Hey Christians, Here Is How McCain Wants To Defile Your Christian Wives

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We told you how John McCain offered up his “old lady” to the biker mob at Sturgis, and then we showed you the awkward video, but now we must present this version, which begins with the incredible confession from McCain that he’s only allowed onstage as a warm-up midget for Kid Rock.

And then there’s some Semi-Safe For Work but not Safe For Civilization video from earlier “Miss Buffalo Chip” contests. Even though it was McCain’s “first time” at the suburbanite fake-Outlaw Biker rally of Contractors, CostCo Managers and Chiropractors on their $10,000 “hogs,” he knew the Beauty Contest was all about naked drunk ladies fellating bananas.

What’s going through Cindy’s mind during this awful scene? And what’s going through her daughter’s mind, if anything? As the helpful captions show, the only audible thing the faux-biker scum can be heard screaming (to John) is “Show Us Your Tits!” (That is the name of every Kid Rock album, all released on this day in 1996.)

Remember when we were embarrassed for Bill Clinton? He almost looks classy now, doesn’t he?

John Mccain Offers His Wife for Sleazy Biker Bikini Contest [DoubleTalk Express]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Serolf Divad

    So are any of those girls also lobbyists? No reason, just curious, that’s all.

  • villageatrois

    Mebbe he was hired for the midget bowling, right after the wet t-shirt contest. What else would he be doing at a biker gathering in South Dakota with a beer distributor who used to be a USC cheerleader? Why else would bikers watch him, patiently waiting for him to STFU?

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …if John McCain is Kid Rocks hype man then he is in some deep shit!

  • V572625694

    How close is the presidential race? Why?

  • Ken Layne

    [re=53740]Serolf Divad[/re]: I am starting to think you also do all your thinking between midnight and 3 a.m.

  • HughJennicks

    My Name Is John!
    [. . .]
    And All My Wives In The Methadone Clinic.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I suspect that Cindy was thinking the following during this little episode: “Damn, I think I ate my last dozen Valiums this morning for breakfast! I wonder if that biker who offered me Meth has any?”

  • Aurelio

    Cindy is cuter than any of those bimbos in the contest. Besides, she is worth $100 million.

  • Darehead

    Wait until Ken’s suggested vid is over and then the really (pickly) juicy ones follow.

    Anybody see Meghan sneak off the stage?

  • Rachel Ray Jihad

    His campaign manager totally took money on behalf of Buffalo Chips to move the Miss Buffalo Chip pageant to China. I read it on a blog!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Did he end that by saying, “Are there any of you that’s tired of paying four dollars a — four dollars a buck…”? He’s still going on about his energy plan, apparently.

  • Darehead

    [re=53753]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It was edited, but what he really said was, “Are there any of you that’s tired of paying four dollars a — four dollars to buck your Sturgis whores when you can take my wife here for half that much? Please? ”

  • columnv

    the second half of the video was better than the first half.

  • hoboking

    Dang – forget about wife swapping implications… Gad that man is wearing white pants! Yes white khaki’s, not even those white linen pants that certian Europran men can get away with because they are very tanned and have giant platinum wrist jewelery. White khakis – is there no one left in the GOP that knows conservative men’s fashion from that of a Wal-Mart floor manager on casual friday?

    Let’s not even begin to discuss Cindy’s shapeless jeans shirt – it’s maternity wear for the barren, or perhaps durable drapery from the morbidly obese. Yet the woman is an heiress, pearls dammit! AT least she can wear some pearls.

    Carla Bruni makes me want to vote conservative – this pair of buffons makes me want to vomit up my elephant ear and dippin dots all over the carnies under the tilt-a-whirl.

  • Darehead

    [re=53762]hoboking[/re]: Did a funny thing happen to you on your way to Jezebel?

  • Scarab

    I would say that Cindy McCain’s chances of being Buffalo Chip Queen are exactly equal to her being First Lady.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=53757]Darehead[/re]: Half that much? C’mon, McCain’s a Republican — he’ll probably pay to watch.

  • Inadequate Blackmail

    If McCain goes out and sings Sheryl Crow’s part on that one song with Kid Rock, then I’ll give a shit. Otherwise, forget it.

  • NotUrEvryDayWEzl

    So…. Kid Rock= The Decemberists?

    The former is named for the favorite pastime of repub congressmen and senators, whereas the latter for the favorite pastime of liberal-commie dems?

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    What scares me is how loudly the crowd cheers for his acknowledgment that they are all waiting for Kid Rock. Honestly, and this is difficult for me to say… I’d rather… see John McCain… smile awkwardly… for a few minutes… than watch Kid Rock perform.

    THERE. I said it.

  • AxmxZ

    McCain wants his wife drilled here, and he wants her drilled now!

