DEATH AND CARNAGE  1:02 pm August 7, 2008

Straight Talk Express Demolishes Minivan In Florida

by Jim Newell

John McCain’s armored mammoth-of-death, the famous Straight Talk Express bus, completely destroyed a minivan making a right turn yesterday in Miami. The minivan was holding a black person, maybe, we don’t actually know. The Straight Talk Express was holding Joe Lieberman. *Just saying.*

The idiot bus wasn’t even carrying John McCain — just Joe Lieberman and a slave boy. It was in the left-only lane and tried to make a right turn. Little cars do this all the time, and it’s annoying. But when 500 million-pound Republican tanks try to do this, they usually end up destroying cars filled with black people.

(In truth, we have no idea to which race the minivan driver belonged. Anyway,) Look what he did to this black guy’s car!

McCain’s bus crashes in Miami [Miami Herald]
McCain Tour Bus Crashes in Miami (Who Let Gramps Drive the Bus?) [Miami New Times]
The straight talk barrels through miami, literally [Veridoo]

Related video

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ManchuCandidate August 7, 2008 at 1:04 pm

Illegal right turn in the left turn lane. Sounds like McCain’s campaign in a nutshell.

lilblackcorvette August 7, 2008 at 1:06 pm

I just did a spit take.

PoliticalGraffiti August 7, 2008 at 1:06 pm

it’s ok. cindy can afford to fix all the cars that the straight talk express demolishes

SuperRounder August 7, 2008 at 1:07 pm

This is why you don’t let Grandpa drive.

populucious August 7, 2008 at 1:07 pm

Oh my Lord is that a Handicapped sign in the guys window? The McCain Express crushed a black handicapped African American veteran’s pregnant grandma?! FOR SHAME!!!

V572625694 August 7, 2008 at 1:07 pm

[re=54058]ManchuCandidate[/re]: +1

ChernobylSoup August 7, 2008 at 1:08 pm

First Morgan Freeman and now this poor minivan driver. Will the Republicans stop at nothing to keep Southern blacks from voting this year?

bunnyhead August 7, 2008 at 1:08 pm

This is one more reason Joe Lieberman Must Go, 51,000+ signatures and counting

GlennBecksTaint August 7, 2008 at 1:10 pm

Straight Talking NEVER turns left.

itgetter August 7, 2008 at 1:10 pm

[re=54062]populucious[/re]: Win. I choose to believe this is exactly what happened.

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez August 7, 2008 at 1:11 pm

Nobody knows how do drive in Miami. They don’t even know how to speak English.

Fata Morgana August 7, 2008 at 1:11 pm

This is what happens when you get in-between Grampie and the “Hometown Buffet”.

CollegeStudent August 7, 2008 at 1:12 pm

Look at that, another underinflated tire. For shame.

user-of-owls August 7, 2008 at 1:13 pm

At least the guy was in a van. Imagine the carnage if it had been one little Chinese dude standing in front of the Straight Talk Tank ala Tiananmen.

user-of-owls August 7, 2008 at 1:14 pm

[re=54059]lilblackcorvette[/re]: How much you think you can get for that on E-Bay?

Servo August 7, 2008 at 1:14 pm

Flip-flopper. Anyone with integrity NEVER turns.

WikipediaBrown August 7, 2008 at 1:15 pm

I bet this was another failed attempt to kill Ron Paul.

AngryBlakGuy August 7, 2008 at 1:15 pm

…the “Straight Talk Express” grinding to a halt, the ultimate double double entendre! The only thing that would make this more ironic is if it burst into flames!

TGY August 7, 2008 at 1:15 pm

The bus driver isn’t named, so I assume it was Robert Novak.

Serolf Divad August 7, 2008 at 1:16 pm

This is exactly why Cindy always travels by small plane.

