SPECIAL TALENTS  5:49 pm August 5, 2008

Al Franken Is Insane

by Jim Newell

Good sweet Jesus God: “Al Franken draws a perfect map of the United States from memory while taking questions at a fundraiser.” Kos is more right than he thinks when he calls it “perfect,” in fact. Kentucky looks like a turd and liberal New England looks like it’s trying to escape from the rest of the country and sail back to Europe. [Daily Kos]

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Jobbotch August 5, 2008 at 5:52 pm

This is like the nerd equivalent of Obama’s three-pointer on first try, right?

BillyClubb August 5, 2008 at 5:53 pm

“Al Franken draws a perfect map of the United States from memory…”
Hooray! Most Americans can’t even find America on a world map.

SayItWithWookies August 5, 2008 at 5:54 pm

Heh — and it looks like Florida’s having an accountability moment. No wonder David Caruso drives a Hummer.

Oh, and David Letterman can do that too — on account of being a weatherman, apparently.

NoWireHangers August 5, 2008 at 5:55 pm

Looks like someone forgot Alaska and Hawaii. Some patriot.

AngryBlakGuy August 5, 2008 at 5:56 pm

…he drew Florida entirely too small and flacid! We all know Florida is like a thick (Republican)elephant penis that fukks us all over!!!

Serolf Divad August 5, 2008 at 5:57 pm

Holy crap… how many young hookers did you say were buried under the floorboards in his basement?

Crow T. Robot August 5, 2008 at 5:58 pm

Al Franken was a weatherman?

Cathangover August 5, 2008 at 5:58 pm

I heard he did this after Coleman explained his immigration stance while playing water glasses.

hockeymom August 5, 2008 at 5:58 pm

Meanwhile, Norm Coleman drew a perfect map between Champps, Mortons and The St. Paul Grill, carefully marking which place had the most congenial waitresses.

weirdiowasculpture August 5, 2008 at 5:59 pm

That’s not cartography we can believe in.

nyhfrog August 5, 2008 at 6:01 pm

Everything east of Wisconsin looks like it’s about to break off. Well,I guess it’s a start.

StripesAndPlaids August 5, 2008 at 6:01 pm

And that is how you get your own decade.

magic titty August 5, 2008 at 6:03 pm

As a NY’er, i’m disturbed we’re still attached to this fretful union. Goddamn you Franken.
I guess his Hawaii and Alaska sketching is still crude and not ready for public critique.

side note: John McCain can draw his wife’s sloppy ‘tang from memory too. If you’re into that kinda thing. Which I am.

tunamelt August 5, 2008 at 6:03 pm

Yeah but can he name all 50 states in alphabetical order? …while drunk?!

Dave J. August 5, 2008 at 6:05 pm

He drew the San Francisco Bay about 5x as large as it actually is, what a typical liberal.

tunamelt August 5, 2008 at 6:07 pm

[re=52585]Dave J.[/re]: You’re right. It looks like someone took a big bite out of California.

Fata Morgana August 5, 2008 at 6:08 pm

Al Frankin. Weird dude.

Godot August 5, 2008 at 6:08 pm

[re=52581]magic titty[/re]: Big deal, so can several hundred bikers.

capt. tim August 5, 2008 at 6:16 pm

A cheerleader friend of mine from high school handed her 3 year old son the phone the other day and he recited all the presidents in order to me.

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 5, 2008 at 6:18 pm

[re=52581]magic titty[/re]: I must challenge your assertion that McCain has a memory and can hold a pencil.

NotUrEvryDayWEzl August 5, 2008 at 6:22 pm

In addition, West Virginia looks like TRUCKNUTZ!

slavojzizek August 5, 2008 at 6:25 pm

Isn’t Al Franken running for office? When will Democrats learn: “I’m smarter than you are” is not a winning campaign slogan.

P Drizzle August 5, 2008 at 6:26 pm

I think Florida just stepped out of a very cold shower.

Sour Cream and Oinon Pringles August 5, 2008 at 6:27 pm

Oh dear! Minnesota is eating Wisconsin!!!! AAAHHHHHHH!!

weirdiowasculpture August 5, 2008 at 6:30 pm

And Arizona looks saggy at the bottom, as if it had a load of crap in its Depends and needed to empty it. Oh, wait . . .

Not_So_Much August 5, 2008 at 6:34 pm

As far as I can tell, Kentucky is a turd.

Borat August 5, 2008 at 6:35 pm

[re=52570]NoWireHangers[/re]: Where is Puerto Rico baby?

weirdiowasculpture August 5, 2008 at 6:37 pm

How come no snarky mouseovers today? I love teh snarky mouseovers.

