hijinks

Straight Talk Express Will Vote For Obama, Too

A boil on the assPoor Straight Talk Express, it sure had an awful go of things yesterday. At some point, either before or after it crushed an elderly black handicapped war veteran hero’s minivan, some rascally kids put an Obama bumper sticker on it. Check out the first comment on this website, too: “We were planning on doing that in my home town in iowa with a Ron Paul sticker, but decided against it as we figured it would upset people rather than make them laugh.” Huh? [Political Irony]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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52 comments

  1. KevoTron

    Well done local, hooligan teenagers. You’ve made this veteran prankster proud. I’ll buy you beer and cigarettes anytime.

  2. AnnieGetYourFun

    The Obama sticker won’t make ANYONE angry.

    Oh, DUDE, so I was at some sort of white person function the other night and some friends were visiting from Iowa. They are Obama supporters and they were DRIVEN OFF THE FUCKING ROAD and into a ditch by some readneck Klan members who were waving shotguns and shouting all kinds of words that rhymed with “jigger glovers”.

  3. BillyClubb

    Now we’re all left to wonder: What else can go wrong with the McCain Campaign?
    I’m just hoping to get some straight talk on this pressing issue.

  4. tunamelt

    [re=54240]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Never unglove your jiggers. No glove, no love.

    Seriously, though, that’s effed up.

  5. subrosa

    OK, which one of you posted this comment? Someone took it seriously and everything:

    Obama iz ghey wrote:
    I’ve had little brats stick bumper stickers on my car so I can definately relate with John McCane. I will vote for him because we have more in common than Obomba. Also, we’re both white. So, we have even more in common. It’s will be like voting for myself.

  6. disgustedcitizen

    [re=54240]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: That really sucks. IMHO, since some in the South just won’t let go of the civil war, and the reasons it was fought, I believe it is time we fired that sucker back up, and this time really and truly kick the living crap out of those redneck peckerwood crackers.

  7. Uncle Al

    Now, my story begins in 19-dickety-two. We had to say “dickety” cause that Kaiser had stolen our word “twenty”. I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles. I’m tired of this conversation. Let’s talk about something else. Back in my day we didn’t have buses. To take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter you’d say. Now where were we, oh ya. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. I’m filled with piss and vinegar. At first I was just filled with vinegar. About my washtub. I just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as a walking bird. We’d always have walking bird on Thanksgiving with all the trimmings: cranberries, injun eyes, and yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we’d all watch football, which in those days was called baseball.

  8. Rev. Juan MessyCan

    [re=54252]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Hear hear! If we deport mosta them fourringers that do it now, we can get real Murkans to replace’m driving them Taxis. They’ll speak the Queen’s Murkan language, and they will know how to drive, and they will get you where you’re going.

    Oh, a TAX cut…

  9. BadNewsJack

    [re=54257]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: But I don’t wanna go to Puerto Rico…… Oh wait, maybe I do.

  10. elfranko

    [re=54260]disgustedcitizen[/re]: better than that – this time give them what they want – seccession. although i’m not sure we’d want one of the immediately hugest debtor nations on our border, overnight.

  11. Terry

    There are WAY more entertaining bumper stickers folks could put on that bus. I’d like to see someone put on that one that says “Republicans for Voldemort”.

  12. tsunami

    [re=54269]trophy(forparticipation)wife[/re]:

    re am app billboard link…

    yeah…but she did have some junk in that trunk so maybe not exactly doomed.

    …i’m sorry…sometimes i just can’t help myself.

  13. BadNewsJack

    [re=54262]Uncle Al[/re]: The last time the meteors came, we thought the sky was on fire. Naturally, we blamed the Irish. We hanged more ‘n a few. Death is everywhere these days, you gotta be careful. AHH!! Death! Death stalks you at every turn. AHH! Death! Now what was I saying? Well, whenever I’m confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions.

  14. itgetter

    Another comment from the site–

    “Osamas mama wrote:
    As a business owner that gets graffiti sprayed on the walls of the store and has to get it cleaned up, this is not funny. Obama wants the youth vote, great. He wont get mine.”

    I’m sure that this gross injustice of juvenile vandalism is the only reason he will not vote for Obama. I believe that a commenter named “Osamas mama” is a level-headed judge of Obama’s character.

  15. ladymacbeth

    i’m pretty sure all this haplessness means mccain’s going to romp home in november.

