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So John Edwards has admitted to banging that broad, Rielle. Here is a nice long story about what he will tell one of the Woodruffs on teevee tonight. Since it is Friday, none of your editors wanted to write a real, thorough post about this. So we have held a chat session to discuss John Edwards’ bastard child. It isn’t very readable, but it is long, so you really have no excuse.

Sara S.
I must say, among the possible explanations for the Edwards story I never considered that he had done one thing but not the other.
Sara S.
(i.e., banged the broad but not fathered the baby)

Jim N.
well, there is time yet
Jim N.
he admits that he visited her in beverly hills. why?

Sara S.
True. His explanation does have the ring of, “Well Mom yes I smoked cigarettes ONCE but those butts in my trash can belong to a friend.”

Jim N.
and now he will be vice president.

Sara S.
It’s funny how he’s saying, “Well, I fucked her BEFORE my wife got the cancer again,” like that is such a classy thing to do, to have affairs BETWEEN your wife’s bouts of cancer.

Jim N.
haha, well, i guess he didn’t KNOW it would come back, but still, it sounds petty
Jim N.
are you doing a FOLLOWUP?

Sara S.
Ugh, I guess.

Jim N.
we could do a CONVERSATION and post it?
Jim N.
that would be easier.
Jim N.
haha i am so lazy that i feel lazy for you, today

Sara S.
Ha ha! Done and done.

Jim N.
do we have enough or should we keep talking? OK.

Sara S.
Well, let’s see. Is there anything else to say?

Jim N.
yes.
Jim N.
here is a question
Jim N.
are we supposed to take away from this that the best part of your wife’s cancer going away is that you get to have affairs?
Jim N.
but then if it comes back you’re a DICK
Jim N.
you’re a woman, doesn’t breast cancer come back like all the time?

Sara S.
You are kind of a dick either way.
Sara S.
Let me consult my breasts…Yes, they say it does fairly often.

Jim N.
well then john edwards is just awful and Sexist

Jim N.
here’s another important Media Question
Jim N.
john edwards could’ve won iowa and maybe, SOMEHOW, won the nomination. and then this news would’ve come out. should we kill everyone in the Main Stream Media for not reporting this?

Sara S.
I am just shocked, for the millionth time, that any politician who bothers to basically start running for office the SECOND after a failed run for office, and who bothers to construct this whole phony populist platform and takes many pains to get everything in line — the scholarship fund and the poverty center and etc. etc. — where was I.

Jim N.
this is such a stereotype. Republicans are secret gays, Democrats cheat on their wives. end of the eleciton.

Sara S.
Oh, that he could do so much careful planning and be like, “By the way, I will still have sex with that lady I met in a bar because who cares?”
Sara S.
Yes, the Main Stream Media should be bombed, by Ron Paul’s War Rocket.

Jim N.
he is bill clinton, but not as nifty. he’s just a loser.
Jim N.
seriously, who is this fucking guy? he hasn’t won an election in TEN YEARS.

Sara S.
I still do not quite get why nobody reported it. Many people say it’s in deference to Elizabeth Edwards, but do they honestly believe she has read any news at all since the Enquirer broke this?

Jim N.
but he’s been in at least 900

Sara S.
She has probably had her nose buried in Rita Brown novels for the past three weeks.
Sara S.
Ha ha, he is definitely not very nifty at all. He is a robot with a lizard tongue and a wandering peen.

Jim N.
yeah that makes no sense. Liz, honey, sorry about your boobs, but this asshole could’ve gotten the nomination in a year Democrats are *supposed* to win, and then he would’ve automatically lost.

Sara S.
John Edwards’ White Trash Palace should be evacuated of the wife and the kids, and then also bombed.

Jim N.

Jim N.
haha so gross

Sara S.
Oh Jesus.

Sara S.
The lower left looks like, who is that, Donald Sutherland?
Sara S.
And Sanjaya…

Jim N.
yes! and his son, kiefer, from teevee
Jim N.
Dr. Sanjay Gupta?

Sara S.
And Bobby Jindal.

Jim N.
racist.

Sara S.
No, the kid from American Idol. DON’T YOU WATCH TEEVEE???

Jim N.
well you did

Jim N.

Jim N.
i mean, look at this.
Jim N.
i think i see john!

Sara S.
It is a blight.

Jim N.
in his masturbatorium!

