Wonkette
Maybe it’s because the bars won’t be open 24-7 slinging delicious Wonkettinis to help conventioneers drink away the pain. Maybe it’s because the start of the convention coincides with the beginning of the school year, significantly reducing the chances that 14-year-old pages will be available for games of “hide the memo” in the Minneapolis airport men’s room. Whatever the reasons, Republicans just aren’t very psyched about their national convention this year.
In fact, many of them are so deeply ashamed that if you ask them if they’ll be in St. Paul in a few weeks, they say, “Saint who?”
Whether they’re facing serious Democratic challengers in the fall or running unopposed, it seems that there’s no reason a Republican can’t skip the convention this year. If you’re in a risky district, you don’t want to piss off swing voters by embracing your party of free-spending pedophiles. And if you’re in a safe district, why go to all the hassle of pretending you give a shit about John McCain? Hell, John McCain would probably skip the convention if he hadn’t already bought tickets.
But fear not, Grand Old Party denizens! Politico, having written the obligatory “Republican enthusiasm gap” article, will now type up some bullshit “Can the Democratic National Convention possibly live up to the hype?” piece, for fairness.
Enthusiasm gap plagues GOP convention [Politico]
I just think they found the St. Paul cops are going to be doubling up on their patrols in mens bathrooms during the Repub convention. Nothing kills the fun like the fear you’re going to be tapping a 5-0’s foot and not some party boy looking for a good time.
Republican #1: I will be in Saint Paul in a couple of weeks. How about you?
Republican #2: I’ve been there. Believe me, honey, Paul is no saint.
Though Minnesota has had some Purple Rain, every Re-pube I’ve met hates Blue State Minnesota, with their elite Mondales, Humphreys, Lindberghs, Snoopy statutes and Coen Brothers.
Too cultured, too dry, too many high quality schools, museums and clinics, and not enough SPANKED and home-schooled, below-average children.
But remember, there is another GOP convention across the river. Those folks love Minnesota. It’s got a Federal Reserve Bank and SPAM Museum!
It’s not that no one wants to go to the GOP convention. It’s that no one wants to put up with pedophiles and Paultards in the same weekend. It’s like an endurance trial. Even snarkiest amongst us would collapse after a few hours.
WadISay: Zing!
Alternative title for article “Even rats won’t go down with a sinking ship”
according to a report in The Hill, during a July 31 conference call National Republican Campaign Committee Chairman Tom Cole of Oklahoma discouraged congressional hopefuls from attending, saying that doing so would potentially be a “waste of time.”
Bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha… that is so sad… excuse me while I laugh some more… bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Republicans don’t want to go to the Republican National Convention any more than Amy Winehouse wants to go to rehab. Lots of boring speeches, obligatory applause, and all the while you’re jonesing for something illegal.
I thought the game was called “hide the homo.”
walnuts4brkfst: With a theme song for limited government, “Republi-bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down….”
So Larry Craig’s bathroom stall will be occupied, occupied, occupied.
If nobody goes, the Paultards will take over by default since they’re the only ones enthused by their candidate.
Sorry, but in the previous post I read ‘Get well soon, Mrs. Paul’ and immediately thought of fish-sticks. I am deeply ashamed.
If they want to firm up Republican interest in the St. Paul bacchanal [that's right, bacch-anal], they should honour Minnesota’s fave sons The Placemats’ by making the convention theme song “Gary’s Got A Boner.” Boom! Attendance goes through the roof, with a million Repubs trying to find this “Gary.”
And then Fox News, which doesn’t have to worry about fairness like Politico because its neato slogan somehow guarantees it inherent balance, will start another 18 segments with the phrase, “How will the Edwards scandal horribly impact the Democratic National Convention?” Argh.
Repulitards should all be forced to go, payback for the last 8 stinkn’ years…
Scrodd:
The handicapped stall for group sessions and handles to facilitate gravity-defying positions.
