STURGIS  12:57 am August 7, 2008

Hey Christians, Here Is How McCain Wants To Defile Your Christian Wives

by Ken Layne

We told you how John McCain offered up his “old lady” to the biker mob at Sturgis, and then we showed you the awkward video, but now we must present this version, which begins with the incredible confession from McCain that he’s only allowed onstage as a warm-up midget for Kid Rock.

And then there’s some Semi-Safe For Work but not Safe For Civilization video from earlier “Miss Buffalo Chip” contests. Even though it was McCain’s “first time” at the suburbanite fake-Outlaw Biker rally of Contractors, CostCo Managers and Chiropractors on their $10,000 “hogs,” he knew the Beauty Contest was all about naked drunk ladies fellating bananas.

What’s going through Cindy’s mind during this awful scene? And what’s going through her daughter’s mind, if anything? As the helpful captions show, the only audible thing the faux-biker scum can be heard screaming (to John) is “Show Us Your Tits!” (That is the name of every Kid Rock album, all released on this day in 1996.)

Remember when we were embarrassed for Bill Clinton? He almost looks classy now, doesn’t he?

John Mccain Offers His Wife for Sleazy Biker Bikini Contest [DoubleTalk Express]

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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Serolf Divad August 7, 2008 at 1:09 am

So are any of those girls also lobbyists? No reason, just curious, that’s all.

villageatrois August 7, 2008 at 1:09 am

Mebbe he was hired for the midget bowling, right after the wet t-shirt contest. What else would he be doing at a biker gathering in South Dakota with a beer distributor who used to be a USC cheerleader? Why else would bikers watch him, patiently waiting for him to STFU?

AngryBlakGuy August 7, 2008 at 1:10 am

…if John McCain is Kid Rocks hype man then he is in some deep shit!

V572625694 August 7, 2008 at 1:11 am

How close is the presidential race? Why?

Ken Layne August 7, 2008 at 1:11 am

[re=53740]Serolf Divad[/re]: I am starting to think you also do all your thinking between midnight and 3 a.m.

HughJennicks August 7, 2008 at 1:18 am

My Name Is John!
[. . .]
And All My Wives In The Methadone Clinic.

AngryBlakGuy August 7, 2008 at 1:21 am

…I suspect that Cindy was thinking the following during this little episode: “Damn, I think I ate my last dozen Valiums this morning for breakfast! I wonder if that biker who offered me Meth has any?”

Aurelio August 7, 2008 at 1:22 am

Cindy is cuter than any of those bimbos in the contest. Besides, she is worth $100 million.

Darehead August 7, 2008 at 1:22 am

Wait until Ken’s suggested vid is over and then the really (pickly) juicy ones follow.

Anybody see Meghan sneak off the stage?

Rachel Ray Jihad August 7, 2008 at 1:24 am

His campaign manager totally took money on behalf of Buffalo Chips to move the Miss Buffalo Chip pageant to China. I read it on a blog!

SayItWithWookies August 7, 2008 at 1:24 am

Did he end that by saying, “Are there any of you that’s tired of paying four dollars a — four dollars a buck…”? He’s still going on about his energy plan, apparently.

Darehead August 7, 2008 at 1:32 am

[re=53753]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It was edited, but what he really said was, “Are there any of you that’s tired of paying four dollars a — four dollars to buck your Sturgis whores when you can take my wife here for half that much? Please? ”

columnv August 7, 2008 at 1:39 am

the second half of the video was better than the first half.

hoboking August 7, 2008 at 1:40 am

Dang – forget about wife swapping implications… Gad that man is wearing white pants! Yes white khaki’s, not even those white linen pants that certian Europran men can get away with because they are very tanned and have giant platinum wrist jewelery. White khakis – is there no one left in the GOP that knows conservative men’s fashion from that of a Wal-Mart floor manager on casual friday?

Let’s not even begin to discuss Cindy’s shapeless jeans shirt – it’s maternity wear for the barren, or perhaps durable drapery from the morbidly obese. Yet the woman is an heiress, pearls dammit! AT least she can wear some pearls.

Carla Bruni makes me want to vote conservative – this pair of buffons makes me want to vomit up my elephant ear and dippin dots all over the carnies under the tilt-a-whirl.

Darehead August 7, 2008 at 1:46 am

[re=53762]hoboking[/re]: Did a funny thing happen to you on your way to Jezebel?

Scarab August 7, 2008 at 1:47 am

I would say that Cindy McCain’s chances of being Buffalo Chip Queen are exactly equal to her being First Lady.

SayItWithWookies August 7, 2008 at 1:50 am

[re=53757]Darehead[/re]: Half that much? C’mon, McCain’s a Republican — he’ll probably pay to watch.

Inadequate Blackmail August 7, 2008 at 1:51 am

If McCain goes out and sings Sheryl Crow’s part on that one song with Kid Rock, then I’ll give a shit. Otherwise, forget it.

NotUrEvryDayWEzl August 7, 2008 at 1:55 am

So…. Kid Rock= The Decemberists?

The former is named for the favorite pastime of repub congressmen and senators, whereas the latter for the favorite pastime of liberal-commie dems?

AnnieGetYourFun August 7, 2008 at 2:12 am

What scares me is how loudly the crowd cheers for his acknowledgment that they are all waiting for Kid Rock. Honestly, and this is difficult for me to say… I’d rather… see John McCain… smile awkwardly… for a few minutes… than watch Kid Rock perform.

THERE. I said it.

AxmxZ August 7, 2008 at 2:15 am

McCain wants his wife drilled here, and he wants her drilled now!

