The political children, the children are idiots. Colorado Republican Senate candidate Bob Schaffer has a son, you see, and he is 19 years old and in trouble for putting funny images on his Facebook page, like one that shows a picture of the three pyramids in Egypt with the caption, “Slavery Gets Shit Done.” Well, it’s true, right? Do you think people owned other human beings so they could watch them flop around all day? He also has a bunch of pictures of Barack Obama as a Muslim. Well, it’s true, right?

Oh but this is definitely the best image from Schaffer’s site, with Obama as Count Chocula. Whoof.

Some friend refers to Justin — his name is Justin — Justin Schaffer as “Cap’n Bootyplunder” on his Facebook Wall, too. Well that’s just disrespectful to women, period. How offensive.

No way: “His interests include ‘being cool, girls.'” Well it sounds like Cap’n Justin Bootyplunder Schaffer is fucking a fair share of men these days.

Bob Schaffer’s Son Apologizes For Obnoxious Facebook Page [TPM Muckraker]

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  • tunamelt
  • Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    Justin Schaffer, bootywhore to the Romney boys, for Vice President!

  • AxmxZ

    That ought to move CO from “Leans Dem” into “Likely Dem” on Nate Silver’s Senate Scorecard.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    You know, the Lincoln ad at the bottom of his page just isn’t offensive. Also: I am mortally afraid that I look like this fuckstick from hell.

  • 4tehlulz

    That Count Chocula pic is almost amusing. The rest, not so much.

  • NoWireHangers

    [re=52369]tunamelt[/re]: I love that you’re always plugging the Facebook Group. You’ve really nurtured it into the glory it is today.

  • tunamelt

    [re=52378]4tehlulz[/re]: The “I respect that you’re a bit slutty” thing is actually kind of hilarious.

  • freakishlystrong

    Whoda thunk this rascist little hating homephobe shit would be a Republican? And SO shiny and white!

  • ManchuCandidate

    I believe that Obama isn’t our future
    Enslave them and let them Muslim it up
    Bring out the major asshole I possess inside
    Give me a sense of (white) pride to make it easier
    Let my inbred asshole racism reminds me how we used to be
    Everybody searching for a “hero”
    People need someone to look down on
    I never foot tapped anyone to fulfill my needs
    A lonely place to be
    So I learned to depend on me

    I decided long ago, never to step out of daddy’s shadow
    If I fail, if I succeed
    At least I have daddy’s money
    No matter what they take from me
    They can’t take away my asshattery
    Because the greatest douche of all
    Just happens to be me
    I found the greatest douche of all
    Inside of me
    The greatest douche of all
    Is easy to achieve
    Learning to loathe yourself
    Makes me the greatest douche of all

  • mookworthjwilson

    Headline should read, “Bob Schaffer is sorry people found his Facebook offensive, he still thinks it’s bitchin”

  • magic titty

    I would say he’s being irreverent and satirical, but he’s a GOPer and his photo wreaks of douchbaggery.
    Truth be told though, I also hate Vampire Muslims. So kudos, Justin. Kudos.

  • mookworthjwilson

    Redux: “Bob Schaffer’s son is sorry anyone found his facebook page offensive, he still thinks it’s bitchin”. The young Schaffer is looking forward to his internship with Senator Craig, even though Senator Craig will no longer be in office.

  • tunamelt

    [re=52382]NoWireHangers[/re]: Way back when, someone complained about the ads on the new Wonkette and that led to a discussion of “would you pay for Wonkette” and I think jagorev said he would pay like $5 if there were more “social networking features.” I looked Wonkette up on Facebook, found a group with 3 people in it, and kind of just started pimping it.

    The moral of this story is: I am severely underutilized in my job.

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=52386]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “asshattery”…bitchin!

  • shortsshortsshorts

    As a whitey, I suggest there be a mandatory 5 year period of slavery imposed on all whiteys.

  • trophy(forparticipation)wife

    “The page indicates that among the virtual groups that Justin Schaffer participated in was one called “Pole Dancers for Jesus.” One image on the Facebook page shows a machine-gun-toting Jesus in front of a Confederate flag, the caption reading “What would a Republican Jesus Do?”

  • tunamelt

    [re=52394]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Full-blooded whiteys or will there be some kind of one-drop whitey rule?

  • ronaldpagan

    What age have we come to when people are being raked over the coals for the posters their children choose to display on Facebook?

    Never mind, that kid is a little shit. Although I like the WWRJD poster.

  • KevoTron

    I think I see that infamous Smith Point area and the LNS network in Cap’n Baggadouche’s future.

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    eh, no stray dog killings. What a boring son of a republican.

  • TGY

    Obvs, candidates should never have kids.

  • magic titty

    [re=52394]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Do I get to be Thomas Jefferson?

