GETS MORE ASS THAN A TOILET SEAT  3:41 pm August 11, 2008

A Children’s Treasury of Stupid Bush-In-China Pictures of Ladies’ Volleyball

by Ken Layne

He'd hit it.
So, George W. Bush sure enjoyed his Olympic Chinese holiday! Here he is with the volleyball girls, living every heterosexual man’s dream. Let’s see how many ridiculous ways your beloved Mainstream Media tries to describe this scene, in a Children’s Treasury of dumb captions about the president pounding the asses of six-foot-tall bikini girls.

Fuckface.George sure had a blast in Beijing. Most of the time, he was just cold makin’ faces at everybody, while his daughter looked on in embarrassed horror. But then he got to go meet the volleyball team!

Gets more ass than a toilet seat.
As we see from the AP caption here, Mr. President “hugs Kerri Walsh” of the U.S. women’s volleyball team, because it’s impolite to say “Here’s Bush getting more ass in Beijing.”

'And the rectangle monster was in my dream!'
According to this Reuters caption, “Bush gestures as he watches the swimming events.” Yes, flailing around in your seat like a fucking retard is certainly a form of gesturing. Brown-nose Romney is acting like there’s something humorous about all this. Barbara is just totally ashamed now — but she sure cheered up later that night, when she went back to the hotel with the ENTIRE U.S. MEN’S BASKETBALL TEAM.

Sexy mothafucka shakin' that ass shakin' that ass
Only London’s Daily Mirror was brave enough to say what we were all thinking. Here’s George sweatin’ like crazy as he uses all of his tiny reserves of willpower to keep from squeezin’ that ass.

Black power.
“President George W. Bush talks to Misty May-Treanor,” says Reuters. ORLY? This is the same way Osama bin Laden “talks to” Barack Obama and Saddam Hussein when they plot to turn the United States into a giant mosque and then blow it up from space.


Cumming from behind.Our foreign comrades in Nigeria hilariously used this photo to illustrate an article about the horrific murder of the U.S. men’s volleyball team’s coach’s father-in-law.

“Coming from behind,” ha ha because that sort of describes a popular conclusion to “doggy style” male-female intercourse.

 
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{ 72 comments }

ForTheTurnstiles August 11, 2008 at 3:43 pm

Well, that’s one Republican who is probably not a closet case.

Probably not.

Spence August 11, 2008 at 3:47 pm

We’re a long way from Richard Nixon walking along the beach in a suit and wingtips.

Cape Clod August 11, 2008 at 3:47 pm

The kind of puffy eyed stupor he was displaying is usually associated with hang overs. Believe me, I know.

Serolf Divad August 11, 2008 at 3:49 pm

Where’s Angela Merkel when you need her, eh?

thefrontpage August 11, 2008 at 3:51 pm

It’s too bad that Barbara Bush isn’t a member of the women’s volleyball team. Now that’d be some good pictures.

mr.november August 11, 2008 at 3:51 pm

Due like ass… must be a Republican.

jimh August 11, 2008 at 3:52 pm

Good thing he left the shirt untucked. Saying.

AngryBlakGuy August 11, 2008 at 3:52 pm

…my snarkasm is being repressed by the shapelyness of that woman azz!

WhatTheHeck August 11, 2008 at 3:54 pm

Now this here’s a Ken Layne post.
Thanks Ken, I was enjoying the olympics until this.
Is Dubya trying to slip a $ note down Walsh’s bikini?

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez August 11, 2008 at 3:55 pm

He was totally wasted over there. And Crazy Eyes seemed even more sedated than usual.

sezme August 11, 2008 at 3:55 pm

Dude’s smart: he untucks his shirt to cover that monster wood. Got Wood? Remember 2004? Ah, good times. He’s a walking priapus.

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 11, 2008 at 3:55 pm

He’s not patting her he’s making a shadow tramp stamp of either a camel or a greyhound. So hard to tell from this angle. And I thought his skills were limited to, um, well, limited.

Political Addict August 11, 2008 at 3:56 pm

This is the only near normal thing he has done in 8 years.

SayItWithWookies August 11, 2008 at 3:56 pm

Misty, please don’t challenge Dubya’s manhood like that. We’ve only got a few more months to go, and he thinks everything’s wonderful. So if I hear that we’ve invaded Botswana in the next few days, I’m holding you personally responsible.

