Wonkette
From a DNC scribe: “The DNC is launching Exxonmccain.com this afternoon with a press conference with Governor O’Malley. As part of the effort the campaign has launched a website showing McCain’s ties and work on behalf of big oil. Besides a website, Democrats are going to hold Exxon-McCain events whenever John McCain or his surrogates are in their cities.” They attached this photo as a mockery of John McCain’s campaign. Ha ha. McCain will probably have a clever retort that shows… OBAMA HUGGING THE PUMP INSTEAD… WITH A TURBAN… AND TIRE GUAUUGAES MMHMM. [Exxon McCain]
DEMOCRATS TRYING TO FIGHT
I’ve seen better.
Okay, that’s about the cutest, funniest thing I’ve seen all day… and I’m addicted to lolcats.
I thought the ad would have Exxon’s Tiger mascot delivering a molten gold enema to the Maverick, as a metaphor for the massive contributions he’s recently been getting from the industry, including a Chevron janitor who apparently found $45,000 lying around with the note “If Found, Please Return to the Republican National Committee.”
The quiz was way too easy; even freepers could pass.
WTF is up with this tire gauge crap? I seem to have missed a boat somewhere.
Serolf David would do a much better job, and also George Bush can be labeled with a lot of things, but I don’t think bad gas is one of them.
There is something very wrong with WALNUTS! His arms are severely shortened. He looks like a South Park character. Or maybe a 111 year old lizard.
That photo reminds me of Gene’s cafeteria speech near the end of Wet Hot American Summer:
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some unfinished business to attend to…”
{cue Frigidaire}
(cue kids cheering wildly)
Hey, you should have a nice beefcake photo of O’Malley with with article. Got to balance out the American Apparel swim girl.
Pump, crude, oiled, drilling, lubricant, wildcat? Where do I begin to make fun of this?
Considering the oil cos pumped $ into Walnuts campaign, shouldn’t the pump be, uh, pumping McCain?
…using one of the old time gravity pumps would have been more affective.
The gas pump is as old as McCain. The only place to swipe a credit card is the crack of his ass.
What?! A substantial and funny attack from the Democrats? Is this a fluke, or has somebody realized that rolling over isn’t the winningest strategy?
So the DNC is getting all ACT UPish?
Is this election going to be almost… snarky?
Ok, I am now up on the ‘tire gauge’ thing. At least a tire gauge is more useful than a divot tool.
I absolutely cannot wait until November 2008 is over. I am so sick of
politics and mud slinging. I know it’s what we do, but give me a break.
I won’t go so far as to say I am thrilled with the two candidates, but I
will say that of the two, give me John McCain any old day. He may be old,
but we know where his loyalty lies. God bless America.
Looks like Johnny is dry humping the gas pump.
Look at him tearing up that pump. Excuse me while I tear my eyes from their sockets.
I can’t tell who’s the “top” and who’s the “bottom” in this relationship.
Where’s the ad for the 90-pack of Old Milwaukee Lite for $12.99?
At least WALNUTS doesn’t have to worry about lube.
Dang…. The Democrats appear to be serious about this election.
collegeblogger: TRANSLATION: Obama’s a militant black Muslim who cant be trusted.
TGY: Tire gauge pumps it up, divot tool gets it up; it is, after all, AnnieGetYourFun: yes, a very long erection season, which is why reptilian patience is necessary:
“He is now enjoying the company of three females and might breed again next March, Hazley said. With these guys, foreplay might take years. One has to be patient,”
collegeblogger: “give you Johnny McNasty any old day?”
OK. Take him today and I will give you a discount.
You must work for the Oil Industry, right?
Because thats where McCain has pledged his loyalty.
Or are you CONFUSED?
As Larry Craig said, he likes being jerked by a gas pump handle…
I would have had WALNUTS! lay over the register with the pump up his ass, but I guess it’s just a matter of taste.
BadNewsJack: I can’t wait for the Obama-has-AIDS rumors. After all, he spent time in Africa! He hugged Africans! You KNOW how they are! They are all diseased. And we already know he is a gay crackhead. Michelle is probably a man, actually. And the girls are paid little people actors in cute-kid outfits.
But we know where McCain’s loyalty lies. (um, who is he giving a speech in front of right now?)
McCain is probably happy that they altered that picture. This is much less damaging to him than the original which showed him hugging Bush.
collegeblogger: Yawn.
collegeblogger: Will the oil companies? Is that where you’re going with it?
collegeblogger:
McCain is scheduled to have a massive stroke in October. I guess you’re SOL.
For some reason, that picture reminds me of the scene in “Harold and Kumar “where Kumar falls in love with the bag of dope and gets married to it. Which, come to think of it, is an apt metaphor as we’re addicted to oil and people can be addicted to pot and Kumar is the emotional, crazy one whereas Harold is the brainy one and Neil Patrick Harris could be Ron Paul and I think I’ve gone way too far with this (damn English degree).
Doglessliberal: I also heard he’s the uppity Antichrist who likes the white women
Servo: Actually, we’re SOL — Cheney’s the one doing the scheduling.