  • FalconerHK

    Kinda makes me miss the wacky, inbred antics of Huckabee’s animal immolating ilk. I wonder if Jeff Gannon is on his Friend list.

  • Count Snarkula

    I would hope never to be judged on the ideals I held at 19. That said, this kid is a douche-nozzle cunt.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=52403]magic titty[/re]: Hell ya you can be Jefferson, spank that hoe. Or, if you’re Jefferson, spank ALL of them.

    [re=52396]tunamelt[/re]: Only full blooded ones. Fort Collins can be where we start the process.

  • AxmxZ

    [re=52401]TGY[/re]: If Republicans followed their natural inclinations, they’d die out within two generations.

  • rpeg

    Favorite show is The Simpsons and like to make fun of slavery. Oh, white people. Is there anything you can’t do?

  • Larry McAwful

    Man, I wish they had Facebook back in the 1960s. George W. Bush’s profile would have been so embarrassing he never would have gotten to be president.

    There’s no President Schaffer in the future, either.

  • tunamelt

    [re=52417]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I was just visualizing what the counterpart to the paperbag test could be; maybe, “lighter than a ‘nilla wafer?”

  • Rev. Juan MessyCan

    [re=52394]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Where do I apply to have Justin “Future Buttboy of America” Shaffer be my own personal whitey? I think after a few scenes with me we’ll have him ready to embody whatever the specifically homosexual variant of Stockholm Syndrome will be named.

    “I haff vays to mek joo vannit …”

    Or I can be one mean brigga.

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=52431]Larry McAwful[/re]: Don’t under estimate the Repubs…

  • kudzu

    1. Repugs show their true colors.
    2. We lash out at them for being a bunch of racist redneck hillbilly motherfuckers.
    3. They complain that we’re supposed to be the tolerant ones.
    4. We reply we don’t tolerate intolerance nor hate.
    5. They seem dumbfounded as the idea seems to be too complex and for their little brains to process.
    6. We call them stupid inbred pieces of shit for not understanding (4).
    7. They go back to (1).

    Any questions?

  • rpeg

    Republican Jesus looks like David Koresh.

    On a side note, now that I’m more familiar with republican “humor”, I’m more than sure they’ve all framed that New Yorker magazine and it hangs over their non-elitist, mantels next to the christmas photos when went huntin’ with David “Jesus” Koresh.

  • The The pyramids really only prove that slavery gets shit down when you enslave Jews, kids. We’re quite industrious!

  • Preppy Bastard

    I knew guys like that in college. The douchebagginess is a front to hide how much cock they were sucking.

  • weirdiowasculpture

    The pyramids were not built by slaves or Jews. They were built by a privileged, well-fed group of Egyptian tradesmen. The idea that Jewish slaves built them comes primarily from Cecil B. DeMille and Charlton Heston, both of whom were channeling an Exodus story that was first written around 550 B.C.E., long after the events it purported to describe, and that has been disproved by archaeology. So Justin is an asshat on all sorts of levels.

  • rpeg

    [re=52476]weirdiowasculpture[/re]: huh?

  • rpeg

    From Talking Points Memo:

    This guy’s the same age as my daughter. Thank god she’s a lesbian.

    Posted by Tamarat
    August 5, 2008 4:30 PM

  • WonderWomyn

    This might me too specific, but. This is the kind of rich little brat I used to make cry back at university. He was always there because his father or grandfather went to the same school, could never quite keep up with the math homework. Too dumb, but he’d claim to “understand economics.” Never had to hold down a job to pay his own tuition. I get him hooked on copying my homework then vanish right before finals! MUAHAHAHA!

  • loquaciousmusic

    Look, I’m just happy that Bob Schieffer has a Facebook page. I mean, he is an older gentleman who has hosted Face the Nation for nine hundred McCain years! Obviously, he is comfortable with tecnhology, which is a good thing.

    What? This is another guy? Oops.

  • BadNewsJack

    [re=52422]rpeg[/re]: Dance?

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Is dickheadyness caused by genetics or environment? Either way, this one has got it bad.

  • CorkPopper

    [re=52476]weirdiowasculpture[/re]: But…but then…you must be saying that the Bible isn’t TRUE.

    Nononono! This is Murica, dammit. We don’t truck with no elitist “Biblical scholarship” here.

  • weirdiowasculpture

    [re=52480]rpeg[/re]: Most credible Biblical scholars and archaeologists– not including Christian fundamentalists who insist on trying to prove that every word in the Bible is literally true– agree that the Exodus story is a legend and never actually took place. The people who eventually became the Jews (i.e., the people of the Kingdoms of Judah and Israel) were indigenous to Canaan and did not come en masse from Egypt. The Exodus story probably dates to about 550 B.C.E., during the time of the Babylonian captivity.

  • Garble

    He looks like The-Jerk’s-Best-Friend-Character from every 80’s movie.

