Wonkette
- JOHN EDWARDS SAYS HE SEXED THAT GAL BUT IS NOT HER BABY DADDY: The former presidential candidate said yes, he had an affair with Rielle Hunter but no, he didn’t father her child or pay her hush money. Hmm. [ABC News]
CHEATERS
Hopey was right again. Wesley Calrk for VeeP!
I know I should be snarky about this, but really, it makes me sad.
“Ah did not have procreational sex with that woman, Miss Hunter.”
You go, National Enquirer!
And he didn’t know he was gonna be found out? Bad psychic.
“A former campaign aide, Andrew Young, has said he was the father of the child.”
Whadda Whooore..and what’s her face is pretty slutty too…
“Ah did not have PROCREATIONAL sex with that filmmaker, Miss Hunter.”
WONKETTE ES WON CAUSE IT EATS TEH WHEATIES AND TOTALLY CALLED THIS.
I am extremely proud of the Wonkette today. Fuck all who say otherwise.
The end.
What a trollopy cunt!
In his defense, cancer is a TOTAL turn off.
John McCain responded by announcing Edwards as his VP candidate, calling him “my kind of guy.”
Well, there goes his slot at the convention… What a dumbass.
“But mah waff was in remission, and Rielle is the daughter of a mee-ulll worker.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt2i0ts-uck
What goes through a person’s mind who thinks he can run for president with this shit hanging out there?
And his wife knew back in 2006, so she’s a liar, too.
Maybe he was tired of Wendy’s?
(or maybe he had permission?)
nietzscheprojectile: What? Edwards can always get another slut at the convention.
but THAT HAIR!! GAWD Help ME I LUVVV That HAIR!!1
News flash! Married man cannot keep it in his pants! Yawn.
I’d like to see the news report that says, “Married politician considers having affair, but thinks better of it because he realizes he likely will be caught and it will ruin his political future.” There’s probably only one guy like that. Kucinich. His wife is hotter than any woman one would think he would be able to pull anyway.
CONGRATULATIONS TO THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER!
Good for them. It’s hilarious to watch the big networks and newspapers whimper in the wake of a major exclusive by The National Enquirer!! Hilarious.
Bonus checks for everyone at the Enquirer!
It ain’t the first time, though, that the Enquier has broken a major story. They do it all the time!
National Enquirer = Gospel
He admits to having sex with her, but he’s not the baby’s father, and he hasn’t taken a paternity testm? I give up. This is too retarded for words.
Nothing in the title “Nation’s best Father” includes being a halfway decent husband. Who could blame him though, his loving wife contracted cancer, right? Right? RIGHT?
He wrapped his meat! As an HIV prevention advocate, I support that. You go, John Edwards!
Smart move: waiting for the opening ceremonies and russian agression in Georgia to admit you nailed that chick.
Bravo, John Edwards.
…I heard the pick-up line he used on her up was, “You know Im the son of a mill worker”
Interesting day to announce it. It’s Friday (perfect day to dump bad news) and the Olympic opening ceremony is on the teevee tonight. As an added bonus, Russia invaded Georgia today. Yay!
“Edwards denied paying any money to Hunter to keep her from going public but said it was possible some of his friends or supporters may have made payments without telling him.” Oh for F&*k’s sake.
well , his wife was terminally ill and fat , just like McCain’s first wife, so I guess it was ok to sleep around. At least Edwards didnt kick the old missus to the curb like Johnny “angry dwarf” McCain did to his first wife.
Oh when will this country ever learn that politicians are across the board vile scumbags.
(goes back to ogling online porn)
Predictable, dropping this into the biggest news hole of the year. Wonder if he hopes no one will notice.
AngryBlakGuy: Classic.
but he did not love her…
Yeah, I fucked her. But I did not have inappropriate elations with that woman, Rielle Hunter!
Yeah, she fucked me, too. But she didn’t inhale.
Isn’t it more amazing that Clay Aiken fathered a child?
Please baby Jebus, NO press conference forcing Elizabeth to “stand by her man”, it’s demoralizing..
The video, I mean.