BadNewsJack August 5, 2008 at 6:41 pm

Idaho looks like its giving the finger

pdiddycornchips August 5, 2008 at 6:48 pm

Did anyone notice Washington State has a very small penis? No wonder Kurt Cobain killed himself.

Speed Ball August 5, 2008 at 6:50 pm

But have you ever seen his perfect Hollywood CELEBRITY map?


The Incomparable Tiny Valdez August 5, 2008 at 6:51 pm

Still, it is a very savant of him, don’t you think? I mean, could u do that shit?

Landstander August 5, 2008 at 6:51 pm

[re=52588]Godot[/re]: And that was before Sturgis

regisgoat August 5, 2008 at 6:54 pm

Actually, I think it’s pretty good. Maine’s too small, but the Bay is that big. Maybe he exaggerated the size of Marin slightly.

greatgooglymoogly August 5, 2008 at 6:54 pm

That is not a map of the U.S. That is a map of Mexico, A.D. 2019. Hence the somewhat weirder looking states. Franken will be named “El Frankisimo, Generale del Norte.” You will be given a leaf blower and put to work, amigo.

BadNewsJack August 5, 2008 at 6:55 pm

I give him an A for effort.

Monsieur Grumpe August 5, 2008 at 6:56 pm

Yep. He’s Senate material. Eat pencil lead Norm.

SayItWithWookies August 5, 2008 at 7:00 pm

[re=52623]greatgooglymoogly[/re]: Oh, right — if that’s Mexico, then where’s the Absolut bottle?

magic titty August 5, 2008 at 7:01 pm

[re=52588]Godot[/re]: true, it is where the buffalo roam.

[re=52594]trophy(forparticipation)wife[/re]: all he has to do is hold the pencil with his gums and make squiggly lines. he’s a maverick.

NotUrEvryDayWEzl August 5, 2008 at 7:15 pm

[re=52615]BadNewsJack[/re]: It’s trying to slip one in Canada

thefrontpage August 5, 2008 at 7:15 pm

Congrats to Al Franken! He should win and be in the U.S. Senate–he’s a smart, talented, funny guy. Not snarky, but it’s true.

wheelie August 5, 2008 at 7:17 pm

This is the latest map of America now circulating in Ireland. For your info.

expatinOz August 5, 2008 at 7:17 pm

I don’t think I can even name all fifty states anymore. When I was little my mum used to give my brother and I blank maps of the US and we had to fill them in but I think I’d fail now. Used to be able to fill in maps of Europe and Africa too but those maps used to have East and West Germany and Yugoslavia and Zaire and Upper Volta and a bunch of other countries that no longer exist.

Clancy_Pants August 5, 2008 at 7:28 pm

At his next press conference he will do a portrait of Jimi Hendrix using both hands and his mouth while “Manic Depression” blares from the speakers.

BadNewsJack August 5, 2008 at 7:31 pm

[re=52639]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]: Well, it is Larry Craig’s home state.

wallythepug August 5, 2008 at 7:38 pm

I have to say, I’m impressed. I always forget where Mississippi is.

Landstander August 5, 2008 at 7:55 pm

This got me thinking, if Southerners can still fly the Confederate flag, doesn’t that mean I can use US maps sans the South? If they can play pretend, I can too! (sorry to all you southerners out there, except not really – please secede.)

Canmon (the Inadequate) August 5, 2008 at 9:16 pm

He only drew 48 states. Doesn’t he know there are now 57?

Larry McAwful August 5, 2008 at 9:36 pm

Hell, I can do that. I don’t fault him for messing up New England. When I do it, the last part of the country I draw always winds up getting horribly distorted in some way. Except for Kentucky. I always screw it up, too. It’s for that that Henry Clay haunts me in my dreams.

AxmxZ August 5, 2008 at 9:49 pm

Now that Barack has made it cool to be smart, everyone’s jumping on the bandwagon. Next you’ll see John “Bottom 1% of the Class” McCain on “Are You Smarter than a Fifth-grader?”

Darehead August 5, 2008 at 9:52 pm

Meh. Norm Coleman goes fishing with Ted Stevens. Why can’t Al do anything practical like that? Al thinks he’s too smart, too good, and too lickable on dogs. Or something like that.

Josh Fruhlinger August 5, 2008 at 10:01 pm

Al Franken has been able to do this since at least October 1988, when dorky young me saw him do it on SNL’s Weekend Update while explaining how Dukakis could still win. Sadly, this inspired me to learn how to do it myself. YES AL FRANKEN INSPIRED ME TO ACQUIRE A DORKY SKill! I am ashamed.

CivicHoliday August 5, 2008 at 10:12 pm

Next challenge, Al: draw a map of McCain’s face from memory and note all regions with excised skin.