AngryBlakGuy August 7, 2008 at 1:16 pm

[re=54070]The Incomparable Tiny Valdez[/re]: …como?

jack4640 August 7, 2008 at 1:16 pm

John McCain reportedly leaped from the crashed tour bus, broke both shoulders upon landing and was promptly transported to a prison camp in Vietnam.

yellowdogdem August 7, 2008 at 1:16 pm

Geez, maybe they were trying to win some Massachusetts votes by driving like a Massachusetts driver. Trust me, this is how most Massachusetts drivers drive.

user-of-owls August 7, 2008 at 1:17 pm

…back, and to the left…

tsunami August 7, 2008 at 1:17 pm

this was minor.

in miami, a minor accident is one in which, in the aftermath,
nobody opens up with automatic weapons.

Botswana Meat Commission FC August 7, 2008 at 1:18 pm

Any wonketteer traffic cops around here? I’m fairly sure buses and trucks are permitted to make right turns from the left lane (due to wide turning radius) as long as they signal. In that case, wouldn’t it be the car driver’s fault?

jack4640 August 7, 2008 at 1:18 pm

John McCain reportedly leaped out of the crashed tour bus, broke both shoulders upon landing and was promptly transported to a Vietnamese prison camp.

Servo August 7, 2008 at 1:18 pm

He tea-bagged the minivan with his BusNutz. I guess he REALLY wants that off-shore drilling.

irisheyes August 7, 2008 at 1:18 pm

[re=54062]populucious[/re]: It IS a handicapped tag!!!!! They nailed a cripple!

Urbanachiever August 7, 2008 at 1:18 pm

Richard Nowak–were you driving?

Doglessliberal August 7, 2008 at 1:18 pm

[re=54070]The Incomparable Tiny Valdez[/re]: Neither does 90% of the US population, including our president. I am resigned to the fact that soon, text-ese will have become the generally-accepted form of written English. Wat? U think I m jk?

WonderWomyn August 7, 2008 at 1:19 pm

If you look closely you can see a handicapped thing on the review mirror of the van. WHY DOES MCCAIN HATE HANDICAPPED PEOPLE?

Jim Newell August 7, 2008 at 1:20 pm

[re=54076]WikipediaBrown[/re]: He’s a martyr. He doesn’t have much longer.

NoWireHangers August 7, 2008 at 1:22 pm

There aren’t any black people on, or sitting in the back of the Straight Talk Express. There are plenty of black people under it though.

Bet that minivan could really use one of those Obama pressure gauges right about now.

Servo August 7, 2008 at 1:22 pm

Nah, they run you completely off the road and speed limits are suggestions.

ChunkyT August 7, 2008 at 1:23 pm

Because McCain had his arms shortened in Vietnam he can’t make those tough right hand turns, even when he’s crossing 2 lanes.

masterdebater August 7, 2008 at 1:25 pm

I don’t care what lane he was in. Anyone with a brain knows that the Straight Talk Express is only turning RIGHT! Jeeze people, it’s Florida, outa the way and let the senior bus through.

SayItWithWookies August 7, 2008 at 1:25 pm

The Wrong Turn Express does it again. But I have one question — why is that crippled black minivan driver playing the race and handicapped cards?

shortsshortsshorts August 7, 2008 at 1:25 pm

[re=54086]jack4640[/re]: They “say” he wasn’t in the bus, but he was in fact driving the bus. He graduated at the bottom of his D.M.V. course to get a Class A.

Doglessliberal August 7, 2008 at 1:27 pm

[re=54082]yellowdogdem[/re]: I grew up on SE PA and thought NJ drivers were the nadir. Then I moved to Northern VA. Every time you leave your house, whether it is walking, riding a bike, or driving, it is like a video game testing your reflexes. You need to be looking all directions at once because at any given moment, someone is about to rear end you, t-bone you from the right and/or left as they run stop signs, walk in front of your car (red lights apparently mean “walk”), or hit you head on as they text and drive. I walk a lot and am fairly certain I need to call the Nobel Physics Prize committee because I apparently have perfected the ability to be invisible while walking.

weirdiowasculpture August 7, 2008 at 1:29 pm

[re=54085]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: Revisionist republican swine!

CollegeStudent August 7, 2008 at 1:31 pm

[re=54091]WonderWomyn[/re]: For the same reasons Republicans vote for anti-gay bills.
Because the truth hurts.

weirdiowasculpture August 7, 2008 at 1:31 pm

This would never have happened if we had more offshore drilling.

