KILPATRICK WATCH  11:27 am August 7, 2008

Kwame Kilpatrick Goes To Jail

by Sara K. Smith

Oh you lovable lunk!The mayor of Detroit keeps getting into comical scrapes, which is great because any time the Detroit Free Press needs to fill its news hole they just look out the window and see what kind of buffoonery Kwame Kilpatrick is engaged in at that hour of the day. In our latest installment, the judge presiding over the mayor’s EIGHT FELONY CASES tells him to go to jail after he visits Canada.

Detroit, we understand, is right near the Canadian city of Windsor, and there is some sort of a tunnel running between the cities called “the Detroit-Windsor Tunnel.” On July 23, Kilpatrick met with the mayor of Windsor to talk about selling Detroit’s half of the tunnel.

FAIL, KILPATRICK! The judge was so mad he sent him immediately into the slammer, where Kilpatrick immediately began exchanging salacious texts with millions of Canadian citizens, telling them he was eager to re-enter their Windsor Tunnels.

Judge orders Kilpatrick to jail [Detroit Free Press]


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InsidiousTuna August 7, 2008 at 11:32 am

Goddammit. I was hoping this guy would stay in the news until The Office starts up again in September. If he goes to jail now, there goes a month’s worth of comedic gold.

MrAgro August 7, 2008 at 11:33 am

Come on, guys. I come to this blog for the edginess and the snark. This kind of political corruption is just so…quaint.

Serolf Divad August 7, 2008 at 11:34 am

It’s about time. I’ve felt for a long time that it should be illegal for Americans to travel to Canada.

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 7, 2008 at 11:34 am

Aw, I miss Coleman Young, Muthafuckers!

NoWireHangers August 7, 2008 at 11:37 am





trophy(forparticipation)wife August 7, 2008 at 11:37 am

This is amateur hour for the D.

tsunami August 7, 2008 at 11:37 am

well…now that he’s in jail, he can play the race card game.

AngryBlakGuy August 7, 2008 at 11:39 am

…I wonder if they make zoot suits with prison stripes?

S.Luggo August 7, 2008 at 11:42 am

Jail is just a means for Kwame to get away from:
A. His bitches.
B. His lawyers.
C. Mrs. Kwame.

Botswana Meat Commission FC August 7, 2008 at 11:43 am

“My life has been revolutionarily transformed and it’s transforming in front of the eye of these media people who don’t know me at all,” he said.

Kwame = 1995 Damon Wayans’ “Oswald Bates” jail skit.

“I believe it was Plato…No, excuse me, I mean Play-Doh, who stuck to the wall when he said one must not put one’s transvestite in jeopardy if one is to become a cunning linguist.”

MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend August 7, 2008 at 11:43 am

The hilarious part is that you can actually *see* Windsor from the courthouse. Fail, indeed.

Texan Bulldoggette August 7, 2008 at 11:49 am

I think this means a white person will never vote for a black person ever again. Too bad, BO.

AngryBlakGuy August 7, 2008 at 11:50 am

…I wonder how long it will take FAUX news to screw up the captions and put Barack Obama’s name under Kwame Kilpatricks photo while he is being led off to jail?

NewAlgier August 7, 2008 at 11:54 am

Those nasty racist judges need to stop cock blocking Kwame. Why else would he go to Windsor but to gamble and whore like his constituents? Since his every move is watched now, I bet this is the only way he can get relief.

AngryBlakGuy August 7, 2008 at 11:55 am

[re=53997]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: …and doesn’t this constitute another “shady association”(on the Sean Hannity scale) being that they are both black and Democrats? When will Barack Obama reject the and denounce the blackness shared between himself and Kilpatrick?

queeraselvis v 2.0 August 7, 2008 at 11:56 am

Hmmm, Kwame told his sons to watch the proceedings. Translation: Judge Giles better watch his back.

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 7, 2008 at 11:57 am

[re=53988]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Called OL1-6320 and the answer is no. Apparently you can’t conk your hair either.

mookworthjwilson August 7, 2008 at 12:01 pm

Does this mean we finally get Robocop?

thefrontpage August 7, 2008 at 12:02 pm

Okay, really: Just how stupid is this mayor guy?

S.Luggo August 7, 2008 at 12:02 pm

[re=54001]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Plus they are both very natty dressers.

BadNewsJack August 7, 2008 at 12:09 pm

That’s hypocritical. When Canadians dig a tunnel, its a friendly interaction among peoples. When Mexicans dig tunnels, all of a sudden its a pathway for drugs, terrorists and illegal immigrants. Im so mad I could write a strongly worded letter to the government, with exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That’ll teach ‘em a thing or two.

mookworthjwilson August 7, 2008 at 12:12 pm

[re=54004]mookworthjwilson[/re]: And is he selling the tunnel to OCP?

user-of-owls August 7, 2008 at 12:15 pm

You can crush us
You can bruise us
But you’ll have to answer to
Oh, the guns of Windsor

pesque August 7, 2008 at 12:21 pm

Poor Detroit.

Canada should just take the entire economic sinkhole. It would be a great solution to Michgan’s economic problem. Then we can just move Greektown over to Flint.

Terry August 7, 2008 at 12:24 pm


Mrs. Kwame and the little Kwames already live in Florida, if memory serves.