Rielle Hunter
She was more like a new age queen from the artsy scene
I said don’t mind, but what do you mean I am the one
Who will talk about the Mill on the road
She said I am the one, who will talk about the Mill on the road
She told me her name was Reille H, as she caused a scene
Then every head turned with eyes that dreamed of being the one
Who will talk about the Mill on the road
People always told me be careful of what you do
And don’t go around sexing cougars’ hearts
And mother always told me be careful of who you love
And be careful of what you do ’cause the lie becomes the truth
Reille H was just my lover
She’s just a girl who claims that I am the one
But her kid is not my one
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my one
Darehead: So there’s hope! Yay.
I believe that having sex with somebody other than your spouse while said spouse is sick is known as “popping a Gingrich.”
shortsshortsshorts: That’s what Newt said. And everyone respects him.
I’m waiting for the “not the baby daddy” headline followed by a photo of Edwards in blackface.
Perhaps this Hunter gal will finally be able to tell us if the curtains match the $400 drapes?
Larry Fine: Sperm banks don’t count.
It’s announced the same day as the birth of Clay Aiken’s child. Coincidence? I sense darker forces at work.
ForTheTurnstiles: I have known situations where, due to medical constraints, one partner could not partake, but released the other to do so. I even know of one situation where the third party was recruited by the unable partner. But, lets not talk about the Cli…
pinko-commie: Oh, I think Hopey fits that category, too. I cannot see him stepping out on Michelle. (If for no other reason than she’d castrate him)
Darehead: It’s like the Eddie Murphy bit - “yeah, I fucked her, but I make looove to you, baby.” Just.so.charming.
Cable news seems to have its panties in a twist over this. Finally, something to report on!
StripesAndPlaids:
Only a half Newt. For the full Newt he’s got to leave her, too.
Uh-oh…
AngryBlakGuy: I’ve been stuck on those Maury videos. too funny.
I guess that Clinton-Edwards 2012 dream ticket will have to be cancelled.
…I’m gonna to call this right now:
FAUX news will make a “mistake” and use Barack Obama’s photo/name instead of John Edward when reporting this news.
Salt-peter for everybody!
I thought this was just a made-up rumor that he couldn’t dodge, you mean there’s actually truth to this?
It’s my baby.
Fuuuuuuck.
Well, John. AND your wife has cancer…You are so totally fucked.
AngryBlakGuy: HA!
“Is John Edwards…. a terrorist?”
AngryBlakGuy: I wonder if they have any stock photos of Michelle throwing a shoe? I can’t watch the Fux without throwing one of my own.
AngryBlakGuy: And they will somehow slip in the word, “polygamist” and/or “Muslim”
The two Americas are evidently his two nuts.
Obamaton: That’s what I’m getting at. I totally doubt it in the case of any politician but it’s happened with people I know.
AngryBlakGuy: God, I love Maury. That’s the only bad part about being employed, no daily dose of obese children, paternity testing, affair lie-detector revelations.
Oh, wait, that’s what Wonkette is for.
No wonder he’s so big on the Two Americas - He could just say he TOTALLY forgot his wife was dying of cancer in the other America; he was in the America where he had just plain ol’ girlfriend.
freakishlystrong: I think they can get Photoshop, or outsource the job to the Iranians to cook up.
This is worse than Bill Clinton’s conduct because?
NoWireHangers: …dont forget about the wild, out of control sex crazed teens!
Darehead: That’s what makes it all good. I fucked her left and right, but nah, I don’t care about her. Whore. And I ain’t payin’ child support! Motherfucker!
What disappoints me the most about this story is that the National Enquirer was right. Fuck.
Heeeeeyyyy, maybe this means that Laura Bush really does beat George when he gets drunk!
Is there an Oscar of Whore Diamonds? A Medal of Whore Diamond Freedom?
No, no, no… that was a lie too. There are actually three Americas, not two. What a fucking liar!
Mickey Kaus gets two desserts today in the Slate cafeteria! Mrs. Kaus is gonna get it tonight!
Bill Clinton had many affairs, he’s still speaking at the convention. What’s the difference?
Stage 1. I did not make a sexy time with that woman, Ms. Hunter.
Stage 2. Alright, I made a sexy time, but I’m not the father.
Stage 3. OK, so I’m the father. But I never loved her.
Stage 4. Rielle, you’re my everything.
graceless: Bill’s wife is a pantsuited gorgon? And doesn’t have the Big C?
graceless: Clinton had the decency and smarts to win first, get caught later.
And I mean CANCER Wonkers!
StripesAndPlaids: backed 100%
And not to be crass, but 42 and having a baby…? Was Planned Parenthood closed?