  • Darehead

    McCain on the Issues:

    Military policy: Surges
    Health policy: Scourges
    Energy policy: Slurp this
    Education policy: Stupids
    Moral policy: Sturgis

  • mattbolt

    God, am I ever tired of paying 4 dollars a buck. I figure every time I pay a stranger 4 dollars a buck, I end up getting cheated by about 3 bucks. Thank God the midget that introduces Kid Rock has a solution.

  • Words


    Another limp-dick, unreliable Republican here. Hey, at least she made out like a bandit with the beard thingy– altho the nation’s show was sold for chump change.

    Sen. McCain has no respect for his wife’s hidden talents (or are they latent talents? –ooh well never mind–Gilda Radner!)

  • Perot le fou

    “Are you serious John McCain?

    No, he was not.

  • Darehead

    [re=53793]Perot le fou[/re]: But what if Obama had said, “For the first time in my adult life I am truly proud of my wife giving her loyalty to dis pickle lickin’ cuntry…”

  • TGY

    “We’re sorry, this video is no longer available” ?

    Maybe it’s an off hour on teh Youtubes.

  • TGY
  • wallythepug

    [re=53787]Words[/re]: No, they are latex talents.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    Why the hell would anyone want to see John McCain’s tits?

  • bunnyhead

    that was a depressing piece of pandering, actually felt sorry for Cindy, but I’ll get past that…

  • eyesfriedopen

    Ken, I don’t think Christians have any problems with McCain objectifying wimmens. It justifies keeping them barefoot, beaten, and in the kitchen.

  • HughJennicks

    [re=53750]Aurelio[/re]: You get off on the Bride Of Frankenstein look?

  • lilblackcorvette

    i went to Sturgis once. didn’t win Miss Buffalo Chip tho. My tits are real.

  • Darehead

    There’s a zillion videos of this! And some of them are really playing the racy card from the bottom of the deck.

    [re=53816]eyesfriedopen[/re]: Plus, Ken, it’s an ancient Dakota custom. Didn’t cha watch Deadwood?

  • lilblackcorvette

    That felt like Haiku.

    I went to Sturgis
    Didn’t win Miss Buffalo Chip.
    My tits are real.

  • gurukalehuru

    Four dollars for a a a a buck for a dick, four bucks for a bag of dicks it reminds me of the old joke I just remember the punchline was “A fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, 10 dollars for a fucked up duck and I’ve still got the fucking duck!”, but where, oh where is that magnificent ape?

    p.s. could someone please post a link to the video with the titties?

  • Darehead


    The ape moved to Spain, where apes have citizenship now.

    As for your next question, haha! You just want to see who you can get banned. Even Ken was worried about banning himself so yesterday he traded the Sturgis cleavage shot with Cindy on a Senior Citizen greeting card.

  • MrAgro

    Four dollars per dollar? Th-that’s n-not ch-change we can beli-e-eve i-in.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    McCain should get Bush’s speechwriters!

    “My friends, some people call you white trash. I call you my base.”

  • TGY


    Buffalo pussy
    Follows John McCain around
    Percocet for all!

  • Monsieur Grumpe
  • Darehead

    Gem Theater Cunts
    Al Swearengen says got ’nuff.
    Sell wife here instead.

  • regisgoat

    Man, Joe C looks OLD up close.

  • lilblackcorvette

    [re=53840]Darehead[/re]: Dick Licker
    Licker of Dicks
    And Neuticals

  • lilblackcorvette

    [re=53838]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I would sooooo turn that sign towards that white haired guy. He’s not wrinkly yet.

  • The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    Cuntry First.

  • Guppy06

    Four (US) dollars for a (Canadian) buck sounds about right.

  • twowheeljunkie

    Please no more Sturgis. last April my friends and I were planning on going to
    the suburbanite fake-Outlaw Biker rally of Contractors, CostCo Managers and Chiropractors on their $10,000 “hogs,” but then gas prices went to $4.50 a gallon and the trip was off. Now I’m
    here at work reading that Walnuts made it to Sturgis before me.
    Very depressing.

  • trophy(forparticipation)wife

    I heard that when the crowd chanted, “Skin will win!”, Walnuts dug a piece of cancer out of his face and held it up in the air.

  • trophy(forparticipation)wife

    Cindy, just a friendly little girl-tip:
    Too much drinking in Sturgis will give you a beer gunt.

  • thefrontpage

    Did Meghan McCain enter the dance or beauty contests?

    That would be a good video.

  • Darehead

    [re=54016]thefrontpage[/re]: Like I said, she seemed to have slipped off stage, probably went up to Deadwood.

  • Aurelio

    [re=53817]HughJennicks[/re]: For $100 million, I would get off on the Bride of the Mummy.

  • T-Bone

    I thought he said 4 bucks a box. I figured gasoline used to be delivered to his door by the milkman in his day.