Its nice how they lay the blame on the inconvenience of air travel to St. Paul and the fact that
“it doesnt have the same atmosphere as New York City”
What about the idea that so many past convention delegates are “unavailable” due to having been arrested for: gay sex, corruption, public drunkeness, or simply taken out back and shot by their constituents for giving us 8 years of Dubya?
…at this point they will be lucky if they have a convention at all. I heard they are 10 million dollars short of what they need to host the event.
itgetter: and then the Rev’s book comes out and Fux can segue’ into an immediate 24-7 loop..
Betcha not one Rethugrican gets within 1000 yards of the Larry Craig BJ Cubicle. Flying out of MSP is gonna be a bitch, though–the bathroom line on the plane is gonna be really long, since no one dares be seen in the men’s on the ground. Or, they could just take their cue from McNutter, and get some Depends.
freakishlystrong: Hannity will be reading from that book in the form of a fireside chat until he collapses.
itgetter:
Thing is: I get the feeling that even Fox News’ audience understands that the channel is basically a 24 hour GOP propaganda infomercial. You can’t go on day in and day out for 5 years talking about how swimmingly things are going in Iraq and how great the economy is under Dubya before everyone, even your fans, realize that you’ve got to tune in elsewhere to get the true scoop. The people who watch Fox do so for the same reason that people who listen to Kenny G. albums do: it soothes them, provides what they want to hear, even if at the end of the day it’s got nothing to do with reality as it actually manifests itself in life.
“Nobody likes a funeral,” said a Senate Republican press secretary who spoke on the condition of anonymity.
Actually, I’ve rather enjoyed some funerals I’ve been to. Maybe I should come to the convention. Are they serving hotdish afterward?
magic titty: Sooner rather than later is fine by me…
At the last minute, they might come up with Pawlenty of reasons to go, maybe even to show that they are Norm-al. If nothing else, they’ll think of the 4000 policemen, all dressed up. Hmmm, police. Handcuffs. Uniform. Prison games….
Serolf Divad: I wiwh that were true, however, I know people where Fux is their only news source and Rush their only entertainment, and they believe everything they hear, I only recently got one to admit that maybe, and only maybe, Obama really isn’t a Muslim..
If nobody goes, what will happen to all the hookers they’re lining up? I’ve read before that a political convention draws more sex workers than most any other event.
Seems wasteful…
Sounds like it would be similiar to going to a Detroit Lions game. You know you are going to lose. So, do you really want to shell out the bucks when they cut off the liquor too early.
Serolf Divad: You ARE talking about Kenny G, right?
The lot of ‘em don’t want to face the dreaded reality that their hopes rest on a walking, irrational mushroom.
Serolf Divad: I agree. It’s really not about being informed, it’s about being surrounded by conservative wallpaper.
For the record, I listen to NPR and Wilco.
Serolf Divad: The people who watch Fox do so for the same reason that people who listen to Kenny G. albums do: it soothes them, provides what they want to hear, even if at the end of the day it’s got nothing to do with reality as it actually manifests itself in life.
That analogy works on so many levels. For instance, when I have to listen to Fox, it’s the same as when I’m forced to listen to Kenny G: I hear a ridiculous, saccharine chorus of the same tune played at different tempos and pitches, not interesting or soothing in the least, and a dark rage comes over me. Finally, I can only think of picking up a chair and smashing my tormentor until I’m sure I’ll never, ever, hear those sounds again.
Hey, *I’m* enthused. I want to see what mad-cap stupidities WALNUTS and pals commit at this thing. John McCain is a wound-up logic conundrum waiting to ’splode like BAGOOM! in a shower of divot tools and fiber pills.
TGY: She does make a hell of a fillet. Hope she feels better.
What would happen if RP threw a rally than didn’t show up?
Cape Clod: NPR = Nancy Pelosi Radio! It’s like Hannity & Colmes, only without the Hannity. Plus: Story Corps.
Mahousu: ““Nobody likes a funeral,” said a Senate Republican press secretary who spoke on the condition of anonymity.
