ADULT RETARDED CHILDREN  3:49 pm August 5, 2008

Colorado GOP Senate Candidate’s Son Has Funny Racist Facebook Page

by Jim Newell

The political children, the children are idiots. Colorado Republican Senate candidate Bob Schaffer has a son, you see, and he is 19 years old and in trouble for putting funny images on his Facebook page, like one that shows a picture of the three pyramids in Egypt with the caption, “Slavery Gets Shit Done.” Well, it’s true, right? Do you think people owned other human beings so they could watch them flop around all day? He also has a bunch of pictures of Barack Obama as a Muslim. Well, it’s true, right?

Oh but this is definitely the best image from Schaffer’s site, with Obama as Count Chocula. Whoof.

Some friend refers to Justin — his name is Justin — Justin Schaffer as “Cap’n Bootyplunder” on his Facebook Wall, too. Well that’s just disrespectful to women, period. How offensive.

No way: “His interests include ‘being cool, girls.’” Well it sounds like Cap’n Justin Bootyplunder Schaffer is fucking a fair share of men these days.

Bob Schaffer’s Son Apologizes For Obnoxious Facebook Page [TPM Muckraker]

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tunamelt August 5, 2008 at 3:52 pm

Who wants to volunteer to invite him to the Wonkette facebook group?, and Richard Cohen is a stupid dick.

Oscar Folsom Cleveland August 5, 2008 at 3:54 pm

Justin Schaffer, bootywhore to the Romney boys, for Vice President!

AxmxZ August 5, 2008 at 3:54 pm

That ought to move CO from “Leans Dem” into “Likely Dem” on Nate Silver’s Senate Scorecard.

shortsshortsshorts August 5, 2008 at 3:56 pm

You know, the Lincoln ad at the bottom of his page just isn’t offensive. Also: I am mortally afraid that I look like this fuckstick from hell.

4tehlulz August 5, 2008 at 3:56 pm

That Count Chocula pic is almost amusing. The rest, not so much.

NoWireHangers August 5, 2008 at 3:59 pm

[re=52369]tunamelt[/re]: I love that you’re always plugging the Facebook Group. You’ve really nurtured it into the glory it is today.

tunamelt August 5, 2008 at 4:01 pm

[re=52378]4tehlulz[/re]: The “I respect that you’re a bit slutty” thing is actually kind of hilarious.

freakishlystrong August 5, 2008 at 4:01 pm

Whoda thunk this rascist little hating homephobe shit would be a Republican? And SO shiny and white!

ManchuCandidate August 5, 2008 at 4:02 pm

I believe that Obama isn’t our future
Enslave them and let them Muslim it up
Bring out the major asshole I possess inside
Give me a sense of (white) pride to make it easier
Let my inbred asshole racism reminds me how we used to be
Everybody searching for a “hero”
People need someone to look down on
I never foot tapped anyone to fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend on me

I decided long ago, never to step out of daddy’s shadow
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I have daddy’s money
No matter what they take from me
They can’t take away my asshattery
Because the greatest douche of all
Just happens to be me
I found the greatest douche of all
Inside of me
The greatest douche of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to loathe yourself
Makes me the greatest douche of all

mookworthjwilson August 5, 2008 at 4:02 pm

Headline should read, “Bob Schaffer is sorry people found his Facebook offensive, he still thinks it’s bitchin”

magic titty August 5, 2008 at 4:04 pm

I would say he’s being irreverent and satirical, but he’s a GOPer and his photo wreaks of douchbaggery.
Truth be told though, I also hate Vampire Muslims. So kudos, Justin. Kudos.

mookworthjwilson August 5, 2008 at 4:05 pm

Redux: “Bob Schaffer’s son is sorry anyone found his facebook page offensive, he still thinks it’s bitchin”. The young Schaffer is looking forward to his internship with Senator Craig, even though Senator Craig will no longer be in office.

tunamelt August 5, 2008 at 4:05 pm

[re=52382]NoWireHangers[/re]: Way back when, someone complained about the ads on the new Wonkette and that led to a discussion of “would you pay for Wonkette” and I think jagorev said he would pay like $5 if there were more “social networking features.” I looked Wonkette up on Facebook, found a group with 3 people in it, and kind of just started pimping it.