Canmon (the Inadequate) August 7, 2008 at 1:32 pm

Is the bus driver on loan from the Clinton campaign like that Obama plane that almost crashed?

JeffGoldblum August 7, 2008 at 1:34 pm

The McCain campaign can’t even master the intricacies of a bus. Meanwhile, Ron Paul has a fucking rocket ship.

slavojzizek August 7, 2008 at 1:37 pm

Th-th-th-that’s not lane change we can believe in.

Supernatural_Delegate August 7, 2008 at 1:38 pm

The geriatric express was in a hurry, they had to get to Atlantic city for the ‘Loosest slots around’.

If you’re not there by 3pm, you’ll miss the early-bird buffet.

natteringnaybob August 7, 2008 at 1:38 pm

Caused by the little blue-haired elderly bus driver who could not see over the steering wheel and had the left turn signal on for the last seven miles. No wait, that was McCain!

Maddy August 7, 2008 at 1:40 pm

John McCain doesn’t care about black people!

Botswana Meat Commission FC August 7, 2008 at 1:40 pm

You got me!

Cape Clod August 7, 2008 at 1:41 pm

I know Joe Lieberman,(Weasel)CT, is totally in the tank for Walnuts, but what the hell is he doing riding around in his campaign bus in Florida?

american mutt August 7, 2008 at 1:47 pm


Believe in? His dementia must be kicking in.

S.Luggo August 7, 2008 at 1:52 pm

There is a perfectly reasonable explanation. Joe was using the bus to get to a hot assignation with Cindy McCodger at Del Boca Vista. Case closed.

S.Luggo August 7, 2008 at 1:55 pm

By the way, Joe, if the roles were reversed, then in some countries your little collision would be called an act of terrorism.

Elitist Republican Tard August 7, 2008 at 2:00 pm

A medium-blue, base model Ford Windstar with chrome hubcaps? That, my friends, is the vehicle of a Cuban, not a black.

Joe Lieberman doesn’t care about Cuban people!

ReverendGreen August 7, 2008 at 2:03 pm

Did he leave a note? Because the last handicapped person McCain knew, he just cheated on her then bailed.

Voyou Charmant August 7, 2008 at 2:04 pm

This is clearly a not-so-subtle threat on the life of Barack Obama by none other than Joe Lieberman.

sanantonerose August 7, 2008 at 2:05 pm

Throwing cripples under the bus? McCain’s really shaping up to be WORSE than Cheney.

[re=54126]slavojzizek[/re]: Yours is the only “change we can believe in” parody that I’ve ever laughed at. Good one.

Outstando August 7, 2008 at 2:06 pm

All I can envision is McCancer-Loserman, in a crashed bus, driving by the site of a failed bridge, into a Democratic city in a Demcoratic state, recently made famous by a Republican senator trying to blow a guy in its airport.

Terry85 August 7, 2008 at 2:08 pm

HAHA the black guy was obviously handicapped too.

ReverendGreen August 7, 2008 at 2:12 pm

Well, if the guy doesn’t like what McCain’s bus did, he will have the right to voice his disdain at McCain by voting fo… ohh, it was a black guy in Florida? Nevermind.

iwillsavethispatient August 7, 2008 at 2:19 pm

It is not up to the Government to decide whether a lane is left-only or right-only. We should leave it to the free market to determine which way we can turn!
Oh wait, it just did.

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 7, 2008 at 2:20 pm

They should have used Obama’s Economic Plan.

WIDTAP August 7, 2008 at 2:27 pm

Love the “Don’t Crash Into Me” tune over the Veridoo video. Nice touch.

V2peaceAllOver August 7, 2008 at 2:33 pm

time to check the tire pressure…..or did “0-One” drop a surgical strike of sorts?
<- where did the one piece swim suit go?

capitol hillbilly August 7, 2008 at 2:46 pm

they tried to stop but there was too much Joe-mentum

Scooter August 7, 2008 at 2:55 pm

This is a metaphor for McGrampy’s entire campaign strategy!!

Quacker August 7, 2008 at 2:59 pm

Obviously not the Straight Drive Express.

weirdiowasculpture August 7, 2008 at 2:59 pm

McCain was driving and thought he saw an applesauce display.