Sara S.
Hahahahah

Jim N.
with, who else, edwards his wife
Jim N.
do you think she’s even SEEN his penis?

Sara S.
His “masturbatorium” is just a room full of mirrors, with some Kleenex.

Jim N.
or is that only for his floozies?
Jim N.
there is just dirt, everywhere
Jim N.
at this palace

Sara S.
I’m sure she’s seen quite a bit of it. One imagines that once they were actually In Love.

Jim N.
i bet he is a eunuch
Jim N.
all of his children are fake cyborgs, made from the dirt on his property and some electric legos

Sara S.
Maybe that is why he is certain he is not the father of that poor bastard child.

Jim N.
ok is this enough? can we post? should i post it? i’m tired of typing and want to eat cheesy bread

Sara S.
If they were cyborgs, that would be proof of paternity.

Jim N.
oh fuck it is only 4:19.

$
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  • columnv

    Cheesy bread sounds good.

  • Dave J.

    Nobody wants to say this, so I will: if Elizabeth dies from the cancer, won’t Edwards become like THE most hated/despised man in America? Seriously? I mean, for the rest of his life, that’s his legacy: “oooh, there goes the ASSHOLE who cheated on his wife who had cancer!”

  • ManchuCandidate

    Johnny Mill as Barry O is the most hittable of the bunch. Johnny Mill does not look good as a woman.

    Hey, I’d like to consult breasts, too.

  • Jobbotch

    John Edwards + Barack Obama = Chris Noth, oddly.

  • Hominidx

    Of course, this contrasts so well with McCain and Gingrich spouse treatment.

    WONKETTE YOU HAVE REACHED A NEW HIGH AND/OR LOW OF LAZY WRITING! Refund!

  • BillyClubb

    Oh Wonkette editors, you have masterfully summed up American politics: Republicans are secret gays, Democrats cheat on their wives.

  • TaraAriano

    “oh fuck it is only 4:19.” Right there with you, Ed.

  • NotUrEvryDayWEzl

    mmmhmmm… cheesy bread. Does Ken pay for that?

  • InsidiousTuna

    Cheesy bread DOES sound good.

  • Canmon (the Inadequate)

    Why is there a picture of David Spade in that story?

  • shortsshortsshorts

    “Two Affairicas.”

  • Mahousu

    [re=55611]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I am thinking of starting a new career as breast consultant.

  • Darehead

    He might hide away for the rest of his career like Gary Hart.
    He might say WTF like BClinton and go about politics as usual.

  • El Bombastico

    First person to make a joke about consulting Sara’s breasts gets reported to Jezebel.

  • columnv

    [re=55619]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]:

    [re=55621]InsidiousTuna[/re]:

    Honestly, let’s get some fucking cheesy bread up in this joint. Is it cheddar cheese or parm?

  • problemwithcaring

    I’m sorry – Fathering a baby while planning to run for president and in between your wife’s bouts with cancer? The son of a mill worker makes Eliot Spitzer’s indiscretion look about as hokey as passing notes in study hall.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=55624]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Pseudo-intellectual. David Brooks be puttin’ the hate on you.

    Good pun, BTW.

  • Mr. Herpes

    Has anyone noticed that RUSSIA and GEORGIA are shooting at each other today — tanks, bombers, you name it — and W is in fucking Beijing watching ping pong! Where is Darth Cheney and the briefcase?

  • El Bombastico

    [re=55636]El Bombastico[/re]: Whoops. Already missed two.

  • ronaldpagan

    Liz, baby, DON’T STAND BY THIS ASSHOLE’S SIDE WHILE HE GIVES HIS CONTRITION SPEECH. Please?

  • sezme

    Wow, that was long. Also, much as I enjoyed this (or would have if I’d read it), I’m still hoping for Ken’s final smackdown on the sodden corpse of Edwards’ dignity/credibility.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=55629]Darehead[/re]: He might also use a raincoat the next time. What an asshole.

  • Aardvark Gumbo

    Sara, you’re my new hero because you use punctuation and capital letters while chatting online. Jim, not so much.

  • loudmouthredhead

    [re=55638]problemwithcaring[/re]: At least Spitzer went high class, eh?
    I never bought his whole “faaahtin aaahl maaah laaahf fo’ yooo” schpeil (spell that?). I always thought he seemed slimy, and now I know why. Man, his entire political artifice is shattering all at once this campaign season, no?

