Well, this is a terrible disappointment. The City of St. Paul decided to charge bars $2500 for a license to stay open till 4 a.m. during the anxious, angry slog known as the Republican National Convention — an event to make a drinker out of anyone — not a single establishment has applied. A POX ON ALL THEIR HOUSES.
During the week of the RNC, an embittered and corrupt party will nominate a grizzled lobbyist whore to lose the presidency. The only way to survive this gut-churning bitterfest will be to drink like Romans on the eve of Nero’s election, but this will be difficult if nobody wants to pony up the dollars to stay open late.
However, bars ‘n stuff in the surrounding area of Minneapolis are being asked to fork over significantly less to stay open. And in Bloomington, city elders are saying, “Enh, just give us a call, let us know what your plans are.”
Jim Farrell, executive director of the Minnesota Licensed Beverage Association, said there just doesn’t seem to be the interest in late-night parties that everyone predicted.
“You have to give somebody a big incentive to want to work that late, and I just don’t think the incentive was there,” Farrell said.
Good God. We’ll be sure to pack our recipe for Fermented Corn Mash so that we can just cook up some moonshine in our hotel rooms.
Few Twin Cities bars pay fee to stay open until 4 a.m. during the Republican National Convention [Pioneer Press]
{ 62 comments }
That’s OK. The airport bathrooms are open 24/7.
Thank you, mistress.
We’re talking republicans here. Can you imagine the bill for the bathroom cleaning after those cocksuckers leave?
Don’t worry, these people are republicans, they’ll buy a bottle, and take it back to their hotel rooms…
[re=54941]hockeymom[/re]: GAH! You beat me…
Money better spent protecting the children.
Pabst still comes in multi-gallon cans. It got a cordon bleu, I hear.
Where will Surly McOld get his Sidecars and Stingers on?
There’s no need for the bars to stay open for the Republican Convention. Sure, it’s an occasion to turn anyone into a drinker, but it’s more likely to inspire the kind of drinking where you sit alone in your room with your bottle, crying.
I’ve never heard of anything more depressing in my life.
[re=54942]trophy(forparticipation)wife[/re]: you’re too obscure for today. bad girl. Spanking torure time!
…Sara why don’t you just drink the little bottles of liquor in your hotel room and replace them with water like I do?
Bummer…no place to do…”Late Night Shots”. Where will the douchebags go?
[re=54941]hockeymom[/re]: Damn it, beat me too!
So….is anyone gonna cover this org-, er, convention? Sara, you may have to brew your own liquor in the hotel bathtubs, or raid OTHER people’s minibars. I predict the streets of St. Paul littered with tiny glass bottles…oh, and bits of TP.
[re=54943]pondscum[/re]: How much does a gallon of napalm and an exorcism cost? Oh wait, Bobby Jindal will do the latter for free, I assume.
[re=54944]graceless[/re]: Hope they know Minnesota’s bottle buying laws: before 8 p.m. Monday thru Friday, from liquor stores ONLY (no booze at supermarkets); until 10 on Saturday, and DRY SUNDAY.
[re=54959]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: exactly
Or is it that the bar owners in St. Paul figure the Republicans are too damn cheap to make staying open late worthwhile? Like we all know rich bastards don’t tip.
…why would Republicans go to a bar anyways, they don’t sell Meth and Poppers there?!
[re=54959]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Wait wait, we’re all poor remember? No minibars in the hotels we stay at, only hookers and their visiting republicans
Give someone a cookie for finding a bar in St. Paul in the first place. The Twin Cities are as dry as you can get without prohibition – they traded all their beer to Wisconsin in exchange for SAT scores.
[re=54966]Darehead[/re]: …no wonder god smited their bridge! Too much?
What they need is some good ol’ Minnesota 13.
No incentive to stay there? How about charging each right-wing Congressman $5000 to not publish the photos you took of them taking a 22 year old Latino home from your tavern?
Closing time – time for you to go out, back to the convention.
Closing time – turn the lights up over every page and underage girl.
Closing time – one last call for alcohol, so finish your roofies and beer.
Closing time – you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.
I want a place with no cops and beer.
I want a place with no cops and beer.
I want a place with no cops and beer.
St. Paul’s lame…
Closing time – time for you to stop drinking your overpriced drinks so soon.
Closing time – this room won’t be open ’til your underaged hookers or you
come.
So narrow up your stances, and move it to the exits – I hope you have found
a friend.
Closing time – every new sex scandal comes from some other sex scandal’s end.
I want a place with no cops and beer.
