kilpatrick watch

Kwame Kilpatrick Goes To Jail

Oh you lovable lunk!The mayor of Detroit keeps getting into comical scrapes, which is great because any time the Detroit Free Press needs to fill its news hole they just look out the window and see what kind of buffoonery Kwame Kilpatrick is engaged in at that hour of the day. In our latest installment, the judge presiding over the mayor’s EIGHT FELONY CASES tells him to go to jail after he visits Canada.

Detroit, we understand, is right near the Canadian city of Windsor, and there is some sort of a tunnel running between the cities called “the Detroit-Windsor Tunnel.” On July 23, Kilpatrick met with the mayor of Windsor to talk about selling Detroit’s half of the tunnel.

FAIL, KILPATRICK! The judge was so mad he sent him immediately into the slammer, where Kilpatrick immediately began exchanging salacious texts with millions of Canadian citizens, telling them he was eager to re-enter their Windsor Tunnels.

Judge orders Kilpatrick to jail [Detroit Free Press]

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52 comments

  1. InsidiousTuna

    Goddammit. I was hoping this guy would stay in the news until The Office starts up again in September. If he goes to jail now, there goes a month’s worth of comedic gold.

  2. MrAgro

    Come on, guys. I come to this blog for the edginess and the snark. This kind of political corruption is just so…quaint.

  3. Serolf Divad

    It’s about time. I’ve felt for a long time that it should be illegal for Americans to travel to Canada.

  4. S.Luggo

    Jail is just a means for Kwame to get away from:
    A. His bitches.
    B. His lawyers.
    C. Mrs. Kwame.

  5. Botswana Meat Commission FC

    “My life has been revolutionarily transformed and it’s transforming in front of the eye of these media people who don’t know me at all,” he said.

    Kwame = 1995 Damon Wayans’ “Oswald Bates” jail skit.

    “I believe it was Plato…No, excuse me, I mean Play-Doh, who stuck to the wall when he said one must not put one’s transvestite in jeopardy if one is to become a cunning linguist.”

  6. MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend

    The hilarious part is that you can actually *see* Windsor from the courthouse. Fail, indeed.

  7. Texan Bulldoggette

    I think this means a white person will never vote for a black person ever again. Too bad, BO.

  8. AngryBlakGuy

    …I wonder how long it will take FAUX news to screw up the captions and put Barack Obama’s name under Kwame Kilpatricks photo while he is being led off to jail?

  9. NewAlgier

    Those nasty racist judges need to stop cock blocking Kwame. Why else would he go to Windsor but to gamble and whore like his constituents? Since his every move is watched now, I bet this is the only way he can get relief.

  10. AngryBlakGuy

    [re=53997]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: …and doesn’t this constitute another “shady association”(on the Sean Hannity scale) being that they are both black and Democrats? When will Barack Obama reject the and denounce the blackness shared between himself and Kilpatrick?

  11. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Hmmm, Kwame told his sons to watch the proceedings. Translation: Judge Giles better watch his back.

  12. trophy(forparticipation)wife

    [re=53988]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Called OL1-6320 and the answer is no. Apparently you can’t conk your hair either.

  13. BadNewsJack

    That’s hypocritical. When Canadians dig a tunnel, its a friendly interaction among peoples. When Mexicans dig tunnels, all of a sudden its a pathway for drugs, terrorists and illegal immigrants. Im so mad I could write a strongly worded letter to the government, with exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    That’ll teach ‘em a thing or two.

  14. user-of-owls

    You can crush us
    You can bruise us
    But you’ll have to answer to
    Oh, the guns of Windsor

  15. pesque

    Poor Detroit.

    Canada should just take the entire economic sinkhole. It would be a great solution to Michgan’s economic problem. Then we can just move Greektown over to Flint.

  16. Terry

    [re=53990]S.Luggo[/re]:

    Mrs. Kwame and the little Kwames already live in Florida, if memory serves.

    I wonder if that had anything to do with Kwame having strippers at the Mayor’s mansion?

  17. Josh Fruhlinger

    Wait, are we letting city governments sell off bits of our vital infrastructure to foreigners now?

    Actually, that’s not a bad idea, as they’ll presumably be better able to pay for maintenance so it doesn’t collapse.

  18. Not_So_Much

    The strippers in the slam may not be as hot, but I’ll bet they’re a lot more interactive with the whole lap dance thing…

  19. Terry

    [re=54025]pesque[/re]:

    Greektown…..Astoria Pastry Shop…..mmmmmmmmm……jonesing for baklava….

  20. kudzu

    Does anyone actually live in Detroit? I thought the city was abandoned one thousand years ago. Last I heard, the only reason people trek in from the suburbs is to go work at the GM Renaissance Center, which will be shutting down any minute now.

  21. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=54038]Doglessliberal[/re]: Maybe we could divest our security interests in the tunnel to a Saudi brokerage firm? They’ve never let us down before, after all.

  22. lilblackcorvette

    [re=54053]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: I hope they post another african american politician getting persecuted for doing what white politicians get away with all the time. Preferably a female. Equal opportunity discrimination. How’s that for an oxymoron!

  23. Terry

    [re=54038]Doglessliberal[/re]:

    Let’s hope they DO sell the Penna Turnpike to Spain. Maybe the Spaniards will widen the lanes a wee bit, FINISH construction at some point, and quit investing fully half the Turnpike’s operating budget on concrete barriers.

  24. ForTheTurnstiles

    [re=54056]lilblackcorvette[/re]: I think you mean “prosecution.” Which is what never happened to Bob Packwood or Larry Craig.

  25. donner_froh

    “Mr. Kilpatrick’s office released a statement saying that the mayor’s chief of staff, Kandia Milton, will serve as acting mayor while Mr. Kilpatrick is in jail. “Residents can be assured government will continue to operate as usual,” the statement said.”

    That’s been the problem with Detroit.

    Kandia Milton sounds like a veneral disease.

  26. sezme

    [re=53977]Serolf Divad[/re]: No, that’s draconian. It should be legal for them to visit Canada but illegal for them to return.

  27. MaggieMI

    Kwame is an embarrassment.

    “Does anyone actually live in Detroit? I thought the city was abandoned one thousand years ago. Last I heard, the only reason people trek in from the suburbs is to go work at the GM Renaissance Center, which will be shutting down any minute now.”

    Yes, Kudzu, people still live in Detroit – you should visit. We’ll show you a real good time.

  28. wonk_the_heck

    Assistant Wayne County Prosecutor Robert Moran said the mayor’s pleas rung hollow.

    “Now that he’s caught, he’s taking responsibility … he thought he got away with it,” Moran said.

    What a Moran!

  29. ky-jellydonuts

    They knew he’d been in Canada because when they subpoenaed his phone records, they saw he’d put “eh?” at the end of all of his text messages.

Comments are closed.