  • InsidiousTuna

    [re=55637]columnv[/re]: I could go for either one at this point.

  • Darehead

    Now we know the breast of the story.

  • anabellum

    fuck cheesy bread, i vote for several pints of nice beer…

  • TGY

    A conversation worthy of Tolstoy! Or some other Russian novel writer before 1917. Whatevs.

    Sorry, John Edward’s fake scandal makes my eyes droop.

  • Serolf Divad

    Fox, of course, is running the story like it’s the second coming of Bill Clinton, rather than the last sad hurrah of a has been. And no… no one who’s taking great delight in the story has taken the time to compare it to John McCain’s treatment of his first wife… which would be a pretty damned appropriate comparison if the Edwards’ story is as important as Fox ‘n Friends want us to believe it is. Let’s face it: McCain dumped his first wife after she became injured and disfigured in a car accident. If we’re all appalled at Edwards, why aren’t we just as appalled at McCain? Is there a statute of limitations on sleezebaggery?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Sara S.
    Ugh, I guess.

    That says it all.

  • Crow T. Robot

    Cheesy bread good. Covered walkway between you two giant houses, good.

    Giant dirt yard–only good if you are a small child with constuction equipment toys. Grass. Cactus. Hell, put down some damn gravel John, that’s just sad.

    Oh and sorry you got fingered–ya musta known it was coming though.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=55628]Mahousu[/re]: That sounds like it might require some motorboating……you know, in your professional capacity.

  • NotUrEvryDayWEzl

    [re=55637]columnv[/re]: BOTH

  • Delicious

    A shocking inside look at the Wonkette Posting Sweatshop.

  • loudmouthredhead

    [re=55616]BillyClubb[/re]: Generalization: All politicians philander, but Republicans do it with whomever they built their platform on (i.e. fighting TEH GHEYS or protecting JAILBAIT), and Democrats do it the boring old, legal hetero way.

  • Dave J.

    [re=55644]S.Luggo[/re]: No doubt. As if the whole cheating-on-your-wife-who-has-cancer thing wasn’t enough, he can’t even be bothered to wear a fucking rubber? Fuuuuuuck. What a toolbag this guy turned out to be.

    Honestly, only vote for politicians with hot wives. You think Obama or Kucinich (or Fred Thompson, for that matter) ever cheated?

    When I run for President, this will be my speech in the debates: “I will fix the economy and education. In conclusion, check out my wife’s incredible rack. You think I’m going to be chasing tail around the country when I got THAT at home in the White House? Hell no, America.”

  • iwillsavethispatient

    [re=55638]problemwithcaring[/re]: I dunno, somehow I think bringing a whore to a different state to meet you at a fancy hotel is worse. Let face it, Edwards didn’t know his wife’s cancer was going to come back at the time, even if it there was a good chance (in deference to SKS…)

    All I hope for is that Elizabeth Edwards doesn’t have to stand next to John whilst he speaks at a podium. That was the worst thing about the whole Spitzer thing.

  • anabellum

    oh yeah, is the really Edwards house?…mine is nicer in a homey, poverty stricken sort of way….

  • loudmouthredhead

    Jim N.
    we could do a CONVERSATION and post it?
    Jim N.
    that would be easier.
    Jim N.
    haha i am so lazy that i feel lazy for you, today

    Sara S.
    Ha ha! Done and done.

    I’m so glad we provoke spontaneous bouts of effort in your guys….Oh, wait.

  • TGY

    Or Chekhov, maybe. Either Uncle Anton or that ‘nuclear wessels’ guy.

  • american mutt

    [re=55636]El Bombastico[/re]: I was just about to do that…

  • El Bombastico

    [re=55654]Serolf Divad[/re]: That’s where things may get interesting. Will the media use this as an excuse to examine whether its valid to cover candidates’ extramarital affairs? If so, McCain is fucked. This is a wrapped gift for the MSM to bring McCain’s past infidelities to the surface. And he’s admitted them all, so its not like there’s any need to be circumspect.

  • natoslug

    [re=55636]El Bombastico[/re]: Fine. What do Sarah’s breasts and cheesy bread have in common? They’re both smooth and tas . . . uh, this’ll get me banned, won’t it? They’re both things I am not going to experience tonight.

