when I was in charge?”
the Russian Empire. I thought it was Hitler wanting to restore the Third Reich, but maybe we need to be more worried about Kaiser Bill restoring the German Empire. Say … does that mean he’d want his colony in China back? And that “Czechoslovakia” thing … heck, once the Austro-Hungarian Empire is restored, there will just be the Kingdom of Bohemia to consider. All these kooks should consider that the reason these and other empires came to an end in 1919 was a misplaced confidence in how well things were for them in 1914. Instead of “Munich” they should think “Sarajevo”.
“… the lights burned late last night on the Quai d’Orsay …” (old radio news reports from France in the 1930’s)
Actually I think we need our own version of the Molotov-Ribbentrop pact with Russia. Then we can jointly divvy up the rest of world without having a messy world war in between.
…if you think these are horribly idiotic commercials, just wait until this October. McNasty is already signaling from his latest AD’s that he is heading full steam off that cliff. I just hope they have and AD with him wearing an athletic cup on his face just like 9ui11iani did in that last clip.
Giuliani. Tested. For AIDS and FAIL.
Say what you will about Rudy Giuliani, but he, er, was definately, um, nearby when that thing happened. 9/11 I mean.
That’s what I call courage (please note that I also see the junkies on the lower east side as equally courageous).
pickleandcake: Mormon vs Muslim would be like the Jason vs. Freddy of Presidential Politics.
Except nobody wanted either one of them to win…oh…wait…
JeffGoldblum: Yeah. It was genius to set up the command unit in the WTC….
Before we rush to conclusions about the rise of a new Russian empire, can’t Bush look into Putin’s soul again and find out what this is really all about?
JeffGoldblum:
I beg differ. Were any of those LES junkies courageous enough to collect millions of 9-11 dollars on the lecture circuit in the months after that tragic day in September?
Don’t they “test” people to find out if they’re, ya know. Retarted?
obfuscator: No I suppose not, although I think a few of them did give up golf. You know, in solidarity with whoever and stuff.
Hooray For Anything: How did arugula get labeled as such an elitist vegetable, when it clearly belongs to the Bitters?
i love it when you start throwing out expletives, Jim.
The weird thing is, during the debates McCain was the one who sounded like a somewhat sane, grownup politician. Which wasn’t difficult, since the other candidates were saying things like “Stop illegal aliens? Hell, we need to ban Spanish and all other foreign languages immediately. And go to war with any countries that insist on speaking them…” or “Fight the war on terror? I’ll personally challenge Osama Bin Laden to a death match, one on one. And the only rule will be… there are no rules!” I miss those debates, and am glad to see McCain is resurrecting his opponents’ rhetoric.
wow you don’t think that they are rebuilding our economy and government to maintain a stronger hold over their interest. Fuck you if you don’t think that Russian oligarchy wants to keep every oil pipeline under their thumb but that being noted they don’t want to kill us just make us all wear hats.
All I need is to be fucking a dude and one of these musulmane terro-wrists decides to screw shit up.
BTW, Mittens is totally doable.. really hot!!
Invade Georgia! Wait! Do they have any oil besides that pipeline? Can I still get a flight to Atlanta?