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Now’s good a time as any to check in on some of the finalists for the GOP’s “Why Are You A Republican In 2008?” YouTube contest. This is SHAWN SUMMERS. 18 YEARS OLD. RESIDENT OF UPPER ST. CLAIR PENNSYLVANIA. COLLEGE STUDENT. REPUBLICAN. USERNAME: “JEDIMASTER51090.” WILL SAVE PARTY IMMEDIATELY. [YouTube]
1:38 PM
on Fri August 8 2008
By
Jim Newell
3467 Views
Wonkette
Why isn’t he in Army?
Shawn has zero chance of getting laid.
just another pussified chicken-hawk. Why aren’t you in Iraq, Shawn? Pussy.
Shwing-nut Shawn, may the Farce be with you.
This poor schlub ain’t getting laid until he’s 30.
The photo of the tank says everything.
I mean, not even the Bush twins would fuck this dildo.
SHAWN SUMMERS! FUTURE PRESIDENT OF THE MAN-BOY LOVE FOUNDATION AND A HUGE DOUCHE!
Republicans like this are why Cheney’s daughter became a lesbian.
The world is made for those who have no self-awareness. This douche will end up being a senator.
He used a picture of a Muslim holding a freedom sign…. CLASSIC!
Which raises the question, why does Barack Obama hate America?
Dude - have you been doing bongs with Cindy???
*facepalm*
However, he does have nice lips and hence will probably make some Republican senator a great intern.
As an aside, geez, WALNUTS! looks pretty constipated in that photo. Also, MLK was a Republican! Who knew?
Can someone do a screen capture of that desktop and blow it up large enough to read the (50+) icons on there?
Shouldn’t that be “SithLord51090″?
Wait, King was a republican? (min. 1:30)
Wow, and I thought Wikipedia vanity entries were dumb…
i used to live an hour away from upper st. clair …. i’m not surprised. they’re all rich and sheltered and have no idea what’s going on in the world.
THEY ARE NOT TRUE BITTERS.
Doesn’t Georgetown have a ROTC program?
Dave J.:
My favorite icon is probbly hungstud_06.jpg.
And once more, I begin drinking early this Friday.
Shawn, you’re a Republican because your parents are Republicans and you grew up in a homogeneous, insulated, white upper middle class environment.
Anyone who can include John McCain and Martin Luther King in the same list of “greats” is a special kind of stupid. It’s almost adorable, how clueless he is.
Dave J.: i see bit-torrents. bets on how much livestock porn he’s sharing?
What a douche
Beer4Prez: That’s a meme that even black Republicans are denouncing:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/10/18/AR2006101801754.html
Oh, and I love the expression “the party of Lincoln.” Read, “the party with the same name as the party of Lincoln.”
cs11:
I concur. I grew up just outside of Monroeville.
Dear Shawn:
I am very impressed with and personally touched by your stirring video. Would you like to drop by and discuss it over Hawaiian pizza? I just happen to have an internship position open that I think would be perfect for you, with the added perk of being able to use the members’ private bathrooms whenever you want. Looking forward to hearing from you soon. Best, Larry Craig
Wasn’t King a communist?
That’s all well and good, you jackass, but the Republican party hasn’t stood for those ideals since Lincoln.
Manofsteel: yeah, and Roosevelt, Lincoln, and Reagan. I love how on one hand he presents the Republican party as THE UNCHANGING VOICE OF FREEDOM AND STRENGTH, and then includes a group of people who would not last 3 seconds in the same room without half of them killing the other half.
Why is ANYONE a Republican in 2008?
I AM A REPUBLICAN TO FIGHT THE WAR AGAINST ISLAMOFAGISM (C WUT I DID THAR) AT HOME ON THE INTERNETS
U DO N0T NEED TO BE A SOLDIER TO FIGHT; THE WAR OF IDEAS AGAINST ANONYMOUS LIBRUL POSTERS ONLINE IS EVEN MORE IMPORTANT ALSO I AM ALLERGIC TO SAND, IEDZ, AND LOSING BLOOD BUT IF I WASN’T I WOULD TOTALLY BE IN IRAQ
freakishlystrong: To save the unborn babies.
