Wonkette
Both presidential candidates released some angry shit-talking commercials today. Apparently Barack Obama promises your family fewer jobs, while John McCain lives in a tiny black-and-white television with George Bush. The question is, which candidate more stealthily removed the other candidate’s balls and replaced them with harmless Neuticles? View and assess, after the jump.
Is the biggest celebrity in the world ready to help your family? Certainly not, if he’s wasting his time making a sexyface at HIGHER TAXES and MORE GOVERNMENT SPENDING.
John McCain likes Asian seamstresses and laughs when George W. Bush jabs a hand in his bunghole.
Now this … this is a candidate we can get behind.
Family [YouTube]
Original [YouTube]
Airedale babysitting Scottie pups [YouTube]
Oh God, let’s not let Neuticles become the new Truck Nutz.
Potty-pants, Hottie pants or Scottie pups? Hmmm.
We can compromise with Truckicles or Neu Nutz, if you’d like.
Fuck the ads, lock them in the Thunderdome until one is the dead and other is President.
That big dog got pwnd. I love dogs.
El Bombastico: John McCain wants to take your Truck Nutz and replace them with Neuticles. John McCain wants to ship your Truck Nutz overseas, and supports a tax cut on Truck Nuts for the wealthiest 1% of Americans. John McCain accepted thousands of dollars in donations from Neuticles employees. The original Maverick? Or the Castrating Cowboy?
[I am Barack Obama and I approve this ad]
I assume that last one was some sort of veiled reference to interracial marriage, ergo an attack on Obama’s mother? Pretty low Wonkette, I see that the McCain machine has gotten to you too.
i’m glad we got to see those puppies before mccain ate them
I think vid 3 is a McCain nightmare. Just with lots of little Obamas chasing him around. And he’s the fuzzy neuticled dog. With Neuticles.
OMG! Black people are taking the jobs that belong to hard working bitters. Like President.
Trucksticles.
Neuticles - truck nutz for Ridgeline drivers.
It’s about GD time Hopey hit back. Now, if he’d just push that C*nt report we all watched a few weeks ago…and somehow subtly accuse Wally of assfuckery, he’d be up to the Wonkette standard.
Obama 08′ - “I mean, really, ya gotta be kidding me. John McCain?”
NoWireHangers: I like the odds; McSameoldwhitewarmonger will capitulate at the very suggestion. He will drop dead of a heart attack rather than confront a) being assaulted by a man practically half his age and with 3 times the vigor and mental acuity, or b) being locked alone with a Negro*. And we have our Nigerian/Nubian/Egyptian/Muslim-Murkan king!
*After all, he’s heard what *they* want to do to white women, even pictured it, replacing the human for the Clydesdale that Cindy usually employs. Oh, and the occasional buffalo.
Wallicles
“Yeah, they’re fake, but so are my teeth, and nobody notices that…Oh, wait….”
AD translations:
McCain AD = Barack Obama will eat your white children
Obama AD = McCain is really old(shown by the antique 1970’s TV with turny knobs)
Dog AD = Racist(a bunch of black dogs gang raping another dog)
Oh jebus, now I’m going to have nightmares about being attacked by a pack of rabid scotties. Thanks, Wonkette!
Cindy is bound to win Miss Buffalo Chip now!
I can’t believe Obama could lose to this clown, but look at the polls and it’s still close… I can’t help being reminded of Dukakis at this point. Fuck me, I’m sick of this campaign.
PeteJayhawk v2.0: Yes. Perfect.
Fake balls for a fake truck.
Stay away from that Neuticles site. Out of curiousity, I tried that CTI-ScarGon stuff on my appendectomy scar - and it made my navel disappear.
Why are all those teeny black midgets chasing Cindy McCain?
Aren’t attack dogs Republican? And the nappy wiry-haired terr[i]or is our Hopey.
Witty Paris Hilton would have said “Wrinklycles.” She’s haute.
AAAH THE HORRIBLE INKY BLACK SHADOW-DEMONS WILL DEVOUR THAT POOR DOG
As the physical embodiment of cancer, I think it’s wrong for McCain to imply that he’s not that famous.
Dog NUTZ! Git ‘em while their legalized!
