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Al Franken Is Insane

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Good sweet Jesus God: “Al Franken draws a perfect map of the United States from memory while taking questions at a fundraiser.” Kos is more right than he thinks when he calls it “perfect,” in fact. Kentucky looks like a turd and liberal New England looks like it’s trying to escape from the rest of the country and sail back to Europe. [Daily Kos]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Jobbotch

    This is like the nerd equivalent of Obama’s three-pointer on first try, right?

  • BillyClubb

    “Al Franken draws a perfect map of the United States from memory…”
    Hooray! Most Americans can’t even find America on a world map.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Heh — and it looks like Florida’s having an accountability moment. No wonder David Caruso drives a Hummer.

    Oh, and David Letterman can do that too — on account of being a weatherman, apparently.

  • NoWireHangers

    Looks like someone forgot Alaska and Hawaii. Some patriot.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …he drew Florida entirely too small and flacid! We all know Florida is like a thick (Republican)elephant penis that fukks us all over!!!

  • Serolf Divad

    Holy crap… how many young hookers did you say were buried under the floorboards in his basement?

  • Crow T. Robot

    Al Franken was a weatherman?

  • Cathangover

    I heard he did this after Coleman explained his immigration stance while playing water glasses.

  • hockeymom

    Meanwhile, Norm Coleman drew a perfect map between Champps, Mortons and The St. Paul Grill, carefully marking which place had the most congenial waitresses.

  • weirdiowasculpture

    That’s not cartography we can believe in.

  • nyhfrog

    Everything east of Wisconsin looks like it’s about to break off. Well,I guess it’s a start.

  • StripesAndPlaids

    And that is how you get your own decade.

  • magic titty

    As a NY’er, i’m disturbed we’re still attached to this fretful union. Goddamn you Franken.
    I guess his Hawaii and Alaska sketching is still crude and not ready for public critique.

    side note: John McCain can draw his wife’s sloppy ‘tang from memory too. If you’re into that kinda thing. Which I am.

  • tunamelt

    Yeah but can he name all 50 states in alphabetical order? …while drunk?!

  • Dave J.

    He drew the San Francisco Bay about 5x as large as it actually is, what a typical liberal.

  • tunamelt

    [re=52585]Dave J.[/re]: You’re right. It looks like someone took a big bite out of California.

  • Fata Morgana

    Al Frankin. Weird dude.

  • Godot

    [re=52581]magic titty[/re]: Big deal, so can several hundred bikers.

  • capt. tim

    A cheerleader friend of mine from high school handed her 3 year old son the phone the other day and he recited all the presidents in order to me.

  • trophy(forparticipation)wife

    [re=52581]magic titty[/re]: I must challenge your assertion that McCain has a memory and can hold a pencil.

  • NotUrEvryDayWEzl

    In addition, West Virginia looks like TRUCKNUTZ!

  • slavojzizek

    Isn’t Al Franken running for office? When will Democrats learn: “I’m smarter than you are” is not a winning campaign slogan.

  • P Drizzle

    I think Florida just stepped out of a very cold shower.

  • Sour Cream and Oinon Pringles

    Oh dear! Minnesota is eating Wisconsin!!!! AAAHHHHHHH!!

  • weirdiowasculpture

    And Arizona looks saggy at the bottom, as if it had a load of crap in its Depends and needed to empty it. Oh, wait . . .

  • Not_So_Much

    As far as I can tell, Kentucky is a turd.

  • Borat

    [re=52570]NoWireHangers[/re]: Where is Puerto Rico baby?

  • weirdiowasculpture

    How come no snarky mouseovers today? I love teh snarky mouseovers.

  • BadNewsJack

    Idaho looks like its giving the finger

  • pdiddycornchips

    Did anyone notice Washington State has a very small penis? No wonder Kurt Cobain killed himself.

  • Speed Ball

    But have you ever seen his perfect Hollywood CELEBRITY map?


  • The Incomparable Tiny Valdez

    Still, it is a very savant of him, don’t you think? I mean, could u do that shit?

  • Landstander

    [re=52588]Godot[/re]: And that was before Sturgis

  • regisgoat

    Actually, I think it’s pretty good. Maine’s too small, but the Bay is that big. Maybe he exaggerated the size of Marin slightly.

  • greatgooglymoogly

    That is not a map of the U.S. That is a map of Mexico, A.D. 2019. Hence the somewhat weirder looking states. Franken will be named “El Frankisimo, Generale del Norte.” You will be given a leaf blower and put to work, amigo.

  • BadNewsJack

    I give him an A for effort.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Yep. He’s Senate material. Eat pencil lead Norm.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=52623]greatgooglymoogly[/re]: Oh, right — if that’s Mexico, then where’s the Absolut bottle?

  • magic titty

    [re=52588]Godot[/re]: true, it is where the buffalo roam.

    [re=52594]trophy(forparticipation)wife[/re]: all he has to do is hold the pencil with his gums and make squiggly lines. he’s a maverick.

  • NotUrEvryDayWEzl

    [re=52615]BadNewsJack[/re]: It’s trying to slip one in Canada

  • thefrontpage

    Congrats to Al Franken! He should win and be in the U.S. Senate–he’s a smart, talented, funny guy. Not snarky, but it’s true.

  • wheelie

    This is the latest map of America now circulating in Ireland. For your info.

  • expatinOz

    I don’t think I can even name all fifty states anymore. When I was little my mum used to give my brother and I blank maps of the US and we had to fill them in but I think I’d fail now. Used to be able to fill in maps of Europe and Africa too but those maps used to have East and West Germany and Yugoslavia and Zaire and Upper Volta and a bunch of other countries that no longer exist.