Sadly, Shawn’s video was better than anything the McCain campaign has managed to cough up.
queeraselvis v 2.0: I’ll bring the jammys!
irisheyes: They hate us for our Freedoms…
Actually, I’m inclined to cut the kid a break, considering what a brain-dead Republican zombie I was before I went away to college.
so the message i am getting here is he is a republican because he is confused about what republicans stands for? I mean, wow, this all sounds reasonable and good and nothing at all what the republican party stands for.
weirdiowasculpture: 30? You’re being awfully generous today.
Get a haircut you beatnik, hippie freak!
freakishlystrong: Dain bramage.
johnbpt: Zombie! Kill it!
Someone tell this douchebag that Teddy Roosevelt quit the Republican Party in 1912.
Lincoln, Roosevelt, King, and John McCain? That’s like saying Bentley, Rolls Royce, Lamborghini, and Yugo.
Leave him alone. It’s difficult enough coming out at that age. Next year he’ll be shirtless with a boa at Gay Pride.
Larry McAwful: i was thinking the same thing…for that matter Roosevelt was the biggest spoiler candidate the Republicans ever encountered…costing them the election when he ran on the Bull Moose ticket, after not getting the Republican nomination..
I’m watching without sound, because I’m at work. I decided to hum “Stars and Stripes forever” in my head while watching it, which probably isn’t too far from whatever audio there is. But I noticed this flash across the screen in succession:
1. abe lincoln
2. teddy roosevelt
3. mlk
4. reagan
5. mCcain
I don’t really understand that, but whatever. I was briefly a republican, because I lived in Texas and the cop that did security while off duty at my local bar was running for sherrif, so I registered republican to vote for him.* I voted uncommitted against GWB, and wrote in “Jesus” instead of voting for Tom Delay (primary 2004).
*he finished 5th
“of all ages, creeds and colors” but not the dirty dirty homos. unless cock worshiping is considered a creed.
Do Republicans also believe in copyright infringement and using images without attribution? I mean, I guess they do…
Yawn. Nice try, loser, but you’re gonna have to come up with something a LOT more meglomaniacal than that amateur piece of shit if you wanna compete with the big dogs at Georgetown- in the Nation’s Capital, no less.
Nice mention of Rev. King’s membership in the Republican Party, btw. But hey, you forgot JFK, Mahatma Ghandi and Nelson Mandela. Sheesh, what the fuck are they teaching you at that fancy-pants school of yours? Or didn’t the “Christian Academy” up in Allegheny County cover history?
Nothing says manly resolve in the face of Islam-o-fascism like a bow tie.
Also, I like how you can actually *hear* his hard-on when he names REAGAN
Shawn, there still some summer left and you’re a young lad, who needs to GITMO fun out of life. So, why doncha check out the GOP-Guantanamo torture games at Coney Island, or do some waterboarding with Sponge Bob? This is great fun, according to all the other blogs and news agencies in the universe reporting on it (except, ahem….)
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/7549076.stm
loquaciousmusic: That’s like saying Bentley, Rolls Royce, Lamborghini, and Yugo.
No no. You forget that McCain pre-dates the automobile by several centuries. Try oxcart.
Does anyone want to start a pool on the length of time before Shawn “Jedimaster” Summers is convicted of raping a 12yr old boy?
Elitist Republican Tard: Have you ever waken, and mysteriously your cornhole hurt? Cuz if not, you were never really a Repug…
weirdiowasculpture:
And of course, Dick Cheney is the reason his daughter is a lesbian, too.
That was a truly inspiring photo montage… Lincoln, MLK, Reagan, McCain, and some douche bag rich kid in his prom tuxedo. I can totally see the connection.
