Wonkette
Important news from the Wonkette Inbox(!): “Today on TNR.com, Dayo Olopade offers the definitive fact-check of Paris Hilton’s energy recommendations in her new ‘campaign’ video. While Hilton’s video is perhaps a humorous response to McCain’s recent ‘celebrity’ ad featuring her likeness, Olopade concludes that even Paris, alas, gets the facts wrong on offshore drilling.” While this seems like the perfect setup for a Rick Roll, or a blinking screen that says “No Shit,” Mr. Olopade did, in fact, write this article challenging Paris Hilton’s claims. What’s next? Jamie Kirchick’s imaginary response? UPDATE: Oh dear, someone e-mails to say that it is actually “Ms.” Olopade, which we strongly considered Googling to confirm, but now we’re just racist. [TNR]
IMPORTANT BLOG POSTINGS
The New Republic Debunks Paris Hilton’s Policy Plans!
Read More:
2:42 PM
on Wed August 6 2008
By
Jim Newell
1742 Views
Next on TNR,
An editorial by Lt. Johnny Rico (Mobile Infantry) on why interstellar bugs who shit electric blue fireballs out their asses are bad for humanity.
…Im surprised that he beat Bill Kristol to it!
Because her bathing suit screamed “take me seriously”
People on the Internets have too much time.
Who’s the bigger whore, Paris Hilton or John McCain?
BREAKING NEWS: THE POPE IS INDEED CATHOLIC, SHIT DOES STINK, AND CATS AND DOGS ARE NATURAL ENEMIES.
how can anyone NOT take paree seriously?
she’s hot, super rich, and a thoughtful political analyst.
well…2 out of 3 ain’t bad.
Outstando:
i know…i know…
it’s a trick question. it’s…
cindy mccain, that cunt.
ManchuCandidate: I was hoping for an exegesis by Dr. Nick Riviera.
http://rubyfools2008.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/dr-nick-riviera.gif
Debunking. That’s so hot.
Dayo Olopade - Yale, class of 08
Jamie Kirchick - Yale, class of 06
Coincidence? Or mass delusion?
But wait, wasn’t the whole joke that Paris’ policy actually is the so-called “Gang of 10″ bi-partisan Senators’ plan? i.e. the plan that probably will happen.
…so when is he going to write an article debating the “Mutant Registration Act” from X-Men comic book?
Hey, Paris… beating up Munchkin McCain on energy just makes you a bully.
P.S. Pump ‘em up, honey, like Barack said.
I’m no Margaret Mead (I only play her on television) but even a basic study of human behaviour and fellow Wonkette participation-observation leads me to the following conclusions:
Guys who sit behind their computers and crack wise about Ms. Hilton, actually have a deep rooted biological desire to do her, regardless of any historical ditz factor heretofore diplayed;
Those who, in the last La Hilton post, gave her the benefit of the doubt, or expressed surprise/delight/forgiveness because of this performance REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to do her and;
She may be shallow, but she can actually be quite clever. This circle is indeed the hardest aspect of female human existence for the brothers to square. And thus, the mystery of the fairer sex rages on.
BTW, I look like Paris. But I have the intellect of Madeline Albright. Which is probably, in the realm of natural selection, a better deal for me.
John McCain is 102.
Paris got the herpes.
iwillsavethispatient: Paris has a “gang of 10″ plan? Are you sure it’s bi-partisan and not bisexual? “gang of ten”…That sounds brutal and sloppy. I’d certainly hate to be bachelor number 10. Oh well, she looks strong- she can take it.
AngryBlakGuy: or, more importantly, the The Superhero Registration Act.
But when are they going to write an article about Batman’s thoughts on FISA?
MUST POINT OUT OBVIOUS IDIOCY:
WALNUTS will not take celebrities very seriously, like he said. WALNUTS compares Obama to celebrity. Celebrity pwns WALNUTS. WALNUTS fires back at said celebrity.
The winning strategy! WALNUTS is officially giving Paris Hilton legitimacy.
We just posted ringtone-ready audio from the clip over at Entertonement: http://entertonement.com/collections/1613/Paris-Hilton?page=1
Shush, Mr Olopade! Given the size of her family’s yacht, I think Paris is quite the expert in offshore drilling.
Good Day to you, Sir!
Larry Fine:
…and a dildo for a nose. Nyuk nyuk.
ManchuCandidate: Please close this post since this comment is way too good to top.
shortsshortsshorts: No, WALNUTS is just realizing the cougar is getting “long in the Tooth.” Daddy needs a new cunt-trollop, and this is the way he flirts.
Wagamuffin: Paris is road kill. I want to win the election, so it’s better to contrast corruption/whorishness versus innocence than it is to contrast age versus youth. She’s funny, sure, but I could give a fuck.
NoWireHangers: If you saw the the Dark Night, you should know his answer to that.