  • Clancy_Pants

    At his next press conference he will do a portrait of Jimi Hendrix using both hands and his mouth while “Manic Depression” blares from the speakers.

  • BadNewsJack

    [re=52639]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]: Well, it is Larry Craig’s home state.

  • wallythepug

    I have to say, I’m impressed. I always forget where Mississippi is.

  • Landstander

    This got me thinking, if Southerners can still fly the Confederate flag, doesn’t that mean I can use US maps sans the South? If they can play pretend, I can too! (sorry to all you southerners out there, except not really – please secede.)

  • Canmon (the Inadequate)

    He only drew 48 states. Doesn’t he know there are now 57?

  • Larry McAwful

    Hell, I can do that. I don’t fault him for messing up New England. When I do it, the last part of the country I draw always winds up getting horribly distorted in some way. Except for Kentucky. I always screw it up, too. It’s for that that Henry Clay haunts me in my dreams.

  • AxmxZ

    Now that Barack has made it cool to be smart, everyone’s jumping on the bandwagon. Next you’ll see John “Bottom 1% of the Class” McCain on “Are You Smarter than a Fifth-grader?”

  • Darehead

    Meh. Norm Coleman goes fishing with Ted Stevens. Why can’t Al do anything practical like that? Al thinks he’s too smart, too good, and too lickable on dogs. Or something like that.

  • http://joshreads.com Josh Fruhlinger

    Al Franken has been able to do this since at least October 1988, when dorky young me saw him do it on SNL’s Weekend Update while explaining how Dukakis could still win. Sadly, this inspired me to learn how to do it myself. YES AL FRANKEN INSPIRED ME TO ACQUIRE A DORKY SKill! I am ashamed.

  • CivicHoliday

    Next challenge, Al: draw a map of McCain’s face from memory and note all regions with excised skin.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=52624]BadNewsJack[/re]: I give him an ‘A’ for calling Ann Coulter a bitch those many years ago.

    [re=52748]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: Bah. Josh F, ashamed of dorkiness. Puh-leeze. You know your nerd skeelz are why all the babes are hot for you.

  • Darehead

    [re=52761]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Agreed, Al was one of the first to call ‘bullshit’ on the neocons and traitors.

  • Lazy Media

    [re=52748]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: Hey, you beat me to it. I didn’t bother to emulate Al, because I figured if he could do it, the potential demand was covered.

  • iburl

    It’s a pretty good drawing, I’d like to see you do better, snarkfishes!

    Somehow I am reminded of this…

    “Big Jew….”


  • sanantonerose

    [re=52660]wallythepug[/re]: It’s ok to forget where Mississippi is unless you’re black and traveling in the South.

  • Scooter

    Holy crap, N.Carolina’s outer banks have fallen into the ocean! Thank God we don’t need to invent the airplane again!

  • Lou Banjawi

    [re=52748]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: Yeah, I remember he did it on Comedy Central when he anchored the election night coverage for Indecision ’92. And I’m pretty sure he did it again in ’96 for Politically Incorrect. A bit of a one-trick pony, that Franken.

  • Crow T. Robot

    Not Insane.

  • Garble

    To me, he always gets an A for writing the line “Jane, you ignorant slut.”

  • demtard

    Being from Indiana and having lived the past 10 years in Boston, this description of Kentucky and New England could actually not have been more spot on…

  • gurukalehuru

    I can’t do it. He gets big points for manual dexterity.

  • zhubajie

    Kentucky always looks like a turd.

    Zhu Bajie

  • gurukalehuru

    Why do the post-it notes holding the map to the wall look like Israeli flags?

    Mel Gibson

  • gurukalehuru

    I know people only comment on the top article but, really, I couldn’t give a shit about Paris Hilton. There’s nothing less hot to me than somebody saying they’re hot even if, like, they would be otherwise.

    Time for some new stuff.

  • Darehead

    Senator Al Franken for President, 2016!!

  • kapish

    The best thing about Al Franken running for the senate is that Thom Hartmann got his time slot on Air America.

  • Kingbee

    Al bungled it — he should have made Minnesota larger, at the expense of the Dakotys. Nobody lives in the Dakotys, anyway.

  • Darehead

    [re=52856]Kingbee[/re]: Where you been? There is no Dakota anymore:


  • Pop Socket

    [re=52748]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: [re=52785]Lou Banjawi[/re]: Josh and I must have been the only two geeks still watching SNL twenty years ago. Or the only commenters old enough to remember it.

  • RuperttheBear

    Anyone know “that” kid in high school, years ago, who knew all the presidents in order, or who drew a map of the world from memory. We called them “odd” or “weird,” and respected their smarts but in no way did they get laid. Now they call them “autistic” and they don’t get laid. Except if their occupational therapist is a child molester.

    [re=52828]gurukalehuru[/re]: Agreed. Paris Hilton’s cum-guzzling “it’s chokey” sluttiness (we’ve all seen the video) is like a retarded Hustler subscriber’s world view. Be GONE.

  • sanantonerose

    [re=52868]Pop Socket[/re]: I remember the very FIRST SNL. With Carlin hosting. 1975. I was only 5 years old, but I remember it. Was kind of a huge deal in our house. Holy shit…does this mean I’m getting old??? Where’s my Metamucil?

  • Deepthroat

    Mister F!!!

  • Pop Socket

    [re=52876]sanantonerose[/re]: There was some sort of Mouseketeer role call going on and all the commenters were just out of high school. I was 11 when SNL debuted but too dorky to know what the fuck it was.

  • Pizzaface

    Wow, I’m scared… NOW, I really don’t wanna mess with Al Franken. He can kick my ass and outdraw me? I’m gonna cry in a corner.

    Vote Franken, because Coleman can’t even draw Minnesota correctly.