Straight Talk Express Demolishes Minivan In Florida

  death and carnage

John McCain’s armored mammoth-of-death, the famous Straight Talk Express bus, completely destroyed a minivan making a right turn yesterday in Miami. The minivan was holding a black person, maybe, we don’t actually know. The Straight Talk Express was holding Joe Lieberman. *Just saying.*

The idiot bus wasn’t even carrying John McCain — just Joe Lieberman and a slave boy. It was in the left-only lane and tried to make a right turn. Little cars do this all the time, and it’s annoying. But when 500 million-pound Republican tanks try to do this, they usually end up destroying cars filled with black people.

(In truth, we have no idea to which race the minivan driver belonged. Anyway,) Look what he did to this black guy’s car!

McCain’s bus crashes in Miami [Miami Herald]
McCain Tour Bus Crashes in Miami (Who Let Gramps Drive the Bus?) [Miami New Times]
The straight talk barrels through miami, literally [Veridoo]

 
Related video
Related

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

81 comments

  1. ManchuCandidate

    Illegal right turn in the left turn lane. Sounds like McCain’s campaign in a nutshell.

  2. PoliticalGraffiti

    it’s ok. cindy can afford to fix all the cars that the straight talk express demolishes

  3. populucious

    Oh my Lord is that a Handicapped sign in the guys window? The McCain Express crushed a black handicapped African American veteran’s pregnant grandma?! FOR SHAME!!!

  4. ChernobylSoup

    First Morgan Freeman and now this poor minivan driver. Will the Republicans stop at nothing to keep Southern blacks from voting this year?

  5. The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    Nobody knows how do drive in Miami. They don’t even know how to speak English.

  6. user-of-owls

    At least the guy was in a van. Imagine the carnage if it had been one little Chinese dude standing in front of the Straight Talk Tank ala Tiananmen.

  7. AngryBlakGuy

    …the “Straight Talk Express” grinding to a halt, the ultimate double double entendre! The only thing that would make this more ironic is if it burst into flames!

  8. jack4640

    John McCain reportedly leaped from the crashed tour bus, broke both shoulders upon landing and was promptly transported to a prison camp in Vietnam.

  9. yellowdogdem

    Geez, maybe they were trying to win some Massachusetts votes by driving like a Massachusetts driver. Trust me, this is how most Massachusetts drivers drive.

  10. tsunami

    this was minor.

    in miami, a minor accident is one in which, in the aftermath,
    nobody opens up with automatic weapons.

  11. Botswana Meat Commission FC

    Any wonketteer traffic cops around here? I’m fairly sure buses and trucks are permitted to make right turns from the left lane (due to wide turning radius) as long as they signal. In that case, wouldn’t it be the car driver’s fault?

  12. jack4640

    John McCain reportedly leaped out of the crashed tour bus, broke both shoulders upon landing and was promptly transported to a Vietnamese prison camp.

  13. Servo

    He tea-bagged the minivan with his BusNutz. I guess he REALLY wants that off-shore drilling.

  14. Doglessliberal

    [re=54070]The Incomparable Tiny Valdez[/re]: Neither does 90% of the US population, including our president. I am resigned to the fact that soon, text-ese will have become the generally-accepted form of written English. Wat? U think I m jk?

  15. WonderWomyn

    If you look closely you can see a handicapped thing on the review mirror of the van. WHY DOES MCCAIN HATE HANDICAPPED PEOPLE?


  16. Post author
    Jim Newell

    [re=54076]WikipediaBrown[/re]: He’s a martyr. He doesn’t have much longer.

  17. NoWireHangers

    There aren’t any black people on, or sitting in the back of the Straight Talk Express. There are plenty of black people under it though.

    Bet that minivan could really use one of those Obama pressure gauges right about now.

  18. Servo

    [re=54082]yellowdogdem[/re]:
    Nah, they run you completely off the road and speed limits are suggestions.

  19. ChunkyT

    Because McCain had his arms shortened in Vietnam he can’t make those tough right hand turns, even when he’s crossing 2 lanes.

  20. masterdebater

    I don’t care what lane he was in. Anyone with a brain knows that the Straight Talk Express is only turning RIGHT! Jeeze people, it’s Florida, outa the way and let the senior bus through.

  21. SayItWithWookies

    The Wrong Turn Express does it again. But I have one question — why is that crippled black minivan driver playing the race and handicapped cards?

  22. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=54086]jack4640[/re]: They “say” he wasn’t in the bus, but he was in fact driving the bus. He graduated at the bottom of his D.M.V. course to get a Class A.

  23. Doglessliberal

    [re=54082]yellowdogdem[/re]: I grew up on SE PA and thought NJ drivers were the nadir. Then I moved to Northern VA. Every time you leave your house, whether it is walking, riding a bike, or driving, it is like a video game testing your reflexes. You need to be looking all directions at once because at any given moment, someone is about to rear end you, t-bone you from the right and/or left as they run stop signs, walk in front of your car (red lights apparently mean “walk”), or hit you head on as they text and drive. I walk a lot and am fairly certain I need to call the Nobel Physics Prize committee because I apparently have perfected the ability to be invisible while walking.

  24. CollegeStudent

    [re=54091]WonderWomyn[/re]: For the same reasons Republicans vote for anti-gay bills.
    Because the truth hurts.

  25. Canmon (the Inadequate)

    Is the bus driver on loan from the Clinton campaign like that Obama plane that almost crashed?

  26. JeffGoldblum

    The McCain campaign can’t even master the intricacies of a bus. Meanwhile, Ron Paul has a fucking rocket ship.