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    I’m enjoying the SKS breast consultation. When will Boss Man Layne allow them to write posts of their own?

  • mattbolt

    Man, when the Olympics start, shit goes DOWN.

    The whole “don’t worry, everyone’ll be too busy watching the Olympics to turn on the news” excuse has now been used by Russian tanks plowing into Georgia and John Edward’s tank plowing into whats-her-face’s autonomous region. And we’re only at Olympics Day 1, imagine all the other acts of aggression and perverted confessions people will be able to get off their chests this week while no one watches.

  • natoslug

    [re=55673]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: Tit for tat?

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=55639]S.Luggo[/re]: I challenge David Brooks to a series of duels.

  • Dave J.

    Yeah, I think Spitzer is worse, actually. For starters, he was hiring HOOKERS, and also, the hookers were his daughter’s age, that’s just skeezy.

    Personally, I think the Edwards’ probably had a very loving marriage with a pretty shitty sex life. I don’t mean to blame Elizabeth, far from it, but serious health problems really do have a serious effect on a couple’s sex life. I have a good friend whose wife got cancer (recovered, thank god), and this was something that drove him to despair. He felt like an asshole about it–he didn’t cheat, but the lack of booty-having was a real problem. I think John started screwing this woman because that part of his personal life wasn’t happening. It was stupid, but I bet the real reason is close to that.

  • Not_So_Much

    [re=55654]Serolf Divad[/re]: Just part of the cycle that they’ll have to run with in order to stick this on Hopey somehow…

  • thefrontpage

    EDWARDS-SPITZER IN 2012!!!

  • Darehead

    Timing for the ‘fession was so convenient. He figured few would be noticing since:

    China starts Olympics.
    Russia starts war.
    Clay Aiken is a father.
    All the nation’s paparazzi have followed Barry to Hawaii.

  • Vewol Mevemont

    [re=55671]El Bombastico[/re]: Not going to happen. When have subtle (or even just kind-of subtle) logical connections played any part in the Paris Hilton’s poon! Edwards Cheats! Mild storm in Miami – OMG OMG! media circus.

    People like to hear about McCain being a good guy and so that’s what we’ll give em’.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=55674]mattbolt[/re]: Missiles, too! They are using friggin’ missiles! Hellooo, world, Pooty Poot is starting a war.

  • TGY

    [re=55674]mattbolt[/re]: “Russian tanks plowing into Georgia”

    Haven’t seen them in Atlanta, yet. Prolly old Soviet equipment that will break down halfway into Georgia and they’ll have to sue for peace so the Georgians will give them a tow back to Russia.

    Or run out of vodka, whichever comes first.

  • loudmouthredhead

    [re=55674]mattbolt[/re]: Haha, guess he thought it might sneak in under the radar. Whoops!
    Who else wants to try something scandalous today?…
    I bet Pat Robertson and James Dobson will get married and admit they’ve been raising a secret illegal immigrant child together for years.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=55685]Darehead[/re]: which is the most fun to cover? They want a Hawaiian vacation!

  • Canmon (the Inadequate)

    This election cycle hasn’t been kind to failed Democratic running mates. Ferraro, Lieberman and now Edwards have all imploded in one way or another. At least Bentsen had the sense to die two years ago.

  • Vewol Mevemont

    [re=55680]Dave J.[/re]: Bleh. He was running for president. He not only dissed his wife, but put the entire party in jeopardy. Edwards is a self-obsessed twit. That he likely couldn’t get any legit pussy is sad, but he’s still a self-obsessed twit.

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    It’s a good thing Rielle was a film maker that he could pay $114,000 to — if she ran a pizza place, Johnny would have weighed 425 lbs. by now and have type II diabetes. And if she ran a prune juice factory, well, he’d have been out of politics months ago.

    Dems can’t keep ’em zipped up — the lips, I mean. Heck, Spiro Agnew would have denied that Rielle existed and would have charged the nattering nabobs of making her up. And if they made her up, then they made up the DNA evidence, too. (Unlike Bush, who would have said, “DNA? Could you spell that?”)

  • jagorev

    [re=55692]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: And next, Al Gore will be caught littering, ON TAPE.

  • pinko-commie

    Maybe he stopped having the affair once he found out his wife’s cancer had come back. I mean, that would be “classy,” at least under the circumstances. Maybe cancer is the answer for how to keep your husband from cheeting. Sorry, honey, I know you want to go bang some younger woman, but you can’t until this whole cancer thing clears up….