“Yes…I am republican because they don’t make me join the military and get others to do the hard work. Oh, and going to Georgetown is in no way elitist. That is why I am a douchebag.”
This kid has truly drunk the Kool-Aid. The “judicious” use of our military might? Yeah, like the carpet-bombing of Baghdad was “judicious”.
And how much are mummy and daddy paying for your over-priced Georgetown education, you pampered little jerk? $35,568 per year? Get a job, you bum!
Gopherit v2.0: Yes they do…it’s where I got my commission…but the nurses in the program have more balls than he does. No thanks, he can stay a civilian.
I made it to 0:51 and then couldn’t take any more. Did I miss anything?
freakishlystrong: 1. To seek penile solidarity with underage va-jays-jays.
2. To receive Community Service instead of jail time. http://www.kansascity.com/115/story/738716.html
Dave J.: He also has an icon for the game Call of Duty. This is how republicans define irony, I guess.
He loves Star Wars so much that he has Yoda on his desktop!
V572625694: Just the part when he talked about Reagan’s glory hole.
V572625694: Just the loss of another human life…
Freedom of religion? As long as you’re a Christian. Freedom of expression? As long as you’re saying what they want you to say. What a douche.
S.Luggo: They do the vajayjays? (I love that word to this day…)
V572625694: You totally missed the part that said “beware of the book” at 1:14.
Hey! I go to Georgetown in our Nation’s capital. Does that make me a Republican?!
HELL NO. Probably because I’ve had four years to think about it. Moreover, he isn’t even HERE yet if he’s only a Freshman. Dumbass freshmen. They need some good ass-fucking.
Gopherit v2.0: It does. If he’s in it, it’s only for the naked men.
madirishman: $45,000 approximately, but hey, it’s cheaper than GW
…I was able to blow up that screen shot of his desktop and look what I found!!!
http://static.flickr.com/107/293613149_59b6bc9251_o.jpg
where do they get all of those african american democrat bashers on thu tee vee?
OMG I HAVE ACCESS TO HIS FACEBOOK. Let’s review.
In a Relationship with Becca Nadler
Yes, and my friend of dorothy was in a relationship for a girl for two years. MOVING ON
Favorite Music:
–Billy Joel
–The Beatles
–Journey
–Rockapella
–Blue Jupiter
–”Weird Al” Yankovic
–CHANTIES!!
I don’t even need to touch that one.
[OH, HE LIKES STAR TREK... okay, maybe he isn't so bad. ]
ANYWAY, my point it proven. He’s not even here yet. Douche. You’re not a freshmen until you get assfucked during NSO.
Elitist Republican Tard: How did Jesus do?
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: I checked the Princeton Review of Colleges on-line. They list $35,568, and that’s just TUITION. I’m sure books, room-and-board and beer make up the other $10,000. Although this little pissant doesn’t look man enough to drink beer–probably a chardonnay weenie.
Seems like a nice kid. Too bad he didn’t run away from and join a circus. He might have had a chance at not being a braindead asshole.
Shawn, keep it up and your hand will remain your best friand for the rest of your life.
I liked the part where he had the Statue of Liberty trying to burn a flag. Still trying to figure out what it means.
queeraselvis v 2.0: Hawaiian pizza?
So that’s how it starts…
freakishlystrong: Only if the vajayjays are hairless and named Tiffany.
madirishman: And that’s a conservative estimate.
cs11:
But he’s probably been to Pittsburg that one time for a game and is sure he understands how the world works.
madirishman: One of the reasons why i have a full-time paying job that i slave away at by reading wonkette
Shawn Summers is a Republican for one reason and one reason only: his hair refused to allow him to be anything else.
If he had been born 20 or 30 years earlier, his hair might have allowed him to become an Olympic figure skater. In 2008 however, those wings will only fly one direction.