StupidGeek August 7, 2008 at 3:13 pm

[re=54265]V2peaceAllOver[/re]: She’s gone. I hated her, but this cuddle party crap they’ve replaced her with is even worse.

CthuNHu August 7, 2008 at 3:14 pm

So the Straight Talk Express was positioned as if it was going to go to the left, but then it swung a hard right turn and ground the paragon of Middle American Family vehicles into the curb.

I haven’t seen foreshadowing this ham-handed since that filly broke her ankles and got euthanized after finishing second to Big Brown in the Kentucky Derby.

PortlandSmartAss August 7, 2008 at 3:28 pm

With this kind of aggression at work in McCain’s campaign, there’s really only one VP choice for him …

V2peaceAllOver August 7, 2008 at 3:30 pm

right back @ StupidGeek w/ a m0ment of E-Pith-a-nE: “Despite being surronded by 2 chix, that dude L00KS just like YOUR NAME!!!!!”

snig August 7, 2008 at 4:17 pm

That’s why Romney should be his Veep choice, he’d have just strapped the minivan on top and kept driving.

Oscar Folsom Cleveland August 7, 2008 at 7:18 pm

Darn tootin’!! With Jeb Bush and Kathleen Harris out of the picture, how the #*&^%$#@! are Floridians supposed to scrub the voter rolls of African American Democrats?? Look to see more and more of these well-choreographed “accidents” in swing states during the coming months?

And the diaper disposal aspect? Well, it was Hopey who played the “squid’s ink” card – Walnuts! had no option but to respond in kind with whatever he had at hand, so to speak.

maxfield1 August 7, 2008 at 7:25 pm

[re=54279]capitol hillbilly[/re]: That was hilarious! Can I quote you on that?

ChatteringClass August 7, 2008 at 9:48 pm

[re=54279]capitol hillbilly[/re]: Excellent memory to the Lieberman primary run(s? were there more than one?)!

As I hail (sorta) from the Nutmeg State, I can remember far too many bastardizations of Lieberman’s name in service to some campaign slogan. Joe-mentum was only the tip of the iceberg. I swear, if his people had thrown a pool party they would have called it a Joe Lieber-swim.

Outstando August 7, 2008 at 10:55 pm

[re=54279]capitol hillbilly[/re]: Awesome.

heathenish August 8, 2008 at 12:54 am

I am too tried to read all the comments so someone may have beat me to this, but this give the term “thrown under the bus” a great new visual aid!

llyn August 8, 2008 at 3:12 am

[re=54108]Doglessliberal[/re]: I have no car, so do lots of walking. To keep my blood pressure down to healthful levels, I have been trying to develop some mental health protocols for the pedestrian (me). One day, when I was driving my son’s car, I failed to see that two(!) pedestrians were waiting for the walk light. It came on and they stepped off the curb just as I began to turn right on red. They shouted, “Thanks a lot!” and stopped in their tracks. Much politer than what I usually shout at drivers. I felt terrible. That experience led me to two conclusions. One is that I no longer think it’s wise to permit turning right on red–there are too many variables for the driver to take into consideration, especially at large intersections with more than two lanes in entering streets. The second conclusion was longer in formulating itself. I try now to think of each vehicle, not as a vehicle with a human operating it, but as a shark. A shark must keep moving or it will die. Also, sharks have poor eyesight. It’s up to me to stay out of their way. Same with cars and trucks. In urban traffic, hitting another car is probably not going to be life-threatening to the driver of either vehicle, so drivers are more careless than they would be on the highway. What they are looking to avoid hitting is anything the size of a small car or larger than that. Mopeds, motorcycles, bicycles, and pedestrians are too small, easy to overlook, not what drivers are afraid of. Hitting one of us would cause minor damage to a car and its driver but it would maim or kill us. So, as a pedestrian I have to be hypervigilant, and it’s easier to do that if I am not nursing resentment from close shaves in the past or anticipatory rage about the blindness, stupidity, and supposed malevolence of drivers. A car in traffic is not a car being driven by a human. It’s a shark.

CtrlAltDelete August 8, 2008 at 3:16 pm

He’s the world’s oldest driver….but is he ready to lead?

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