Gopherit v2.0: Hey-O!
Oh the delicious irony — Paris Hilton’s energy recommendations actually make some sense.
What does that say about our political culture when an airhead pseudo-celeb can so easily become a policy wonk?
Outstando: Well, as one of our recent Prime Minister’s, Brian Mulroney once said: “There no whore like an old whore!”.
AngryBlakGuy: …or the Keene Act from Watchmen.
BREAKING: New Republic’s analysis of Britney’s policy on executive authority!
Wagamuffin: That’s a good combination. Certainly better than the inverse.
But what does Britney Spears think of Paris Hilton’s energy plan?
Gopherit v2.0: We can only hope Cindy’s in a serious accident for WALNUTS to justify his new elegant bride.
Yuck it up you wonks, but I think we’re looking at the next Secretary of Energy.
It does say something that TNR takes Paris Hilton more seriously than John McCain.
…I cant wait until a reporter actually ask him about this AD and he is actually FORCED to engage in back and forth with Paris Hilton! I think this comical CLUSTER FUKK has just begun!!!
AngryBlakGuy: That would be DELICIOUS!
AngryBlakGuy: …and if we are real lucky he will call her a “C#NT”!!!
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Hardly surprising, considering that she’s run a much better campaign than he has.
Uh oh, Paris. The Zionists are on to you. RUN!!!
Wagamuffin: MEEOORWNNN…..
Is there no media firewall that Paris can’t penetrate? What’s next, cover girl for Foreign Policy and Scientific American? I hope the NSA is watching her work.
shortsshortsshorts: There’s probably something in the works…..and she flies her private plane entirely too often.
irisheyes: I want to love it, but I cringe at the thought of ten bazillion AARP members thinking the election is between McCain and Paris Hilton.
I want to know how many times Dayo watched the video before publishing a response. Was once enough?
sanantonerose:
If he’s anything like me, then it probably took him about 20 minutes between viewings…
Hey-O!
If Parasite would agree to dress as CindyLou and hit the campaign trail, she would actually earn my respect
(never thought I’d say that)
“BTW, I look like Paris. But I have the intellect of Madeline Albright.”
Wow, mediocre on both fronts. Sorry about that.
PARIS HILTON FOR PRESIDENT!
PLEASE stop running that photo. Are you trying to ruin blowjobs for the het males here? Because Paris Hilton is likely the only woman I can think of who can suck a popsicle and make it look nasty and fraudulent.
Wagamuffin: Count me out of the Paris-wanting demo. Looking like her is no crime, but being a spoiled, narcissistic, talent-less, vacuous waste of skin isn’t very ingratiating. So, go ahead and look like her all ya want, kid, but don’t behave as she does. [Even the twat-flashing thing.... though maybe you could pull it off, so to speak.]
Wagamuffin: I’m no Wagamuffin, but I think you’ve arrived at a fascinating conclusion: most guys have a deep-rooted biological desire to have sex with attractive (even mildly attractive) women. This will be the subject of my upcoming phd thesis “Men like having sex with women.” Wish me luck!
Canuckledragger: Nonsense. Twat flashing is classy. You, sir, wouldn’t know class if landed on your lap and gyrated rhythmically about your crotch.
Canuckledragger: Wow. Somebody needs HTML lessons. Why not just hit the caps lock next time, arsehole?
Canuckledragger: HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT YOU ELITIST.
Canuckledragger: Well, of course this is a satirical site, sweet homeboy (clue to you too, Fear of a Black Reagan–though I have been told the resemblance to Kim Cattrall is positively eerie). Vacuous, never. Vacuuming, sometimes—especially when the dust bunnies start to replicate. And of COURSE I will keep my thighs firmly glued until a really great offer comes along.
Um, doing anything later tonight?
Vewol Mevemont: I believe I have struck a throbbing and pulsating nerve with my original post. Please remember to cite me.
Thanks to all for the voluminous viewer mail. Mwah!
Canuckledragger: I just thought you were showing a lot of emotion, hun. For a Canadian.
…now, THAT’S HOT!!!
I went to elementary school with a male Dayo. So there. Yes, he was black.
Racists.
Wagamuffin: I’d have it no other way, my feline friend.
Vewol Mevemont: MMMMEEEOOORWWW…
Fear of a Black Reagan: Oh, ZING!
Well bitchslapped, Sir! Bravo!
:::Politegolfclap:::
Wagamuffin: BWaHAhahAHaHAa. Heh. As for me, I look like David Niven and have the intellect of Albert Einstein. Alas, that buys very little these days. Except in the math department, of course, where I can calculate Christoffel symbols like nobody’s business with a debonair flare while holding a dirty martini (Grey Goose).
I’m lying, of course. Christoffel symbols are complete bastards to do.
TGY: I think you’d have better luck with Christoffel symbols if you switched to Kettle One. That’s been my experience, at any rate.