I want a place with no cops and beer.
I want a place with no cops and beer.
St. Paul’s lame…
Closing time – time for you to go back to the places you will be from…
I want a place with no cops and beer.
I want a place with no cops and beer.
I want a place with no cops and beer.
St. Paul’s lame…
Closing time – every new sex scandal comes from some other sex scandal’s end…
Why Prince?
Isn’t he from Milwaukee?
I’m confused!
But is it true that the Republicans are paying a lot of money to keep St. Paul day care centers and dog parks open til 4am?
Fuck the bars. Crack and heroin will be available 24/7 for my GOPeeps.
But will the purple pimp man/woman artist formerly known as having his own hips be attending?
[re=54973]Sussemilch[/re]: Furthermore, if you do find one there is sometimes a rule in the St. Paul nbhds that you have to eat in proportion with what you drink, so that you won’t go home and forget to set your alarm to get up for Sunday School, or forget to kiss your above average children, or do some other HORRIBLE crime.
[re=54982]DemmeFatale[/re]: You’re thinking of Richie Cunningham. Lots of people make that mistake.
[re=54982]DemmeFatale[/re]:
Because Penny Marshall and Cindy Williams said “No fuckin’ way!”.
[re=54973]Sussemilch[/re]: meh… don’t you remember Jesse Ventura calling St. Paul founders a bunch of drunk Irishman? I’ll be at the Liffey across the street from the Xcel after the protest.
[re=54963]loudmouthredhead[/re]:
An unnamed network asked me to work this particular convention about a year ago. Sadly, I had to decline. Now I’m kind of kicking myself, because it would probably be amusing.
And how long will the daycares and elementary schools stay open to accomodate the convention?
Mmm, Purple Rain.
What sane bar owner would want to encourage drunk Republicans to hang out in his establishment? All that repression, anger, and closetedness comes out when they’re drunk.
[re=54958]lilblackcorvette[/re]: Prrr. You’re right. I need a break. I’m going to go for a new personal best. In honor of the Olympics.
As a person who worked his way through college bartending I can honestly say that there is no fucking way I would stay open late for a bunch of cheap-ass Republicans. They’re shitty tippers, they drink all the expensive shit and they bitch about how much Vermouth you put in Manhattans or Martinis. Also they’re the most likely to complain if you ask which Vodka they prefer in their Martini (“Martini’s are made with GIN! Don’t you know anything?!?”)
Least favorite customers in the world.
At one time, however, (now Darehead goes all schoolmarm on yer) St. Paul was gangster heaven for the BUFFALO CHIPPERS of the Mafia World!! True story from interview with Paul Maccabee:
At the turn of century, the chief of the St. Paul Police department literally sent the word out to gangsters all over America that they were welcome to St. Paul. That it was a safe haven, a safe city. … often robbers would arrive in St. Paul with stolen jewelry. Which they would hand over as a little gift to the local constabulary. They’d have to identify where they were staying, where they were living while in St. Paul. If they didn’t have girlfriend, very often they’d be directed to whatever personal vices they needed fulfilled by the police.
And the most important part of deal which was the O’Connor system….named after the police chief, John J. O’Connor….was that while the gangsters were in the city limits of St. Paul, they could not kill, maim, kidnap or rob anyone in St. Paul. They could go to Minneapolis and kill whoever they wanted to…they could go to Des Moines, Milwaukee, Madison…any of the upper Midwest cities….rob, loot, kill. But when they came back to St. Paul the gangsters had to be on their best behavior.
http://www.sdpb.org/radio/oto/VerneMiller/Maccabee.asp
Just go across the river to Minneapolis -Sheik’s, one of the classier strip clubs, will be open late as will the Saloon, the gay bar! St. Paul is full of repressed Irish who think they are Lutherans with the way they treat drinking. No wonder the GOP is having their convention in St. Paul.
That’s OK. I hardly see why they’d want to encourage a bunch of stridently bitter neocons to get hosed and stagger around the streets.
But regardless, be sure to salute the Grain Belt beer sign as you cross the Mississippi. Just ’cause.
[re=54952]freakishlystrong[/re]: Worry not. Cindy will pack him a hamper full of her private stash. And two for herself, natch.
[re=54979]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Thank you. There are not nearly enough Semisonic refrences in the interwebs. And an extra two points for “Closing time – every new sex scandal comes from some other sex scandal’s end.”
I am going to be the person saying “WONKETTE ES EATING ITS WHEATIES” all day, so good luck to all of you other LOSRZ!