Sheepeater August 11, 2008 at 3:56 pm

That arms in the air photo: he is explaining to Mittens the correct procedure for tying a dog to your car.

Guppy06 August 11, 2008 at 3:57 pm

[re=56794]Serolf Divad[/re]: The man obviously traded up.

It’s good to be the president.

WadISay August 11, 2008 at 3:57 pm

There’s a better shot of the scar on his right arm; what’s up with that? If Bush got it any way other than falling out of a bed while sexing a 14-year-old boy, why wasn’t there some run of the mill announcement about it?

wx insider August 11, 2008 at 3:58 pm

I’ll bet John Edwards is drooling over these photos!

Guppy06 August 11, 2008 at 3:58 pm

And the question everybody wants to know:

Picture 3, where’s his right hand?

AngryBlakGuy August 11, 2008 at 3:59 pm

-sweating profusely
-overly affectionate
-goofy look
-wild and exaggerated mannerisms
-crumpled and disheveled clothing

…is it me or does he look like that drunk uncle at a family get together who is too shit faced to realize the girl he is hitting on is his 12 year old niece.

SayItWithWookies August 11, 2008 at 4:01 pm

I love the caption with the basketball team:
U.S. President George W. Bush’s daughter, Barbara, (3rd R)
Um — “U.S. President George W. Bush’s daughter, Barbara (the white girl)…”
There.

Oh and what’s up with the big scrape on his right forearm? My guess is it’s rug burn from diving for the gin bottle that fell under the minibar.

Whiskeybaby August 11, 2008 at 4:03 pm

The presdensee
Ur doing it wrong

ronaldpagan August 11, 2008 at 4:04 pm

His package in that first picture looks both comic and forlorn. Now can we PLEASE, PLEASE never speak of this again, and quietly replace it with some pictures of Hopey skinny dipping in Hawaii? Photoshopped if necessary.

user-of-owls August 11, 2008 at 4:06 pm

[re=56794]Serolf Divad[/re]: Serolf. May I call you Serolf? When the discussion revolves around the revelation or near-revalation of buttocks at the beach, would you please refrain from introducing the name of Frau Doktor Kanzler? It has been a mere two years since a British tabloid opened that Pandora’s Box (In graphic form no less. See http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/dowbrigade/2006/04/20/bum-rap-the-price-of-fame/) and the global community is still recovering. Thank you for your cooperation in this delicate matter.

angryhippopotamus August 11, 2008 at 4:07 pm

Bush is clearly doing the “Soldier Boy” dance in the third picture.

Incidentally, in response to a question about the situation in Iraq Bush replied, “We supermaned that ho”

economywine August 11, 2008 at 4:08 pm

It’s been said people get the government they deserve…

Whiskeybaby August 11, 2008 at 4:08 pm

[re=56819]ronaldpagan[/re]: Seconded! I demand semi-clothed shots of Hopey walking moodily along a beach to help me forget…

SayItWithWookies August 11, 2008 at 4:09 pm

He mustn’t have given them any pointers, since they’re still winning.

[re=56819]ronaldpagan[/re]: Oh good gravy I should’ve just trusted you instead of scrolling up to look. Now I’ll have to spend the rest of the afternoon convincing myself it’s a sock.

madirishman August 11, 2008 at 4:10 pm

Speaking as a straight man, I would give SEVERAL QUARTS OF BLOOD to be that close to Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor. But President Bush has NO IDEA what to do with himself! It’s enough to make me scream in testosterone-induced rage. I have watched all the Walsh/May-Treanor matches, damn near hypnotized. The only problem with my kinky little fantasy is that both women are married to athletes who could snap my neck like a twig. That, and the fact my wife would slit my throat, then burn my corpse. And no jury in the world would convict her.

I love the Olympics!

anabellum August 11, 2008 at 4:12 pm

Bush is clearly off the wagon…my guess is that theyre feeding him valium prior to public appearances…

i wouldnt be at all surprised if hes caught singing Hickory Dickory Dock to himself…very softly….

pondscum August 11, 2008 at 4:14 pm

I’m guessing Chimp thought was was participating in the SPECIAL olympics.

TGY August 11, 2008 at 4:15 pm

The headband on that visor looks a bit too tight. Luckily, he probably can’t feel anything up there anymore, as it’s only his head.

That last pic, KEEP IT ABOVE THE WAIST, GEORGE!