  • weirdiowasculpture

    [re=52495]CorkPopper[/re]: You’re right. I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I had an inexplicable attack of Biblical scholarship, and I promise it will never happen again. 100,000 people wandered for 40 years in the Sinai, where there is no water and not so much as a single potsherd or pile of ancient human excrement has ever been found, eating Manna that fell from heaven, which of course happens all the time. Justin is right about the whole slave-pyramid thing. However, he still reminds me of the asshole fraternity guys in Animal House and deserves to have his fucking face pounded into a pulp.

  • defeatism

    I didn’t know date rape was on Facebook.

  • BadNewsJack


    Not only because of the pictures, but because he’s such a douchebag.

    I hope he gets ass rammed by a STD filled Biker.

  • onosideboard

    Poor kid… I say we sign him up for the Cuddle Party.

  • bonghitsforjesus

    [re=52386]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I think I love you…

  • S.Luggo

    Because of junior’s ill conceived pranks, Bob Shaffer is now required to travel with his own personal Negro.
    BTW: Wasn’t Bob Shaffer once married to Roseanne Barr?

    [re=52491]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: That condition could quickly cured by three tours of duty with 101st in Iraqistan or a year at Chino Correctional.

  • Kaclon

    What? The douchebag with the stupid profile graphics and the oh-catch-me-in-a-candid-moment-for-my-Facebook-photo-while-I-just-happen-to-be-wearing-a-suit-jacket picture guy is single??? Surely you jest!

  • S.Luggo

    [re=52552]onosideboard[/re]: Or a Blanket Party. I’ll bring the sock filled with nickels.

  • BadNewsJack

    [re=52614]S.Luggo[/re]: I’ll bring the Mexican gang.

  • Borat

    I see he is going to University of Dayton. Is that an accredited institution or like one of those mail order medical schools?

  • Borat

    the more i read about him, the more i think he’s cute. and gay. but cute and gay in that perverted republican way, not the nice out in the nice open flamboyant democrat way.

  • Borat

    umm, well the guy’s got some talent, if i could roll such a long thin joint i would never leave the house. can you please post how you do this and all will be forgiven

  • John McClain

    Gosh, it’s so hard being a white Christian male American. Jeez, all the shit you have to eat everyday from all these MY-NO-RI-TEEZE trying to take your god-given jobs, women, Hummer® H2s, and presidencies. Back in my day, Barack Obama woulda been holding a lantern in my lawn! Now that I mention it, my lawn is a little dimly lit nowadays. Once Granpappy McCain puts him in his place, I might put ol’ Barry-O’s muslim fist-jabber ass to work out there where he can faggy hi5 my lantern all day! ‘Course, he’ll probly prefer to sit on his ass eatin’ mickey d’s and collection welfare checks. SILLY LIBRUL, WELFARE’S FOR FAT WHITE FOLX.

    PS: It’s not gay if you’re rich white & politically corrected. Tap twice for fisting!

  • louveciennes

    The pyramids weren’t built by slaves. They were built by Egyptians citizens as labor they owed the state. TAXATION gets shit done, asshole.

  • springfield_meltdown

    [re=52631]Borat[/re]: Even worse than that. The University of Dayton is a real Catholic college in the backwater of Dayton, OH. This additional info will probably reinforce everyone’s opinions of the douchebag repressing his homosexuality.

  • Sabre_Justice

    [re=52692]louveciennes[/re]: Heck, the truth is that they built the pyramids because they literally had nothing better to do. Stock up on grain, wait for the Nile to flood, build some massive shit to pass the time.

  • Oscar Folsom Cleveland

    I know, that “process of firm and severe discipline” that Mom and Dad are dishing out on poor little fag frat boy Justine ought to be put to good use, helping to finance more Grandpappy McSame’s teevee ad campaigns comparing Hussein Obama to the new Brangelina twins and reminding us that inflating our tires only serves to inflame Jihadist fantasies: farm Justine out as a boy-whore during the Denver Democrat convention. Surely someone would pay $15 to fuck a 19-year old “straight” boy.

  • regisgoat

    [re=52476]weirdiowasculpture[/re]: That’s right! “Blood makes poor mortar, Pharaoh!” Unfortunately, that Chinese mummy in that crap movie still built his Great Wall with dead Chinamen as we saw last weekend.
    Oh, did I forget to call this gently-reared senator’s son a douche from Mt. Doucheburg, Doucheado? Sorry, haven’t had my coffee yet. Ahem, what a total douche he is.

  • bunnyhead

    this is why the draft should be reinstated, so 19 year-olds can grow up before entering college. “Cap’n Bootyplunder” could then rise through the ranks, beginning as “Private Bootyplunder”

  • zhubajie

    Sell him to a whore house or a sweat shop factory.

  • PWConservative

    FACT CHECK He didnt actually put those pics on his facebook

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