Darehead August 7, 2008 at 2:24 am

McCain on the Issues:

Military policy: Surges
Health policy: Scourges
Energy policy: Slurp this
Education policy: Stupids
Moral policy: Sturgis

mattbolt August 7, 2008 at 2:27 am

God, am I ever tired of paying 4 dollars a buck. I figure every time I pay a stranger 4 dollars a buck, I end up getting cheated by about 3 bucks. Thank God the midget that introduces Kid Rock has a solution.

Words August 7, 2008 at 2:32 am


Another limp-dick, unreliable Republican here. Hey, at least she made out like a bandit with the beard thingy– altho the nation’s show was sold for chump change.

Sen. McCain has no respect for his wife’s hidden talents (or are they latent talents? –ooh well never mind–Gilda Radner!)

Perot le fou August 7, 2008 at 3:07 am

“Are you serious John McCain?

No, he was not.

Darehead August 7, 2008 at 3:20 am

[re=53793]Perot le fou[/re]: But what if Obama had said, “For the first time in my adult life I am truly proud of my wife giving her loyalty to dis pickle lickin’ cuntry…”

TGY August 7, 2008 at 4:45 am

“We’re sorry, this video is no longer available” ?

Maybe it’s an off hour on teh Youtubes.

TGY August 7, 2008 at 5:16 am
wallythepug August 7, 2008 at 6:12 am

[re=53787]Words[/re]: No, they are latex talents.

Johnny Zhivago August 7, 2008 at 7:07 am

Why the hell would anyone want to see John McCain’s tits?

bunnyhead August 7, 2008 at 7:44 am

that was a depressing piece of pandering, actually felt sorry for Cindy, but I’ll get past that…

eyesfriedopen August 7, 2008 at 7:47 am

Ken, I don’t think Christians have any problems with McCain objectifying wimmens. It justifies keeping them barefoot, beaten, and in the kitchen.

HughJennicks August 7, 2008 at 7:55 am

[re=53750]Aurelio[/re]: You get off on the Bride Of Frankenstein look?

lilblackcorvette August 7, 2008 at 7:57 am

i went to Sturgis once. didn’t win Miss Buffalo Chip tho. My tits are real.

Darehead August 7, 2008 at 7:57 am

There’s a zillion videos of this! And some of them are really playing the racy card from the bottom of the deck.

[re=53816]eyesfriedopen[/re]: Plus, Ken, it’s an ancient Dakota custom. Didn’t cha watch Deadwood?

lilblackcorvette August 7, 2008 at 7:59 am

That felt like Haiku.

I went to Sturgis
Didn’t win Miss Buffalo Chip.
My tits are real.

gurukalehuru August 7, 2008 at 8:06 am

Four dollars for a a a a buck for a dick, four bucks for a bag of dicks it reminds me of the old joke I just remember the punchline was “A fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, 10 dollars for a fucked up duck and I’ve still got the fucking duck!”, but where, oh where is that magnificent ape?

p.s. could someone please post a link to the video with the titties?

Darehead August 7, 2008 at 8:35 am


The ape moved to Spain, where apes have citizenship now.

As for your next question, haha! You just want to see who you can get banned. Even Ken was worried about banning himself so yesterday he traded the Sturgis cleavage shot with Cindy on a Senior Citizen greeting card.

MrAgro August 7, 2008 at 8:43 am

Four dollars per dollar? Th-that’s n-not ch-change we can beli-e-eve i-in.

Johnny Zhivago August 7, 2008 at 8:45 am

McCain should get Bush’s speechwriters!

“My friends, some people call you white trash. I call you my base.”

TGY August 7, 2008 at 8:50 am


Buffalo pussy
Follows John McCain around
Percocet for all!

Monsieur Grumpe August 7, 2008 at 8:59 am
Darehead August 7, 2008 at 9:08 am

Gem Theater Cunts
Al Swearengen says got ’nuff.
Sell wife here instead.

regisgoat August 7, 2008 at 9:11 am

Man, Joe C looks OLD up close.

lilblackcorvette August 7, 2008 at 9:18 am

[re=53840]Darehead[/re]: Dick Licker
Licker of Dicks
And Neuticals

lilblackcorvette August 7, 2008 at 9:21 am

[re=53838]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I would sooooo turn that sign towards that white haired guy. He’s not wrinkly yet.

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez August 7, 2008 at 9:25 am

Cuntry First.

Guppy06 August 7, 2008 at 9:40 am

Four (US) dollars for a (Canadian) buck sounds about right.

twowheeljunkie August 7, 2008 at 9:52 am

Please no more Sturgis. last April my friends and I were planning on going to
the suburbanite fake-Outlaw Biker rally of Contractors, CostCo Managers and Chiropractors on their $10,000 “hogs,” but then gas prices went to $4.50 a gallon and the trip was off. Now I’m
here at work reading that Walnuts made it to Sturgis before me.
Very depressing.

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 7, 2008 at 10:44 am

I heard that when the crowd chanted, “Skin will win!”, Walnuts dug a piece of cancer out of his face and held it up in the air.

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 7, 2008 at 10:49 am

Cindy, just a friendly little girl-tip:
Too much drinking in Sturgis will give you a beer gunt.

thefrontpage August 7, 2008 at 12:11 pm

Did Meghan McCain enter the dance or beauty contests?

That would be a good video.

Darehead August 7, 2008 at 12:19 pm

[re=54016]thefrontpage[/re]: Like I said, she seemed to have slipped off stage, probably went up to Deadwood.

Aurelio August 7, 2008 at 1:48 pm

[re=53817]HughJennicks[/re]: For $100 million, I would get off on the Bride of the Mummy.

T-Bone August 7, 2008 at 5:03 pm

I thought he said 4 bucks a box. I figured gasoline used to be delivered to his door by the milkman in his day.

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