Larry Craig is going to be very indignant about this.
Bill Clinton and John Edwards are going to have a great time prowling the Denver titty bars.
Sexytime aside, this is the greatest Friday afternoon news dump of all time. Announce it Friday afternoon… In August… The day of the freakin’ opening ceremony of the Olympics… On Nightline, broadcast against the Olympic coverage… No one will watch it. He is a genius.
El Bombastico: Looks like Mickey’s getting a double portion of goat meat stick.
deviantdandy: Yeah, except news coverage on those two stories will stop because SEX STORY ON TEH TEEVEE NEWZ.
Delicious: I don’t begrudge him a little pussy. But running for President (and Vice President) with an alleged bastard child? Did he think this wouldn’t come out? What a total MORAN!
I like the part where he says he didn’t love her. Nice. Is there any chance this kid won’t grow up to be a serial killer?
“I fucked her, baby. But, I *make love* to you.” I guess the real newsflash is that John Edwards is a 19 year-old college sophomore.
YOU ARE……… NOT THE FATHER!!
Dissento: apparently birth control and abortion are forbidden concepts these days. If we talk about the former, it will make teenagers have sex. If we talk about the latter, thr Bush Admin will cut all funding to all family planning groups, and God will kill us all.
If Edwards were a Republican, he would have been fucking Hunter’s kid instead.
El Bombastico: “No one will watch it.” Wanna bet? Look how many hits this story is getting by sophisticated elite Wonkette readers? How much more so by ordinary Americans?
NoWireHangers: I was thinking that very thing. The blue collar hard working guys pack the break room at Maury time. Of course, I’m stuck with you guys… I mean working.
I’m really pulling for a Maury show special.
So stupid. He and Spitzer both. Nothing but upside until they lost control of their weinerz…
Why not just be like the rest of us and abuse yourself to the American Apparel ad? Virtually no risk to one’s future — well, other than possible electrocution….
I mean, I read that in an article somewhere….
El Bombastico: Well, the man was a trial lawyer. You learn how to best pull the sting on bad facts (or you should if you are a good one, and Edwards apparently was). He mangled this one by waiting, but yes, he has now gotten control back of the story. It will fizzle very soon.
Aurelio: Hmmm… good point. NBC execs must be crapping themselves right now, and fighting the urge to firebomb ABC. How could anyone forego an interpretive dance by 2008 Chinese schoolchildren to watch this claptrap?
Fighting Bill: If no penis-inserted-into-vajinga sex, this leaves what?
AngryBlakGuy: The stock footage Fox News will use will be the one featuring Edwards endorsing Obama.
OuterBoroughPrincess: interesting, I had the same reaction. It was TMI. I thought he should have said “I did it, the child is not mine, no more questions, bye”. I thought the gratutious statement was pretty nasty. Then my husband noted it might have been for Elizabeth. Public admission he never left her emotionally, etc, etc. I think that might be right. This was her price.
Doglessliberal: “It will fizzle very soon.” I don’t think so. Now Edwards has opened a new door with the “payments unbeknownst to me.” Deeper and deeper.
El Bombastico: PRSA should give him a medal.
S.Luggo: Maybe he didn’t inhale.
For Christ’s sake! Can’t any Democratic politician do it the right way. Hire some ho off the street, fuck her, then dump the body in an unmarked grave. Easy Cheezy!
Aurelio: ah, true, the money thing coupled, no pun intended, with the sex thing might give it legs.
Old John Edwards: “I’m the son of a mill worker!”
New John Edwards, “Son, I will work her!”
Ambinder is reporting that Elizabeth will have a prime speaking spot at the convention, and John will not attend. That will be… ummm… interesting to say the least.
Doglessliberal: I can’t decide if that makes it better or worse . . . either he loved her, or he’s a soulless whore. It’s kind of a toss up.
Plus, how did he think this wouldn’t have come out if he were the nominee? Thats bananas.
“Edwards made a point of telling Woodruff that his wife’s cancer was in remission when he began the affair with Hunter.”
You just had to go into remission, didn’t you, Elzabeth? Didn’t you? She what you’ve caused, you selfish bitch.
— The former Mrs. Newt Gingrich
Aurelio:
Did you say Sophisticated Wonkette Readers?
Heh. Heheheheh. BWAHAHAHA.
Talk about an oxymoron!