Poor Bastard. Doesnt know what he got himself into
collegeblogger:
FYI: Subway university is not a real college.
collegeblogger:
surely you mean “collage”
Supernatural_Delegate: neither is the College of Life
collegeblogger: Did you graduate at the bottom of your class like WALNUTS?
btw…the nyt caucus will not print any references to “songbird mccain” or any of
the allegations of his cooperation or anything about his navy record being sealed…
nothing…no matter how politely it’s framed.
I can’t wait for the statement that says “In the real picture, he’s hugging President Bush”.
It is nice to see McCain achieve pleasure with a cold, lifeless thing. And He seems to be doing very well with the gas pump also.
collegeblogger: YESSS! A VICTIM!
BadNewsJack: Awww man, I wanted first blood. Fortunately, I had to actually work unlike some college slacker.
collegeblogger: I know I shouldn’t raise myself to this, but hopefully I’m not repeating others’ snarky comments…
1) You came to Wonkette because you were tired of politics and mud-slinging? That’s all we do, baby! Sometimes we invent some mud, just so we can sling it.
2) “we know where his loyalty lies”? Where is that, exactly? If you mean loyal to the United States of God Bless America, what part of being the Democratic party’s nominee for President makes you think that Obama is not loyal to the US? Do you seriously expect a President Obama to sell the US to France or something?
Supernatural_Delegate: Hamburger U. is a real college.
valobama: Damn teenagers, with their free time and their internets tubes.
collegeblogger: Ask his first wife where McCain’s loyalties lie.
Doglessliberal: Don’t forget he is thin also. When will the MSM pay attention to this?
Lionel Hutz Esq.: and he eats arugula! Isn’t that some new, experimental AIDS drug?
iwillsavethispatient: Sell the US to France you say? I can picture landing at JFK from an international flight… “Velcome to Emerica! Une Division of Michelin!”
iwillsavethispatient: Wow! Can we be sold to France? It would be nice to have a currency that is worth something again. Maybe we can just sell ourselves to Quebec?
valobama:
Where there is Stupidity…. I’ll be there
Where there is sarcasm….. I’ll be there
Where there is hard liquor….. I’ll definitely be there
Doglessliberal: I can not believe I missed that. It all makes sense now. Thank the gods we at least know where John McCain’s loyalties lie.
>>we know where his loyalty lies.
That true. In this order, they are as follows:
1. Himself
2. George W. Bush
3. The Republican Party
4. His wife’s money
5. The oil companies
6. The US…on a good day.
BadNewsJack: Shouldn’t he be studying to maintain that minimum GPA for the scholarship? Fannie Mae doesnt live here any more!
But the standards aren’t that high at Clown College.
collegeblogger: Good news for you! I have taken the liberty of volunteering you for the marines, and I have assigned your paycheck to pay off the war your guy has been promoting all this time. God bless you.
Outstando: oh wow what a great point. that’ll definitely make them less likely to respond, huh?
Pushed to learn more, I found Oilfield Terms and Oil Field Slang.
http://energyindustryphotos.com/oilfield_terms_and_slang_used_in.htm
a personal favorite: POOH. Abbreviation for “pull out of hole”
iwillsavethispatient: Obama may be too late to sell America to France. Because of George Bush’s disastrous decisions to embroil us in a neverending war in Iraq, our national debt has increased so much and the dollar has been so devalued that our country has been and is continuing to be sold to the Chinese, oil-monarchies, and Belgian beverage conglomerates. Yippie, us! I personally would rather learn French than Mandarin or Cantonese, but that’s in part because I like the food better.
Is this college guy that slave-lover from yesterday?
We all assume it’s a guy.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: KevoTron: I look forward to the day I can enjoy watching le Baseball whilst eating l’escargot. I think the only obstacle to the sale will be the differing opinion about cheese - the French believe that cheese that comes in a can is not cheese. Crazy, I know.
Is that a gay gas pump???
get a room, you two…
collegeblogger: You sure it shouldn’t be “communitycollegeblogger”?
Wagamuffin: no, it is the gas pump whose vote he needed when the pic was taken. He also promised it a Cabinet position and tax cuts for its tax bracket.
iwillsavethispatient: Hey, if they are going to touch my Velveeta, I just might have to join Bill O’s boycott.
collegeblogger: You have apparently mistaken this site for someplace where somebody might actually give a shit what you think.
collegeblogger:
“Ralph: When I grow up, I’m going to go to Bovine University”
I’m guessing that the pump McCain uses most is a vacuum pump.
Actually, the photo shop is brilliant. That picture should be used with McCain hugging all sorts of different stuff: an oil rig, a million dollar bill, Ho Chi Minh, a pack of depends, a Harley Davidson, Senator Larry Craig, Congressman Mark Foley, Pastor Ted Haggard, a giant cartoon pig, until he finally screams, “That’s not the photo, that’s not the photo, show the real photo!”
At which point, we do.
pinko-commie: That’s not hollandaise I can believe in! Besides, Mandarin is easier than French. Don’t worry your pretty head about Cantonese.
I’m in France. Trust me, they don’t want what we’re selling.