The moral of this story is: I am severely underutilized in my job.

freakishlystrong August 5, 2008 at 4:06 pm

[re=52386]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “asshattery”…bitchin!

shortsshortsshorts August 5, 2008 at 4:06 pm

As a whitey, I suggest there be a mandatory 5 year period of slavery imposed on all whiteys.

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 5, 2008 at 4:07 pm

“The page indicates that among the virtual groups that Justin Schaffer participated in was one called “Pole Dancers for Jesus.” One image on the Facebook page shows a machine-gun-toting Jesus in front of a Confederate flag, the caption reading “What would a Republican Jesus Do?”

tunamelt August 5, 2008 at 4:08 pm

[re=52394]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Full-blooded whiteys or will there be some kind of one-drop whitey rule?

ronaldpagan August 5, 2008 at 4:08 pm

What age have we come to when people are being raked over the coals for the posters their children choose to display on Facebook?

Never mind, that kid is a little shit. Although I like the WWRJD poster.

KevoTron August 5, 2008 at 4:08 pm

I think I see that infamous Smith Point area and the LNS network in Cap’n Baggadouche’s future.

Advocatus_Diaboli August 5, 2008 at 4:08 pm

eh, no stray dog killings. What a boring son of a republican.

TGY August 5, 2008 at 4:09 pm

Obvs, candidates should never have kids.

magic titty August 5, 2008 at 4:10 pm

[re=52394]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Do I get to be Thomas Jefferson?

FalconerHK August 5, 2008 at 4:10 pm

Kinda makes me miss the wacky, inbred antics of Huckabee’s animal immolating ilk. I wonder if Jeff Gannon is on his Friend list.

Count Snarkula August 5, 2008 at 4:12 pm

I would hope never to be judged on the ideals I held at 19. That said, this kid is a douche-nozzle cunt.

shortsshortsshorts August 5, 2008 at 4:13 pm

[re=52403]magic titty[/re]: Hell ya you can be Jefferson, spank that hoe. Or, if you’re Jefferson, spank ALL of them.

[re=52396]tunamelt[/re]: Only full blooded ones. Fort Collins can be where we start the process.

AxmxZ August 5, 2008 at 4:13 pm

[re=52401]TGY[/re]: If Republicans followed their natural inclinations, they’d die out within two generations.

rpeg August 5, 2008 at 4:14 pm

Favorite show is The Simpsons and like to make fun of slavery. Oh, white people. Is there anything you can’t do?

Larry McAwful August 5, 2008 at 4:17 pm

Man, I wish they had Facebook back in the 1960s. George W. Bush’s profile would have been so embarrassing he never would have gotten to be president.

There’s no President Schaffer in the future, either.

tunamelt August 5, 2008 at 4:18 pm

[re=52417]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I was just visualizing what the counterpart to the paperbag test could be; maybe, “lighter than a ‘nilla wafer?”

Rev. Juan MessyCan August 5, 2008 at 4:23 pm

[re=52394]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Where do I apply to have Justin “Future Buttboy of America” Shaffer be my own personal whitey? I think after a few scenes with me we’ll have him ready to embody whatever the specifically homosexual variant of Stockholm Syndrome will be named.

“I haff vays to mek joo vannit …”

Or I can be one mean brigga.

freakishlystrong August 5, 2008 at 4:27 pm

[re=52431]Larry McAwful[/re]: Don’t under estimate the Repubs…

kudzu August 5, 2008 at 4:27 pm

1. Repugs show their true colors.
2. We lash out at them for being a bunch of racist redneck hillbilly motherfuckers.
3. They complain that we’re supposed to be the tolerant ones.
4. We reply we don’t tolerate intolerance nor hate.
5. They seem dumbfounded as the idea seems to be too complex and for their little brains to process.
6. We call them stupid inbred pieces of shit for not understanding (4).
7. They go back to (1).

Any questions?

rpeg August 5, 2008 at 4:30 pm

Republican Jesus looks like David Koresh.

On a side note, now that I’m more familiar with republican “humor”, I’m more than sure they’ve all framed that New Yorker magazine and it hangs over their non-elitist, mantels next to the christmas photos when went huntin’ with David “Jesus” Koresh.

