SCUMBAGS  1:31 pm August 5, 2008

McCain Offers His Old Lady To Gas-Guzzling Bikers

by Ken Layne

Classy.That John McCain really is a “man of the people,” which is why he went out to the Sturgis biker rally in South Dakota yesterday to praise the slobs for their slavish dependence on Muslim Arab petroleum. “This is my first time here,” McCain told the crowd of fat, tattooed motorcycle fetishists from the suburbs, “but I recognize that sound. It’s the sound of freedom.” The sound, actually, was just these people revving their foreign-oil powered bikes for no reason at all beyond a childlike delight in destroying everybody else’s peace and quiet. Oh, and then McCain offered Cindy to the motorcyclists, in a nod to the old Hells Angels’ tradition of letting everybody bang your old lady.

There’s a “beauty contest” of sorts held each summer at the Sturgis rally. And it’s just the kind of honor you’d want to see your wife achieve, if you’re the kind of repulsive old misogynist who calls your wife “trollop” and “cunt.”

Indeed, McCain felt so comfortable at the event that he even volunteered his wife for the rally’s traditional beauty pageant, an infamously debauched event that’s been known to feature topless women.

“I encouraged Cindy to compete,” McCain said to cheers. “I told her with a little luck she could be the only woman ever to serve as first lady and Miss Buffalo Chip.”

Add “Miss Buffalo Chip” to the list of foul things McCain calls his wife — it means “bison shit.”

McCain makes the rounds at biker rally [CNN]

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shortsshortsshorts August 5, 2008 at 1:35 pm

Wait wasn’t the motorcycle invented in 1884 by ZEH GERMANS? And a percentage of the gas they buy for their bikes goes into the pockets of terror groups as well, so the question bears:

Why is WALNUTS such a terrorist now?

columnv August 5, 2008 at 1:36 pm

Don’t you get it, it takes a Maverick to be a misogynist!

SuperRounder August 5, 2008 at 1:37 pm

Well, *someone* should see Cindy’s tits. I think WALNUTS! is more interested in Carly Fiorina.

Advocatus_Diaboli August 5, 2008 at 1:37 pm

All the bikers really want is Cindy’s pills.

BadNewsJack August 5, 2008 at 1:37 pm

this campaign just gets weirder and funnier everyday.

ManchuCandidate August 5, 2008 at 1:39 pm

I thought “Show your tits! Show your tits!” was the sound of freedom.

V572625694 August 5, 2008 at 1:39 pm

When did bikers go from being disgusting savages to a panderable Republican constituency?

Larry McAwful August 5, 2008 at 1:40 pm

When McCain announces his running mate, is he going to say, “Riding in the bitch seat for the next four years with me will be…”

graceless August 5, 2008 at 1:40 pm

Need more popcorn.

shortsshortsshorts August 5, 2008 at 1:41 pm

[re=52123]V572625694[/re]: Ever since they beat the living shit out of all the hippies. This pleased the older gen.

NotUrEvryDayWEzl August 5, 2008 at 1:41 pm

Cindy went for the fumes

thefrontpage August 5, 2008 at 1:41 pm

Sturgis is actually an awesome event! Really. Wonketters would love it–it’s nothing but a huge party. And the people are very cool–down-to-earth, all political parties, young and old, lots of parties and good rock and roll, and a lot of riding motorcycles. Politics aside, the event is really rarely political and always a lot of fun. If you ride, head on out to Sturgis one year–you’ll have a great time.

Guppy06 August 5, 2008 at 1:41 pm

As someone who has to deal with Daytona Beach’s Bike Week, he’s really not endearing himself to me.

greatgooglymoogly August 5, 2008 at 1:43 pm

“It’s the sound of freedom.” Ugh.

Okay, add “freedom” to the list of words that once had meaning but now have been completely diluted through overuse or other special pleading. Maybe we can just boil the language down to six or seven grunting sounds, which can change meaning with each slight inflection. Oh, wait, that’s Chinese. Nevermind.

tunamelt August 5, 2008 at 1:45 pm

[re=52120]BadNewsJack[/re]: It’s great for Wonkette, because they will never run out of stuff to cover, since everyone in politics is apparently insane.