  • Darehead

    [re=55679]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: The bran flakes must have been good for you.

  • anabellum

    im so appalled by Edwards house that i cant focus on anything else…

    nice touch with a bulldozer dont you think?….

    does he call the place ‘Scab House’?…

    is that a line of double-wides connection the ‘manor’ with the ‘barn’?..

    existential question: if a son of a steel worker shits in the woods, and no one else is around…does it stink more than fucking around on your wife?…

  • slavojzizek

    You guys lost me when you started putting down jerking off. If only Edwards HAD stayed in the masturbatorium, he would have saved himself a lot of trouble and his wife a lot of pain.

  • WadISay

    Personally, I think Edwards deserves the Chinese to march into the Birdsnest behind a large banner of John and Rielle, and the Russians to charge into Ossetia screaming, “If John Edwards can get away with what he done, we can get away with this.”

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=55695]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: DIABEETUS.

    Goddamn I want out of this office so I can get drunk and troll GOP sites. I bet there’s a fucking field day about this over there.

  • problemwithcaring

    [re=55663]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Servicing a freaky fetish, I get. To me – cheating in while she’s in remission is way WORSE. If she was just dying, then maybe we can say – “oh her pussy fell out and she CAN’T have sex. oh ok John Edwards.” But dallying for years on the mother of you preschoolers who, in her spare time, SURVIVED cancer? It just makes all that hokey campaign bullsiht seem so much more sadistic and creepy now…

  • ladymacbeth

    ‘i am so lazy that i feel lazy for you’ is my new job search.

  • mattbolt

    [re=55701]anabellum[/re]: I’m pretty baffled by that house too. I mean, what’s the barn even for? How much farming is he doing in a dirt patch in the middle of the forest? Are those the quarters for the “colored help”?

  • Vewol Mevemont

    And by the way, if Johnny boy was getting his jollies elsewhere, what happened to Elizabeth Edwards’ ribs?

  • regisgoat

    I’m glad the National Enquirer is going to be chosing which of our political candidates are worthy of office. I know saying this is messenger shooting, but some messengers ought to be run off with rocksalt and nails.

  • iwillsavethispatient

    [re=55708]problemwithcaring[/re]: Thinking about it, all this discussion is proving is that conservatives are right, moral relativism is bad. Lets face it, they’re both bad, it doesn’t really matter who is worse.

  • valobama

    [re=55706]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: good idea. they’ve been here all day. karma

  • Vewol Mevemont

    [re=55752]regisgoat[/re]: Huh? Does this mean Edwards won’t win the 2008 election?

  • Theo_Mobius

    I find it very difficult to believe that a handsome, young-looking multi-zillionaire politician/lawyer would cheat on his fat, unattractive middle-aged wife with a younger blonde. This sort of chicanery is unprecedented and it lances my faith in America like a big, pus-inflated boil of faith in America. Being lanced. By the lance of truth.

  • Anita Cocktail

    Her cancer was in remission; but, alas, his libido was not.

  • problemwithcaring

    [re=55763]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: concur. A dickmove’s a dickmove.

  • Rebel Countess

    Wow, imagine that!

    A successful trial lawyer EXPOSED as a human being!!!

    Jeez, I used to think all they cared about was money!

    I am way too OLD for Wonkette, but I have been married a couple of times, children.

    I have been too pregnant, too tired, too “not in the mood”, many times in my life.

    I frankly did NOT CARE if those guys went elsewhere.

    We had like, a relationship going on. A marriage.

    The sex part can actually be farmed out by an intelligent female.

    I voted for Hillary.

    Ban me now!

  • randomsausage

    Edwards a breast man? I always had him pinned as a legs kinda guy.

  • Vanity Smurf

    Oh come on, it’s not like people going through chemo are interested in having sex. All that money and he couldn’t just hire a mutli-diamond whore, he had to have an “affair” — dumb fuck.

  • regisgoat

    [re=55788]Rebel Countess[/re]:
    Thanks for some honesty in the midst of all this finger pointing. “The burdens of wedlock are so heavy that two must carry them. Sometimes three.” Alexandre Dumas.

  • Scooter

    That lower left pic is actually Richard Chamberlain on date night. Otherwise just ugly stuff, irrelevant, stick a fork in him, yadayadayada. Next!