Josh Fruhlinger August 5, 2008 at 4:33 pm

The The pyramids really only prove that slavery gets shit down when you enslave Jews, kids. We’re quite industrious!

Preppy Bastard August 5, 2008 at 4:35 pm

I knew guys like that in college. The douchebagginess is a front to hide how much cock they were sucking.

weirdiowasculpture August 5, 2008 at 4:42 pm

The pyramids were not built by slaves or Jews. They were built by a privileged, well-fed group of Egyptian tradesmen. The idea that Jewish slaves built them comes primarily from Cecil B. DeMille and Charlton Heston, both of whom were channeling an Exodus story that was first written around 550 B.C.E., long after the events it purported to describe, and that has been disproved by archaeology. So Justin is an asshat on all sorts of levels.

rpeg August 5, 2008 at 4:45 pm

[re=52476]weirdiowasculpture[/re]: huh?

rpeg August 5, 2008 at 4:48 pm

From Talking Points Memo:

This guy’s the same age as my daughter. Thank god she’s a lesbian.

Posted by Tamarat
August 5, 2008 4:30 PM

WonderWomyn August 5, 2008 at 4:49 pm

This might me too specific, but. This is the kind of rich little brat I used to make cry back at university. He was always there because his father or grandfather went to the same school, could never quite keep up with the math homework. Too dumb, but he’d claim to “understand economics.” Never had to hold down a job to pay his own tuition. I get him hooked on copying my homework then vanish right before finals! MUAHAHAHA!

loquaciousmusic August 5, 2008 at 4:49 pm

Look, I’m just happy that Bob Schieffer has a Facebook page. I mean, he is an older gentleman who has hosted Face the Nation for nine hundred McCain years! Obviously, he is comfortable with tecnhology, which is a good thing.

What? This is another guy? Oops.

BadNewsJack August 5, 2008 at 4:51 pm

[re=52422]rpeg[/re]: Dance?

Monsieur Grumpe August 5, 2008 at 4:53 pm

Is dickheadyness caused by genetics or environment? Either way, this one has got it bad.

CorkPopper August 5, 2008 at 4:55 pm

[re=52476]weirdiowasculpture[/re]: But…but then…you must be saying that the Bible isn’t TRUE.

Nononono! This is Murica, dammit. We don’t truck with no elitist “Biblical scholarship” here.

weirdiowasculpture August 5, 2008 at 4:56 pm

[re=52480]rpeg[/re]: Most credible Biblical scholars and archaeologists– not including Christian fundamentalists who insist on trying to prove that every word in the Bible is literally true– agree that the Exodus story is a legend and never actually took place. The people who eventually became the Jews (i.e., the people of the Kingdoms of Judah and Israel) were indigenous to Canaan and did not come en masse from Egypt. The Exodus story probably dates to about 550 B.C.E., during the time of the Babylonian captivity.

Garble August 5, 2008 at 5:01 pm

He looks like The-Jerk’s-Best-Friend-Character from every 80′s movie.

weirdiowasculpture August 5, 2008 at 5:10 pm

[re=52495]CorkPopper[/re]: You’re right. I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I had an inexplicable attack of Biblical scholarship, and I promise it will never happen again. 100,000 people wandered for 40 years in the Sinai, where there is no water and not so much as a single potsherd or pile of ancient human excrement has ever been found, eating Manna that fell from heaven, which of course happens all the time. Justin is right about the whole slave-pyramid thing. However, he still reminds me of the asshole fraternity guys in Animal House and deserves to have his fucking face pounded into a pulp.

defeatism August 5, 2008 at 5:12 pm

I didn’t know date rape was on Facebook.

BadNewsJack August 5, 2008 at 5:13 pm


Not only because of the pictures, but because he’s such a douchebag.

I hope he gets ass rammed by a STD filled Biker.

onosideboard August 5, 2008 at 5:44 pm

Poor kid… I say we sign him up for the Cuddle Party.

bonghitsforjesus August 5, 2008 at 6:09 pm

[re=52386]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I think I love you…

S.Luggo August 5, 2008 at 6:38 pm

Because of junior’s ill conceived pranks, Bob Shaffer is now required to travel with his own personal Negro.
BTW: Wasn’t Bob Shaffer once married to Roseanne Barr?