Seriously, Edwards, go nail some hooker or stripper if you need to stick it in something. But this crazy hippie lady? To me, that’s the most shocking part of this whole thing.
OuterBoroughPrincess: Ben Smith has this classic quote:
A former aide is more understanding of his deceit: “He was running for president. What’s he supposed to do? Admit it?”
How ’bout don’t run for President you duplicitous d’bag!
OuterBoroughPrincess: it’s hubris. I get that people make mistakes, have affairs, but yeah, the fact that he then was seriously running and didn’t think this would emerge is hard to fathom. He was blinded by the idea of winning, maybe. Who knows.
Somewhere, Bill Clinton is secretly smiling
Being a good Dem, he shuns the word father in preference to “baby-daddy.”
Countdown to an SNL skit with Clinton/Edwards doing version of Willie Nelson’s/Julio Inglesias’
“To all the Girls I’ve Loved Before”
Correction:
S.Luggo: You just had to go into remission, didn’t you, Elzabeth? Didn’t you? SEE what you’ve caused, you selfish bitch.
— The former Mrs. Newt Gingrich
The difference between Larry Craig and John Edwards: one tapdanced in a stall; the other stalled and tapdanced.
Doglessliberal: Or maybe he was just really dumb. Elizabeth seemed to be the smart one — shame she got stuck with this turd.
Fata Morgana: Sophisticated and ELITE Wonkette readers.
Political Addict: One would not want to.
Well, well, the baby is not his? He just happened to be sneaking a visit to an ex girl friend, who he broke up with after he cheated on his dying wife with her, who he didn’t love - all just to visit his aide’s illegitimate baby? Yeah right.
My guess - Elizabeth caught him in ‘06, he promised it was over. But when she turned up preggers, he’s go to come up with something - quick where’s Andrew Young?
I’m sure the Enquirer will be out there combing through diaper bags for DNA - so we’ll know soon enough - but what a dickwad!
Aurelio: Sophisticated, ELITE and Gladwellian Wonkette readers.
EDWARDS-SPITZER IN 2012!!!
John, you didn’t have to try and be THAT much like a Kennedy.
Well, that’s a relief.
Voted for Mondale: He’s well and truly fucked–I think until he takes a paternity test, everyone’s going to (rightfully) believe the baby is his. I do.
And, yeah, what an asshole. Can you even IMAGINE what would happen if he was the nominee? Holy hell.
Voted for Mondale: “Well, well, the baby is not his? He just happened to be sneaking a visit to…his aide’s illegitimate baby? Yeah right.”–Good summary. Rush will have a field day with this today. Almost worth listening if you keep a barf bag handy.
Edwards is a real dick. He makes the whole party look bad with this.
On a lighter note: Clay Aiken and some 50 year old record producer bumped uglies and out popped baby Aiken. gross.
Mistress Accomplished.
Oh, Johnny. Don’t worry about your torched political standings. We can always use you back at the mill.
There is, of course, an easy way to prove paternity. Did anyone take a gander at this kid’s hair yet?
Hey, when do we start talking about all the women politicians that slept around? Hello? Anyone? Just asking.
Dave J.: Haha! Win!
I’m glad to see this is the only story being talked about on cable news, when the Russians have invaded GA!.
S.Luggo: nice. I totally had to look that up. I’m a dumbass.
Is it too late for Ms. Hunter to get in the Miss Buffalo Chip contest? See, if Edwards had any political sense, he’d rip out a page from Johnny McCain and announce that not only was she giving him private pole dances, but he’d love to see her in some kind of bare tittie contest. That would just leave America so stupified, no one would ask about Mrs. Edwards and that stupid case of cancer she has. And the bikers would just start whoopin’ and hollerin’ and yelling “We want Edward! We want Edwards!” No shit. This would work.
It’s making me rethink Clinton. I think if she was caught cheating on Bill, it would only get her more votes.
freakishlystrong: I agree with the pantsuited gorgon thing, but how sexy can cancer really be? Wouldn’t that play hell with anybody’s head? Besides, they buried a child, parents don’t usually like to outlive their kids.
Dissento: Gennifer Flowers and Paula Jones were pre-Bill Clinton presidency, he didn’t admit it, not really, until after he put the whole nation through an impeachment, but still…
Could it be that John Edwards is attractive enough that he could have probably gotten laid without the powerful gig? Bill Clinton needed the power to get the pussy.
superfecta: AND John n Clay are both from North Carolina….