  • anabellum

    [re=55712]mattbolt[/re]: i believe the style of the house is known as ‘Tacky Neo-Romantic-Classic Pseudo Farm House’….

    this style does generally include fully functioning slave quarters…i can only presume that Edwards has enough money that he can actually pay for ‘slaves’…in order to complete the full effect…

    the problem is that the building is ill-suited to the site….ideally it should have been situated somewhere in the suburbs outside of Dallas….or possibly Nashville…where the judicious use of a bulldozer would have better suited community standards……

  • Perot le fou

    Thank you for pointing out that the last election this guy won was a decade ago. Even if he wasn’t cheating on wife, he had no reason to run for president. He doesn’t have a real job, he’s a run of the MILL party hack.

  • RealDonn

    Democrats just get laid more often, therefore more get caught.

  • randomsausage

    If he’d have ran on a slate of “every man should have a blond tart on the side” he might have actually had a chance at the nomination.

  • anabellum

    [re=55788]Rebel Countess[/re]: i dont think anyone here would disagree with you fundamentally….do i care if people fuck around?…not at all…[that is, unless its on MY time]…

    but, im less forgiving of hypocrisy….lies, if you will….especially lies from politicians…

    on the whole, this is a joke sight…meant as such…best not to take it too seriously, ya know?…

    doesnt mean ya cant though…doesnt mean ya necessarily shouldnt either…

  • The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    Did he run out of money before they brought the sod?

  • weirdiowasculpture

    [re=55774]Theo_Mobius[/re]: Mine is more like a gigantic angry red zit of faith in America perpetually being dried up by the astringent Clearasil of truth. But otherwise I feel your pain.

  • freeradical

    Poverty agenda my ass. Oh wait, someone else’s ass.

  • DangerousLiberal

    [re=55610]Dave J.[/re]: Worked with Newt, obvs

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=55819]The Incomparable Tiny Valdez[/re]: I don’t think bringing the “sod” was a problem for Edwards.

  • joezoo

    So…. he’s not a faggot, then?

  • InsidiousTuna

    [re=55833]joezoo[/re]: Bi.

  • randomsausage

    Have you seen the pics of this chick? She’s got that big Southern hair thing going. Looks like she just walked off the set of Dallas, circa 19-oatcake. Does that make Edwards J.R. or perhaps Cliff Barnes?

  • Wagamuffin

    That John Edwards confession, in part:

    “In the course of several campaigns, I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic. (YES, NOTED LAST WEEK)

    If you want to beat me up feel free. You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself. (OH, BUT WE CAN TRY).

    I have been stripped bare (TMI! AND WASN’T THAT THE PROBLEM IN THE FIRST PLACE??) and will now work with everything I have to help my family and others who need my help.” (RIGHT. PLEASE JOIN NIKKI TINKER. THAT LINE FORMS TO THE RIGHT).

  • Not_So_Much

    [re=55833]joezoo[/re]: Well, according to Coulter, he was a faggot. But as of this week, he’s a lying liar cheater-pants. So, he’s not a faggot this week. And, I guess, now he’s less of a lying liar.

    But, I’m sure she has hopes that he can be a faggot again. You know, cuz of the good hair.

  • Vewol Mevemont

    [re=55788]Rebel Countess[/re]: Married a couple of times? Do tell. But the fuck farming aside, which is a pretty good idea, who cares whether infedelity matters in the abstract? Voters don’t want a human for president. If he had won the primaries, we’d be in serious shit. Why should I a man who was willing to ruin Dems’ best chance in a decade for some grade-B pussy?

  • expatinOz

    SO I guess we know why Liz supported Hills post JE’s campaign… she’s going to run in eight years.

    On a side note, I have always found JE soooooooo freakin’ annoying. His “aw, shucks” routine just makes me want to smack him upside the head with a tire iron.

  • Vewol Mevemont

    [re=55854]Vewol Mevemont[/re]: You’re missing a word there, dumb baby. “Why should I like…” Bleh.

  • Theo_Mobius

    [re=55788]Rebel Countess[/re]: Goddamn, you are enlightened as shit. Would you mind having a chat with my wife?

  • El Bombastico

    [re=55788]Rebel Countess[/re]: Ban you?!?! Greatest comment ever. I see a guest editorship in your future.