Spence August 5, 2008 at 1:45 pm

[re=52123]V572625694[/re]: Yeah, Republican bikers. It’s one of the stranger confluences of evil.

elfranko August 5, 2008 at 1:45 pm

@V572625694: I ride a motorcycle, and frequent some motorcycle forums when not reading wonkette. Most bikers are, indeed, both disgusting savages and a panderable Republican constituency. I can’t stand most bikers, and I’ve been riding 27 years.

NotUrEvryDayWEzl August 5, 2008 at 1:46 pm

Speaking of Cindy… has anyone seen THIS??????

Merry Christen August 5, 2008 at 1:46 pm

Walnuts got the same voyeuristic pleasure out of watching fat stinky tattooed guys ride their large throbbing motorbikes as he would watching them ride his knock kneed pill snorting bimbo wife.

He’s a REAL American, and therefore has MY vote.

Merry Christen August 5, 2008 at 1:48 pm

[re=52138]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]: Win!

Sharktattoo August 5, 2008 at 1:49 pm

Oh, how dare you impugn the good name of the Borg Queen? She can at least approximate human emotion.

V572625694 August 5, 2008 at 1:51 pm

[re=52126]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Interesting how long hair has transmogrified from being a leftie, counter-cultural emblem to the uniform of the day for bikers, construction workers, and other troglodytes.

Christastic August 5, 2008 at 1:51 pm

So McCain now has the crystal meth wholesalers vote? Good to know.

V572625694 August 5, 2008 at 1:53 pm

[re=52136]elfranko[/re]: There’s such a huge difference between, say, a Ducati street racer and the ridiculous, chrome-encrusted choppers. Sort of like the difference between a 1959 Cadillac El Dorado and Ferrari of the same vintage.

Plus all that leather and all those mustaches are pretty gay.

Babe Vigoda August 5, 2008 at 1:55 pm

i have a feeling the only way cindy would unleash her boobs would be if the sturgis event featured the tossing of quaalude necklaces to the bare chested. kind like a mini mardi gras sponsered by a pharmacutical company.

sezme August 5, 2008 at 1:55 pm

[re=52128]thefrontpage[/re]: Are you the same guy who fessed up to attending cuddle parties?

Beer4Prez August 5, 2008 at 1:57 pm

It brings a smile to my face that this rape-joking, misogynist Maverick is whom the Pro-Hillary-femi-obsessed-”Hillary deserves it cos she’s a chick”-bitters are staunchly voting for.

Seek August 5, 2008 at 1:58 pm

[re=52123]V572625694[/re]: About the same time it began to cost $10,000 to buy a “cheap” Harley. When you are spending more on a Harley than some of us do on our cars, you are in a Republican constituency

MoodProcessor August 5, 2008 at 1:58 pm

“John, your continued attempts at gastric restraint are futile.”

OuterBoroughPrincess August 5, 2008 at 1:58 pm

[re=52123]V572625694[/re]: I’ve got to assume that “likely voter” would *not* be an apt description for the vast majority of attendees.

V572625694 August 5, 2008 at 2:03 pm

[re=52173]OuterBoroughPrincess[/re]: Supposedly a lot of them are suburban poseurs, although I’m guessing their civilian occupations are mostly prison guard, deputy sheriff or some other way of working out inadequacy issues on the heads of others.

pat robertsons personal trainer August 5, 2008 at 2:04 pm

as george carlin [r.i.p., insert genuflecting] once said, it’s all part of the continued pussification of the american male. what used to be grimy outlaws and their sweaty mamas full of beer and crank rolling around, looking to destroy property and fuck teenagers is now suburbanite republican block voters and their overcompensation. see also dick cheney and nino scalia’s fenced-in hunts of wing-clipped birds.

The Real JR Revisted August 5, 2008 at 2:05 pm

Which proves that McCain married up when he married Cindy. And then proceeded to shit all over his Golden Egg Laying Goose.

schvitzatura August 5, 2008 at 2:09 pm

This leaves Obama to scoop up the equally high-income sig-other/hubbywife binary boom-mic’d ridin’ Honda Gold Wingers and arugula/endive eating, burnt chrome (non-double walled exhaust) “sewing machine” Teutonic BMWers demographics. Maybe a rare Ducati/Buell peep or two…

Doglessliberal August 5, 2008 at 2:09 pm

[re=52164]Beer4Prez[/re]: but he wasn’t mean to Hillary!