Don’t they have catered parties in hospitality suites with expensive hookers and gauntlet-style pillow fights?
[re=54970]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Bingo. All that groping, grab-ass and sexual abuse (for the male waitstaff) and will luck the bastards might leave a nickel.
[re=55067]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: already done. pls see. trophy(forparticipation)wife
In other news, every clandestine tranny bar/cockfight pit in St. Paul’s bustling Chinatown will be open 24/7 for two weeks either side of the convention.
[re=55067]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Sorry to hear about your snarkal constipation. While we eat our Wheaties, I suppose you are hitting the Bran Flakes. Good luck.
[re=54941]hockeymom[/re]: Exactly my thoughts! Everybody knows that the airport men’s bathrooms will be where the REAL parties are at. I wonder if McCain is a top or a bottom? And if you were a gay person would you hit it ? ………..
with a ten foot pole ?????
awww, never mind
Repubs don’t go to bars. They’re generally in bed by 10 PM to get an early start sending out email spam. Therefore right after they redeem their dinner vouchers, it’s straight to the double-layer neoprene sex clubs. Interesting how those places are NOT being assessed a late fee…
[re=55012]KevoTron[/re]: Martinis are made with gin. I know that and I’m not a Republican. I’m a decent tipper, though.
If you make it with vodka, it’s called a vodka martini. If you make it with gin, it’s called a martini. Yes, I’m really that snotty about it. But then, I’m half WASP and half Polish, so I’m extra sensitive about both gin and vodka.
Inadequate tipping is a sin against God and man, though. I used to work in a restaurant, so I know how much the wait staff makes. I was a dishwasher, so I got minimum and didn’t have to eke out a living at the wait staff rate of $2.07/hr + tips, but I know that hell hath no fury like a waitress who’s just been “tipped” with nothing but religious tracts.
[re=55094]Darehead[/re]: I would argue that Bran Flakes contain more fiber than Wheaties, so I will be shitting all over the place today. Huzzah.
The man-whores should be doing a brisk business, however.
[re=55107]Larry McAwful[/re]: ughhh…. see this is what I’m talking about… NOBODY orders a Martini and expects it made with Gin anymore. I’m sorry to say the bar lexicon has changed and anything in a fancy glass served straight up is now considered a ‘martini’. Lame, I know, but that’s the way it is.
On that note there is nothing more satisfying than 86ing drunk, stuffy ass holes after they give you a shitty tip and hard time. I imagine it’s what our esteemed editors feel when they ban Paultards.
Fools … anyone who’s anyone will be playing hoops at Prince’s house by 4 a.m.
Actually, we’re talking about Prince, so I think that should B “For a.m.” … or “Fore a.m.” … I dunno. Anyone from Minneapolis have a Prince-2-English dictionary handy?
[re=55136]KevoTron[/re]: Yeah, well, that’s about the only thing I’m conservative about. That and spelling. I will fight this horrible trend until I die. But I feel myself giving out a little bit, I have to admit. When I order one, I usually say “Tanqueray martini,” which clears it all up and always will, unless Tanqueray releases a line of vodkas.
I maintain that tipping decently must absolutely be done. I know that most wait staff makes below minimum, and relies on tips. Even when I lived in New York and had to deal with overpriced drinks, I still tipped appropriately. Unless the waiter or bartender was an asshole, of course, but that’s pretty rare, since I try to be easygoing. I find it difficult to be pleasant, though. That’s too much to ask.
Republicans get drunk at dinner, yell at the staff, and pass out by 9 pm. They think this means that they responsible people because they always seem to pop out of bed at 5 am when those “hippies” are still sleeping in.
[re=55154]Larry McAwful[/re]: Good to hear. I’m a great tipper as well but after ten years in the service industry I am comfortable advising people NOT to tip when they get bad service. By not tipping I mean don’t leave too much. Five to ten percent for lousy service is a great way to get the message across.
[re=55164]Thegreatbacon[/re]: HA! My friends are always asking why I’m up at 8 o’clock on Saturdays. Easy. I’m drunk by 7:30 on Friday! shit! Does that make me a Republican?
[re=54959]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Unfortunately, hotels have caught on — every Hilton I’ve stayed at recently has had some sort of sensor that is triggered when you move a bottle. You’ve got to be Indiana Jones to swap out the bottles.
How much could these bars possibly make? Surely they weren’t expecting to see much money from all the good little evangelicals who don’t drink!
Sarah Palin is a Hottie! Keep her drinking until 4 am and get her to pose for Playboy! The sales alone from that could help balance the budget.
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