I wonder if that had anything to do with Kwame having strippers at the Mayor’s mansion?

Josh Fruhlinger August 7, 2008 at 12:28 pm

Wait, are we letting city governments sell off bits of our vital infrastructure to foreigners now?

Actually, that’s not a bad idea, as they’ll presumably be better able to pay for maintenance so it doesn’t collapse.

shortsshortsshorts August 7, 2008 at 12:29 pm

I bet if it was a white guy, he would also be in jail.

Not_So_Much August 7, 2008 at 12:30 pm

The strippers in the slam may not be as hot, but I’ll bet they’re a lot more interactive with the whole lap dance thing…

Terry August 7, 2008 at 12:31 pm


Greektown…..Astoria Pastry Shop…..mmmmmmmmm……jonesing for baklava….

LittlePig August 7, 2008 at 12:32 pm

The Freep‘s news hole won’t be the only thing being filled.

Doglessliberal August 7, 2008 at 12:36 pm

[re=54032]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: hey, this is not a new idea. Most of our ports are owned by foreign corporations, and Gov Rendell was looking into leasing the PA Turnpike to Spain. Given the current state of things, China will probably soon hold a mortgage on the entire country.

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 7, 2008 at 12:39 pm

They should punch him in the dick with the big Joe Louis fist.

kudzu August 7, 2008 at 12:40 pm

Does anyone actually live in Detroit? I thought the city was abandoned one thousand years ago. Last I heard, the only reason people trek in from the suburbs is to go work at the GM Renaissance Center, which will be shutting down any minute now.

masterdebater August 7, 2008 at 12:42 pm

You are mayor of Detroit, and they send you to jail. Upgrade?

shortsshortsshorts August 7, 2008 at 12:43 pm

[re=54038]Doglessliberal[/re]: Maybe we could divest our security interests in the tunnel to a Saudi brokerage firm? They’ve never let us down before, after all.

Doglessliberal August 7, 2008 at 12:48 pm

[re=54042]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: great idea!

Servo August 7, 2008 at 12:51 pm

♪ It’s a long way to Tipperary. It’s a long way to go…♫

ForTheTurnstiles August 7, 2008 at 12:57 pm

[re=54038]Doglessliberal[/re]: Maybe China, sure. But I’m pulling for an ultra-Orthodox takeover because I like the irony of being sent back to the back of the bus…

So much for Racial Transcendence in the 51st state.

lilblackcorvette August 7, 2008 at 1:01 pm

[re=54053]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: I hope they post another african american politician getting persecuted for doing what white politicians get away with all the time. Preferably a female. Equal opportunity discrimination. How’s that for an oxymoron!

Terry August 7, 2008 at 1:02 pm


Let’s hope they DO sell the Penna Turnpike to Spain. Maybe the Spaniards will widen the lanes a wee bit, FINISH construction at some point, and quit investing fully half the Turnpike’s operating budget on concrete barriers.

ForTheTurnstiles August 7, 2008 at 1:08 pm

[re=54056]lilblackcorvette[/re]: I think you mean “prosecution.” Which is what never happened to Bob Packwood or Larry Craig.

donner_froh August 7, 2008 at 1:09 pm

“Mr. Kilpatrick’s office released a statement saying that the mayor’s chief of staff, Kandia Milton, will serve as acting mayor while Mr. Kilpatrick is in jail. “Residents can be assured government will continue to operate as usual,” the statement said.”

That’s been the problem with Detroit.

Kandia Milton sounds like a veneral disease.

sezme August 7, 2008 at 1:32 pm

[re=53977]Serolf Divad[/re]: No, that’s draconian. It should be legal for them to visit Canada but illegal for them to return.

sezme August 7, 2008 at 1:32 pm

Just like with Cuba!

MaggieMI August 7, 2008 at 1:40 pm

Kwame is an embarrassment.

“Does anyone actually live in Detroit? I thought the city was abandoned one thousand years ago. Last I heard, the only reason people trek in from the suburbs is to go work at the GM Renaissance Center, which will be shutting down any minute now.”

Yes, Kudzu, people still live in Detroit – you should visit. We’ll show you a real good time.

WonksRunAmuck August 7, 2008 at 1:59 pm

Um…being the mayor of Detroit should be punishment enough…

BillyClubb August 7, 2008 at 2:45 pm

[re=54022]user-of-owls[/re]: Puhleeze, don’t drag the Clash into this.

wonk_the_heck August 7, 2008 at 3:28 pm

Assistant Wayne County Prosecutor Robert Moran said the mayor’s pleas rung hollow.

“Now that he’s caught, he’s taking responsibility … he thought he got away with it,” Moran said.

What a Moran!

ky-jellydonuts August 7, 2008 at 3:54 pm

They knew he’d been in Canada because when they subpoenaed his phone records, they saw he’d put “eh?” at the end of all of his text messages.

valobama August 7, 2008 at 4:22 pm

[re=54064]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: it was over for me with Barney Frank

WikipediaBrown August 7, 2008 at 8:17 pm

D’oh! has already been registered!

changedetroit August 10, 2008 at 2:14 pm

Check it out, and celebrate this historic moment in Detroit city in a tangible way.

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