Nice pic: “I can has goat rodeo?”
loquaciousmusic:
It’s just a dog representation of Cindy being passed around at Sturgis. The black terriers representing black leather clad bikers.
The Rev. Jackson: “I went for the balls, and all I got was this lousy pair of Neuticles.”
McCain haikus:
Sunset over oil platform
golden crimson orb
why does that Negro hate it?
Your family fades to black
Ominous soundtrack
The Negro hates your kids.
So, if I bought him those, my cat would stop resenting me? Hmm…
Sara, how hard did you look for those things, anyway? I can only imagine the search queries.
Mahousu: See, that means it was only a ruse and you were grown in a vat.
Since I have to sit through the rest of this campaign, I’d be willing to chip in for Cheek-icles (Cheek-lets?) for Cunty McTrollop. Anyone else in on this?
ManchuCandidate: Cindy musta won, cuz anyone notice her picture got switched on yesterday’s post?
Beneath the surface.
Ad 1
:04 JHC seen in His spirit form.
:06 Jesus Hussein Christ’s lights the sky with His halo. Or is it His rainbow? Or His rainbow halo?
:18 McBane meets with God to negotiate a little more time.
WadISay: You see what they did there? Dog-hair-color irony. Lost on the bitters.
THAT’S NOT RACIAL TRANSCENDENCE!
AngryBlakGuy: What about the goat and cat photo?
McCain’s ad is clearly focused on his Red state constituency; the Obama ad seems aimed at the Blue states in that it tries to make McCain out as another Bush (who WON twice). McCain knows that all he has to do is reproduce the results of the last two elections and he’s in. Obama needs to be seven or eight points ahead by November to win, because of the “Bradley effect” (white voters chickening out after saying they’ll vote for Obama). Why isn’t Obama running ads in the swing states saying that McCain is not the conservative he says he is, thereby eroding McCain’s perceived core constituency, which Lawrence thinks is shakey at best (many could be persuaded to stay home or consider Ron Paul). This Obama ad actually HELPS McCain with conservatives; it’s this kind of muddled perception by Obama people that will keep this election way too close. Why not say, “He votes with Bush all the time, but his heart isn’t in it; he just wants campaign donations. They call him a maverick, but maybe he’s just conniving to be President?” Questions are more damaging than answers, imo.
WonderWomyn: …in the past goats and cats were symbols of the Devil so that photo is a herald of impending apocalypse!
That was the cutest thing ever. I can’t snark at it at all, i’m just too overwhelmed.
The Airedale and the Scotties made me thinking of that Monty Python cartoon by Terry Guilliam, here a big Victorian lady gets overrun by a miriad of tiny Chinese militants.
lawrenceofthedesert: Get with the times the Bradley effect is dead.
AxmxZ: Where, f%ckwit, *where*
and the spouse scoffed ~ SCOFFED! ~ when i suggested that little implanted nuts would help small doggy Bill’s self esteem post-surgery. who knew? off to beat him over the head with a Neutical.
My favorite part of the McCain ad, of the last two or three McCain ads,actually, is the very end part (no, not just because it’s over), the part where he appears and says “I’m John McCain and I approve this message,” because he really, really looks retarded.
I know we’re not supposed to say retarded, because that’s not nice to retarded people, but I think if we can spread the idea throughout the land that if you admit to your friends or family that you are even considering voting for John McCain, they and the entire community of your peers will begin to think of you as a retard, then the pig-fuckers will stop admitting that they would vote for John McCain, much in the same way that they would never actually admit to anybody that they fuck pigs, and Obama’s lead in the polls will go through the roof, and the pig fuckers will all start to think, aw, hell, it’s gonna’ happen no matter what I do, and they’ll just stay home and maybe fuck a pig or two on election day, and everybody will be happier except, of course, the pig.
The music in the background of the Obama ad–is that from a Weepies song? Is Obama trying to score subliminal points with the hipster set?!
Well-played, sir. Well-played.
MoodProcessor I have to resist the urge to say that to my blue collar, hard working,honky co-workers: ‘really? John McCain? I mean, look at him!!!!11!
gurukalehuru: great strategy. But pig fuckers are “proud of their ignorance”
an actual testimonial:
“Frodo never knew he lost anything and is just a happier little dog since he’s been neutered with Neuticles.”
Janell Suasser
San Lorenzo, CA