  • bunnyhead

    the sex circus aside, didn’t his campaign pay Rielle over $100K for a do-nothing job? That trumps a $400 haircut all day long. I want my $25 donation back…

  • graceless

    I don’t really think I want a contrition speech from Edwards. I certainly don’t want his dying wife sitting in the frame. He isn’t running for anything. I’m more upset at the timing of this, just as the convention details are being sorted out, than the fact. They’ve been married a long time, buried a child, dealt with cancer, I can kinda see somebody going slightly off the rails a little bit.

    If Bill Clinton’s extra-martial activities, and there have been many, can be considered private business, this can too.

    Of course, if you’re still upset about Bill Clinton’s many affairs, then it’s okay to be upset about this one. But if you’re not, then it’s not.

  • graceless

    [re=55779]Anita Cocktail[/re]: cancer + libido =funny!

  • randomsausage

    [re=55868]bunnyhead[/re]: Well it was a Political ACTION Committee

  • RobPetrified

    [re=55610]Dave J.[/re]:
    Well, Newt Gingrich cheated on TWO wives, one of whom had the cancer.
    Now he’s a respected elder Republican statesman, and honored commentator on FOX ‘news’.
    Edwards may do even better, since he doesn’t look and sound so much like a creep as the lizard.

  • Makeithurt

    I’d hit it — er, him, I mean.

  • Mahousu

    [re=55712]mattbolt[/re]: I am more than a little disturbed that the house and the barn seem to have extended feelers toward each other. Now maybe it’s like the transcontinental railroad, the two extensions were built toward each other and joined up by a golden spike.

    But I have a creepy feeling that there’s something more organic happening – that this is some sort of building-to-building intercourse caught in the act. Unfortunately, it looks like they’re both male – my guess is the barn is actually a tranny. Joke’s on the house!

  • ronaldpagan

    [re=55616]BillyClubb[/re]: Which makes McCain a secret Democrat.

  • The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    [re=55788]Rebel Countess[/re]: Do you, by any chance, host a weekly salon? If so, what are the prerequisites for attending?

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    I saw in the Globe today that “Obama has secret love child”–hey, he can’t let Johnny Boy suck up all the limelight!

  • The Station Manager

    Oh fucking fuck. I’ve been mercifully blessed by Teh Werk Godz by being busy today, so I didn’t get around to reading this until just now. Way to start the weekend, Wonkette! Now I’m drunk/pissed enough to have an awful weekend.

    (And yes, we can drink at work here)

  • The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    I am kind of jealous that I don’t have a “love child”. I didn’t get to Woodstock in time, I guess.

  • Nuck’n Futs

    Aw hell, it’s merely opening the door for a full out attack on McChuckle’s liaisons. Obamalation stepped outside of the continent, giving full strafing rights to those left behind. I feel at least a cabinet position of this find outstanding young gentleman. Hell, honesty has to count for something, er, um, yeah that’s the ticket.

  • S.Luggo

    Upper right photo: George Allen’s karma if there is any bless-ed justice on God’s green Earth.

    Lower left: David St. Hubbins.

    Lower right: A nerdy black woman who has a less than an abso-lu-tely worthless advanced degree in Sovietology, sports helmet hair and a bottle-cap opening overbite, and has piano skills which she honed playing in a New Orleans whore house while a certain scion of wealth and privilege was on perpetual coke-rehab leave from the Texas Air National Guard.
    Hint: You could bounce a pellet made of spent uranium off her tush. Give up? The late Shirley Chisholm. But I say this with love.

    PS: I learned the word “scion” by reading The Collected Work(s) of David Brooks: Scholar, Cultural Critic and Professional Dickwad. But I say this in a Gladwellian way.

  • wallythepug

    Here’s hoping The National Enquirer starts looking into the WALNUTS!/Blonde Lobbyist Whorelady story.

  • hamletta

    Wow! Y’all are harsh!

    I’m with Rebel Countess. Well, now, anyway.

    When I first heard the news this afternoon, I went full-on Irish: “I sent that guy $50 I could ill afford, and they sent me a fucking coffee mug, which I can’t even smash, because it’s made of plastic!”

    But now I don’t mind, same as I didn’t mind his dropping out right before Super Tuesday when I’d early-voted for him. I was sad, but I didn’t feel I’d wasted my vote. I voted for the ideas. I think he affected the primary race for the better.