CrunchyKnee August 11, 2008 at 4:17 pm

In the first picture Chimpy is clearly stating that he could do some nice fat rails of coke of ‘dat ass!

ronaldpagan August 11, 2008 at 4:20 pm

[re=56833]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Maybe it’s just where he hides his emergency coke stash.

Anita Cocktail August 11, 2008 at 4:21 pm

Wow, after that photo montage, I had the overwhelming urge to donate lots of money to Hopey and the DNC.

Gopherit v2.0 August 11, 2008 at 4:24 pm

[re=56831]Whiskeybaby[/re]: I’ll agree if Michelle is there in a bikini.

Gopherit v2.0 August 11, 2008 at 4:29 pm

[re=56850]ronaldpagan[/re]: Why in the name of all that’s holy would you look at Dubya’s crotch? Is this like one of those “What’s the difference between kinky and perverted” jokes?

madirishman August 11, 2008 at 4:30 pm

When Laura sees these pictures, Dubya better hide the steak knives.

And the scissors. And the gardening shears. And the butcher knives. And the hacksaws.

CivicHoliday August 11, 2008 at 4:33 pm

As Mel Brooks said, “It’s good to be the King.” Men in power get access to beautiful women. The trick is to not get caught doing more than a little innocent drooling and ass-tapping. You hear me, Johnny boy? And Billy? And seriously, for THOSE girls? If you’re gonna get caught, at least get caught with Marilyn. (Nobody faulted JFK for that one)

WaldoJeffersHead August 11, 2008 at 4:34 pm

Barbara is sooooo checking Mittens out. “If he becomes VP, I’m going to try and be an intern…”

itgetter August 11, 2008 at 4:36 pm

Did anyone ever see the episode of the Daily Show when Jon Stewart showed a picture of Bush chest bumping a marine and asked the audience,

“I cannot help but think that if he hadn’t been fucking things up for the past seven years and was goofing around like this — would we love him? Would we be like, ‘He is irrepressible’? What a scamp!’ Or does the whole doing that while Rome is burning aspect of his presidency sour us on his exuberance?”

populucious August 11, 2008 at 4:43 pm

[re=56837]anabellum[/re]: Personally I like drunk Bushy much better than the sober version, especially if he continues this six month long senior skip day he’s been on.

TGY August 11, 2008 at 4:43 pm

Also, women’s volleyball players are the few women in the world who can render being in-shape in a bikini un-sexy. I might add Cher to that list. I suppose it’s personal preference.

TGY August 11, 2008 at 4:46 pm

And why does the woman in the top photo have the pink markings on her side? Is that where the reverse-lipo-suction guys are going to put fat in?

TGY August 11, 2008 at 4:49 pm

[re=56878]itgetter[/re]: After he’s out of office and the world still exists, I will promote him to ‘scamp’. As of now he remains ‘chump’, which is only a few letters off after all. If he winds up behind bars for war crimes, I will think, “whatta poor bastard of a scamp” and send him regular care packages of golf tees and sporting magazines.

BadNewsJack August 11, 2008 at 4:55 pm

Less chimpy, more skimpy(bikinis)

Terry August 11, 2008 at 5:06 pm

[re=56834]madirishman[/re]:

Good woman, your wife.

sanantonerose August 11, 2008 at 5:12 pm

These ladies all are in desperate need of ass transplants. STAT

Wee Mousie August 11, 2008 at 5:17 pm

Dubya goes amidst European leaders and makes an ass of himself, goes amidst G8 leaders and makes an ass of himself, and goes amidst US Olympic volleyball athletes and makes an ass of himself. Same old same old.

This would be NEWS if chimpy had gone anywhere and made a good impression.

I Am Not Your Gary Busey August 11, 2008 at 5:21 pm

Why does the Bush clan insist on making asses of themselves in front of our Asian overlords? Don’t they know that we rely on them for our lead slathered children’s playthings?

Monsieur Grumpe August 11, 2008 at 5:25 pm

[re=56920]sanantonerose[/re]:
Agreed. I’m an ass man which is one of the many reasons I married my wife. Are you reading this honey?

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez August 11, 2008 at 5:30 pm

Where’s Laura? Back at the hotel getting a Vicodin transfusion?

jood42 August 11, 2008 at 5:41 pm

@ sanantonerose: I agree. I’ll gladly trade with any of them.