  27. Supernatural_Delegate

    The geriatric express was in a hurry, they had to get to Atlantic city for the ‘Loosest slots around’.

    If you’re not there by 3pm, you’ll miss the early-bird buffet.

  28. natteringnaybob

    Caused by the little blue-haired elderly bus driver who could not see over the steering wheel and had the left turn signal on for the last seven miles. No wait, that was McCain!

  29. Cape Clod

    I know Joe Lieberman,(Weasel)CT, is totally in the tank for Walnuts, but what the hell is he doing riding around in his campaign bus in Florida?

  30. S.Luggo

    There is a perfectly reasonable explanation. Joe was using the bus to get to a hot assignation with Cindy McCodger at Del Boca Vista. Case closed.

  31. S.Luggo

    By the way, Joe, if the roles were reversed, then in some countries your little collision would be called an act of terrorism.

  32. Elitist Republican Tard

    A medium-blue, base model Ford Windstar with chrome hubcaps? That, my friends, is the vehicle of a Cuban, not a black.

    Joe Lieberman doesn’t care about Cuban people!

  33. ReverendGreen

    Did he leave a note? Because the last handicapped person McCain knew, he just cheated on her then bailed.

  34. Voyou Charmant

    This is clearly a not-so-subtle threat on the life of Barack Obama by none other than Joe Lieberman.

  35. sanantonerose

    Throwing cripples under the bus? McCain’s really shaping up to be WORSE than Cheney.

    [re=54126]slavojzizek[/re]: Yours is the only “change we can believe in” parody that I’ve ever laughed at. Good one.

  36. Outstando

    All I can envision is McCancer-Loserman, in a crashed bus, driving by the site of a failed bridge, into a Democratic city in a Demcoratic state, recently made famous by a Republican senator trying to blow a guy in its airport.

  37. ReverendGreen

    Well, if the guy doesn’t like what McCain’s bus did, he will have the right to voice his disdain at McCain by voting fo… ohh, it was a black guy in Florida? Nevermind.

  38. iwillsavethispatient

    It is not up to the Government to decide whether a lane is left-only or right-only. We should leave it to the free market to determine which way we can turn!
    Oh wait, it just did.

  39. V2peaceAllOver

    time to check the tire pressure…..or did “0-One” drop a surgical strike of sorts?
    <- where did the one piece swim suit go?

  40. StupidGeek

    [re=54265]V2peaceAllOver[/re]: She’s gone. I hated her, but this cuddle party crap they’ve replaced her with is even worse.

  41. CthuNHu

    So the Straight Talk Express was positioned as if it was going to go to the left, but then it swung a hard right turn and ground the paragon of Middle American Family vehicles into the curb.

    I haven’t seen foreshadowing this ham-handed since that filly broke her ankles and got euthanized after finishing second to Big Brown in the Kentucky Derby.

  42. V2peaceAllOver

    right back @ StupidGeek w/ a m0ment of E-Pith-a-nE: “Despite being surronded by 2 chix, that dude L00KS just like YOUR NAME!!!!!”

  43. snig

    That’s why Romney should be his Veep choice, he’d have just strapped the minivan on top and kept driving.

  44. Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    Darn tootin’!! With Jeb Bush and Kathleen Harris out of the picture, how the #*&^%$#@! are Floridians supposed to scrub the voter rolls of African American Democrats?? Look to see more and more of these well-choreographed “accidents” in swing states during the coming months?

    And the diaper disposal aspect? Well, it was Hopey who played the “squid’s ink” card – Walnuts! had no option but to respond in kind with whatever he had at hand, so to speak.

  45. ChatteringClass

    [re=54279]capitol hillbilly[/re]: Excellent memory to the Lieberman primary run(s? were there more than one?)!

    As I hail (sorta) from the Nutmeg State, I can remember far too many bastardizations of Lieberman’s name in service to some campaign slogan. Joe-mentum was only the tip of the iceberg. I swear, if his people had thrown a pool party they would have called it a Joe Lieber-swim.

  46. heathenish

    I am too tried to read all the comments so someone may have beat me to this, but this give the term “thrown under the bus” a great new visual aid!

  47. llyn

    [re=54108]Doglessliberal[/re]: I have no car, so do lots of walking. To keep my blood pressure down to healthful levels, I have been trying to develop some mental health protocols for the pedestrian (me). One day, when I was driving my son’s car, I failed to see that two(!) pedestrians were waiting for the walk light. It came on and they stepped off the curb just as I began to turn right on red. They shouted, “Thanks a lot!” and stopped in their tracks. Much politer than what I usually shout at drivers. I felt terrible. That experience led me to two conclusions. One is that I no longer think it’s wise to permit turning right on red–there are too many variables for the driver to take into consideration, especially at large intersections with more than two lanes in entering streets. The second conclusion was longer in formulating itself. I try now to think of each vehicle, not as a vehicle with a human operating it, but as a shark. A shark must keep moving or it will die. Also, sharks have poor eyesight. It’s up to me to stay out of their way. Same with cars and trucks. In urban traffic, hitting another car is probably not going to be life-threatening to the driver of either vehicle, so drivers are more careless than they would be on the highway. What they are looking to avoid hitting is anything the size of a small car or larger than that. Mopeds, motorcycles, bicycles, and pedestrians are too small, easy to overlook, not what drivers are afraid of. Hitting one of us would cause minor damage to a car and its driver but it would maim or kill us. So, as a pedestrian I have to be hypervigilant, and it’s easier to do that if I am not nursing resentment from close shaves in the past or anticipatory rage about the blindness, stupidity, and supposed malevolence of drivers. A car in traffic is not a car being driven by a human. It’s a shark.

Comments are closed.