AngryBlakGuy: It’s pronounced “Sheh-MAH-lee”, and it is a very high end clothing brand, aimed at Republicans.
He has his whole life ahead of him as a soldier for our freedumbs or Republican biatchhole as a congressional page. Go for it!!!
Ye Wonkettes of little faith: Shawn will get laid, all right, in the grand GOP tradition “of Lincoln, of Roosevelt,” not, but of Larry Craig and Ken Calvert; he’ll pay for it. But without the splendorous indulgence of an Elliot Spitzer, which is beyond the Calvinist constraints of Republicanism. (In Wonkette parlance, whore rhinestones, not whore diamonds)
KittyKatMan: I think he should join the army and go on the front lines. He could possibly be the Honorary Cannon Fodder. Stupid fucks love being suicidal (WHEN IT COMES TO PROTECTING OUR RIGHTS AS FREEDOM POLICE PEOPLZ).
Diadhuit: “so the message i am getting here is he is a republican because he is confused about what republicans stands for? I mean, wow, this all sounds reasonable and good and nothing at all what the republican party stands for.”
so in other words you’re saying he’s a perfect republican for the republican party
what do you mean he’s not going to get laid? He has the luscious Becky Nadler now and soon many many hot young ladies of Georgetown who think he’s totally hot and has, like, the greatest attitude and confidence.
what do you mean give the guy a break or aw, lay off, he’s cute, he’ll grow out of it.
when i see stuff like his picture of the tank, i start to shake with anger at the thought of this little fuck who is destined for high office. makes me wanna vomit. maybe a week in the Superdome without water would give him some perspective.
signed, BITTER. Summers in 2048!
All those historic figures were part of the modern Democratic Party - I hate when Republicans try to claim them as there own and forgets the reality, which is:
The Democratic Party traces its origins to the Democratic-Republican Party, founded by Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, and other influential opponents of the Federalists in 1792. Since the division of the Republican Party in the election of 1912, it has consistently positioned itself to the left of the Republican Party in economic as well as social matters.
Hopefully he can learn some of this history at Georgetown - I went to GW and knew this before entering college, but hopefully some of his liberal professors will correct him.
Shawn is the answer to the question, dear God, where is the next Tucker Carlson coming from?
The party of King? I think he meant a king as in autocrat ruling by fiat and hereditary power, rather than a black civil rights leader.
Will someone attending Georgetown find this douche and take his lunch money (and then promptly donate it to pay down Hillary’s debt)?
That, or at least make a counter video stating all the reasons why he will never get laid until an accidental bathroom encounter in the Minneapolis airport?
WadISay: Nono: Oh Lawd, where is the next head of the Log Cabin Republicans coming from?
It’s all so very simple, and that makes it kinda compelling.
It stops being compelling when you actually sit down to think about what freedom means, what military intervention means.
Freedom to choose, without choice, is a devil’s gift (anyone remember who said that???).
yes, king was a republican when that’s what all black people were. and then, well, the 60s!
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: It just PISSES ME OFF to no end! I WORKED for my college education. This kid’s parents are HANDING him a $180,000 education, and what does he do? He wraps himself in the flag and shuts off his brain. “Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel”, Shawn. Read a history book and do some growing up before you shoot off your mouth.
Why isn’t this fucking asswipe in Iraq fighting for freedom? Yeah ride the freedom train only on the poor man’s back. Bring back the draft and let’s see these clowns go to the middle East and defend freedoms..
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Screen capture, bitte.
Yeah, why isn’t this kid in the fucking Army?
Hee hee, look what I found! Ahh, what a douche. He’ll learn about the fbook privacy controls one day, I guess.
10 dollars says he pops his collars. Haha, that rhymed.
moleyghost: You just totally outed him.
earth shaking douche chills!
@Valdez — Here’s another, haha! Ohh, facebook, how could I ever have considered leaving you?
He looks like his mouth is normally filled up with his daddy’s cock.