TGY August 11, 2008 at 5:50 pm

[re=56920]sanantonerose[/re]: Yeah. I believe they have problems sitting down and remaining upright. Sort of reverse Weebles. Ass is there for a reason. WAKE UP PEOPLE!

Voyou Charmant August 11, 2008 at 6:06 pm

Clearly he is so drunk that he thinks he is at spring break in Daytona Beach.

Squiggyfm August 11, 2008 at 6:09 pm

[John Stewart's Bush Impersonation] Now THAT’S an exit strategery I can get behind *Bush Laugh* [/John Stewart's Bush Impersonation]

KevoTron August 11, 2008 at 6:13 pm

[re=56814]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Seriously. The guy looks like he just wandered away from a Jimmy Buffett concert.

loudmouthredhead August 11, 2008 at 6:23 pm

Thanks, Wonkette, for making me feel inferior to our idiot monkeylord. Now I’ll just go eat some ice cream and sob to myself.

In that last one, they don’t show two seconds later when he squeezed his water bottle in response to Walsh flexing her perfect ass, sending out a suggestive geyser of water from his bottle that soaked his shirt.

[re=57015]Voyou Charmant[/re]: Brings back memories of teh boozin days

DangerousLiberal August 11, 2008 at 6:35 pm

Mr. Prezdint

In our briefing today, you promised to say “I’d hit that,” not to actually “hit” (as in slap, strike, grope) that.

We will issue a clarification later today.

Dana P.

S. Cullen Bonz August 11, 2008 at 6:59 pm

In the first photo, Bush drew an outline of Iraq on Misty’s back. And he’s telling Keri Walsh “See, here is where they hid those WMDs, right in this here hole”.

Mr. Herpes August 11, 2008 at 7:02 pm

W- You gals are real American winners, you know that. We love ya.
Misty – Thanks Mr. President. You can let go of my hand now. I might need it later.
W – Naw, I mean it. I’m not down here trying to mooch some glory off you gals. Hell, I gotta sit up there in the stands with that dumbass, Putin. You know what he’s doin’ today? He’s got his troops stomping the freedom out of our friends in Georgia. I asked Jesus to make him stop, but he won’t.
Kerri – Mr. President, I hope you’re not grabbing my butt.
W – What? Oh. Hell no. Didn’t cross my mind. Of course, back in my partyin’ days, I could see us three in a cheap Midland motel with a bottle of Wesson and some handcuffs. Heh, heh.
Misty – I may have to puke right here in the sand.
W – Hell, you don’t wanna know all the places I’ve puked.
Kerri – Please don’t tell us, sir.

Outstando August 11, 2008 at 7:55 pm

He’s drinking again and the divorce is a sure thing.

regisgoat August 12, 2008 at 1:28 am

[re=57092]Outstando[/re]: Maybe Wonkette should get a pool going. I think it’ll happen within a year after the next inagural–

WestEdEd August 12, 2008 at 8:19 am

Bill clinton would have torn that up 17 ways to sunday. Daaaaammn

eyesfriedopen August 12, 2008 at 8:43 am

That’s our president! Hanging out in China with “pooty-poot”. And that Russian guy, too.

Matthew Crunt August 14, 2008 at 2:51 pm

Can we make him walk back to Texas from China? God damnit! He is a DUMB SHIT!

zhubajie August 20, 2008 at 12:22 am

[re=56811]WadISay[/re]: You don’t think it’s a Triad tatoo?

zhubajie August 20, 2008 at 12:25 am

[re=56867]madirishman[/re]: I’m she long ago got tired of satisfying his vile impulses, and turned that chore over to the maid.sur

zhubajie August 20, 2008 at 12:28 am

[re=56871]CivicHoliday[/re]: He’s in China, how come we don’t see him with some China girls? I’m assuming that he has 4-5 members of the Youth League keeping him from bothering Laura.

zhubajie August 20, 2008 at 12:29 am

[re=57290]eyesfriedopen[/re]: Putin is actually rather popular in China, not least because he sent his two daughters to study martial arts at Shao Lin. Sparred a bit with one of the senior students when he visited, too.

zhubajie August 20, 2008 at 12:32 am

[re=56839]pondscum[/re]: Is he going to the Special Olympics? The longer he stays away, the better.

Sundown1173 August 18, 2009 at 10:45 am

Get a grip people!!!

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