  16. weirdiowasculpture

    [re=54249]subrosa[/re]: I’m beginning to think that McCain and Clinton supporters basically can’t spell. We don’t really need all this fancy voting equipment. If you can spell the name of the candidate you are supporting, it’s an Obama vote; if not, it’s McCain. Fuck hanging chads.

  17. trophy(forparticipation)wife

    [re=54272]tsunami[/re]: The ghetto onion was more or less the reason that I said we would be doomed, in a distracted-by-the-picture way.

  18. sezme

    [re=54270]Terry[/re]: AngryBlakGuy had that angle covered a few posts ago. Made me laugh in a semi-geeky way.

  19. lumpenprole

    One million fiat dollars to the kid who puts a gay flag sticker on the Straight Talk bumper.

  20. itgetter

    [re=54286]itgetter[/re]: I just realized that “Osamas mama” (apostrophe?) is probably not a “he.” Meh.

  21. weirdiowasculpture

    For my next prank, I’m going to figure out which road the Straight Talk Express will be taking and then build a big pyramid out of applesauce jars just to the right. Imagine the hilarity!

  22. iwillsavethispatient

    Now this has been done, the next challenge will be to put an Obama window sticker on the inside of McCain’s bus.

  23. Voted for Mondale

    Didn’t we just learn that “Peckerwood Joe” Lieberman was the one actually on the damn bus? Makes perfect sense now…

  24. mr.november

    Meanwhile, Obama Force One gets shot down in “friendly fire.” Those darn military-industrial pranksters sure know how to get even.

  25. AngryBlakGuy

    …this may get really ugly and dangerous. It seems like everyone is trying to find a way to one up this bumper sticker gag. I figure if someone is going to get arrested for trespassing or vandalism then we might as well put together a pool for the best PWNAGE! And my suggestion for best PWNAGE! is taking a photo with WALNUT! while wearing an Obama ’08 t-shirt.

  26. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=54309]Quacker[/re]: A MILF? WTF qualifies as a MILF these days? If swim girl was a MILF, then I’m old enough to be a great grandmother.

  27. Deepthroat

    it’s not political, but one of my favorite bumper stickers is, “if you’re going to ride my ass, at lease pull my hair” classy… but i identify

  28. PrairiePossum

    If I had an old Bush/Cheney sticker laying around, I’d put it on the back of the bus.

  29. sanantonerose

    [re=54302]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Kind of a dangerous mission for a kid to climb aboard a Republican bus, don’t you think?

  30. masterdebater

    Some of those comments are comedy at its finest! Now, the ones that are along the lines of, “My building has been graffiti covered for months and I decided to vote for McCain because of it”…well, it makes you wonder. Serious but stupid, or going for a joke and just barely missing? If you ever get in an old republican’s car, and their radio is on, you’ll be going with option #1.

  31. AxmxZ

    The sticker was there first, I’m positive. We laughed about it on DailyKos for hours before the accident news broke.

  32. Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    Has anyone checked inside Str8 Tlk Xpress today? That photo looks an awful lot like the Greyhound that “Badger” has made so famous?

    (And why “Badger”? Badgers do not eat their young!)

  33. maxfield1

    When Vermont passed the Civil Union Legislation in 2000 the “conservatives” response was a bumper sticker that said “Real Vermonters Spread Shit, They Don’t Pack It.” (Seriously.) I wanted to create a bumper sticker that said “Real Vermonters Pack Shit, They Don’t Spread It.” And cover some bumper stickers with it. Unfortunately, I’m graphics challenged and couldn’t con anyone into doing it for me. But how great would that have been?

  34. NoWireHangers

    [re=54314]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Or a photo of tea-bagging WALNUTS! while he’s asleep and you’re wearing an Obama t-shirt.

  35. Eggy1

    [re=54266]elfranko[/re]: “better than that – this time give them what they want – seccession. although i’m not sure we’d want one of the immediately hugest debtor nations on our border, overnight.”

    Hey, as long as we can build a big fence along the Mason-Dixon line to keep them from slipping across the border illegally, I don’t see a problem. I mean, they’re pretty much all for that sort of thing, right?

  36. Lazy Media

    Obama, President? This is the greatest country in the world. We’ve got a whole system set up to prevent people like him from ever becoming president. Quit your daydreaming, melonhead!

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