I’d hit it………with heavy mining equipment.
Anyone think we should invite him to the Wonkette facebook group?
Shawn, you’re only 18, and I’m starting to feel a little sorry for you now. So, let me try to say a few words in your defense.
1. Thank you for not becoming a Paultard.
2. You’re 100 times more interesting than John McCain.
3. You’re not obese.
4. You didn’t say ‘Have a nice day’
5. If you read these comments and survived, you have a sense of humor.
http://www.wpxi.com/entertainment/15357219/detail.html Republican and a theater guy? Man this guy is meant for big things…
mookworthjwilson: OMG, he’s a theatre guy? that means i might actually meet him and get to steal his lunch money!
Darehead: Here here
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Yes, but only if you get him to post.
moleyghost: Caption:
You bettah work….covergirl!…working girl..do your thing…”
or
Helllloooooo!
mookworthjwilson: Are you actually surprised?
FMA: I think he’ll make it. If nothing else, by 30 Larry Craig will have gotten into his pants.
Libbygirl: Absolutely right. Forgot about him.
Feh–another kid who played D&D during American History–and didn’t learn dick about either subject.
shortsshortsshorts:
i love the smell of young republican in the mornin.
KittyKatMan: “i love the smell of young republican in the mornin.”
wait..that didn’t turn out right. ’smell’ as in napalm..not taint.
There is a lot to be said for cheekbones.
I’m scared to join the face book group– will it ruin my reputation?
But, I so want to see his profile. I think he can be saved. He’s one of these ones who think that Republicans are misunderstood. Soon he will learn that everything those liberals say is true.
mookworthjwilson: Lost initially, but won the recount three days later.
Well, he’s obviously a closeted gay. Is that close enough?
John McCain is in the same party as Abraham Lincoln in the same way Barack Obama is in the same party as Andrew Jackson.
Srsly, if Lincoln ever met this batch “conservatives,” he’d have them all shot, because he was a badass motherfucker like that.
Teddy not only left his cabinet position to enlist in the military, but he formed his own damned unit of Nineteenth Century Pat Tillmans, and it wasn’t homoerotic at all, so he’d probably just go for a good beat-down of the offending sissies.
But Lincoln would go straight for the firing squad.
This is a sham folks…the guy never mentions pederasty.
Shawn Summers R. Assfuck PA: I feel pretty. I feel pretty. I feel pretty, and witty and gay!
Georgetown is so elitist, we should have Barack Obama as our mascot.
I actually know this kid,
I went to High School with him for two years.
Also,
http://www.new.facebook.com/group.php?gid=65381815172
“Well, I was pretty bummed yesterday because I had been expecting to hear from the contest organizers one way or another and, in something like this, no news is definitely bad news.
I had more or less resigned myself to not winning, when suddenly I got a phone call early this afternoon from the organizers of the Convention telling me THAT I WON!
In addition to attending the Republican National Convention in September, I will be spending this Sunday night and Monday in Orlando, Florida on the campaign trail with John McCain.
I cannot say sincerely enough how much the votes, support, and encouragement of every one of you has meant to me in the past week. I have learned a lot about politics (it’s a nasty business– wonkette.com/401787/why-is-this-guy-a-republican-well-isnt-it-obvious) in the process, and you have helped make my first foray into the business a successful one.
Please don’t leave the group quite yet– I’ll be setting up a site in the next day or two so that I can start a campaign/convention blog to keep all of you informed on what your time and effort helped provide.
Thank you all again so much, and remember to vote in November (if you can)!
Shawn”
Dear Wonkette Community,
I wanted to thank you all for your insightful commentary on my video. I, for one, had no idea that I was actually a closet homosexual or candy for a prominent Republican senator. During my trip to the Convention, I’ll have to get to work on finding an appropriate internship to better use my gifts and talents as expressed by the loyal wonkette readership.
Kudos on picking a winner.
Shawn