Actually, I’ve rather enjoyed some funerals I’ve been to. ”
cripes yeah. get out the whiskey and we’ll all be singing Danny Boy.
The only fun Republicans voted for Ron Paul, and they aren’t welcome. They will be at the convention across the street or river or something, Rally for the Republic, Target Center (wherever that is) MN, 9/2. Maybe the Republicans should book Jesse Ventura, turns out he will be in town that week too. Tickets are sold at the patriotic price of $17.76.
That apron makes John McCain look old.
Oh, that’s not an apron? Well, never mind, then.
loquaciousmusic: Seriously. He’s going on 72, and he’s afraid of being killed by shrapnel? You’d think he’d welcome it, given his current course on the River Styx.
loquaciousmusic: It’s actually his bib. That baby food his handlers have to spoon feed him can get messy.
If he veeps Paris Hilton, perhaps they will come.
Serolf Divad: I’m sure you’re right. I’ve just started watching Fox News on occasion because the Olympics is hijacking MSNBC, and it’s all new and painful to me.
But the entertainment for this year’s Republican convention is Abba, Harvey Fierstein, Nathan Lane, Liza Minnelli, Barbra Streisand, Andy Dick, Pee Wee Herman and The Jonas Brothers.
Did they get Cokie Roberts’ approval before putting this thing in Saint Paul? She can be very fussy about this sort of thing.
V572625694: Perhaps. A poll showed that 90% percent of NPR listeners knew that Saddam Hussein had nothing to do with 9/11. 60% of Fox News viewers believed that the Hussein piloted the planes himself and parachuted to safety to a boat captained by Osama Bin Laden.
While it definately has it’s own political leanings, NPR does a better job of reporting the facts. Plus, you get Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me, PHC, and those knuckleheads on Car Talk.
Would you want to go? Just think of all the undercover agents in the bathroom stalls. How’s a senator supposed to get some on the side? Hookers? Then there’s all that fake smiling and pretend optimism you have to have so that no camera can pick up the fact that you know how awful the last 8 years have been and that you think there’s no way that the pale, grinning, thousand year old cretin who drew the short straw is going to come anywhere close to winning. It’s gotta be demoralizing.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
They should have put “punch and pie” on the invitations.
Serolf Divad: I don’t know… I was trolling Conservative sites yesterday and managed to catch Malkin’s dank, internet hole when the registration was open. Got me a username and everything. The first thread I posted on was about off shore drilling. I had like five functionally retarded GOP cult members explaining that the reason the price of oil is down is because a handful of Representatives are playing grab ass in the dark.
There’s at least 50 commenters on that site who insist that we have the military capability to go to war with Russia!!! The collective GOP hard-on over this Eastern European pissing contest is enough to have Ted Haggard dialing up his meth dealer.
Canuckledragger: I think “Here Comes a Regular” would be a more appropriate theme song or “Little Mascara” for the Republican women.
freakishlystrong: Yup, all the Fox News viewers I know believe that W is the greatest president ever and the ACLU is trying to ban Christmas and this country was built on Christian principles darnit. Of course most of them like W for being anti-abortion since once babies are born and grown up and sent to fight in Iraq they are already sinners so who cares.
Cape Clod: You’re right of course. Unless you like listening to wingnuts on parade, or the local “morning zoo” juveniles, there’s nothing else out there. I like NPR so much that I expect more of it. After all, Joan Croc gave them $200M….
Where is McMelanoma’s baseball cap? He really should be sun-smart; slip, slop, slap, and wrap!
KevoTron: “dialing up his meth dealer.”
dialing up his meth dealer/favorite hustler.
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Oh, and if they’d said there’d be punch and pie or that Eric’s mom was catering, I would so be there right now.
If nobody goes, the Paultards will take over by default since they’re the only ones enthused by their candidate.
I hope that will happen, could be very entertaining indeed.
im so glad im not going to be at the University of Minnesota Twin Cities this semester, move in week is the same week as the convention and the Minnesota state fair.