Law enforcement authorities had to break the sad news today that there will be absolutely no sexing at the upcoming Republican and Democratic National Conventions. Apparently, every four years a bunch of sex-worker advocacy groups issue dire predictions that prostitution will skyrocket in convention cities, and then everybody is horribly disappointed to discover that the only whoring that goes on is the very dull, “I’ll trade you one Bridge to Nowhere for your cloture vote” kind of crap that makes people hate politicians in the first place.
St. Paul police spokesman Tom Walsh said he had spoken with former host cities’ police departments, “And what they have reported to us is that is that there is not an increase in that kind of traffic. There is so much going on, I don’t know that there is a lot of unstructured time to be involved in any other activities.”
Of course, your typical conventioneer is a middle-aged woman with stickers on her face and a massive collection of jean shorts — not exactly the demographic that normally patronizes ladies and gentlemen of the night.
Meanwhile, the three-day Paultard “Rally for the Republic” will feature live sex shows starring your favorite hobbits and Star Wars characters. Book your tickets now!
Convention ‘prostitution boom’? Not likely, cops say [Star Tribune]
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That’s all it takes for me, some unstructured time and I’m out looking for a trollop.
[re=52137]columnv[/re]: I’m usually trying to escape structured time by finding a Boy Wonder.
Convention prostitution boom???
Only for the keynote speakers, obvi. For everyone else, it is simply uncivilized.
How much time is needed? If Larry Craig has enough time to drop a deuce he has enough to time get off. Hell, he looks to do both in the same location.
Now what am I supposed to do with all my free time?
WHERE ARE HIS TEETH!
I see now how the whole hooker thing works out well for him since they don’t kiss.
I hate to steer things off topic but I have an open question. Does anyone know what happened to the whitehouse.org site? They were posting some great stuff but haven’t updated it in nearly a year. I know Cheney threatened them with a lawsuit a couple of years back. Could it be the Dark Lord had them renditioned?
oh plesae, we all know the hotspot during the convention will be the airport bathroom.
“. . . middle-aged woman with . . . a massive collection of jean shorts — not exactly the demographic that normally patronizes ladies and gentlemen of the night.”
Guess you haven’t been to Cuba.
They say that there won’t be any increase in hookers at the conventions, but I guarantee that the Eros Guide for Colorado and Minnesota will have an abnormal amount of talent advertised at the end of the month.
TH-TH-TH-THAT’S NOT CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN
what does beloved Jim Hensen Muppet creation Beaker have to do with republican prostitutes?
How sad. There was a time when you could count on certainties in America: that every year, multiple morons would blow body parts off on the 4th of July, that the quiet guy next door was really a serial killer, that every day, somewhere, the treasurer of a booster club or Scout troop was siphoning cash for big screens and family vacations, and that there would be a nice selection of whores at conventions. What has happened to this country? Why do whores hate St. Paul, and thus America?
[re=52156]trophy(forparticipation)wife[/re]:
http://www.nd.edu/~thrils/beeker.jpg
[re=52182]The Neoskeptic[/re]: oooh, jinx!
So Jeff Gannon is not coming?
[re=52188]Doglessliberal[/re]: meep!
Speaking of Muppets…
[re=52189]pdiddycornchips[/re]: oh jeff gannon is definitely coming.
he’ll be nowhere neeaaarrr SPM. but he’ll be coming.
Yeah, didn’t we just have a post on Muppets?
Well, too bad for the Elephants, since the children in Minnesota are, you know, above average.
Sadly, this will decrease the amount of ass-fucking for Wonkette to cover with the Elite Convention Squad.
It’s more like a prostitution “pop!”
Hookers are the main, nay, only real reason to go to a political convention. The candidate has already been picked months ago, the veepstakes is a rubber stamp, and the platform is dictated by the winners. Only thing left to do is spend five days in a motel room with two hookers, and ounce of coke, and a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Super sexy delegates.
DOJ officials have announced there will be stall grants awarded to the Twin Cities’ Police Departments to cover the overtime necessary to assure an undercover cop in every public toilet.
Seriously, why is it every convention the media does at least one story with a prostitute angle? Could it be an excuse to have “Essentially Yours Escorts” approved on your expense report? If that’s it, can I be a Wonkette correspondent? I have no journalistic talent but I know hookers.
well you can’t shut down ALL the bathrooms… i always have preferred my skanky sex on the cheap
Paultards having sex? Eeewwww!
[re=52303]Aurelio[/re]: Don’t worry its always through a computer screen. They’re mothers would never let them get away with it otherwise.
rEVOLution!!!!!!!1!
for the republican conventions, shouldn’t they be looking at stats for underage little boy prostitution? you throw adult female prostitutes into the mix and the only bite you get is david vitter, thus skewing the numbers horrendously.
Wait, middle-aged woman with stickers on their face and a massive collection of jean shorts don’t patronize gentlemen of the night? Damnit, there goes my plan to make some serious bank during my summer holiday. Thanks a lot, Sara K. Smith.
http://www.denverpost.com/ci_4588998
Poor Ted Haggart and Mike Jones! Reportedly they are crestfallen but still game for hosting out-of-towners at their Denver condo adjacent to Invesco Field.
Meanwhile, teh gayz are invited to bring a date to the acceptance speech Obamaganza; take yer pick!
http://www.denverpost.com/ci_4588998
best alt-text ever. props to Sara.
So why don’t they convene in Bangkok or Rio or some other sex tourism mecca?
Zhu Bajie
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