    The whole idea that his wealth or his fancy house make his concern for the poor bullshit: Well, I call bullshit. FDR never lived in a shotgun shack, either.

  • btwbfdimho

    Looks like Wonkette outsources its graphic design at the Tehran Institute of Photoshop Professionals.

  • gliberal

    Ah, yes. The Limited Hang Out, circa Milhaus ’73. I banged her, but I was wearing a condom, or something like that. And the blood work was coming back with favorable protein and antigen levels. So then…is there any difference now between Edwards and Steve Carrell’s character on The Office? He went from boyishly saccharine to waxy and desperate-looking in a nonce, didn’t he?

  • The 3-Legged Man

    Whoa! It’s obvious that his attraction to Rielle was that she had no boobs, so she couldn’t go catch cancer or whatever and somehow disgrace him. This guy is astute!

  • gliberal

    BTW, she isn’t that hot either. At least be getting some of that Girls Next Door tang, yo. You throwed it all away from some C- crack ho looking trim! Dang!

  • soymocha

    [re=55788]Rebel Countess[/re]: If you were happy w/ this arrangement–and it sounds like you were–fantastic. I really mean that. But why *should* an intelligent woman farm out the sex? Why would you put up w/ the headache of marriage if you essentially viewed sex as a chore? Like you said, you’re of a different generation, but you’ve got some anachronistic views on women and fucking.

    Re Edwards, his apology is one of the better we’ve heard from a politician. That said, what a hubristic douche-nozzle. Thanks, dude, for risking the party’s success b/c you really, *really* thought, irrespective of evidence, that the country couldn’t function w/out you.

    And count me in for some cheesy bread.

  • WonkaBee

    Mirror. Mirror
    on the wall
    who’s the SKANKIEST
    of them all

  • WonkaBee

    [re=55662]Dave J.[/re]: Silda is a looker!

  • MrAgro

    I always thought of Transmetropolitan’s The Smiler when I looked at John Edwards. It’s good to have your irrational suspicions confirmed.

  • Merry Christen

    “Why should marriage be a party for which I have to provide ALL of the entertainment?”

    Edwards is a fucking retard what needs to eat a big bowl of STFU, and go back to chasing ambulances in wherever the fuck NC; Elizabeth should divorce his ass, take him for all his money, and sell her half of the dirt palace to a bunch of mean spirited methed out trannies from Queens.

  • dedalus

    So he didn’t tell Liz about his recent hotel rendevouz with the Babe and the babe.

    Even though the cancer was back.

    Big Love.

  • dedalus

    I wondered why he was so fucking angry the whole election, unlike happy happy 2004.

    I thought it was his wife’s cancer coming out sideways.

    Now we know it was cause he wasn’t getting any.

  • Odd Ass City

    Speaking of hypocrisy, which many seem to be speaking of, anyone care to estimate the percentage of men who are indignant about this who have not themselves lived up to the expectations they assume we all have regarding monogamy? And anybody who thinks they know what Elizabeth “should” do is the real douchebag here. Happily ever after is pretty damn complicated in real life.

    And McCain and Gingrich didn’t just cheat on their wives, they abandoned and divorced them in about as callous a way as possible. There is no comparison.

  • Fear of a Black Reagan

    I think it would be unbecoming to point out that SKS just called attention to her HAWT BOOBIES. So we shouldn’t do that.

  • The 3-Legged Man

    I think any politician who can multi-task in this way deserves our support. I think the baby will be cuter than anything the Clintons ever produced. Edwards in 2012!

  • Outstando

    For a while I thought the Andrew Young claiming to be the dad was the Atlanta Andrew Young, who must be like 70. It was weird.

    But come on, Edwards is the dad.

  • overlander

    It’s not dirt! It’s dormant bermudagrass. Or Zoysia. Brown and ugly in the winter. You People!

  • zhubajie

    I always figured that Bill Clinton would be the Grover Cleveland of our time!

  • zhubajie

    [re=55629]Darehead[/re]: Make him ambassador to some sex tourism destination like Phillipines or Thailand or some places. The soldiers in Iraq/Iran/Afghanistan need more R&R.

    Zhu Bajie

  • PuffAdder

    I think I know why the house is surrounded by dirt. When his little cloven hooves touch the lawn it burns up and eventually all that is left is dust.

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