Guppy06 August 5, 2008 at 2:09 pm

Will a McCain presidency include a federal constitutional amendment to ban helmet laws?

elfranko August 5, 2008 at 2:14 pm

[re=52155]V572625694[/re]: guess which of those i ride? :-)

TGY August 5, 2008 at 2:16 pm

“but I recognize that sound. It’s the sound of freedom.”

So that must mean bike exhaust is the ‘smell of freedom’. What, then, is the ‘smell of duty’? Perhaps it emanates from McCain’s pants? Time will tell.

confusionanddelay< August 5, 2008 at 2:19 pm

Nobody can accuse that asshole of acting ‘too presidential’. [re=52198]schvitzatura[/re]: Obama needs to go to Black Biker Week. That’ll show ‘em.

schvitzatura August 5, 2008 at 2:20 pm

Splitting Image’im…even Madonna looks the same!

Just sub McThusela for Raygun; C.T. for Nance…

CollegeStudent August 5, 2008 at 2:29 pm

Well it is a well known that underneath McCain’s custom suit coat and hand tailored shirts he’s been whereing a T-shirt with writing on the back that says “If you can read this, that’s because its a “BIG PRINT” t-shirt”

Darehead August 5, 2008 at 2:32 pm

[re=52217]TGY[/re]: “I love the sound of freedom in the morning. … The sound, you know that gasoliny freedom sound, the whole Black Hills of Dakota. Smelled like… victory.”

[McCain unhappily walks off]

trophy(forparticipation)wife August 5, 2008 at 2:33 pm

Ah, the thought of McCain racing about on a HARLEY-DAVIDSON CSC “Daytona” Trike with a tee that says, “If you can read this shirt, the cunt fell off.”

sanantonerose August 5, 2008 at 2:34 pm

With a little luck, huh? Try A LOT OF LUCK.

Darehead August 5, 2008 at 2:42 pm

Too bad they waterboard liberals and pigmented types there.

jack4640 August 5, 2008 at 2:44 pm

“The sound, actually, was just these people revving their foreign-oil powered bikes for no reason at all beyond a childlike delight in destroying everybody else’s peace and quiet.”

Haha, that could be out of a top-shelf Onion article

Hooray For Anything August 5, 2008 at 2:47 pm

It is the sound of freedom, if the sound of freedom is the sound of overly loud, overly obnoxious motorcycles screaming down the highway ridden by a bunch of fat, meth adled, white trash overcompensating for the fact they can’t see their dicks anymore because of the size of their beer belly.

Darehead August 5, 2008 at 2:49 pm

[re=52256]jack4640[/re]: The oil may be FAReign (that’s how McCain says it) but, my friends, the bikes are ‘MERICAN.

Richard Gozinya August 5, 2008 at 3:26 pm

[re=52261]Darehead[/re]: Might be assembled in America, but the parts are made in Asia. And their latest offering, from their only family that actually doesn’t suck, is the Muscle Rod.

greensprout August 5, 2008 at 3:32 pm


“I laughed when I heard the guys at Buffalo Chip tell the story, but then I thought about the conversation I had with Pearl Gulbranson, who was working at the Crisis Intervention Center for domestic abuse, which is located in a house across the street from the Broken Spoke. Gather 500,000 people in one spot, feed them a lot of alcohol and there are bound to be some serious problems.

“We average three or four ‘contacts’ a night,” Gulbranson said. “And a lot of women get abandoned here. They get left behind with no way of getting home. So we’re here to help.””

cynbot August 5, 2008 at 3:37 pm

[re=52217]TGY[/re]: The smell of dukey?

Oscar Folsom Cleveland August 5, 2008 at 4:05 pm

No doubt Walnuts! had to fork over some pink pills to Sassy Pants in order to get her to mount the stage and strut her Miz Bud stuff. Word has it the oil industry bid $15 for Cindy, and won.

V572625694 August 5, 2008 at 4:22 pm

[re=52213]elfranko[/re]: I’m guessing maybe you ride one of these?

Giraffe August 5, 2008 at 4:53 pm

You folks haven’t been to a bike rally lately, have you. I used to go to Daytona just for the party. Then one day, there it was, a vendor tent offering temporary tattoos. Now all you see are doctors, lawyers and dentists sporting beer bellies, new leather, fake tattoos and their secretary on their arm, hoping like hell somebody will think they’re badasses. Real bikers don’t give a flying f**k about politics. Those folks at Sturgis are fake to the core, which is why McCain fits in so damned well.