[re=52491]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: That condition could quickly cured by three tours of duty with 101st in Iraqistan or a year at Chino Correctional.

Kaclon August 5, 2008 at 6:38 pm

What? The douchebag with the stupid profile graphics and the oh-catch-me-in-a-candid-moment-for-my-Facebook-photo-while-I-just-happen-to-be-wearing-a-suit-jacket picture guy is single??? Surely you jest!

S.Luggo August 5, 2008 at 6:40 pm

[re=52552]onosideboard[/re]: Or a Blanket Party. I’ll bring the sock filled with nickels.

BadNewsJack August 5, 2008 at 6:58 pm

[re=52614]S.Luggo[/re]: I’ll bring the Mexican gang.

Borat August 5, 2008 at 7:02 pm

I see he is going to University of Dayton. Is that an accredited institution or like one of those mail order medical schools?

Borat August 5, 2008 at 7:06 pm

the more i read about him, the more i think he’s cute. and gay. but cute and gay in that perverted republican way, not the nice out in the nice open flamboyant democrat way.

Borat August 5, 2008 at 7:16 pm

umm, well the guy’s got some talent, if i could roll such a long thin joint i would never leave the house. can you please post how you do this and all will be forgiven

John McClain August 5, 2008 at 7:57 pm

Gosh, it’s so hard being a white Christian male American. Jeez, all the shit you have to eat everyday from all these MY-NO-RI-TEEZE trying to take your god-given jobs, women, Hummer® H2s, and presidencies. Back in my day, Barack Obama woulda been holding a lantern in my lawn! Now that I mention it, my lawn is a little dimly lit nowadays. Once Granpappy McCain puts him in his place, I might put ol’ Barry-O’s muslim fist-jabber ass to work out there where he can faggy hi5 my lantern all day! ‘Course, he’ll probly prefer to sit on his ass eatin’ mickey d’s and collection welfare checks. SILLY LIBRUL, WELFARE’S FOR FAT WHITE FOLX.

PS: It’s not gay if you’re rich white & politically corrected. Tap twice for fisting!

louveciennes August 5, 2008 at 8:33 pm

The pyramids weren’t built by slaves. They were built by Egyptians citizens as labor they owed the state. TAXATION gets shit done, asshole.

springfield_meltdown August 5, 2008 at 8:35 pm

[re=52631]Borat[/re]: Even worse than that. The University of Dayton is a real Catholic college in the backwater of Dayton, OH. This additional info will probably reinforce everyone’s opinions of the douchebag repressing his homosexuality.

Sabre_Justice August 5, 2008 at 9:18 pm

[re=52692]louveciennes[/re]: Heck, the truth is that they built the pyramids because they literally had nothing better to do. Stock up on grain, wait for the Nile to flood, build some massive shit to pass the time.

Oscar Folsom Cleveland August 6, 2008 at 2:50 am

I know, that “process of firm and severe discipline” that Mom and Dad are dishing out on poor little fag frat boy Justine ought to be put to good use, helping to finance more Grandpappy McSame’s teevee ad campaigns comparing Hussein Obama to the new Brangelina twins and reminding us that inflating our tires only serves to inflame Jihadist fantasies: farm Justine out as a boy-whore during the Denver Democrat convention. Surely someone would pay $15 to fuck a 19-year old “straight” boy.

regisgoat August 6, 2008 at 7:39 am

[re=52476]weirdiowasculpture[/re]: That’s right! “Blood makes poor mortar, Pharaoh!” Unfortunately, that Chinese mummy in that crap movie still built his Great Wall with dead Chinamen as we saw last weekend.
Oh, did I forget to call this gently-reared senator’s son a douche from Mt. Doucheburg, Doucheado? Sorry, haven’t had my coffee yet. Ahem, what a total douche he is.

bunnyhead August 6, 2008 at 8:09 am

this is why the draft should be reinstated, so 19 year-olds can grow up before entering college. “Cap’n Bootyplunder” could then rise through the ranks, beginning as “Private Bootyplunder”

zhubajie August 6, 2008 at 10:42 am

Sell him to a whore house or a sweat shop factory.

PWConservative August 7, 2008 at 2:43 pm

FACT CHECK He didnt actually put those pics on his facebook

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