AnnieGetYourFun August 5, 2008 at 10:22 pm

[re=52624]BadNewsJack[/re]: I give him an ‘A’ for calling Ann Coulter a bitch those many years ago.

[re=52748]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: Bah. Josh F, ashamed of dorkiness. Puh-leeze. You know your nerd skeelz are why all the babes are hot for you.

Darehead August 5, 2008 at 10:46 pm

[re=52761]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Agreed, Al was one of the first to call ‘bullshit’ on the neocons and traitors.

Lazy Media August 5, 2008 at 10:48 pm

[re=52748]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: Hey, you beat me to it. I didn’t bother to emulate Al, because I figured if he could do it, the potential demand was covered.

iburl August 5, 2008 at 11:29 pm

It’s a pretty good drawing, I’d like to see you do better, snarkfishes!

Somehow I am reminded of this…

“Big Jew….”


sanantonerose August 5, 2008 at 11:39 pm

[re=52660]wallythepug[/re]: It’s ok to forget where Mississippi is unless you’re black and traveling in the South.

Scooter August 5, 2008 at 11:42 pm

Holy crap, N.Carolina’s outer banks have fallen into the ocean! Thank God we don’t need to invent the airplane again!

Lou Banjawi August 5, 2008 at 11:45 pm

[re=52748]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: Yeah, I remember he did it on Comedy Central when he anchored the election night coverage for Indecision ’92. And I’m pretty sure he did it again in ’96 for Politically Incorrect. A bit of a one-trick pony, that Franken.

Crow T. Robot August 6, 2008 at 12:08 am

Not Insane.

Garble August 6, 2008 at 12:17 am

To me, he always gets an A for writing the line “Jane, you ignorant slut.”

demtard August 6, 2008 at 12:36 am

Being from Indiana and having lived the past 10 years in Boston, this description of Kentucky and New England could actually not have been more spot on…

gurukalehuru August 6, 2008 at 12:48 am

I can’t do it. He gets big points for manual dexterity.

zhubajie August 6, 2008 at 4:01 am

Kentucky always looks like a turd.

Zhu Bajie

gurukalehuru August 6, 2008 at 4:20 am

Why do the post-it notes holding the map to the wall look like Israeli flags?

Mel Gibson

gurukalehuru August 6, 2008 at 4:30 am

I know people only comment on the top article but, really, I couldn’t give a shit about Paris Hilton. There’s nothing less hot to me than somebody saying they’re hot even if, like, they would be otherwise.

Time for some new stuff.

Darehead August 6, 2008 at 5:13 am

Senator Al Franken for President, 2016!!

kapish August 6, 2008 at 9:18 am

The best thing about Al Franken running for the senate is that Thom Hartmann got his time slot on Air America.

Kingbee August 6, 2008 at 9:19 am

Al bungled it — he should have made Minnesota larger, at the expense of the Dakotys. Nobody lives in the Dakotys, anyway.

Darehead August 6, 2008 at 9:32 am

[re=52856]Kingbee[/re]: Where you been? There is no Dakota anymore:


Pop Socket August 6, 2008 at 9:34 am

[re=52748]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: [re=52785]Lou Banjawi[/re]: Josh and I must have been the only two geeks still watching SNL twenty years ago. Or the only commenters old enough to remember it.

RuperttheBear August 6, 2008 at 9:36 am

Anyone know “that” kid in high school, years ago, who knew all the presidents in order, or who drew a map of the world from memory. We called them “odd” or “weird,” and respected their smarts but in no way did they get laid. Now they call them “autistic” and they don’t get laid. Except if their occupational therapist is a child molester.

[re=52828]gurukalehuru[/re]: Agreed. Paris Hilton’s cum-guzzling “it’s chokey” sluttiness (we’ve all seen the video) is like a retarded Hustler subscriber’s world view. Be GONE.

sanantonerose August 6, 2008 at 9:39 am

[re=52868]Pop Socket[/re]: I remember the very FIRST SNL. With Carlin hosting. 1975. I was only 5 years old, but I remember it. Was kind of a huge deal in our house. Holy shit…does this mean I’m getting old??? Where’s my Metamucil?

Deepthroat August 6, 2008 at 10:30 am

Mister F!!!

Pop Socket August 6, 2008 at 1:33 pm

[re=52876]sanantonerose[/re]: There was some sort of Mouseketeer role call going on and all the commenters were just out of high school. I was 11 when SNL debuted but too dorky to know what the fuck it was.

Pizzaface August 6, 2008 at 3:13 pm

Wow, I’m scared… NOW, I really don’t wanna mess with Al Franken. He can kick my ass and outdraw me? I’m gonna cry in a corner.

Vote Franken, because Coleman can’t even draw Minnesota correctly.

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