Scooter August 5, 2008 at 8:20 pm

Giraffe is right! Half the Sturgis attendees are just wannabe badboys like the Silicon Valley execs we met in Wyoming a couple summers ago. They were haulin’ their showroom-fresh hawgs in a fancy enclosed trailer pulled behind a Lincoln Navigator. Their leather jackets and dew-rags still had the price tags attached. Heavy-metal-thunder is a lifestyle they just rent for the weekend!

Darehead August 5, 2008 at 9:28 pm

[re=52686]Scooter[/re]: They got their ‘Be’ badboys, wannabes and infiltrators, city boys and country boys, and da women folk are given a free pass to be polyandrous, OK, true. All ages, all classes, yes. But one never sees LLLLLLiberals, gays, Hondas or persons of color.

gliberal August 5, 2008 at 11:04 pm

According to the videotape on KO, you don’t get to be Miss Buffalo Chip unless you can deep throat a banana for the judges. Nice vote of confidence from Walmart that Cindy can do. Hell she can do that with a goldang pineapple. Git ‘r done!

economywine August 6, 2008 at 4:04 am

…then mccain grabbed his mama, leaped up on a nearby chopper, stomped it to life & blazed into the sunset trailing a halo of smoke & noise…

you can operate a motorcycle Walnuts! right? you know hope to turn & stuff… it’s not like it’s connected to a fucking modem or anything.

Darehead August 6, 2008 at 4:49 am

WTF? Ken changed the picture from cleavage to sumptin more like a Hallmark greeting card. He dun gone all fundie on us. I ‘spose yer gave up McDonalds too. Funny those folks surgin’ in Sturgis ARE many o’ da fundies though, the kind that like God’s law radder dan FEDRUL Gummint Laws, and this is there time to let it all hang out.

Jack McHandy’s wife’s deep thoughts?

sh(A)ne August 7, 2008 at 1:41 am

Wow — so much anger & so much stereotyping. Are you sure you guys aren’t Republicans?!

Why the hatred for motorcyclists? Even the least-efficient Harley gets better gas mileage than almost any non-hybrid car on the road. Almost every new model gets 50+mpg on the highway. …And we really aren’t all, “fat tattooed,” slobs from the suburbs…but it’s good to see you’re so open-minded.

Don’t believe everything you see on television, kids.

sh(A)ne August 7, 2008 at 2:25 am

>>Supposedly a lot of them are suburban poseurs, although I’m guessing their civilian occupations are mostly prison guard, deputy sheriff or some other way of working out inadequacy issues on the heads of others.<<

See, that’s what I mean: You don’t know what you’re talking about.

I was at the Harley 100th anniversary celebration in Milwaukee. Over 250,000 bikers rode in from all over the country — some were doctors, some were plumbers; but nobody cared about that. They don’t think about each other that way.

DangerousLiberal August 7, 2008 at 8:56 pm

[re=52123]V572625694[/re]: The same day DICK Nixon helped create the POW-MIA Flag/scam/sham

DangerousLiberal August 7, 2008 at 9:07 pm

[re=52686]Scooter[/re]: Word. I was driving x-country in 1995 to take a new job “back east,” and I made the mistake of taking I-90. For every motorcycle actually being driven on the road was a Chevy pick up or a suburban towing either an open or closed trailer clearly full of bikes that would be driven to Sturgis from about, oh, the rest stop on I 80 about 10 miles down the road. Plus, they took up every hotel room between Billings Montana and Cowpie, Wisconsin. Real men of the road, them.

Monex FRAUD August 10, 2008 at 8:08 pm

This article is hilarious! Wonkette has a great sense of humor!

Monex FRAUD August 10, 2008 at 8:12 pm

Yeah you got to love these Hell’s Yuppies!

NDeeZ August 25, 2008 at 4:37 pm

Better Late Than Never– I thought the “Miss Buffalo Chip” came from the old blonde joke:

How is a blonde like a buffalo chip?

The older they are, the easier they are to pick up.

rideshack February 24, 2009 at 12:23 am

I love those baby boomers. They have paived the way for us to make America whatever we want it to be. So far, we have failed. Our young, greedy and corrupt X generation has been wrecking everything they worked so hard to build for us. So, bikers, riders of the Iron Horse, I thank you and solute you for what you have done for us.

Ride Shack

P.S. Why do men love women in leather pants?
Men love “new car” smell.

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