For Edwards there are two Americas:
The one where he’s a loving husband, and the one where he is totally cheating on his fucking wife.
“I think this President has shown a remarkable disrespect for his office, for the moral dimensions of leadership, for his friends, for his wife, for his precious daughter. It is breathtaking to me the level to which that disrespect has risen.”
John Edwards on President Bill Clinton’s
admission that he had an affair with White
House intern Monica Lewinsky - Feb. 12, 1999
Truculent: Secretly smiling? I don’t think so. Publicly celebrating, more like it. The Clintons got better speaking gigs off of this. When timing is this pat, be suspicious.
KevoTron:
if you believe Aiken and that woman bumped uglies, you’ve been terribly misinformed about coitus
I guess John Edwards is now President of Assholes.
The real victim is Hillary Clinton. This makes the second time some unctuous, hypocritical Southern Democratic politician with overdone hair and a runaway dick has crapped all over her. If Edwards hadn’t entered the race due to his philandering, Hillary would be the Democratic nominee.
sike101: I went to a public skool and all they told me was that sex is for fags and doing it before marriage causes testicle weevils.
http://www.sexisforfags.com
KevoTron: no child left behind era, eh?
graceless: That’s the unspoken thing here, and the one thing in his defense he can probably never say. “Look, cancer makes you unable to have sex, and the chemo totally kills your libido. That takes a toll on your marriage, and I needed some sort of sexual release.” I would completely believe that, but that kind of honesty would not go over well. Also, that excuse is hurt by the fact that he claims to have only had the affair when she was in remission. In short, he’s a dick.
sike101: No, just being smart. Fortunately I went to High School before the retard took office and was able to get some decent education about STIs and pregnancy. Oddly, my Mom worked for Planned Parenthood and the advice I got from her about having sex went something like “You better not be doing what I think you’re doing and if I find out you ARE doing what I think you’re doing you will never leave the house again.”
Needless to say my girlfriend and I were banging our fifteen year old selves senseless.
Also, there’s nothing quite like being an awkward teenage boy and seeing the most popular girl in school call your Mom by her first name in the grocery store and tell her “thanks for your advice.”
Dave J.: Well, he could say all that, but there’s also the part about the baby and the hush money. What could he say there? “Mah friends mai have maid sum pai-munts on mah behalf, just to spahr Elizabeth’s failins, but Ah don’t know anythang about tha-yut.” Would that work?
Dave J.: That’s what jerking off to internet porn is for. If he try selling anyone without a dick on “cheating on his cancerous wife as ok”, he will be wastig his time.
KevoTron: Testicle weevils? Too bad I don’t have a band, cuz that’d be a great name.
Gopherit v2.0: follow that link to http://www.sexisforfags.com. It’s by the guys that used to run whitehouse.org and it’s damn fucking funny.
My top name for an all Grrl punk bad would be “Penis Enhancement.”
KevoTron: only kidding, clearly of my ilk. kids do still hump though, right?
sike101: As far as I know yes. I, however, no longer hump kids since I switched over to the ‘D’ side of the aisle.
KevoTron: You are indeed correct. That site is a hoot.
Also, Iron Hymen might edge it out for best band name for me.
KevoTron: Holy shit that site is simultaneously disturbing and incredibly awesome.
Gopherit v2.0: They sell T-shirts too! Did you ever read whitehouse.org before they stopped updating it? It’s a treasure trove of brilliant satire. It’s run by the “yes men” (www.yesmen.org) who are some of the most intelligent anti-corporate pranksters out there. There’s a great documentary featuring these guys who literally get speaking engagements at WTO conferences where they convince people that the WTO is DISBANDING due to moral reasons. It’s fucking hysterical.
Are we sure it was cheating? Maybe they let Elizabeth watch.
Elizabeth’s comment is actually quite good. http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/8/8/193337/7354?new=true
However, I am still really angry to think this guy purposely ran for Democratic nominee while sleeping with with some rando cougar-slut. It’s just ridiculous. He almost totally screwed over all Dems for a few cheap screws. Fuck off John.
Beer4Prez: Um … wow
paternity test - now you’re talking my language!
What politicians do with their private parts should not concern anyone but them and their partners…Git the fuck over it Americans…fer the good of the country if nuthin’ else…grow the fuck up!